Cell Phone 1

This is from a yarn I heard many, many years ago, again from when I was otherwise occupied shunning, un-shunning, and marching around a parade ground with other poor souls while in the Army. I can't remember who told me the story.

I had to edit and re submit because it was less than 750 words in the first iteration.

It's now 805 so hopefully that will be okay.

Enjoy, comments and votes welcome.

Cell phone

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club chatting amongst themselves. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and puts it on speaker and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?"

"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's Only $1,500! Can I buy it?"

"Well, OK, go ahead and get it if you like. You're sure that's what you want?"

"Oh, yes, I'm sure. I think I'll look absolutely stunning in it."

"Yes. I'm sure you will."

The men looked at me and grinned at each other as though I was the poor husband led around by the cock, succumbing to the whims and fancies of the woman who controlled my life, bank account and my balls. They chuckled at my misfortune, being suckered into spending money for a mink coat.

The man looked at the other three, shrugged his shoulders, and then they heard the woman speak again.

"Thanks Sweetie. I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year......"

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000 ...... "

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. What colour do they have it in, I don't want dark green or red. Black is okay, silver is good, and definitely not blue. Got that."

Again the guys all looked at me , in some sort of reverential awe, as though here is a man who only wants his partner in life to have the best of everything and he is prepared to go to any lengths to ensure she has it.

"Great! Thanks Darling, but before we hang up, something else... You remember complaining that the LCD set in the games room was a bit small and was needing adjustment all the time?"

"Yes, okay."

"Well I can get a replacement 84-inch Plasma screen that will look perfect on that wall, and be large enough for everyone to be able to see the action almost as good as if you were at the game. It's only $12000 on special, down from $18000. What do you think? Do you want to look at it yourself on the way home, or should I arrange to buy it now and get it installed on Monday?"

"You know, that sounds like a great plan. Yes, do the deal. Ask if they can put it in today, we could watch the big game tonight. Would you be happy if we could do that?"

"Darling, I think it would be marvellous if we could do that."

Oh, by the way, it might sound like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acres of park land, beachfront property."

"Is that the one with the three car or four car garage?"

"No, this is the one with the four-car garage."

"Oh, right, two storey Tudor style place, is that the one?"

"Yes, six bedrooms, six baths, outside shower and sauna, gazebo, outdoor bar-b-que, and wash down and cleaning area for cleaning fish."

"Oh, yeah, is there room for a caravan and a boat area?"

"Yes, that's already there next to the garage."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $550,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover the down payment."

"Well, then go ahead and put an offer on it, but just bid $520,000. OK?"

"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later! I love you!"

"Bye. I love you too."

The guys were gob smacked. Not only did their fellow tell his wife she could get a mink coat, but also a new Mercedes car, a new Plasma TV and then to go ahead and put down a deposit on a house, sight unseen for some 12 months on his part. This guy was all of a sudden some sort of hero to the rest of them.

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, raises his hand, and calls out:

"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"