How to Pic up Chics in 14 Departments

Walmart or How To Pick Up Chicks In 14 Departments

Want an athletic woman; try sporting goods. Want a good cook; try gourmet foods. Want a clotheshorse; try down the street at the Mall. Women in WalMart are cheap or is that thrifty. Actually, WalMart is cheap and women, not so much.

Women's clothing. Does this outfit go with my skin tone? No, but it fits your fat ass so who's complaining. If you're worried about your skin tone, check cosmetics. You might want to check out the exercise equipment in sporting goods for that wide butt while you're at it.

Lingerie. Now we're talking. Here you can check out who wears granny panties and who wears a thong. If they head for the girdles, about face and go elsewhere. But do keep an eye on the hosiery isle. Thigh highs are great; pantyhose are a bummer.

House wares. Exactly what does a house wear besides shingles and siding? All the shit in this department goes inside the house. Mostly in the kitchen. Remember this room. It's where you're supposed to cook. Prepare food. Salad and finger sandwiches is not food. Steak; that is food.

That's why WalMart has a meat department. You get the steaks there. That and its one place that puts nice bump in the front of ladies blouses and sweaters. This and the frozen food isle are the places to find out who's wearing a bra and who's not.

Any woman wandering around sporting goods or automotive is either lost or looking for a date.

Stay out of the shoe department. These women are too serious and in love with their own feet. This doesn't apply if you have a foot fetish. Just be aware that staring to long at the object of your desires could result in said desires making a trip to house wares for a set of knives.

The pet food isle. Dog food is good as long as it's the small bag. Anything over twenty pounds indicates a guard dog at home. Cat food is better but again, anything over twenty pounds at one time is an indication of major problems down the road. Now we're talking cat lady.

The paint department. White means dull and boring. Pastels indicate frilly and lacy so follow her to lingerie. Bold bright colors are for the wild child, a definite plus. Check out the rest of her cart, you might have a winner here.

The bathroom isle. Suzy Homemaker here. She's looking for a mate not a date. The same applies to the cloth and sewing area. That is, unless they are buying leopard print material. Definitely worth a second look.

Crafts department. Bored and have too much time on their hands. Well worth a little time invested. You might be able to show them better ways to spend their time than stringing beads and arranging flowers.

Home furnishings department. The women there are too cheap and tacky to even worry about. Unless they are very young, like furnishing a first apartment or dorm room. Then you could be in like flint. They always need help loading the heavy boxes.

Children's wear. Run, run like the wind. You have wandered into a danger zone. Husband material only need apply here.

Health and beauty aides. Watch carefully. You can learn a lot about your object of affection or in some cases infection. A thirty pack of condoms is a good thing. Vagisil is not. A ten pack of tampons is good; a forty pack of super pads is not. PMS is hazardous to your health, mentally and physically.

Electronics. Fourteen Disney movies. Run! Four chick flicks, could be of interest unless there's chocolate and maxi pads in the cart also. Two action adventure movies; move on, she already has a boyfriend/husband.

Garden department. Flowers are good. A shovel, an axe, and two bags of lime. Check cart for maxi pads and chocolate. The last boyfriends is about to make an appearance on a milk carton.

Men's department. Got a boyfriend/husband unless she's buying super huge men's shirts; then make a hard run on her, as she likes to wear them and only them. Naked girls in men's shirts are outstanding. Be advised that normal sized men's shirts may be an indication of a lesbian. They make excellent friends but you aren't getting any, so you're wasting your time.

All in all, WalMart is a cornucopia of information for the man on the prowl. You can learn more about people just by looking in their cart than you could with fourteen private detective agencies.

Of course this plan also works for women on the prowl so be advised.