Valerie

Chapter Eight

Crisis

The beeping of the alarm was like a demon, rousing both Valerie and Sally from the comfortable sleep they were ensconced in. Valerie extricated herself from the embrace that they had shared through the night. Padding to the bathroom, she showered and dressed, preparing for another day at work. She'd enjoyed the time off she had been given last week after successfully negotiating the tangle that was the Brad affair, but it did make it hard to go back.

She checked her email before she left and found no messages from Charles. Kissing the drowsy form of Sally, she left and drove to the office. She had a pleasant surprise in the lobby. Lilly was sitting next to Natalie at the front desk. She stopped long enough to congratulate her.

"Lilly, congratulations! How's the new job?"

"Oh, Ms. Burbon, it's really hard, there's so much to remember."

Natalie piped up, "She's going to do fantastic. Her memory's great and she's good with people. I may even be able to start my leave early, which this young one seems to want." She patted her distended belly, full with child.

"Lilly, do you still want to have that lunch thing today?"

"Yes, I do. I get off at 11:00 for lunch. Will that work for you?"

"Yes, and if it doesn't, I'll make it work. Got to go."

A couple of, "Byes," followed her to the elevators. Upstairs, June was in her usual place, a model of efficiency.

"Good morning, June. How was the trip to the museum?"

"It went well. We didn't lose anyone, though there were three forgotten lunches and two spilled thermoses."

"Well that sounds normal."

"That's what Marcia said. You have a couple things on your desk that need immediate attention."

"Thanks, June. Block me out for lunch at 11:00 today, I have a personal meeting."

"Will do."

Inside her office, Valerie saw that one was a follow up to the activities of last week. Legal needed statements from all the people involved in the investigation, notarized of course. The second was a request for a proposal from the Hopkins agency for a follow up series of ads. She started with the statement, typing it up herself and sending it to June for editing and final draft. The rest of the morning was spent putting the ideas that she had discussed last week with her counterpart at Hopkins into a draft proposal. When 11:00 was rolling near, she had not finished but was well on the way to something concrete.

She grabbed her purse and headed down to the lobby. When Natalie saw that she was there, she turned to Lilly and said, "You go on to lunch now. I can handle it until noon."

Saying her thanks, Lilly grabbed her own purse and ran out to meet Valerie.

"Lilly, I've got a lot to tell you if you're up to it," she said as they walked down the street. "You just be sure to stop me if it gets to be too much. Now, you like Chinese?"

"Yes, Ms. Burbon."

"Good. We'll hit Great Wall. And no trying to pay. I make much more than you and you are doing me a big favor by listening."

"Of course, Ms. Burbon." Lilly had to smile a little. Her boyfriend was the same way, so she was quite used to not being permitted to pay at meals.

Great Wall was typical of many downtown ethnic spots, decent food at okay prices with a selection of fast dishes at lunch for the professional on the move. They took a back corner table for privacy and Valerie told Lilly everything that had happened over the last week. Lilly was aghast at the fact that Valerie had asked to be punished to her safe word.

Having been told that during these talks, it was Valerie, not Ms. Burbon she was talking to, Lilly asked, "How could you do that? Isn't your safe word like the emergency cut-off valve or something?"

"That's an excellent analogy. I did it because I was so ashamed and guilty at my failure. When I agreed to become Master's submissive, I agreed to follow his commands. I failed in such a simple command that we both felt it was a severe failure. When you were a kid, which was worse, getting punished or waiting to get punished?"

"The waiting. Oh, I hated it when my mom would say 'Wait until your father gets home'."

"After the punishment, did you feel guilty anymore?"

"No. It was over and done with. I was forgiven."

"Exactly. I knew that I would be free of the guilt afterwards. But there was so much guilt that I wanted enough punishment to drive it all out."

"I think I see. Once, when I was a kid, my dad only found out about part of what I did wrong, and he punished me for it. But I still felt guilty. I ended up telling them the rest and was punished again."

Valerie continued, describing the various ways she was required to torture herself with orgasm denial, including masturbating in public. She was a little surprised to see Lilly smile at that description. "Public masturbation doesn't bother you?"

