This time is different, we got into robes, kicked off our shoes, and I remembered I hadn't eaten all day (never did finish that bagel) so Jeannette brought me a sandwich so good I almost proposed.
The Final Task...
"You should be proud of how you pushed yourself. Most quit long before they get to the final ritual." Madame addresses only me. Jeannette and now Helga have joined Sir to observe.
"This is the most important of all. Once you have completed your final task your Sir will take you home. You've been through so much there is no point in discussing anything that's happened today until you've had a chance to process it. When you feel ready we'll meet and answer any questions you may have, our door is always open. If you don't feel the need then this is where we part, please know you carry our love and support with you on your journey."
Thank God. I hate that awkward goodbye crap and trying to figure out how long etiquette dictates one must chat before escaping to the car.
"That is your final task" she says as she points to two bundles laid neatly on a table. "open them."
I do. One contains my collar, ball gag, stockings, and heels. The other my clothes, favorite pair of sneakers, cell phone, and sunglasses.
"You must choose. One or the other. Take as much time as you need."
I answer without hesitation...
"Both"
I fasten my collar, pull on my yoga pants, top, sneakers, and sunglasses...toss the rest in my bag which Sir grabs as we head out to the car with a wave. I am famous for my Irish exits, but always nice not to need one.
I settle in to the passenger's seat and am sound asleep before Sir had pulled out of the driveway.
It's been a very long day.
The Next Morning...
I slept the sleep of the dead, I don't even remember getting home last night. Now I'm desperate for coffee which is definitely normal, and a little mentally unsettled, which is definitely not.
I find Sir in the kitchen, "Hey, kitten, I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all day."
"How long have you been up?" I ask.
"A while. But I didn't alphabetize anything and have drawn no elaborate plan for your sock drawers." He laughs as he pours me a cup of coffee.
This makes me smile. He hands me my cup and leans in to kiss me good morning, but I turn and he gets the side of my head instead. That's the first time I've ever turned away from his kiss, it wasn't deliberate but something is up with me.
Sir doesn't mention anything about yesterday, nor do I. Some small talk I don't remember ...I'm kind of lost in my own thoughts as we take our coffee out on the deck.
"So quiet, kitten. Are you okay?"
"Sure." I smile in a way meant to be reassuring but apparently wasn't.
"What's wrong? It's perfectly natural to feel a little disconcerted after pushing so far outside your comfort zone talking about it will help."
I smile and give him a kiss on the cheek as I get up to get more coffee..."You're sweet, but I'm fine. Just some things I need to work out for myself is all. I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay." He says.
Wow. I'm grateful he's letting it go, but surprised. It's not like him.
After a while I get up to go into the house; he looks up from his laptop...."You can go after you tell me what's bothering you."
"Seriously, it's no big deal." I say trying to keep the annoy
"I'm glad. You can go when you tell me."
He's perfectly pleasant, not making a move to block my way or restrain me, yet I can't leave because he says I can't.
As much fun as some rougher manifestations of dominance are, that's not where this lives for me. He didn't need the bondage tape to keep me in the chair our night with Helga and he doesn't need more than a directive to keep my feet glued to this spot. I don't know if he knew it then...but he knows it now.
I sit back down my eyes filling with tears. Fuck! I was already mad at myself for being upset over nothing...being a stress crier sucks.
"Take your time, kitten. It's okay."
I can't think. The only thing in my head is the disconnect between wanting to go in the house, but being unable to disobey him. I'm telling myself just go in, but my feet won't move. What is wrong with me?
I take off my sunglasses so I can look him in the eye. "What is there to say? You were there - nothing happened to me that you don't already know about and you had not one fucking objection to any of it. And since you know what I just went through, why you can't just leave it alone? Fuck!"
Wow, I did not mean to say that out loud. Nothing says I'm fine like acting like a petulant child.
I put my glasses back on and settle back in my chair to stare silently into space hoping he sees this as mature disengagement and not me trying desperately not to lose my shit. Which it totally is.
