This story is written for the "Valentines Day Contest 2025" as well as "Literotica 750 Word Challenge 2025".
Fiction. Humor. Contains traces of existential dread and glitter.
Below this line are exactly 750 words:
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Valentine's Day loomed, and Cupid, the cherubic god of love, was having a meltdown. Perched on a fluffy cloud, he sighed dramatically. "This love stuff is WAY harder than those 'cishet' couples make it look," he grumbled. "They just hold hands. No exploding glitter bombs of romantic confusion."
Modern love was proving a nightmare. "Love is love" just didn't cut it anymore. "Apparently," Cupid muttered, "love now involves existential dread, pronoun declarations, and gluten intolerance or is it gluten celebration? My arrows can't tell the difference!"
His first attempt? Two handsome, artisanal candle-making men. "Perfect!" Cupid thought. One fell head over heels. The other? Craved vegan, unscented candles. "Close enough," Cupid thought, until he checked their profiles. "Pronouns: xe/xir/xirs. And allergic to beeswax," he groaned. "Strike one. And I wasted my good arrows!"
Next, two competitive dog groomers. "Fluffy heaven!" Cupid declared. One woman had a poodle-related panic attack. The other was distracted by a charismatic Bichon Frise. "Strike two," Cupid sighed. "Maybe goldfish are easier. Less allergens, fewer pronouns..." he trailed off, realizing the absurdity.