A Brief History of Johnson

I guess it all started when I was floating around in some warm dark place. I remember being very happy and content. I didn't even know of Johnson, back then, although I am sure he was there, sharing the contentment and harmony of our little world.

It wasn't long before that little world was disrupted and we were exposed to light, air, and sound. If I had known Johnson was there, I would have held his little being close to give us both reassurance. Anyhow, we both seemed to survive that ordeal.

I didn't know much about Johnson early on, except that he got yelled at a lot for allegedly showering people when his plastic cover was removed. As I reflect back, he never liked to be restrained or encumbered in any way. He would endure being enshrouded for short periods.

I made casual acquaintance with Johnson in my infancy, but we really didn't start playing with each other for about a year. He was a funny little guy and we hand wrestled a lot. He seemed to escape my holds, but as I got better, I would invariably get him in a strangle hold. Some people thought it was funny, but others would try to discourage our attempt at sports. Occasionally, I would go looking for him, wherever he was hiding and we would continue our play.

Many years went by and I knew Johnson was my friend, but our contact was minimal and I helped him to take care of his restroom needs, including keeping his head below the toilet rim, so he wouldn't splatter the bathroom floor. He must have missed our wrestling days, because he seemed to perk up when I gave him baths. He loved to be clean, however, my mother seemed to feel the other parts of my little body were being neglected.

When we started school, it was quite an experience. We could not touch, discuss, or joke about Johnson, maybe because there were so many girls around who were "Johnsonless". I was told there was this thing called Johnson-envy. Besides, Johnson was the coolest thing; you could aim him at things and hit the target. Girls could not do that!

Soon, Johnson and I found we had many things in common. We seemed to mesh, laughing at the same jokes and developing an affinity for the same things. We both seemed to notice girls at the same time. It was during this period, I experienced an unusual kinship with Johnson. It was as though he could read my every thought. I think they call it clairvoyance. We agreed upon the girls we liked, however, he seemed to prefer the ones with bigger parts. When he abruptly conveyed this, I had to reassess my first impressions and damn if he wasn't right in his perceptions. I began to trust his judgment more than my own.

As the girls got shapelier, wearing shorter tighter clothes, and all that perfume, I began to lose control of Johnson. Somehow, I knew that I was to be the one in charge, because he never seemed to mature as I did. He began acting out and clowning on the most in appropriate occasions. He began to embarrass me regularly, so much so, I was afraid to be around the female sex.

Then we discovered magazines. These seemed to make Johnson happy, thumbing through each erotic page with me. This was our quiet time together and we would relieve some tensions by me stroking Johnson to his satisfaction. Then we could actually go out in public in his calmer state. This seemed to work for a while, until Johnson wanted more. He wanted to experience what happened in the stories and actually feel the real flesh upon his little head. He expressed a desire to explore some of the crevices that we read of, or maybe a cavern or two. I told him that I would think about it; a time and a place.

It came soon after we started college, a mini skirted, sweet smelling girl, with adequate proportions. We had been invited to her dorm room in the absence of roommates. Johnson knew it was a setup, long before I figured it out. However, as time went by, he sent impulses to me with a minimum three-second delay. He strained his head from under the bottom of my shorts. That was a feat in itself, but he managed and saw his target, those long lovely limbs. Somehow, he took control of my lower extremities and we were pressed against the girl. Johnson sent a flash message that there were no panties and he was going in.

I felt that I had no control whatsoever over Johnson. He allowed her hand to help guide him home. Johnson became an animal and it took my total mind control to ease him out before he exploded in her recesses. He was pissed, but collapsed when the air smacked his little face.

We later discussed my actions to protect both of us (all three of us, actually). I think I finally got him to understand the "birds and the bees". We probably should have had this conversation a while ago, before I started losing so much control over him.

We began to plan our assignations together. I would use my intellect to get the girls into striking distance and he would go to work with his animalistic self. We became a great team. We meshed like no other time in our young lives. We explored many caves together, he always giving me a "blow by blow" and sending some pleasurable signals to my brain.

On occasion, Johnson was asked to wear a raincoat. How humiliating, this sorely reminded him of the days, he was bound in plastic pants. He would balk at the prospect by shrinking, so fitting him became difficult. If we did succeed in keeping the rubber on, he would punch a breathing hole in the end. I tried to tell him how dangerous that practice was, but there are few times you can't reason with a Johnson, when he is buried in his work or play.

As we got older, I got Johnson to settle a bit, dealing with more mature women who did things at a less frantic pace. Evenings were planned and not so spontaneous, allowing Johnson to prepare himself and even enjoy a concept called foreplay. I seemed to like this and it gave me time to send some good vibes to Johnson. I think he actually matured and even grew an inch or so. We both were the happiest than we ever had been, great meals, a little wine, mature parts, and a comfortable plunge into great places.

We had been seeing one great woman on a pretty regular basis. She had all the necessary anatomy to satisfy Johnson and all my sexual fantasies. Johnson seemed to have a definite comfort with her as a regular girlfriend, however, until I told him that I was thinking of marrying her. We debated for days, the disadvantages of being with one person, for the rest of our lives. I could not convince him that from his perspective, the inside of the caves were pretty much the same in the dark. He certainly would not agree and told me that I was a fool, but to do whatever made me happy, he would reluctantly go along.

Years later, I think Johnson was the smarter of us two. I had always considered myself the brains of the outfit, but in the end, he had the foresight into the downfalls of monogamy. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, but I have to pacify Johnson, too. After all, he has been my friend, companion and confidante all my life. I think we have reached a compromise, we have discovered something called the Internet and now we can resume those great days of spending quality time together as I cuddle his head, like when we were teenagers. Johnson and I are best buds, once again.