Shameless

Author's Note: Please see the Author's Note on p. 1 of first chapter. Lots of raunchy stuff here!

"Mmmmm. . .Good Morning"

It was a few weeks later. Beth was at Jake's house, cuddled up against him, naked. It was very early. He'd awoken her with his hands running against her hips, kissing her neck. Oh that felt so good. . .she smiled and leaned back into him, reached back and felt for his cock, which she knew would be hot and hard for her.

The past few weeks had been. . .intense. There was no other word for it.

Ever since that night in his office, they had both been drawn into the power of her fantasy, this little game. It turned them on so much they could not stop it even if they wanted. They would talk, normally, in the course of the day, but the minute he came over, he would get behind her, nuzzle her neck, push his cock into her back and start telling her "Daddy" wanted to fuck her, that he couldn't help himself, that he'd been thinking about her all day. That word, that one hot dirty little word, was everything. It was a compromise. Something that allowed her to channel at least part of her fantasies into reality. Into HIM. They would fuck, quickly and frenzied, exhausting themselves.

Beth was happy, or thought she was. And she would have been perfectly happy if things had continued just like this indefinitely, but one day things started to change. . .

They had their first fight. A little tiff, which began when Jake texted her in the middle of the day, telling her he wanted to see her, he needed to see her "in his office." She texted back: "Can't. Busy." Well! This had made him angry. Really fucking angry. He knew she had a job, but still, he was irrationally pissed off.

That whole week she kept telling she couldn't see him, she was busy with a case. He'd hardly seen her in two weeks. Then one night, he called her house and a man answered, laughing, saying "Beth's house!" Jake hung up. He was so mad he threw the phone across the room.

He realized he could not stand the idea of her with another man. He couldn't bear the thought of her out meeting other men, even thinking about other men sexually. It drove him crazy. And while he was at it, he was getting frustrated with the sex they were having. It was hot, so fucking hot, but it was bugging him. This fantasy. . .it was great. . .but it was a little like having a super-charged vibrator always on hand. It was a prop. A crutch. It bothered him. And it bothered him that it always had to be in her mind.

Or so he told himself.

He didn't ask himself if his sudden dissatisfaction with her fantasy had something to do with his jealousy. He didn't ask himself if he was in love with her. He didn't wonder if maybe it was because he liked it a little too much. He just decided it "had to go."

The next time they were having dinner he brought it up.

"Who was that at your house the other night?"

"Huh?"

"I called you. A man answered."

"Oh, that was you who hung up."

"Yes, me. Who was it?"

"Relax, Detective!" She didn't like the way he was talking to her!

"What have you been doing, why haven't I seen you?"

He was fuming suddenly and so was she.

"Look, I know we have this thing going, but I have a life. I hope you don't expect to control that too."

"No, but I want an answer. Who was that?"

"A friend!"

"A friend. Well the next time you want a fuck, maybe you should just call him."

She just stared at him.

"Call him up. I'm sure he'd love to be your Daddy."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means."

"No, I don't. Why don't you tell me?"

"Well, it's true isn't? Anyone can be your Daddy. Absolutely anyone! Any guy, any asshole, any stupid fuck off the street!"

He knew very well he wasn't exactly being fair, but his jealousy had gotten the better of him. He could not stand the idea of some other man taking his place!

"Well I haven't heard you complaining about it!"

"True. I haven't. But you're just using me."

"YOU TOLD ME TO!"

"Yes," he said quietly, "You're right. I did. I'm sorry."

He reached out, held her hand, "Can you just be with me? Is that really so hard for you, to just be with a man?"

Oh, crap. Here it was. She didn't say anything. She was having horrible déjà vu because she had been asked those very same exact questions, by the guy she was seeing, many many times in her life. Right before she broke up with them.

Her mind was a blank. She was facing a wall.

"Apparently not. I don't know how. I can't."

"I know."

"You think we're only play-acting, but I'm not. I NEED it."

"No you don't."

"I think I do."

"Nooooo, you don't."

She just looked at him, feeling fidgety and uncomfortable and scared.

Jake said, "Maybe we can. . .go backwards. Start over somewhere. . ."

"So you don't want to break up?"

