How To Piss Off An Editor

This is my Christmas Gift to all my fellow editors :)

In my time as an editor I’ve received stories from people of several continents, male and female. The stories have all been varied and of different lengths

(who says size doesn’t matter!!!!!!!)

, some good, some bad, some totally awful and some absolutely awesome!

When I first sat down to do this, all I was doing was making a list to myself about all the things a writer does that really pisses me off. I found many more irritations than I initially expected and I wondered if I should make an essay of this. The more I was writing, the more I thought that other editors would recognize the same faults in writers they have worked with or are now working with. Then I

really

thought and realized that I could make it into a how-to list for writers so they know what

not to do

when comes the time to work with an editor; whether they realize it or not.

So here is my list, in no particular order, of what

YOU

, as a writer, should consider never

EVER

doing before engaging with an editor.

I hope this also raises a laugh or two among my fellow editors. As you can see I resisted the temptation to name those erring writers who were the inspiration behind my list.

• Have an inability to accept criticism and comments;

(Why do they ask us if they don’t want to hear it???)

• Think that you’re story is so good that you’re doing a favour to the editor in sending it to them;

(Not all writers can be “RGJOHN” or “MASTER_VASSAGO”)

• Ask for advice but don’t take any;

(Self explanatory)

• Don’t do the correction(s) suggested by the editor;

(They post their story anyway and then complain to us that they don’t get good reviews)

• Complain when the editor tells you what is wrong with your story or what its lacking;

(Even the contest winners are not right every time)

• Don’t re-read what you have written before sending it to the editor; Make him/her double his/her work load correcting minor mistakes that could have been easily done by you;

(What else is the “grammar and spelling” function in Word good for?)

• Write a story so poorly written that it’s a total waste of time for the editor to go through it;

(Did our education system really let people down so badly:(?)

• Have no depth of characters or interaction between said characters;

(I know it’s primarily a sex story site but really…!!!)

• Believe that the editor is your “slave” and will do everything for you;

(You wouldn’t believe what one of them wanted me to do :O!)

• Think the editor is only a proof-reader and won’t accept that he/she has things to say;

(Yeah sure we are puppets and only there for them to use when the need arise!!!)

• Expect the editor to do a total rewrite of your work and don’t even say thank you when the final product is done;

(Has anyone else had to change ENTIRE paragraphs?)

• Don’t read the editor profile correctly and send them a story that they have no interest in editing;

(Don’t you just hate receiving a story in a category your profile specifically excluded?)

• Be careless how you dress and undress your character;

(They put a hand up her skirt and into her panties but take her jeans down and discover she’s sans panty :-\)

• Send the wrong type of file even though the editor clearly mentioned the type of files he wants to receive;

(Self explanatory)

• Ask for recommendations of what the editor thinks is GOOD writing and then go and trash those writers just because the editor said they were better then you (YOU know who you are don’t you?);

(It’s funny how writers I’ve recommended suddenly get “anonymous” negative feedback when previously they only had praise from everyone)

• Ask the editor for storylines and/or ideas and pass them as your own;

(One of my “former” writers changed a whole scene in one of his stories using the idea I gave him and his book was published without an appropriate acknowledgement)

• Don’t appreciate and acknowledge the work the editor did for you;

(A simple thank you does good doesn’t it ?)

• Change the name of your character halfway through the story;

(One minute she’s Julie and the next she’s Suzy?????? But at least Dave hasn’t become Sheila without a sex-change operation :O)

• Fail to recognize that some words just aren’t sexy;

(Apologies to British readers but “trousers” just isn’t sexy. We all have our pet peeves so I won’t name them but can anybody REALLY like “poop chute?”)

• Be inconsistent in the way you describe your character;

(How can their character be a total slut on one page and yet the next is all sweet and innocent; pushing the envelope so far as depicting her as a virgin is totally beyond my understanding!!!)

• Make derogatory comments about the editor in retaliation to the aforementioned editor’s comments/criticisms about your story;

(Funny how some writers regress to childhood when they don’t like what you have to say!)

This list could go on and on like that. But after all I’m an editor and I’ve edited it! :P