Don't Tal or Do the Dishes

Another yarn from the arsenal of those I was told when I was playing soldier half a century ago.

I hope you enjoy.

Doing the Dishes

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale sign on it.

Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He asks about it with the owner.

"This bike is beautiful! Would I be able to take it for a test ride?"

"Yes, certainly."

"I'll leave my car with you, and I'll be back in, I don't know, a half hour or so."

"Okay, no probs."

He heads off carefully and slowly out of the drive but as soon as he hits the bitumen road, he's off like a startled gazelle, and you could hear the bike until it eventually faded in the distance.

Near enough to 30 minutes later, the sound of the Harley is heard from the distance and soon he turns into the driveway of the owner.

I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome and the leather work. It protects them from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

"I'm going to head off home and bring my trailer back so I can load the bike and take it home. Here's a deposit, and I'll bring the balance with me when I get back."

A bit over an hour and a half the guy arrives back at the yard and loads the bike onto the trailer, and heads off back to his home.

That afternoon, he decides to take the bike over to show his girlfriend that night when he was going to have dinner at her parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When she sees the bike, she's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

When the couple get to the front door of the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything at all during dinner has to do the dishes."

If you need a drink of water or something, just get up and get it. Don't even ask, just go and get it.

Now everyone can speak before we have dinner, and of course, we can talk when we have left the dining room after dinner, but once we go into the dining room before we sit down to have dinner, that's it. Nothing can be said until dinner is finished. It won't matter what is done, if you drop anything, or spill something, just leave it, or clean it up if you want, but don't say anything. If you do, you'll be doing the dishes for the next week."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. And empty boxes, everywhere. Empty boxes that used to contain dinner sets, and cutlery sets. Everywhere, empty boxes. And dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."