He laughed. "No! What gave you that idea?"

"This is where all my relationships break up. Right here."

"You mean this is where you ditch them."

"Ok fine."

"Well you're not. We're going to keep going."

She was feeling much, much better. This was the very first time things hadn't just exploded into an angry fuck you break up scene. She felt so grateful to him!

"All right. . .so what's next?"

"We have to stop fucking."

"Oh!" She was not expecting that.

"I want you to go on another date with me."

She laughed, "A date?"

"Well not that kind. An appointment. . . to

really have sex with me."

"When?"

"I don't know. When the time is right."

***

They did stop having sex, but they didn't stop kissing, sleeping in the same bed, getting very worked up. Beth found out that not fucking was almost as hot as constantly fucking. She could not wait to see him at the end of the day. She thought about him constantly, wanted him constantly, wondered what he meant, what he wanted. . .waiting for his direction . . .

That was just how Jake wanted it. He wanted her to miss him, want him, need him, in the absence of EVERY single thing she usually had to replace a man in her mind. He wanted to force her to get in touch with that need, her own lack, her own desire, without resorting to some mythical idea. He could wait. He was a very patient man.

***

It was the night of the annual police fundraiser.

They'd been planning to go to this little shindig for a while. Jake had to go every year. He had to go and kiss some ass, make an appearance, stroke some egos. And the biggest ego of all was going to be the man himself, Beth's father. Of course he would be there. Should be interesting.

Beth was thinking the same thing. Jesus the fates were conspiring.

She stood naked in her bedroom, thinking about it. On the one hand, it could be. . .awkward. Very Oedipal. Strange. On the other, it did present an opportunity. A perfect one. . .

She thought about it, wondering what to do, and made up her mind.

She wanted to take the next step, whatever the fuck that was. She was in the dark, because she truly did not know. All she could think of to do was to get ready for him.

She sat down in front of her mirror. She felt absolutely sexual. It was so erotic, this ritual—turning herself into an object for a man, and she wanted to take her sweet time with it. She was going to slut it up. Tastefully but clearly.

She was all smooth and shaved from her shower. She had slathered lotion all over herself. Now she took time applying her makeup, really laying it on, including deep red lips. Her thick brown hair was flowing over her shoulders. She knew what she wanted to wear. She had a simple, classic, tight black dress that was very low cut. It had subtle lace running around a low scoop showing deep cleavage. She put on tiny black lace underwear, black thigh highs and heels, and doused herself with perfume. This is what she liked, this is what made her feel good, looking like this. She didn't do it often, but it seemed like the right occasion.

Standing up, looking in the mirror, she thought she looked pretty good. With the hair and the lips and the boobs, she had a definite Angelina vibe going on, as her friends were always telling her. This was no time to be shy about it. She was walking into the lion's den. She may as well embrace it.

When the time got close, she was very excited.

She knew tonight was the night. Something was going to happen. She couldn't wait to see him.

He knocked on the door. It was a black tie event, so when she opened it, she saw him standing there in a rented tux and they both said "Holy shit!" and "Look at you!" at the same time. Their chemistry was right on point this evening.

He smiled, stared at her, came up close. He could tell from one glance, not just from how she looked but her attitude and expression, that she had done this to tell him she was ready for their little "date," their appointment. Fuck she looked so hot, so beautiful!

"Did you do this all for me?"

She looked him in the eye, "Yes, I did."

"Yeah, I can see that. . ."

He held her hips with one hand, drawing her back to his cock, with the other holding and caressing her breasts and kissing her neck.

He spoke into her ear.

"I'm going to be with you all night. And I want to come back here afterwards. Is that what you want?"

She nodded. He knew she did.

"Then will you do something for me?"

Again she nodded.

"What are you wearing under that dress?"

"Underwear. Panties," she breathed.

"Will you take them off? You have no idea how much it will turn me on to know you are naked under there."

Actually, she didn't want to. It seemed like it would be uncomfortable. But she wanted to do what he asked her to do even more. She nodded in his eyes, reached under her skirt, stepped out of her panties. He kept her legs spread, got between them. She groaned and groaned. Shit he had such an effect on her!

"I love that you did this for me."

