Silver Lae Confession

Now that I'm here I'm having trouble getting started. I've read a few stories & it seems like this is a place for real writers. I'm not a writer. This is the first time I've tried this. If you're looking for something artfully written, there's the door. This won't be the kind of flowery-language, teasing erotic literature in the vein of Anaïs Nin. My aim is just to get the words out, down in black & white.

Sorry, that sounded hostile. I suppose I'm already feeling pretty defensive. It's hard to talk about this - everyone here made writing about it look so easy. Now that I'm actually seeing the words crawling along the page I'm afraid I'll chicken out.

I'm 28 & I can't tell anyone about this, not even my therapist. God, can you even imagine? There's no way I'd be able to go back afterwards, I'd rather die. I know, patient confidentiality & everything, but people talk, even therapists. They have to. Imagine all the terrible or weird shit they hear each day. You'd go mad if you couldn't tell someone. That's why I'm here because I think I'll genuinely lose my mind if I don't talk about this. Even if it's just here, even if it's just between me & my keyboard. I need to let it out before I lose my fucking mind.

I'm not some swooning teen ingėnue, I'm a grown woman. I'm paying the mortgage on my own apartment, I have a long-term boyfriend, & I support myself financially. I come from a Hollywood family. Mom's a model turned CEO. She pivoted from swimsuit modelling to designing a range of organic surfwear & running a lifestyle brand. This isn't really about her. She's great but she has no idea.

Dad's an actor. Not quite A-list, not in any Marvel films or anything, but without bragging, you'd recognise him. He played bit parts before he broke out in a successful drama, he was nominated for an Emmy & a Golden Globe (he got the Emmy). Since then he's mostly done indie projects, one Sci-Fi channel series & some films, some are even semi cult-classics. He turned 50 in 2022. At first he spiralled a little, it's rough, aging in Hollywood, even for men.

They've been married for more than 20 years, which is like a lifetime in LA. I was living in NY for a few years, I wanted to work on stage & was given an opportunity to mentor under someone I thought could help me make it happen. It didn't. Not all nepo-babies strike it lucky. I was crushed when I realised I wasn't going to break into The Scene. That's when I started seeing a therapist. Jesus, I'm boring you, aren't I?

So let's cut the crap. I fuck my father. Regularly. It's a publicly guarded secret, but within a certain circle, it's openly known.

Growing up & running in famous crowds, how do I explain this? You're sexualised very early on. It's definitely a problem for a lot of kids. A lot of predatory people come to this place. It's not even just the creepy party-weirdos who compete with each other about who'll 'break in the new girl'. It's everywhere. Women in their 20s playing girls in their teens on Netflix shows. Billboards that focus on female body parts. Images of wet mouths are so common you can throw a stone anywhere & hit one. It sells lip balms, burgers, swimwear, luxury cars. The music industry, nymphettes hinting at oral sex, or penetration. Want to advertise a new TV series? Sex & youth. Want to advertise your concert? Sex & youth.

It's the currency in the City of Angels. Many of my friends had multiple plastic surgeries well before their 21st. It's commonplace. It's all about youth & sex. I wanted to become a 'serious actress' but I couldn't quite make it work, couldn't quite play the game. Instead I'm making my living doing something similar to my Mom. I won't go into further details, I think I may have disclosed too much already & I don't want anyone to be able to sleuth out who I might be, who my family is.

Anyway, like I said, I'm here to confess that I fuck my dad.

I've grown up at parties. Everyone in this industry does. I've seen things you wouldn't imagine. I've seen people you'd definitely recognise & be shocked by doing things you wouldn't approve of. Even in this day & age, so many closeted actors who seduce extremely young men with the promise of touching fame. So many perverts, protected by the industry (I guess I'm one of those too, now that I think about it). Hollywood parties have been a way of life for me, for most of the people I know who grew up in these circles, & I managed to keep my nose relatively clean until a couple of years ago when I came back from NY with my tail behind my legs. You go to a party, you see some shit, you do some shit, only some of it gets reported (the stuff the handlers want to be published) & the rest is kept on the DL by us, because we're all in it together. Like every subculture, there are tight groups. Sometimes you regularly party with the same people, they become like family & you protect each other & each other's reputation.

Mom & Dad still go to red carpet events together, still turn up to rub shoulders with the people who matter. But there are so many parties to go to & my Dad is a through & through LA man at heart. He rarely turns down the opportunity to meet the new rising artists, talk the craft, & network. He also goes to certain parties, at certain people's places, who we've known forever. Places where we know their shit & they know ours & we keep it to ourselves. I went with him to so many parties over the years.

But the party where things changed was just before his 50th. We were rolling pretty heavy on some Molly blend & coke that was being passed around. Everyone was horny as fuck. I was drunk & high, we both were, but that's not to excuse things, it's not to say we accidentally fucked each other. Even then we knew what we were doing. It's just that our inhibitions had been lowered enough for us to act on it. My Dad, tall, surfer-body, still in great shape, even as he's becoming a silver fox, looked so attractive to me that night. I remember thinking clearly 'I would love to fuck my Dad.' It didn't even seem like a weird thought to have at the time.

