Selma's story
You probably know that I am Mike's second wife. His first marriage to Ellen was dissolved - largely because she didn't share Mike's sexually adventurous nature and objected when he wanted to investigate the scene which gives all of us so much enjoyment. However, they remained on friendly terms, not least in the interests of Ben, their son. My stepson.
Not long ago Ellen asked if she could come to lunch because, she said, she had a problem I might be able to help her with, one she didn't want to discuss on the phone. The problem, it transpired, was Ben. He was almost twenty-two and in his last year at University. He was a good student who could expect to get a decent degree, so that was fine. Ellen's problem was Ben's social life. She said he seemed to have few friends, male or female, or certainly none that she knew about. Whenever she asked about girlfriends, he would make a joke and change the subject. All of which had led Ellen to think that Ben might be gay. If he was, she wouldn't mind. She would like him to know that but didn't feel able to raise the subject if he didn't. Did I think I could find out?
I had no idea. Ben and I had always been on easy terms when he came to visit Mike, which he did several times a year. Once or twice in Mike's absence I thought I might have caught Ben with an expression that wasn't easy to read; he seemed on the point of saying something but never did. So there was no way I could promise Ellen I could find an answer for her, but I did agree to try.
Ellen outlined her thoughts about how I might be given the chance. During the Easter vacation, when Ben usually spent most of his time at home, Ellen had a long-planned holiday which would take her away for three weeks. Could she suggest that Ben came to stay with Mike and me? Of course. He was always welcome. Mike, I knew, would be pleased to have his company for a while and now I was intrigued by the challenge he represented.
For the first few days of his stay life was pretty straightforward. Ben spent a lot of time in his room revising for his exams. A couple of times he and Mike played golf. The opportunity arose one day at lunch time. Mike had to go up to London to see our accountants. I drove him to our nearby town, dropped him off, did some shopping and returned in time to have a few words with Molly, the little gem from the village who comes in to clean and change the rooms after the guests have departed. There are just five rooms in an annex we had converted from an old stable block.
With no arrivals due until the early evening, I looked into Ben's room and offered to bring him something cold for his lunch while he stayed with his books. I prepared a salad, opened a bottle of white wine - a little treat he always welcomed - and took a tray with two glasses to his room. "Do you mind if I join you for ten minutes?" I asked.
"Of course not. I'm afraid there's not much room." He gestured to a table and an armchair covered with textbooks.
"It's all right, I can sit on the bed." I poured wine for us both, hoisted myself on to the bed and curled up, legs tucked demurely underneath me. Couldn't have been more decorous. We chatted inconsequentially until I took the chance to ask about life at University. When Ben embarked on an account of lectures, tuition professors and so on, I interrupted.
"Sounds much the same as when I went." Time for a slight change of subject. "What about the social side? A bit wild sometimes?"
"Of course, there's drinking and boisterousness, that sort of thing, you know. But I steer clear of it."
"No girlfriends?"
Ben laughed. "Who has time for girlfriends when he has exams coming up?"
I smiled, tried not to sound too serious. "Do you mind if I ask you something personal?"
"No, I guess not."
"Well Mike and I were talking ... " - I thought it best to keep Ellen's name out of the conversation - "... and your father said ... how shall I put it ... that he was surprised you never talk about girlfriends. At your age he claims that he was bedding anything in a skirt. It was a big reason for wanting to get away from home. With your good looks, you shouldn't be short of opportunities."
"Perhaps."
"But?"
He was obviously embarrassed. Our relationship has always been relaxed and friendly; he didn't want to offend but he wasn't sure what to say.
I tried to help. "This is the twenty-first Century,Ben, and sex isn't a forbidden topic. I think Mike would like to feel that you are getting your share. With at least some of those willing young ladies looking for experience."
"Not really."
"Celibacy? Doesn't sound like my student days. And certainly not like your father's."
Ben gave a rueful smile. "No, it's not that. I've had some - adventures. But the girls aren't that great."
