Dear Santa I Can Explain 1

Lucy waited in line to speak to Santa. Her weight shifted nervously from one black stiletto heel to the other as she fidgeted with the bow in her curly blond hair. Most of the women in line had a child with them, but that didn't bother Lucy. Lucy looked up and down the line. Actually, all of the women had a child with them. Oh well, she needed to talk to the real Santa and that's what the advertisement had said, "Real Live Santa at Macy's Department Store, Saturday!!!" So here she was. As soon as this kid was done it was her turn.

"Excuse me ma'am," Santa's elf said to Lucy. "You're going to have to go to the end of the line if your son or daughter isn't here. We need to keep the line moving so every child gets a chance to speak to Santa."

"I don't have any children," Lucy replied, her eyes widening in surprise then narrowing. "Shouldn't you already know that? Oh well, I suppose only Santa knows all that. Excuse me, it looks like it's my turn."

Lucy walked around the elf and up the steps to where Santa sat on the elevated stage and settled onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"Gosh, Santa, it's really good to see you. I hope you're well and your wife too, Mrs. Claus?"

"Uh, yes, she's fine but..." He sniffed tentatively, checking for alcohol on her breath. Hmmm, he didn't smell anything.

"Santa, you just gotta let me explain. I know you'll understand. Anybody coulda made the same mistake. I promise I'll make it quick?"

Santa looked at his elf then back at Lucy. What was one more nut at Christmas time? At least she was a cute blond nut. "Okay, if you make it quick."

Lucy looked behind her and lowered her voice to just above a whisper as she began her story.

"My husband's office Christmas party was last week and he was going dressed as you to surprise everybody with little gifts. He's up for a promotion so he thought schmoozing a little couldn't hurt, ya know?"

She stared up at Santa pleadingly. She hoped he'd understand about somebody

impersonating

him.

He fought the urge to roll his eyes and nodded instead. "Sure, of course."

"It was after work at the offices and I was supposed to meet him there. I got there right on time but I didn't see him so I got an eggnog and... you know, I think it was spiked." Lucy shook her head. "Anyway, I visited with the other wives for a little bit but he

still

didn't show up. I thought he might be having a little trouble with his Santa suit so I went to find him and help. Any good wife would have done the same, right?" She looked at Santa expectantly.

He nodded agreement. "Sure, sure."

"So I go down the hallway. It's kinda dimly lit but I can see him in the Santa suit way down and as I'm walking toward him, I get an idea!"

Santa suspected that didn't happen too often.

"He's been awful worried about this promotion he's up for so I thought maybe he'd need

a little something

to calm him down, you know?"

"A drink?" Santa's brows furrowed but Lucy pursed her lips and shook her head.

"Looking back, a drink would have been a much better idea but no. I marched right up to him, gave him a kiss and took him by the hand to lead him into the conference room off the hallway."

Lucy looked thoughtful for a moment. Santa wanted to tell her not to strain herself but he kept his mouth shut.

"You know, when I kissed him, he did taste like brandy and that's never been a favorite of Rick's so that should have tipped me off right there, huh?"

Lucy shook her head sadly. "But it didn't. I pushed him back into one of the chairs, unzipped his pants and...

got to work

. I didn't turn on the light because I didn't want to call attention to us if somebody noticed the light coming from under the door, ya know?"

"I'm beginning to see," Santa replied, his eyes getting wider.

"So, I started..." Lucy paused and a flush crept up her neck to her face. Her voice got even softer. "... massaging him with one hand and I heard him give a little moan. Those fake beards can muffle a lot of sound So I couldn't tell it wasn't Ricky's voice, you know?"

"Yes... yes, I can see how that would be."

Lucy looked again over her shoulder then she continued, speaking in a rush. "Now, it did seem a little smaller than normal but I figured that was because of the alcohol, you know? Everybody had been drinking

a lot

by the time I'd gotten there. They'd started the party in the offices soon after lunch from what I heard. So I figured that's why

it

was different."

"It?"

Lucy's face turned a bright red and she squirmed. "You know...

it

... his... penis."

"Uh huh." Santa was getting a little red in the face himself.

"He...

tasted

different too, but that happens to Rick if he eats something unusual. So I'm kneeling there just finishing up with this soft... penis in my hand when Rick walks in and flips the light switch on. Apparently somebody told him they saw me go into the conference room with Santa. Rick starts swearing at me and I'm shocked. I'm like, if you're there, then who the hell is this? That's my boss, he says."

Santa grimaced.

"So his boss says... this is your wife? You've got the promotion, then he zips up and walks out. I figured Rick would at least be happy about the promotion but he hasn't talked to me for a week now, just glares at me when I set his dinner in front of him. I've apologized over and over. I don't know what else to do!"

"I see." Santa seemed to consider the question for a minute as he took a deep breath. He patted her arm reassuringly. "Well, it could have happened to anyone."

She threw her hands up. "That's what I said!"

"Maybe if you give it some more time. This may take a while for him to get over."

Lucy shook her head. "I don't know Santa. I think he's gonna need some help forgiving me. So, if you could just get him to forgive me for Christmas, that's

all

I'd want. Thanks Santa!" Lucy pecked him on the cheek and stood up, pulling her skirt back down. "It's been really great talking to you. Have a great Christmas and don't work too hard."

Lucy buttoned up her black wool coat as she clicked back down the stairs. She turned at the bottom of the steps, gave a little wave and headed for the glass exit doors.

Santa watched her go then grabbed a fake present from the pile nearby and held it in front of him as he stood. "I'm going to need a short break before we continue."