"Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the wide world of almost, kind of, but not real sports. I'm your host Bob Onit joined now by my broadcast partner Harry Dick. Harry we have got quite the event in store for the viewers tonight." Bob says.
"That's right Bob. We've got a first in the world of almost, kind of, but not real sports. Tonight we'll witness the first ever balls on boobs bare nipple boxing match." Harry says.
"Our competitors tonight hail from opposite sides of the country. Our first competitor Tracy currently resides in the state of Virginia while her opponent Andrew resides in Southern California." Bob says.
"These two were at one time very good friends, but a bitter dispute between them has lead to tonight's main event." Harry says.
"That's right Harry. This fight was arranged to settle a dispute over who gets to use the names Pancho and Lefty. Both of our competitors claim the use of the names, but as we all know there can only be one Pancho and Lefty at a time. When Tracy's boobs Pancho and Lefty heard that Andrew's balls were also named Pancho and Lefty they were outraged." Bob says.
"That's right Bob. Andrew's balls were none too happy about the situation either. So despite the size and reach advantage that Tracy's boobs have over them Andrew's balls issued this challenge." Harry says.
"It truly took a lot of balls to challenge Tracy's boobs to this fight given the boobs' weight and reach advantage." Bob says.
"Odd side note here Bob. Tracy's right breast is named Pancho and the left one is named Lefty, but from talking to them I learned that Andrew's right ball is actually named lefty...apparently he's dyslexic." Harry says.
"That's very interesting Harry. The two combatants are not the only ones involved in this evening's main event. The ref for the fight, David, is a friend of Tracy's...which could give her a definite advantage." Bob says.
"Maybe not Bob. From what I hear David is a bit strange so perhaps he would lean in Andrew's favor to see Tracy's boobs take a serious pounding from Andrew's balls." Harry says.
"That's a good point Harry...David could be a wild card in this fight...he could influence the fight either way. Also at ringside tonight will be Mike....who happens to be Tracy's husband." Bob says.
"That's right Bob. Mike presided over the weigh in and will be at ringside as a special guest referee if something should happen to David." Harry says.
"I think it has to be in the back of Andrew's mind to keep an eye on Mike. If Andrew's balls start slapping Tracy's boobs all around the ring...I mean really knocking them around...will Mike get involved?" Bob asks.
"We'll find out soon enough. Our locker room reporter Ben Dover has caught up with Andrew's balls to get their thoughts before the fight....Ben." Harry says.
"Thanks Harry...I'm here now with Andrew's balls Pancho and lefty....gentlemen what are your thoughts going into this fight?" Ben asks.
"It's gonna be a tough fight. Our opponents outweigh us by quite a bit and they have the reach advantage, but we wouldn't have made the challenge if we didn't think we could win." Pancho says.
"We're going to go out there and knock those boobs around. By the time we're done they'll be crying from their nipples." Lefty says.
"Thank you gentlemen. As you can see these two are extremely confident going into the fight. Now in Tracy's locker room to get Tracy's boob' thoughts before the fight I send you now to Amanda Huginkiss...Amanda." Ben says.
"Thanks Ben. Ladies...you accepted the challenge put forth by Andrew's balls and you look pretty confident right now. Your thoughts going into the fight?" Amanda asks.
"By the time we're done with those two they'll be black and blue balls." Lefty says.
"When we win we're going to rename them Teeny and Tiny and we'll make them bow down and kiss our nipples in a humiliating show of their defeat." Pancho says.
"Thank you ladies, I'll let you get back to your last minute preparations. Bob, Harry, back to you." Amanda says.
"Thanks Amanda. Harry...the feeling I get from both locker rooms is extreme confidence." Bob says.
"Absolutely Bob...I have to wonder if Andrew's balls are having any second thoughts about making this challenge after being outweighed by so much at the weigh in." Harry says.
"Well Harry, they don't call them balls for nothing. They made the challenge so they're going to stick to it. They might get knocked around and leave here as black and blue balls, but I think they'll put up a hell of a fight despite the long odds against them." Bob says.
"Speaking of which, the odds makers in Las Vegas have Tracy's boobs as a 10-1 favorite in this fight." Harry says.
"Well ladies and gentlemen the moment we've been waiting for has arrived...the fighters are going to come out of their respective locker rooms to get this fight underway. We go now to ring announcer Gee String....Gee." Bob says.
"Ladies and gentlemen from California in the white jockstrap Andrew's balls!" Gee says.
Andrew's balls come out of the locker room.
"And from Virginia in the blue bra Tracy's boobs!" Gee says.
Tracy's boobs come out of the locker room. Andrew's balls slip out of their jockstrap and Tracy's boobs slip out of their bra and they go to the middle of the ring.
"Okay, I want a good clean fight. This fight is scheduled for 15 rounds. If a knockout is recorded or one of the fighters cannot continue the fight will be over and the other fighter will be declared the winner. If both fighters are still standing after 15 rounds the fight will be decided by the judges scoring of the individual rounds. The winner will get to retain the names Pancho and Lefty and the loser will have to stop using the names. Now...bump balls on boobs then go to your respective corners and when the bell rings come out fighting." David says.
Andrew's balls bump Tracy's boobs, they return to their corners and when they bell rings they both come out fighting.