Perspective: The Mother
My new client has a sex addiction. The public will never expect this because she's a famous actress with a wholesome reputation. Her name is Eliana and she's a beautiful Greek woman. I'm a big fan, but I don't tell her that.
We're in my downtown Colorado office and she's staying in the city for two months filming a low-budget drama. She reached out to me because I'm one of the best therapists in the country regarding sexual trauma.
She speaks about recent issues while I admire her wavy black hair and olive skin. Her prominent nose and cheekbones. She's mesmerizing. Athletic. Gorgeous. I take notes whenever she says anything important. This is our third session together.
There are twists and turns to what Eliana is saying. It's clear that she wants to be understood. Pain? Regret? Grief? She tells me about her sex life and regular orgasms but I sense it's the tip of the iceberg.
"There's no greater apex for a woman, than being a servant to her son."
Eliana lets the mood linger after saying those words. She gauges my reaction because that statement would shock the average person's conscience. I remain composed, though I've never heard this in my office before.
"What do you mean by that?" I ask.
She's spoken about her son before; a 26 year old fireman who lives near her Malibu home. I'm aware of the statistics regarding mother/son incest and I brace myself to hear something provocative.
"I have a sexual relationship with him," Eliana says, biting her lower lip. "It started after he moved to college. It's a long story, but I want to tell someone. It's a huge burden I've been carrying for years."
There's relief on her face because I'm not disgusted. Relief that I'm willing to understand and listen. In the end, people just want to feel normal.
"Was there anything that caused it to happen?" I ask. "Or was it the result of your sex addiction?"
"It was a slow simmer. Once I saw him as a man -- when he became strong and was able to care for himself -- I developed sexual feelings. My sex addiction? Yeah, I think so. I know this isn't normal."
We have 40 minutes left and it's my first time listening to an active incest relationship. Eliana tells me about their twice-a-week sex sessions at her Malibu home. She discusses having her son inside her and 'the flooding' of her womb.
She attends swinger groups with other celebrities, but her son is the favorite. I sense that from the tone of her voice and the details of her body language.
"Does this bother you?" Eliana asks me.
"No, my job is to..."
She cuts me off. "Sorry, let me clarify. I meant personally. I see pictures of your son on the desk. How does this make you feel as a mother?"
On my desk there's a picture of Billy -- my 19 year old son that lives with me.
"My feelings are irrelevant," I say. "I'm trying to understand you."
"Be honest. Please. I want to hear this. Do you think I'm gross? Do I belong in prison for fucking my son in every room of my house?"
"Both of you are consenting adults."
Eliana pleads, "Be honest. I want to hear it."
Her insecurity is on full display. What must the world think if they knew? The beloved Eliana, television and film star, screwing her firefighter son. She'd be 'canceled' for sure. Fired from all of her jobs. She'd never appear on a major network or film studio again if this were public.
As a prominent liberal activist, it's a foregone conclusion that she'll have to close her Twitter and Instagram pages because of the inevitable trolling. The jokes and nasty comments that she's an abuser would be endless. Particularly because she's a prominent #MeToo supporter.
In my office she's safe. These four walls are her sanctuary.
"My opinion is that you're seeking comfort," I say. "The nearest source of comfort is your son. I get it. We'll have to work on this."
It's one of the few times I've ever lied to a client. The truth is, I think it's gross and perverse. In no way do I think it's healthy, which is why I plan on helping her as much as possible.
But at the same time, I'm intrigued. Human sexuality is full of interesting pleasures.
"You can be a little more honest with me," she says in a small voice, a far cry from her strong on-screen personas.
I look at her. This experience must be nerve-wracking for her. I know it must be difficult to admit such embarrassing things. I tell her my feelings on the matter, that she's a normal woman with issues that can be solved. I promise to do my best with our future appointments.
The session is almost over. We both look at the clock. I have another client later and Eliana has to get to the movie set. We stand up and she smiles. I smile back.
"Thanks for your time," she says. "This was... intense."
"It's part of the healing process. Intense feelings are a good sign."
There's a warmth in her eyes. She trusts me, but this feels like a different level of trust compared to my other clients. I now possess a secret that would create a global scandal and rock the entertainment industry.
When the actress leaves, I have limited time before my next appointment and I decide to do research on this topic.
Keywords include: mom, mother, son, sex, statistics, stories.
I use a combination for each search, and sure enough, most of the results are pornographic with a few news articles in between. None of this surprises me because I'm aware of how massive this fetish is. I bookmark several links.
Most incest trauma that's studied is father/daughter. Looking at a few statistics, mother/son incest exists but it's rarely reported.
Perhaps I'll do a comprehensive study on this topic for a peer-reviewed publication. I've won several awards and there are plaques that decorate my wall. I know this topic will be the most taboo thing I've ever researched, but I like the risk and reward that comes with it.
On my laptop screen is the picture of a 'hot mom' porn star with a younger man, who poses as her son. They're having sex on the living room couch with the 'mom' riding on top. There's a caption on the picture saying a mother is giving education.
Then I think of my own son. In many ways, Billy has always been an informal assistant of mine. Whenever I write something for a peer-reviewed journal, I dive deep, and my son helps organize mountains of information and notes. In exchange, I give him money. A fair trade and he gets job experience.
Would I be okay with him being on this journey? Maybe.
***
Towards the evening, I leave my office and walk the downtown street. There's light snow, which is pretty. I clear my mind of the patients I've seen, except for Eliana and her secret incest situation.
Speaking of which, I'm meeting family and friends at a restaurant a few blocks away, where they are celebrating a personal matter. My son is there talking with cousins. They're close and that makes me happy. Family time is supposed to be wholesome and pure.
Food is served and I'm sitting with adults my age, while my eyes drift towards my son at the other table. I try putting myself in Eliana's shoes, no matter how taboo. As a therapist, this is key to understanding each patient. To understand their goals, needs, trauma, insecurities, and desires.
Every so often I speak to my sister or anyone else at the table. The current topic of the evening is politics and inflation. I'm thankful that a guy sitting next to me works in finances, because he does most of the talking, while I find myself thinking of my son's cock.
What must it be like for a mother to touch, feel, and taste? How twisted. How out of character for me. But no one will ever know these thoughts.
The meal is finished and everyone goes outside and the conversations are still flowing. Eventually we hug and kiss and everyone goes their separate ways.
My apartment is a few blocks away (isn't living in the downtown area great?). I walk alongside my son as the light snow continues to fall.
"Do you love me?" I ask.
He laughs. "How much wine did you drink?"
"It's a legitimate question. Do you?"
"Yeah, of course, I love you. Why are you asking?"
Billy seems perplexed, yet amused. I don't blame him. It's such a random question while we walk together.
"I love you, too," I say. "This is for work. I'm thinking of writing something."
"Anything interesting?"
"Oh yes, very interesting. It's in the early stages though."
"Honestly, you acted weird all night," he says.
"Did I?"
"Yeah, it was like you were daydreaming. I noticed it a few times when I looked over at your table."
"There's a lot on my mind," I reply.
"Let me guess, a client inspired you."
I laugh. "You know me too well."
We enter the apartment building. Before we get into the elevator, I decide that I'm going to commit to this research. There's a final roadblock, which is my son's approval and reaction. The feeling is nagging in my mind.
I enter the elevator behind my son and I tell him to push the button.
While he's doing that, I push my coat aside and lift the front of my blouse. My fingers pull the white bra to reveal a medium-sized breast. I hope he enjoys the sight of a large pink nipple. It's just for him today.