"Oh. No. My boyfriend and I will do it on the bus sometimes, playing with each other under people's noses. It's like they know what's happening without knowing."

"I'm not sure about the not knowing, but it is deliciously exciting."

"Yeah. Sometimes, my boyfriend will dare me to do something really outlandish."

"Like what?"

"Like last week. We went to a movie. He dared me to masturbate in the theater all the way to orgasm. I had to not scream when I came like I normally do. It was so intense." Her face beamed at the memory.

"You know, Lilly, that's a form of BDSM play."

"No! I mean we don't whip each other or force each other to do things we don't want to."

"I think I see what's happened. Lilly, BDSM is not just one thing. Not everyone in the lifestyle uses pain as a way to play. Some just like tying up each other. Even among the bondage-only people, there are wide varieties in how much. I did research before I signed on as Master's submissive. There are players who just dare each other to do things in public. I read about one woman who loved being an exhibitionist, but couldn't bring herself to show off publicly unless her boyfriend ordered her to do it. That's all they do, but it's still a part of the lifestyle. At Master's, we play a very intense version of the scene. There are others who go even farther than we do. There are those who have no safe words and accept everything, including permanent markings, like tattoos or brands."

"Brands! Like on cattle?"

"Kind of. Not as large, but still burns on the skin that mark you forever."

"I thought Mr. Charles and you were weird, but that's just…"

"Wrong?"

Sheepishly, Lilly said, "Yeah. I guess."

"Lilly. Look at me. If you think what I'm doing in the lifestyle is wrong, that's okay. As long as you don't judge my character by that alone, it doesn't mean that I won't like you. It'll just be something that we disagree on. But look deep inside yourself. Do you really think it's wrong for me to engage in a form of play that hurts no one else and that I enjoy?"

Lilly was quiet for a few minutes. Valerie could see the same thoughts going through her mind as she herself had contemplated in the car with Charles. Food grew cold as she waited for the smart, honest girl to wrestle with herself. When she spoke, her answer was not a short one.

"I would really like to say yes, that it's wrong. I'm not sure I can say no, that it's right. I'm really confused. It seems so…bad, that you should get beaten so bad that you sit on edge for days after. But when we sit here talking, I can see how happy you are, not just that it was done, but that you can share it with someone. Can it be wrong for you to be happy when no one else was hurt? I don't think so, but still, what's happening seems so horrific. Everything inside me says that hurting people is wrong."

"I can understand your confusion. I had a similar experience yesterday. Master had me dress up like a hooker and walk to a bar in the middle of where they do their thing. I was so humiliated. When Master asked me why, and he had a real hooker with him, I had to say that I thought hookers were evil and disgusting."

Lilly's face had gone cold. "Ms. Burbon. My mother was a hooker."

Valerie's face went pale. This is not what she had intended. "I'm sorry."

"About what, that I had a hooker mom?"

"No. I'm sorry that I was callous enough to judge your mom, and all the others so harshly when it wasn't fair or even correct. The prostitute with him made it quite plain that I was out of line, in the most outrageous fashion, that they, for the most part, had no choices they could see. I'm sorry, Lilly for the pain that my words have brought to you. It was not my intention."

"What did you mean to say?"

"I was only meaning to point out that we all carry attitudes that we have to confront at times. Our preconceived notions can make looking at the world a confusing thing. I was forced to see that it's not the hooker that is evil, it's the way she is treated by most of society. In your case, it will be even harder. Your preconception is not actually wrong. It is wrong to hurt people. It's also wrong to tell people that they can't have fun, when that fun hurts no one else. You have two different values warring inside you. It's much like the Christians who hid the Jews in Germany during World War II. They had the biblical commandment to obey the lawful government and the commandment to protect the innocent. One had to give way; the two goods were in opposition."

"That's it! That's why I'm so confused. I believe with all my heart that people should be allowed to enjoy themselves as long as it hurts no one else. That's part of my religion, Wicca. 'Do as you will, so long as it hurts no one.' But I also believe it's wrong to be cruel and hurt other people. Then I meet Mr. Charles and he hurts other people because they want him to, because they enjoy it. What do I do?"