We were in a hot tub & I sidled up to him & we started making out. It was like we were two strangers hooking up for a one night stand. I honestly didn't put that much thought into it that night, if you've ever been on E, you'll know what I'm talking about, you sort of forget to feel embarrassed & if you're already a little loose, like I am, you just go with your first instinct. I ground myself against him & he'd pulled his cock out & rubbed it against me in the warm water & we'd made out like a pair of teenagers. Dad nibbled & sucked on my tits & nobody said a word. Plenty of people were already making out all over the house, being fingered publicly, or eating pussy. The owner of the place, who's been friends with Dad since before I was born, has a fucking Oscar on his piano, was talking to two other actors while he face-fucked a model. He barely even paused in his conversation.

Dad wasn't my first, he wasn't even my tenth. We'd gone inside laughing, & all the people around us, some strangers but mostly friends & actors we'd known for years were laughing with us. We had sex with each other for the first time in the master bedroom. People were there when we first came in but they trickled out, & then I was bouncing on his dick & we were fucking each other's brains out. It crossed my mind that he was cheating on Mom - but even that thought barely registered & was just something I noted. We hadn't even paused for protection, he'd slid right in. It felt like we'd been doing it forever. Just two adults who found each other attractive, hooking up at a party.

My head was fuzzy but clear enough to know what we were doing was incest, & here's the thing, it made the sex even better. Don't get me wrong, my father's a fantastic lay, all the women who've had him over the years will tell you as much, but the fact it was so wrong, so taboo, heightened everything. Even now, just thinking about it, makes masturbation so much better, so much more intense. The secret makes me so horny that my boyfriend unknowingly reaps the benefits.

The owner of the place, his old friend, who I guess I'll call 'Oscar' to make things simpler, came in while we were screwing, did some more blow & watched us. He jerked himself off on a reclining chair. Another man, one of the young actors, who you'd recognise from a certain CW series, came in looked at Dad & I fucking on the bed, looks at Oscar touching himself on a chair, & sucked him off. I hadn't even known the guy went both ways. I didn't really think much about the fact we were being watched, people often watch each other at these kinds of parties. So Dad & I hooked up, & it hadn't seemed like a big deal, as hard as that must be to imagine.

What really should have been shocking is that it didn't seem shocking & we kept doing it. Now that Mom's virtually straight-edge for her business, Dad & I will sometimes run into each other at a party. But usually, we arrange it in advance with Oscar. He's one of those guys with influence & has some serious kinks he spends a lot of money indulging. Spends even more money hiding from the public. Money & power, everywhere you look in LA, there's money & power & youth & sex. He's obsessed with watching Dad fuck me. He loves that it's real life incest, loves that he's known me forever.

Dad loves to show off. Actors, right? I don't fuck anyone else at these things, but at Oscar's place, it's a bit like being on stage. I wear my hottest underwear, & Dad will fuck me in the cunt, or the ass, or the mouth, & everyone who's been invited tries to get a good view. The biggest audience we had was 6 people (2 of them women), but mostly, including Oscar, it'll be 2 or 3 regulars who are invited to the 'private show'. It's become a bit of an exclusive ticket.

We use Oscar's fuck room (it seems like all rich men in LA have one), it's full of BDSM equipment. We don't need props though, in fact, I can only think of one time we used anything. The taboo nature of incest, the fact that it turns me on so fucking much, means I'm usually soaking wet before we even get in there; I'm soaking wet now, as I type this & when my boyfriend gets home I'm going to cum on his dick.

I love being watched as Dad & I fuck each other. I love that the guests aren't meant to touch me, but how they'll walk around us & lean down to get a close look at Dad sticking his dick or his tongue (or once, at his friend's urging & as a favour to him, the Oscar statuette) inside his daughter. I have the best orgasms when we fuck each other. I don't call him 'daddy' like some adult trying to pretend to be a child, he doesn't make me cringe with weird phrases ripped from Pornhub, we just fuck. We fuck a lot. The sex is great. The secret's amazing.

Sometimes, depending on the position we're in, we can watch him entering me, even watch our reflection in a mirror, see Dad's long dick being thrust deep inside, & the lips of my pussy gripping it as he tries to slide out. When that happens, I cum like I'm being electrocuted, I lose my mind. It's the taboo that makes it hot, the risk we take whenever we do it, the knowledge that he's fucking his own flesh & blood. That we're both using each other's bodies to get off together & that we're so attracted to each other that we don't even think too much about what we stand to lose. That's not to say we're not careful, not discreet, but we're buffered by the group we're in. We're not even the only incestuous couple in Hollywood, although we seem to be the only ones that keep doing it & do it in front of others.

Mom doesn't know. Of course she doesn't. She'd be horrified. It's one thing for Dad to hook up with fans, or assistants, or other actors on set. It would be unforgivable if she found out he was regularly fucking their only offspring, & doing so in a circle of his industry friends as they watched & jerked & sucked each other off. My boyfriend also has no idea. I love fucking Dad, we have a lot of fun, but the thing that gets me off is how forbidden it is. I don't know if we'll ever stop, now that we know how amazing it feels. I'm wet just thinking about it. Maybe I'll text him, see what he's doing later.