"So, are you ready to go?"

***

Driving over in the car, Jake held Beth's hand. Just making a subtle acknowledgment of the building tension between them. And all through the party, he kept it up. Keeping his hand on her hip. Touching her ass lightly when it was appropriate. Brushing his hands against her breasts by accident. When they were separated, she would catch his eye across the room and a tense, electric look would be exchanged. She knew he was thinking about her nakedness.

It was all heightened by the fact that she looked so hot, and a lot of men were staring at her, alone or not, married or not. The whole night passed in the most erotic haze. At one point she caught his eye and glanced at him as she headed out to the patio, out on a balcony. They were way up on the top penthouse suite of some really tall building. She stood on the edge, looking out over the city, remembering how she had done the same thing a few months ago, alone. But this time, she wasn't. She felt him, heard his steps approaching behind her. She felt him come up behind her and before he said anything, before his arms touched her, she felt his cock. He just pushed it lightly into the small of her back, letting her feel it, letting her know what she already knew, that he had been hard all night watching her, that she was turning him on. He leaned in and murmured into her neck, "Feel that?" Oh yes, she did. It was all she could think about.

She had thought she was going to be swamped with "issues" this evening, but she wasn't. Her father was indeed there, standing in line, receiving guests, blathering on to all his cronies. But she did not care. Nothing was on her mind this evening but Jake's presence. His eyes, his hands, his cock.

At one point, they had to go make an appearance. He had his hand firmly on her back, touching her ass slightly, hidden from people, while they went up to see him.

"Ah, here she is!"

"Hi Daddy"

Oh my god. That word, said out loud, their own private secret dirty fucking word. She had thought it was going to be. . .weird. Creepy. But, it wasn't. In fact something strange happened. Standing there with Jake's strong, warm arm about her waist, literally positioned between the two dominant male forces in her life—her father, her lover—she was swamped with two amazing, unexpected revelations. One was: "I really don't have any control over my sexuality." And the second was: "And I have absolutely no shame about it." That was it. As simple as that. She felt total surrender. An absolute letting go. She was who she was. There was nothing bad, nothing at all to "do" or to "change."

The situation was so funny, so emblematic. Here she was, with the knowledge of her fantasies in her head, her naked pussy, and the men she desired—or had desired, at some point. She didn't ask to be here. She didn't know where it all came from. What could she do? She had these fantasies, she probably always would. But that didn't mean she couldn't ALSO be with a man.

She had the most profound, strange revelation. All this time, she had thought to herself: I have trouble responding to men simply, naturally, because these fantasies are in the way. And if I could just get rid of them, "get over" them, then everything would be great. But that was wrong, she saw that now. Absolutely, fundamentally wrong.

No, the truth was: she was ashamed of what her fantasies expressed—her craving for men, whether it was Daddy or anyone else. And if it all flowed from her father, so what? She had not accepted her own, her very own feminine desire. She saw it all as horrible, and it was easier to focus on the taboo nature of her fantasies than it was to confront that. Shame and self-rejection were holding her back, those and nothing more. And knowing that, she could accept herself. Completely. Without any judgment at all.

She said, "Daddy, you know Jake, right?"

"McAllister."

"How are you, sir?"

"I hope you're taking good care of my little girl here!"

"Oh, I am, sir, I am."

***

Driving back to her place, she didn't tell Jake any of the thoughts that had flashed through her mind. All he knew was that as soon as they had gotten through the receiving line, she had taken him aside, stood up to him, put her hand on his ass and told him "I want you to take me home." Oh she was on fire, he could see that. She wanted him. She was ready for him.

When they got back to her place, he took her into her bedroom, sat her on the bed. Then he began to strip. He wanted her to see him naked, fully, raw, real, right in front of her and right away. He unbuckled his belt, let his pants fall to the floor. His cock was jutting up in his boxers. He was looking at her while he took them off.

Beth just lay back and looked at him.

She had sucked this cock. She had fucked this man. But she had never been made so aware of his physical presence, his brute male presence, so solid and real. She was soft, naked, leaning back while he just stood there in front of her, wanting her to look at him, at his whole body. He got closer, spread her legs, stood between them.

"Stand up."