I have no business being angry at him. I'm an adult and fully consented to everything that happened. My agency, my choices. For fucks sake, the whole thing was my idea. But if he'd just left it alone this morning I'd have dealt with it and been fine. But he had to push so now I've got legitimate anger too. Fucking perfect.
Oh well, It's a gorgeous day and I'm still exhausted so if he wants to sit out here all day fine with me.
That silent moral victory lasted for about five minutes and then I realized I have to pee.
I put my laptop down, get up and move toward the house, "I have to go to the bathroom and I can't deal with any control games right now. Please."
"No games. Come on, kitten." As he gets up to come with me I try to lighten the mood by assuring him he doesn't have to take me, I know where it is."
He gently brushes the hair away from my face in that way I love then fastens my collar around my neck. I protest that I don't want to wear it now, but don't physically resist. He stops and asks, "safe word?"
"Of course not, but..." I start to reply but as soon as he confirmed my continuing consent he clips the leash to my collar.
This stops me in my tracks. I feel a powerful rush of safety and comfort flood through me, followed immediately my a wave of anger at myself for being comforted by something out of my control that I don't understand.
We stand there in silence, his eyes fixed on me while tears run down my face as I stare at the leash dangling from his hand. At that moment I need him so much and I hate myself for that.
He doesn't order me to my knees but rather puts a hand firmly but gently on the back of my neck and leads me to the bathroom. Sometimes when I get upset he uses privacy denial to get me to open up. It can be inexplicably therapeutic despite feeling humiliated and violated while it's happening.
"I don't want to play." I say. He doesn't reply, just looks at me until I correct myself, "I don't want to play, Sir."
"We aren't playing. You need this."
And why doesn't he care that I'm mad at him? He knows nothing that happened yesterday was his fault so why isn't he mad at me? Honestly I can't even understand my own feelings, I've got no shot at figuring his out.
He pulls down my shorts and runs his fingers across the crotch of my panties sending shivers through me before he slides them down and tells me to sit on the toilet. I don't move so he holds the leash more taut and gives it a quick tug. I still remain standing. I now have to go so urgently I'm shifting from one foot to the other to hold it but I'm determined to remain in control.
"Do you want to use the toilet like a good girl, or do we go out in the yard?"
Shaking and crying in earnest now I turn on Sir, "Why did you let her whip me so much harder than you ever have? She could have caused me real harm!"
He responds kindly, "No, kitten, she couldn't have. She didn't whip you nearly as hard as I do. Not even close."
"Then the strap was worse, because the pain was almost unbearable."
"Baby, the strap was wider and would cause less pain than my belt even in my hands. Arousal changes how you experience pain. That's why I start slow and warm you up ...if I started spanking you with the same force you beg for at the end you couldn't handle it."
"Here" he turns me grabs his phone to take a pic of my bare bottom. "See this and these? Those are older bruises I left last Thursday. No fresh welts, I told her one mark on you and it's over."
I'm confused, he's right and I don't understand but I'm in full on tailspin now, "Fine...but why did you let them use strap-ons that big? I thought they were going to split me open. At the time I didn't notice but now it's coming back to me. I can't believe you let them do that!"
He looks at me with sympathy and pulls up the exact models on his phone. I look at spec and see the size. "Smaller than your toys, which aren't that big. Much smaller than me."
He was looking out for me...I'm starting to breathe more normally and my tone softens, "As I entered Helga with a strap-on all I could think about was the mechanics. Stick this in that...like building furniture from IKEA. Of the many times you took my ass I never once thought about how much work all of this is for you. Having to think up things to do, how to do them...I have been so selfish. Obviously I know you have different responses than I do, but I can't shake the feeling I'm getting so much more out of this than you are."
"Oh kitten I swear to you that I've never once drawn the comparison to assembling IKEA furniture while shoving my cock into your ass. I'm too busy thinking that there is no feeling in the world like owning the ass my submissive anal slut on her knees is presenting to me ." He doesn't even try not to laugh.
"And I am always thinking about what filthy things I want to do to my little fuckdoll, so it's no extra work there."
