How to Have a Happy Summer Vacation

After careful thought and considerable research, I've discovered the secret to having a happy summer vacation. It wasn't easy for me to come up with this, but I did it for you. Only, this How To story is not for everyone. This How To story may not be for you who is reading this story, but it could be for the guy or gal standing over your shoulder reading this story. Actually, I wrote it especially for you, that is, if you fit the parameters of who I had in mind when I wrote the story. First things first, let us eliminate those people who don't need my help in having a happy summer vacation.

It's the summertime and this How To Have A Happy Summer Vacation is not for those of you who aren't lazy, public school teachers, I wish you all a happy summer. Sorry, I'm just jealous. In case you teachers have your heads too far up your asses to realize that the rest of us don't get the summers off, we don't. In the real world, depending if we still have a job and aren't unemployed, the rest of the working middleclass stiffs get one or two lousy vacation weeks off a year. That's it.

No, of course, I'm not writing about you, your son, and/or your daughter. You, your son, and/or your daughter are great teachers. We wouldn't have a school system without you. When you retire, they should name a school after you. I'm writing about those teachers who have been in the school system way too long and who need to retire and give someone else a chance to reach and to teach students.

Seriously, unless you're a doctor, a lawyer, a scientist, a newscaster, a talk show host, or some other profession where the longer you remain in your career and on the job, the more expertise you gain. Out of touch teachers who have been teaching at the same school and at the same grade level for forty years need to go to Miami or Arizona or wherever the Hell retired teachers go. Sorry. So much like having a ruler shoved up their asses, they are the stiff lipped teachers who walk around with the union rule book in their back pocket, along with a photo of me, or in their pocketbook, along with their dildo, ready to strike at their first grievance.

"Gees, Patti, a cruise around the world? How'd you manage that, when I only had enough vacation time to have a lousy barbeque in my backyard, before returning to work, until this time next year?"

"I'm a teacher, silly. We get paid summers off. Don't you?"

This How To Have A Happy Summer Vacation is not for those of you who are bad attitude city, state, and federal workers and who only work 20 hours for a 40 hour paycheck. We see you sitting in your trucks reading the newspaper, drinking coffee, and sleeping. We see four guys pile out of a truck to put up one fallen sign pole, one to supervise, one to hold the pole, one to hold the ladder, one to tighten the screws, and take three hours to do it. Are you kidding me? Pay me half of what those four earned and I'll put up the sign pole myself and save the government money.

We know they're there hiding in the office, while their telephone rings off the hook. When city, state, and federal budgets are the tightest they've ever been, it's pretty shitty of them to play the system in the way they do, by making their day one long, bathroom break. While they get paid for their one plus hour, liquid lunches, the rest of us aren't even paid for our lousy chew and gulp, half hour lunches. In the way my Mom used to collect Green Stamps, they've been accumulating not only weeks of summer vacation time but also months worth of personal and sick days. They have enough time accumulated that they could feign an illness and not work for nearly two years, after not having worked a full day during their entire career, anyway. For the rest of us, if we don't use our allotted time in the year given, we lose it.

No, of course, I'm not writing about you, your son, and/or your daughter. You three are the best city, state, or federal workers ever. They should name a street, a bridge, or a building after you. I'm writing about those city, state, and federal workers who have never worked a full day in all the years they've been on the job. They are the ones who gripe and complain and who file workingmen's compensation claims at the first hint of a backache, when they really hurt their back bowling, balling, or blowing.

"Kathy! What happened? Are you okay?"

"No, I pulled my back bending over like that to suck your cock. I'm going to have to make up a workingmen's or in my case a workingwomen's compensation claim at work tomorrow. I'll tell them that I hurt my back lifting a box at work."

In the real world, working as hard as we can, the rest of us are supervised, scrutinized, and victimized.

"Okay, lunch is over. Back to work! You went a minute over your allotted 30 minutes and I'll be docking five minutes from your pay."

