Clutz

My name is Karenna, and I'm a clutz.

I've been a clutz since I was a child. I fell so frequently my knees still bear the scars. After a while, my parents learned to ignore the thumps unless I started to cry. Which was seldom; I was usually too busy laughing at myself.

My first French kiss, I couldn't figure out how to get my teeth out of the way. Poor guy's tongue bled for an hour.

That was just a few days before I almost gave my best friend a black eye when I stretched without realizing she was behind me.

As I got older, my clutziness became more pronounced. The first time I undressed in front of W.J., my first true love, during my freshman year of college, my legs got tangled in my pants and I fell. Fortunately, I landed on him. He didn't seem to mind.

He wasn't too happy when he tried to teach me how to give a blowjob, though. "Just put your mouth on my dick and suck it like a popsicle," he told me.

"But I bite popsicles," I replied.

Since he was the same guy whose tongue I'd bitten, he chose to put the blowjob lessons off for a while.

Losing my virginity was an adventure and a half. The good Creator blessed me with what a friend of mine called "Superhymen". Yep... the damn thing was steel-reinforced, I swear. W.J. tried for two years to break it. No luck. My pussy could have been used as a safe; no one could break in.

W.J. eventually gave up. I lost my virginity at age 20 to another guy. We started the evening with a game of strip poker, which ended when I tore my blouse trying to take it off. Fortunately, the rip was under one arm; I didn't have to explain it to my mother when I got home.

Once my blouse was off, I finished undressing under the blanket on the guy's bed. He lay down beside me and narrowly avoided getting my knee in his crotch. He chalked it up to me being nervous; he was unaware of my long history of clutziness.

He positioned himself on top of me and tried to penetrate. Superhymen struck again; several times, his cock just bounced right off. I was ready to either die of embarrassment or scream from sexual frustration when he finally managed, after half an hour of trying, to break right through. It hurt like hell at first, but only for a few seconds. And I managed to fuck him without causing any injuries.

I got older, got married, and had many minor incidents of clutziness. Nothing noteworthy, other than the night I almost broke my ex's nose when he decided to try oral sex on me. That was partly due to his own clutziness, though. How many men in their thirties don't know what a clit is? He licked and bit in all the wrong places, until I started to squirm because I wanted it over with, and then he zeroed in and caused actual pain. My knee came up, and his face was in the way... Good thing nasal blood washes out easily.

Years went by, and I got divorced. First time I fucked a guy after I left my ex, I was nervous as hell. Actually, I was nervous when he finger-fucked me in my front hall. Nervous to the point that I had to lean against the doorway to the living room. Unfortunately, I forgot about the picture hanging there. Having a wooden frame fall on your head can be a real mood-killer.

Several months later, I was dating another guy, J. He was absolutely gorgeous. When I talked to him, I was tongue-tied; when I was around him, I was clumsier than usual. The night we met, he had to catch me when I tripped over something on the floor of the bar we were at. Not that I minded having his arms around me.

Two weeks after that, we went on a date. The plan was to go bowling with some friends. On the way to the bowling alley, J dared me to give him a blowjob. I tried for about fifteen minutes to unbuckle his belt. Finally, he gave up and did it himself. With his cock free, I leaned across the center console and started sucking. "Watch the teeth!" he shouted.

Stupid teeth struck again. Sometimes I swear it would be better if I had dentures; then I could remove them when needed.

I did my best to suck without biting, until we got to the bowling alley. My neck was so stiff I could barely turn my head; leaning across a center console is not the most comfortable position for fellatio. At least not when you're someone who can hurt yourself just by getting out of bed in the morning. (Hey, it wasn't my fault my cat knocked an earring on the floor post-up and I stepped on it!)

Bowling was fun. Right up until I swung my arm back and dropped the ball. It rolled off behind me and hit J in the foot. "I think I'd better duck," he said.

"Probably," I agreed.

He didn't duck, and my clutziness picked that night to be contagious. Somehow J pulled his groin while sending his bowling ball down the lane. He limped through the rest of the night while I tried to be supportive. Which was somewhat effective until we got back to his place and he asked for another blowjob. I leaned just wrong, and... well, let's say he wasn't up for any more action after that.

A couple weeks later, after J had recovered, we got together again. He wanted to be my first anal experience, which I was all for. We got into the action, including a little regular fucking followed by my sucking his cock, this time with no adverse effects. We got lubed up and he sat on the edge of the bed, telling me to lower my ass onto his cock.

I tried. I really did. But without being able to see, I wasn't completely sure his cock was in the right place. Of course, I could have just asked him... But instead I kept trying to get his cock where it was supposed to be, until he let out a yelp. "Ouch!"

I quickly got off him. "What happened?"

"Oh, nothing important. You just bent my cock in three places. It isn't supposed to bend like that, you know."

"At least I didn't hurt your groin again," I said.

"True. I'll still be able to walk. And my cock will go back to its normal shape eventually."

That wasn't the only time we tried anal. The second time, he decided to use some kind of stuff that was supposed to numb the ass and therefore make it easier to penetrate. Unfortunately, it also numbed his cock.

But the crowning clutz event in my life was at a party some friends held at a bar. I love to dance, especially to certain songs. I was on the dance floor with a group of other women, getting my groove on, when my feet, encased in a brand new pair of slightly slippery shoes, went right out from under me. I ended up flat on my ass with a concerned group of friends around me, asking if I was okay, while I laughed hysterically.