I received no messages from James in the two weeks after our encounter. It was good for me that he gave me some time to come to terms with my situation. I had to deal with the fact that I had gone outside my marriage for sexual gratification. I also had to deal with the fact that the gratification I sought was pretty much outside of what most consider normal.
Through it all ran the little scene of James telling me to come. The raw physical nature of where he had me when he said that was intoxicating...addicting. Turning myself over to James was the most thrilling and terrifying thing I had ever done. As much as I loved my husband, as much as I wanted to simply be "normal", I couldn't turn back now that I had sampled this darker side of me.
Over the two weeks following my exciting encounter, I came to grips with my desires. I told myself that I wouldn't let a confused society with roots buried in Calvinist and Puritan mores determine normal or acceptable for me. I alone would determine whether or not something was acceptable. I decided that it was time to experiment and stretch my erotic wings a bit.
I considered the thrill I had received from my experience with James. It was about becoming more by letting go...letting go of control, letting go of society's imposed rules, letting go of my self. When I let go of the roles of wife, daughter, business woman, "good girl", etc., that I had assumed for society, I allowed myself the freedom to experience without the filters that those roles imposed on me.
It was hard to let go like that. I was sure that the effort of getting beyond the socially acceptable roles would always be difficult for me. So much of my basic self was tied to them. It would take someone like James to tease and draw the slut out of the lady. However, I decided that I would not allow them to straight jacket me into missing out on the incredible experiences that I might have.
During this time, sex with Matt continued to be infrequent. He never seemed have the time, interest, and energy together at the same time. My sexual engine was running on overtime. I was more physically aware than at any other time in my life. My skin tingled with sensual excitement. I was constantly horny.
I finally came to the conclusion that I very much wanted to continue with exploring my new erotic self. On the Monday two weeks after my encounter, I decided to send James an e-mail when I got home from work at the gym.
That very day I noticed a parchment envelope under the wiper blade as I walked to my car after showering and cleaning up. It was addressed to me. I sat in the car and drew out a handwritten note and a map. It was from James. He knew I was ready even before I contacted him.
I flushed from head to foot with fearful excitement. I savored the mixture of feelings and delayed reading anything. I just sat there quivering in excitement, fear, and enormous sexual arousal. Just knowing that he had sent me a note (and a map!) put me on the verge of orgasm. It also refreshed every fear and doubt that I had harbored over the last weeks. How could I, a happily married woman, allow myself to be in this position.
I slowly read the note:
Kim,
By now you have come to terms with our little experience. If you are interested in more, simply come visit me right now. The physical path to my home is outlined on the map. Your path is outlined in my mind.
As always, you can simply throw this away and we need not continue.
James
What a rush of excitement. James seemed to know just what to do and when to do it. I was about to burst from the combination of fear, excitement, embarrassment, and lust.
The map was easy to follow. It lead me to a large Victorian house in town. It was one of those old beautiful buildings that are part of where the wealthy in Austin have lived since the civil war. I parked on the street and spent a couple of minutes trying to gather myself.
The walkway from the front gate to the front somehow seemed to be hundreds of miles long as well as just a couple of steps. It seemed like I walked up the path forever, but reached the door almost at once. My breath was short and my heart was hammering as I rang the bell. I tried to calm myself in the stillness after the notes rang. I would soon know exactly who James was.
The door was opened by a young girl in a grey maids outfit with crisp white apron. She could have been anything from 12 to 25 depending on how you looked at her. She was pretty with that barely contained under the surface sensuality you see in so many latinas. Her dark eyes were somehow wisely innocent.
"I...uh...I'm here to see Mr....uhh...I'm here to see James." I wasn't expecting to have to see anyone but my secret lover. This girls presence left my tongue in a small Gordian knot.
"SΓ SeΓ±ora. Venga por favor adentro." She stepped back and gestured me in.
She led me through the large foyer and into what the builders of this old mansion must have called the Ladies Parlor. The room was just off of the main entryway, and had another doorway leading farther back into the house. It was decorated with incredible antique furniture. The maid led me to a small couch that sat before a large coffee table.
"Por favor espera aquΓ," she said. Then the young woman backed out of the room.
As I listened to her footsteps recede, I contemplated rushing back out the front door. I had not been prepared to encounter anything quite like this. In my minds eye, I had built a vision of a condo with a loft, with James in a silk robe welcoming me. The whole "old-money with servants" thing has really spooked me. I was off balance and out of control again. It seems that James knew just how to keep me there.
The maid came back into the parlor bearing a silver tray. She set it on the table before me then met my eyes. As I looked at her she smiled a beaming smile that lit her eyes and made her look to be on the younger end of the scale I had imagined for her. The girl turned and left the room without any words.
I looked at the tray. On it sat a handwritten note in parchment and a black silk blindfold.
Kim,
1. Remove your clothes and fold them neatly on the table.
2. Place the blindfold over your eyes and make sure that NO light can get in.
3. Seat yourself and wait for Carmelita to bring you to me.
As always, we need not continue. You may simply walk out the door and I will not bother you ever again. While we are playing, you need only to whisper "Halt" and I will stop. Keep in mind that if you do stop the proceedings, they are immediately and forever over.
James
I was torn. The part of me that grew up being a good girl, that was now good wife and a proper independent business woman, that was a "lady" in the Emily Post sense of the word, wanted nothing more than to leave in a huff. That part of me said that what I was doing was wrong, that I should go and write this whole thing off as a bad experience and walk the straight and narrow path henceforth.
Another part of me took this as a challenge to be met. I could regain control of myself, either by leaving or (better yet) by participating and gaining an upper hand in the process. However, that path was risky, it had not worked before and the ease with which James managed to keep me off balance made it seem unlikely that I would gain an advantage.