Just as not all public school teachers are lazy, not all city, state, and federal workers have bad attitudes, kind of, not really, pretty much, and play the system to work less hours than they're paid. Just as they know who they are, we know who they are. Many teachers earn every dollar they're paid and even must take money out of their pocket to buy supplies and/or to treat their students to a party or an outing.

"Why aren't you eating lunch, Sally?"

"My Mom didn't have any money to give me for lunch."

"Come with me and I'll buy you lunch," said her teacher escorting her to the cafeteria.

Many city, state, and federal employees still do their jobs, despite watching the certain few, political appointees play the system, pad their paychecks with no show hours, and goof off on our time and the public's dollar.

"Absolutely, just give City Hall a call. We're here to help you. That's our job. Thank you for paying your taxes that gives me this job."

Wow! Wouldn't you love it, if all public servants were like that? Only, how oxymoronic is it to call your local politician a public servant when he enters office comfortably rich and leaves office fabulously wealthy, while serving no one but himself or herself?

For those of you who work for colleges and universities in academia, who don't know what real work is, by never having had to work in the real world, the business world, you don't need me to tell you how to have a happy summer vacation. You already know how to do that. While enjoying your paid summer off, you're having happy times now, while traveling the globe with your special travel discounts that aren't available to the rest of us.

"Gees, Linda, you went to Egypt, Spain, France, and Italy all on your summer vacation? How'd you afford all that, when I only had money enough to buy this lousy, I love Cleveland, tee shirt of the city where I live?"

"I work at a college silly. We get special travel discounts. Don't you?"

When those who work in academia are not enjoying the rest of a happy year hanging around corridors and offices and flapping their gums, while flaunting their advanced degrees by acting oh, so intellectual, they're experiencing it now by having their paid summertime off. Instead of working, instead of doing the job that they're so overpaid to do, they pretend they're so overworked and complain they're so underpaid to anyone who will listen. Just so they can complain, too, the only ones who can bear to listen to them are their fellow co-workers. The rest of us, just want to throttle them and beat them with their employee benefit handbooks that lists that their children can attend the college or university where they work for free, while the rest of us must remortgage our homes, if we still have one, to pay for our children's education.

"Wait, let me understand this before I sign this loan agreement, after my four kids graduate college, I'll owe more than I'll earn in two lifetimes in student loans? I'll have to work until I'm 130-years-old just to pay for their college education."

"Nah, don't worry about that. You'll die long before you pay all that you owe and we'll just take your house."

For those military men and women who screw off and screw up in non-combat, support positions, while the real heroes go off to war and die for your right to do nothing, but collect fat paychecks and federal benefits from Uncle Sam, shame on you. By not doing your jobs, by not giving 100% to your country that your fellow patriots must give when in combat, you are indirectly responsible for the deaths of them. How do you feel when a piece of equipment fails, while the real heroes are in combat? Between the sweet no contract deal that Bush and Cheney gave Haliburton, with plenty of blame to go down the chain of command, where does your buck stop? Do you take responsibility for your job or do you just blame the other guy or gal? The problem starts and stops with you not doing your job.

Not all those in academia work the system and are overpaid. There are many men and women, who work long hours and give of themselves to insure a better education for all. Not all military men and women in non-combat, support positions are screw offs and screw ups. Some even take their lives in hand to make sure that the men and women, who risk their lives in combat, have the provisions and the best backup equipment they need, whenever they need it.

The rest of the middle class, we who support the whole, are routinely abused, mistreated, and threatened with unemployment, if we don't conform and pick up the slack because companies rather have higher bottom line profits than have happy, motivated, and loyal employees. Loyalty went out the window, along with retirement plans. The rest of us haven't had a raise in years and if we get a raise, it's not even enough to pay for our morning coffee. The benefits we once had are now replaced with inferior medical plans that require we pay more in co-pays than our parents paid for their entire medical plan. Overworked and underpaid, we must work more than one job at understaffed companies, just to afford housing, healthcare, food, and gas for our car.