He took her dress off, undid her bra, pulled off her stockings, drew her hips back with his big hands till she was nestled right against his hard, hot cock, pressed into the small of her back, his thick thatch of pubes mashing up against the cheeks of her ass. He kept her there, held her there, said, "If it weren't so corny, I'd blindfold you. This is about you and me, and nothing else. I don't want you to think about anything else."

He began to kiss her neck, reached around and cupped her breast, flicked her nipples. "Come and get in the shower with me."

He led her in there, turned on the hot, steaming water. She scrubbed all her makeup off while he soaped her up, running his hands all over her body, from her ankles up her legs, to her thighs, up the crack of her ass, over her pussy, her hips, just like she had imagined a long time ago. When he got to her tits, he kept his hands there. He knew how sensitive they were, how they ached for him. They were sudsy and warm and her hard nipples were standing up and out, wanting his mouth and lips. He held her tits, caressed them, squeezed them, played with them while he began to talk to her.

"Do you ever wonder why I know so much about you? Because I do, Beth. I know."

"Well I haven't told you much about my wife. My marriage."

"We got married when we both 19. Very young. I was a virgin, and so was she. So trust me when I tell you we knew nothing about sex. My wife was exactly like you when we got married. Very, very inhibited. A lot of hang-ups. . ."

Beth was in a state listening to him. His voice, so hot, soft and sexy in her ear, seemed to go straight to the pleasure centers in her nipples, which he was rubbing as he spoke. God!

"So anyway, needless to say our sex life was pretty bad at first. Not horrible but not passionate. We never talked about it. We were both too shy. I wasn't quite as repressed as she was, but I never even thought of talking about it with her. We would have sex a couple of times a week. Straight, decent, normal sex. It was all very normal. And I think most people stay just like that.

"You think you're the only person to be bothered by your own fantasies? To have sexual urges that you don't like or want? You're so wrong."

"A few years into my marriage, I started having 'thoughts.' Urges, desires, to be more dominant with my wife, and I hated them. They bothered me tremendously. My lovely, sweet wife. I loved her so much. And yet. . ."

His voice got huskier, as he remembered.

"I also wanted to throw her on the bed and call her a dirty little whore! My beautiful wife. I wanted to push her down, tell her to fuck me, I wanted to dominate her, make her beg me to fuck her. I wanted to do a lot of things I just couldn't deal with."

"But one night, this was about two years into our marriage, things changed."

"It was a night a lot like tonight. We went to a party. She got dressed up, just like you. Fuck, she looked hot. I don't know why but that night I was in a strange frame of mind. Things had been really bothering me. I had even been thinking of separating, or something. I was angry. I wanted something to change."

"I had no idea, but she was thinking the exact same thing. I didn't know this til later. She had a lot more going on in her mind than I knew, actually. . .But anyway. That night, things just. . .happened."

Beth felt his cock harden, get stiffer. Heard his breathing change. Whatever he was remembering, it was making him really really turned on.

"She had a black dress on, just like you. And at this party I watched her all night, looking at her body, picturing her under me. Images came into my head. And, just like that, I knew I was going to do it."

He laughed.

"I know she knew something was up, because I was staring at her, glaring. She said my eyes were burning every time I looked at her."

"So when we got home. . .I took her right into the bedroom. I pushed her on the bed. Oh fuck my cock was so hard. I told her to 'Get on your hands and knees!' I was speaking to her like I never had before. Ordering her around. Telling her what to do. Mmmmm. . ."

She felt his cock pushing against her.

"Do you want to know what I did? Hmmm?"

Beth could not breathe.

She felt him begin to push her over. In the shower. He held her hips and very deliberately, very firmly, pushed her upper body over, holding her there, down, bringing her hips close to his, getting her beneath him in a submissive position.

"I fucked her, Beth, for the first time. . .Just like you pictured, the first time you met me."

Oh SHIT! She felt him spread her legs, roughly. Spreading her open. Holding her hips. Looking at her pussy. "I pushed her down. I told her 'Get your ass up and spread your FUCKING legs!' I wanted to see her submitting to me. I wanted to hear her fucking beg for my cock. I wanted her to tell me. Mmmmm."