Sensual V Disciplinary Spanking

In more 30 years as a practicing (non-professional) Dominant, I've discussed this subject a number of times, with both submissives and Dominants. Some of them had been "lifestyle" for many years, some for only year or two, and others were beginners. The topic was: What is the difference between spankings (or flogging, or caning, etc.) of a "sensual" nature and a "disciplinary" nature? What follows is simply *my take* on a combination of my experiences and those discussions.

To begin the analysis of the differences, let's look at disciplinary spanking (for simplicity, we'll use this one phrase to encompass the entire range of modes of physically punishing a submissive for unacceptable/incorrect behavior, attitude, demeanor).

DISCIPLINARY SPANKING

For myself and most of the experienced Dominants I've known, the beginning of disciplinary spanking is to have a certain "ritual" quality. The submissive *must* know that she/he is being disciplined, and for what. Without this knowledge, she/he may assume (at least at the beginning) that she/he is receiving a sensual spanking.

The mindset of the submissive is central to discipline. If she/he doesn't know she/he is being punished, how much can she/he learn?

Step One of the ritual is to separate it physically from the location(s) at which she/he may receive sensual spankings. I tend to "reserve" a certain physical location - bent over a particular chair or table, for example - which is *never* - repeat: *never* used for sensual spanking (or sex {unless you use some forms of sex at some times for discipline - I don't}). This concept is analogous to that of a child being sent to the principal's office. With some subs, I have instructed them to go to "the chair" and wait for me. Often, she is crying even before I come to her side to begin discipline, simply because she knows she has failed my expectations.

Step Two, for me, is to explain exactly what infraction the submissive is being disciplined for. At this time, she must look directly into my eyes, both for her to see the disappointment in mine, and for me to look for contrition in hers. I believe strongly that for most people the eyes are the most revealing part of our bodies, and the one through which most of us make the most direct connection with others. Unlike some Dominants, I don't require that submissives keep their eyes lowered unless ordered. I *want* that extra avenue of communication.

Step Three is the description of the discipline. I believe that it is important to know, before punishment begins, exactly (or nearly so) what I intend to do. This allows me to avoid awkward pauses in the discipline which can break the concentration of both the Dominant and the submissive. It also allows the sub to contemplate ahead of time what is going to occur, to anticipate it. For me and most of those who have been in D/s relationships with me, that anticipation is a very important part of the discipline. It's almost a doubling of the experience.

The physical punishment is Step Four. It is important to me to follow the description I earlier gave the submissive, because I believe fairness is important in all aspects of the D/s relationship. If I've told her she will receive x number of spanks, followed by x strokes of the paddle or cane, then the fairness explicit in the relationship requires that I follow through precisely.

I do not believe in trying to "trick" the sub, as in requiring her to count strokes (which I do) and then doing something to try to force her to lose count or err in her count, so I can start over. That is not fair.

I usually talk about her infraction while spanking, and require her to respond and apologize. This reinforces the discipline, its cause, and her need and intention to correct the error.

If, at the end of the discipline session, I feel it was inadequate to correct the submissive's error... *that's my fault.* I planned her discipline poorly, and will end up having to do it again. As a side note, I don't like discipline. It gives me no pleasure. It is merely a necessity, just as some form of discipline is necessary to teach a child is necessary. Parents don't get pleasure from spanking their children, or "grounding" them, or taking away privileges... but they know it's needed, to teach the child how to survive in society.

Step Five is the aftermath. My procedure is generally to have the submissive once again face me, and tell me what her error was, and how she intends to correct it. She then is either sent to her room or to stand in a corner for a specific period of time, to contemplate what she did, why it was incorrect, how it disappointed me, and how she will avoid future discipline for the same thing. For many submissives, being separated from their Dominant, either by space or by His/Her attitude, is as important to the punishment as the physical discipline is. I mentioned a specific period of time for the aftermath; to me, it is crucial that when discipline for a particular infraction is over, it is *over.* Unless an infraction is repeated, it should never be brought up in future disciplinary proceedings. Even then, it should only be briefly mentioned: "You were disciplined for this just last week. Did you learn nothing from that?" and then move on to the specific infraction. It happened, discipline has been carried out for that issue, and that specific event is over. Move on. Don't punish over and over and over again for a single error.

SENSUAL SPANKING

Sensual spanking is a fish of a different color, to mangle a metaphor. Sensual spanking has a specific goal, as disciplinary spanking does, but that goal is pleasure. For some (true masochists, aka painsluts), the spanking is an end in itself. Sensual/sexual gratification is gained through the physical pain received.

Note: With most true masochists, disciplinary spanking is completely ineffective, and may well result in repeat infractions - she/he has gotten exactly what she/he wants, pain/pleasure, not a discipline that will correct the behavior. With the two painsluts I have worked with, a harsh punishment was to require them to write to me apologizing for the incorrect behavior, describing it precisely, and giving their plan to avoid repetition. Of course, they got no spankings - and thus no pleasure - until their apology letter was deemed acceptable!

Sensual spanking may include certain ritualistic aspects, but it can often be spontaneous. I have spanked (sensually) a submissive in a large restaurant - one quick, firm, *loud* swat on the butt - when I was particularly pleased by something she said as we left the table. After we got out the door, she looked at me with wide eyes and told me that no single action had ever aroused her so much before, and took my hand and put it in her crotch under her skirt. She was sopping wet, and the sex we had when we got home was tremendous. (Thank heaven we lived less than a mile from the restaurant!)

Specific rituals or habits of sensual spanking vary so widely, among both Dominants and submissives, that it is useless to discuss them in detail. Our bulletin board would run out of server space!

The purpose of sensual spanking is gratification, for both Dominant and submissive. It often includes - besides spanking, paddling, flogging, use of crop or cane, etc. - petting and caressing of her erogenous zones, sometimes to the poit of *almost* bringing her to orgasm. And for me and most of the Dominants I have known, it is followed by sexual activities to bring her to one or more completions - and usually, me too.

For those of us who have been fortunate enough to work with a submissive who readily gets into "sub space" through sensual spanking, it is a marvelous experience. An example: At the first "play party" (aka "dungeon party") I took one sub to, she was placed upon a kneeler and I began working her. We had previously established that, since she had never been spanked in a semi-public setting before, I would periodically check on her to determine her feelings. We agreed that if she was happy with what was happening, she would respond with the color code "green," if she was feeling nervous and didn't want to go much further, "yellow," and if she wanted to stop, "red." (Of course, her saying "red" at *any* time was an instant stop, whether is was when I checked on her or during action.)

The third time I checked her ("Give me a color."), she turned her head slightly and looked at me. "What?" "Give me a color, baby." "Oh.... purple?" I was flabbergasted! "Honey, what color - green, yellow, red?" "Oh..... greeeeeeeeen. Greeeeeeeen." She told me later that when I asked her for a color that third time, she was so far into *feeling* what was happening to her, it seemed her mind had completely disconnected, and that she was somewhere far, far away, just *experiencing* it. It was a wonderful thing to happen for both of us, and fortunately, she was able to "get there" many times thereafter.

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This is *my* brief analysis of some of the differences between sensual and disciplinary spanking from my point of view. Thank you for reading it; I'd be interested in hearing from you - both Dominants and submissives - on points you agree and/or disagree on, as well as added tips or ideas on this subject.