Notwithstanding those of you who do their jobs, this How To story is not for those who have the entire summer off or who fake working for a paycheck. This How To story is not for those of you who are not feeling the belt tightening pinch of this economy and who have never had to go without a paycheck, a raise, and a promotion. This How To story is not for those of you who have never been denied credit, lost your home, your car, your life, and your identity by not having a job. For the rest of you, this How To story is for you.

This How To story is for those who work in a piecemeal factory and don't have clean restrooms. This How To story is for those who work in a sweatshop mill and don't have air conditioning. This How To story is for those who risk their safety at a construction site and are routinely injured on their job. This How To story is for those who regularly risk their lives working in a mine, on an oil rig, as a firefighter, and as a police officer. This How To story is for those nurses, who must work long shifts, and for all of those employees, day laborers, restaurant and fast food workers, and retail workers, who must work long hours to earn very little. For all those workers who are overworked, underpaid, and for those others who are unemployed and can't find a job, this 'How To' story is for you.

So, now that I've pissed off the teachers, the city, state, and federal workers, everyone who works in academia, and those military non-combat screw offs and screw ups, how do the rest of you hard working people have a happy summer vacation? It's simple and surprisingly, it may be something you never considered doing before, that is, until now. So, pull up a chair, make yourself comfortable, grab a cup of coffee or tea, a cold beer or a glass of wine, or a big glass of water, because what I'm about to tell you may change your life forever.

You're dying to know, how to have a happy summer, aren't you? Well, first of all, this information on how to have a happy summer only applies to married couples. Sorry to all you young, single people, who already know and who are already having a happy summer vacation. There's nothing that I can tell you that you don't already know.

For those hard working, overworked and underpaid, married couples who are longing and yearning to have just one worthwhile summer vacation that will get them through the rest of the year, until their next lousy one week or two week summer vacation, I wrote this with you in mind. This is your How To Have A Happy Summer Vacation story. First a truism. The longer you've been married, the more happily married you pretend to be, and the more miserable you truly are, the more important this information is to you and the happier that I can make you by telling you how to have a happy summer vacation. Only, you must believe what I have written. You must trust me because I do have your best interest at heart and in mind.

Close your eyes. Relax. Take a deep cleansing breath. Blow it out and do it again. Feel the stresses of your job leaving you. Okay, now open your mind, open your eyes, and continue reading.

How to have a happy summer vacation is simple. Ready? If you haven't had one already, have an extramarital affair. That's right and that's all you need to do. Please, there's no need to thank me. If you want to have a happy summer vacation, have an affair. Wait, don't stop reading because you can't have an affair or you think that having an extramarital affair will ruin your marriage. Trust me, you can have an extramarital affair without it ruining your marriage. I will tell you how to do that.

Now, wait, before you run off and screw the first man or women you see and make a mortal sin by having sex with a nun or a priest, let me explain. Before you get on your high horse and pooh-pooh my idea of breaking your marriage vows, bear with me. Those same vows that you broke already, when you allowed your wife's sister to stick her hand down your bathing suit and feel your cock in the deep end of the pool or when you flashed your neighbor's husband your tits, ass, and pussy by pretending that you didn't know the blinds were open with the light on, when you were undressing for bed. Besides the obvious, let me explain why having an extramarital sexual affair with a cutie or a hunk will make you have a happy summer vacation.

First of all, you have the affair in the summer, of course, when you're on vacation and when you have the time to have an affair. Secondly, you have the affair not only with the full knowledge and consent of your spouse but also of all parties concern and with someone who is as discreet as are you. This is still puritanical America and having sex outside your marriage, unless you're a drug crazed celebrity or powerful politician, is as forbidden as praying in school, killing unborn babies, pirating video tapes and music, and reading pornography, which is what you're doing now. Shame on you.