Was this a hint that Ellen's suspicion might have some substance? I stayed silent. After a moment or two, Ben said, "To be honest, I think I could be more interested in older women."
Not knowing what to say, I said nothing. Just when it seemed Ben was unwilling to go any further, he said, "There's a lecturer ..."
There was another awkward pause, but now my curiosity was aroused. I said, "If you're discreet, there's nothing wrong with a relationship with a lecturer."
"Oh, there's no relationship. It's just a fantasy I have - and it makes me think that maybe someone older ..." He tailed off again.
"What kind of fantasy?"
"Well, she's standing at the lectern, but kind of leaning forward, supporting her weight with her arms. I'm behind her." There was another pause but I wanted to hear the rest. I nodded what I hoped was encouragement.
"So I lift her skirt and take down her knickers and ..."
Momentarily I closed my eyes, picturing myself at that lectern, imagining Ben behind me, lifting my skirt, caressing my bottom, gripping the waistband of my knickers, slowly sliding them down my thighs, getting me ready. When I opened my eyes, Ben was staring at me. One hand was resting on a prominent bulge at the front of his jeans. Disconcerted, and without thinking, I asked, "How old is she, this lady in your fantasy?"
"Quite old. Forty-five maybe."
My God, I thought, three years older than me: that's old? I looked at Ben in his t-shirt and jeans, floppy fair hair, pale blue eyes - much, I suppose, as Mike must have appeared at that age. Impulsively, I leaned forward to give him an affectionate peck on the cheek. And that was when things started to happen.
Ben half rose from his chair, turned his face so that our mouths met. Instantly, an intended peck on the cheek became a passionate, mouth-open, tongue-thrusting kiss. Was I a willing participant? Well, yes and no. My mind was aware of the minefield we were plunging into, but my body was responding to other signals. This wasn't a seduction - it was spontaneous combustion.
Somehow we found ourselves together on the bed. Ben was fumbling at the hem of my skirt but a residue of common sense made me try at least to slow him down. That said, I knew subconsciously I didn't want him to stop. I gripped his wrists and guided him to my breasts, helped him open buttons, pushed up my bra. My hands went behind his head, pulled him into me. His tongue found a nipple and I surrendered. "Slowly, Darling," I murmured. "Don't rush me."
If Ben really was nervous and inexperienced, he learned quickly, licking, sucking and nibbling on one side, while teasing and twisting with his fingers. After a while, one hand strayed again to the the hem of my skirt. This time there was no resistance.
And that was when the telephone rang.
Ben groaned. "Ignore it," he said, "Please, Selma."
There was nothing I wanted more than to ignore it, but I thought it would be Mike ringing to say he was on the train coming home and asking to be met at the station. I kissed Ben on the forehead. "I'm sorry, Darling, I can't. But believe me, I'm sorry"
I hurried to the phone, straightening my clothes as I went. It wasn't Mike. It was the landlord of the village pub. A couple who had been in for a drink had asked him about local accommodation and he had given them our address. He thought he should let me know they were on the way. In case I was in the bath or anything, he said with a laugh. Or anything, I thought bitterly. When I broke the news to Ben he didn't reply. I knew how he felt and I sympathised. It was how I felt, too.
Driving Mike back from the station later that day, I brought him up to date. I had briefly contemplated giving him a severely edited version but he knew that I had planned to take the opportunity to have a conversation with Ben; he wouldn't want a lame, inconclusive report. In any case, this wasn't the way Mike and I lived: openness and confidence in each other had been essential as we had broadened our sexual horizons. At the same time I was aware that this was Mike's son we were discussing, and what had happened - or nearly happened - wasn't something we had foreseen.
I shouldn't have been surprised by his response, even and sensible. "Well, to be clinical about it, you didn't actually cross the line - even if it was more by luck than judgement. The real question is where do you go from here. Ben's due to be with us for another ten days. Do you think he'll go into his shell, act as though it never happened?"
"It's possible."