Lilly was on the verge of tears, her conflict with BDSM finally on the table for her to see clearly. Valerie could see that the conflict between two moral values was tearing her apart. It hurt Val to see this young lady, who had quickly become a friend, in such pain. It dawned on Val that Lilly had agreed to these meetings, not for Valerie's sake, but for Lilly's. She was searching for answers to one of the hard questions in life, how do you reconcile two opposed goods? She was at a loss, not able to hold Lilly's hand as she wept, until she realized what was truly going on.

"Lilly." The girl looked up. "I think you know what to do. You already decided. You made your decision last week. You told Heather that I was not deluded, that I had truly consented. At that moment, you chose to not condemn the lifestyle. Isn't that true?"

Lilly thought for a moment. Meekly, unable to quite believe herself, she answered, "Yes. I guess I did. Why do I feel so confused then?"

"Sometimes we make decisions and don't want to admit it to ourselves, like my wrong beliefs about hookers. It always hurts when we are not honest with ourselves. It's certainly confusing. I've found that I'm the easiest person in the world for me to lie to."

"I guess we are."

"It's getting close to noon. If you want we can continue this tomorrow."

"Can I think about it?"

"No problem. I have one more thing to share, before we get back. Sally and I have fallen in love. We're planning on a handfasting ceremony in two weeks, two Saturdays from now. We would be honored if you would attend, but will understand that you may not wish to, since it will be a BDSM ceremony."

"I'll think about it. I'm not sure I can, but I'll try."

They returned to work, Lilly to the front desk and Valerie to her office. She worked for another two hours on the proposal, just about finishing it when she remembered that she wanted to make plans to submit to Francine this week. She called her friend's office to find that she was apparently working from home. Calling there, Francine answered.

"Hello?"

"Francine, it's Valerie."

"Oh hi, Valerie. What can I do for you?"

"I talked with Master, and he said I could submit to you this week, if you'll accept it. Will you accept my submission this week, Mistress?"

Francine was quiet for a minute. Valerie assumed that she was thinking about when would be good. "Yes. I would like to very much. I need to." Inexperienced as she was in the lifestyle, Valerie missed the warning signs that something was wrong. Sally would have sensed something immediately. "Did Charles have any stipulations?"

"He said that I could submit as many times as you wished, but I could climax only once with you this week."

"I think that won't be a problem. Come here right after work. Take a cab. Strip on the porch before you knock on the door. Understand?"

"Yes, Mistress. I love you, Mistress."

"I'll see you tonight."

Valerie called Sally at work.

"Hello, this is Sally."

"Sally, this is Valerie."

"Oh, how you doing, lover?"

"I wanted to let you know that I'll be at Francine's for most of the evening."

"Is she going to try to whip you into shape?"

"Yes, I think she is."

"You two have fun, okay? I'll be enjoying your food and cable while you're gone."

"If this keeps up, I'll have to start charging you rent."

The two chuckled and hung up. Valerie finished the draft of her proposal to Hopkins and had June put the finishing touches on it and forward it to accounting to get the initial costs put into it. The statement was ready and she took it to legal, signing it in the presence of their notary public. By the time all this had been done, it was 15 minutes before the official end of the day. She decided it was time to call it early, looking forward to a hot time in the country tonight at her friend's house.

"June, I'm done for the day, so I'll be heading out a little early."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Burbon,"

"Don't you go and work till dark."

Out in front, she called a cab, leaving her car in the garage over night. The cab took her to Francine's place in the country. As she walked up to the porch, she realized that the cabby was waiting for her to enter, providing that courtesy for her. She was stuck either stripping in front of him or disobeying her Mistress. Smiling, knowing he would enjoy the show, she slowly removed her clothes, doing a little strip tease for him on the porch.

Once she was naked, she knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Francine yelled from somewhere inside.

Valerie walked in and saw that the house was dark, the lights out and all the shades drawn. She closed the door behind her.

"Did the cabbie see you strip?"

"Yes, Mistress. I gave him a little show."

"Very good. In the doorway between the living room and the dining room are some bonds and a blindfold. Blindfold and bind yourself, facing the dining room."