After you've taken the kids, the spoiled darling children, your treasured off springs, who don't deserve to be taken anywhere, to Disney World, to the beach, and/or to the amusement park, it's time for mommy and daddy to get some X-rated rest and recreation. The best way for adults to recover from working 50 weeks a year is by having plenty of hot sex, which only happens with a sordid affair. Especially after you've been married for a while, you will never get the kind of X-rated, head banging, heart pounding, body sweating, and orgasm screaming sex from your spouse, as you would from a stranger, that you'll surely need to recover from working your life away, unless you have an extramarital affair. Trust me, I know. Sorry, but I don't kiss and tell.

Now, there's nothing wrong with having an affair, so long as there are not only two consenting adults involved in having the affair but also two consenting couples in having the affair. Both husbands and wives from both marriages must agree that it's okay for all four parties involved to have the extramarital affair. I'm not talking about having a swinging lifestyle orgy, that is, unless you want one and all parties agree to have one. That's up to the four of you. I'm not talking about multiple affairs. I'm talking about one affair, a year. That's it. Trust me, one affair is enough to take the edge off and allow you to return to work with a big ass smile on your face and a vivid memory that plays endlessly through your mind like a song that haunts you.

Now, you don't necessarily need to have the affair with the wife of the husband that your wife is having her affair or with the husband of the wife that your husband is having his affair. For the affair to give you the full erotic benefits, it could and should be with the spouse of a different couple. So, now, we have four couples involved in your extramarital affair, instead of two couples involved in your little summertime vacation sexual escapade. Exponentially, do the math. With all parties agreeing to having an extramarital affair and, especially, if you decide to have more than one affair, this, conceivably could broaden to 8, 16 or more couples involved. Still, all parties must agree to having the discreet extramarital affair, otherwise it won't work and what you do now will return to bite you in the ass later.

"But you said you loved me?"

See? Be careful about saying things in the heat of the moment that you don't really mean and that you'll surely regret.

"And this is your baby."

Oops, I forgot about that precaution. Think safe sex when having your extramarital summer vacation affair. Always wear a condom. Just as click it or ticket works with seatbelts, cover your stump before you hump, don't be silly, protect your Willie, when in doubt, shroud your spout, can't go wrong, if you shield your dong, she won't get sick, if you wrap your dick, wrap your meat, before going in heat, dress your penis, before undressing Venus, don't make a mistake, cover your snake, sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener, if you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket, no glove, no love, don't be a fool, cover your tool. Understand?

So, out of all the things that you could do to have a happy summer vacation, spending time with your family, traveling to faraway places, fixing your house, your car, or your boat, spending more time relaxing at home watching TV, while eating and drinking, or doing the things that you love doing but never have the time to do, why should you have an extramarital affair? Because the effects of an extramarital affair, so long as it's done correctly, out in the open, and with the consent of all those involved, is something that you will feel the effects of for the rest of the year. Not to mention, you will have fond, warm memories of your sexual affair for the rest of your life.

The hours you'll spend in heated pillow talk alone with your spouse later is worth having the affair. Hell, you may have had such a great extramarital experience that you may not need to have another one for several years. Then, again, it could all go so afoul that you finally get that divorce you always wanted from your spouse and marry the second wife or second husband you should have married in the first place. Either way, it's a win/win situation for all involved.

"Daddy, don't go."

"I must. I don't love Mommy anymore."

"Mommy, don't go."

"Go? We're staying in the house, but Daddy is leaving."

Ah, you're with me now that I see you smiling, while already thinking about who it is you want to have your affair. It's a great idea to have a happy summer vacation affair, but how do you find discreet, open, and likeminded couples willing to have an extramarital affair for the sake of having a happy summer? That's the easy part. Use this story as your porthole to paradise.

After you've given me a five vote, the only vote that you can possibly give me, by the way, for such an enlightening story that guarantees you having a happy summer vacation, post your interest in the comment section of this story describing yourself and what part of the country you live. No street addresses, phone numbers, or e-mail addresses please. Use only your Literotica name for identification purposes for the reader to find you. After someone has referenced interest in your post, use Literotica's private message to contact them privately or perhaps, they will contact you. Good luck.