Valerie went to the indicated spot and saw four ropes tied to the corners of the open doorway. Set in the middle of the floor was the blindfold. The ropes were short enough that she would have to stretch to reach them. The ones meant for her arms were suspended by thread, just within her reach. All four ropes had slip knots on the ends that would tighten when she pulled on them. Once she did, she would be at the mercy of her friend. Her cunt tingled with anticipation. She picked up the blindfold and stretched her legs out to slip her ankles into the loops. She had to practically do a split to reach them. Once in, she pulled her legs together and the loops tightened, making it impossible to extract herself. With her feet three feet apart, she was well and truly exposed to anything Francine wanted to do.

She put the blindfold on, tightening it so it couldn't slip free. Her hands took some effort, requiring her to stretch quite a bit to reach each loop. As she tightened the loops, the strings broke and she was spread eagle between two posts, blind to what was to happen. Francine came out of the shadows, naked herself. Her scabs from her night with Painmaster were still there, red and ugly. She carried a cat, this one with thin long strands, thinner than Charles had ever used on Valerie. She tightened the ropes on Valerie's wrists and ankles so that there was no play in them. Valerie was immobilized, barely able to thrust back and forth, let alone mover her arms and legs.

Francine leaned into Valerie's head, "I want to cause you pain, see you writhe, and hear you scream."

Trembling, Valerie answered, "Yes, Mistress. I want to give you pleasure. If my pain does so, I accept it with joy."

Valerie started at Francine's comment of, "We'll see," but had no time to ponder what it meant as the first blow from the whip struck. It was 5:45 in the afternoon. There was no warming up; Francine's blows were at her full strength. Valerie gasped at the suddenness of the pain that flared through her at the first blow, barely recovering her breath when the second blow struck. Francine literally wailed on Valerie, with frightening speed and force. Valerie knew that if this kept up, unabated in any way, she would reach her limit quickly.

Valerie's screams began after just one minute, the pain too much to hold in. Thinking that was what her friend wanted, she gave full reign to her voice, crying out in agony and sobbing unabashedly. Unable to see or hear Francine, Valerie could not see the grim determination on the woman's face, something she'd never seen on a dominant before.

Since Valerie had called her, Francine had been in turmoil. Valerie's words, "I love you, Mistress," haunted her, gnawing at her mind and heart. The numbness that had driven her to Painmaster to seek out anything, so long as she could feel it, had reached her heart as well. But where Francine wanted to feel something in the physical, she feared and was terrified by the feeling in the heart. She would do anything to avoid the love that allowed pain, even beat the love for her out of Valerie.

Valerie only knew that Francine wanted to whip her hard and long and she was determined to give her friend, one of the women she loved, every iota of pain that she could give. She screamed and writhed, the pain having become a solid mass, pressing into her, drawing all she had from her. She gave it willingly to Francine, in love, trust and, yes, the joy of submission.

No words were exchanged between the two. Francine had no interest in words, only in the driving of that hated love from Valerie's body. Valerie sensed that Francine wanted pure submission, no words, simply the giving and the taking between the two of them. A more experienced submissive would have realized that something was wrong, that Francine was not acting as a dominant. Valerie, however, had been trained by loving and experienced dominants and had no experience with someone out of control, and not enough experience to recognize the difference. So when she cried, "Red Light!" and the beating still continued, she was totally unprepared. It was now 7:00 at night. Valerie was past her limits with no end in sight.

*********

At 7:00, Charles was just arriving home after having completed the acquisition of a snack food company that had suffered severe reversals over the last year (the same one that Valerie had dealt with the previous week). Herman met him at the door, a concerned look on his face. Charles had seen this look only twice, neither was a good time.

"What is it Herman?"

"There was a phone message from Robert. It was left last night and it sounds serious, sir. There may be a problem with Lady Francine."

He led Charles to the answering system, playing the message for him. "Master, this is Robert. We just saw Francine leave Mephisto's with a man the staff here called Painmaster. From what they told us, he's not a dominant, but a sadist, one who is very up front about what he wants. Marcia and I are worried about Francine. Something is very wrong for her to not just return to submitting, but to submit to such a person. I hope you get this message soon."