Permission

Frances was on time which didn't surprise me, somehow. Although it was years since we had last met, I found her very much as I expected. Efficient, organised and a bit cold. At the same time I don't think she meant to be cold and she was making an effort to be pleasant. Not only that, but, when I thought about it, she was doing something I could never repay by offering me a home with her family for as long as I needed one.

I am away at college most of the time but I still need a base and that's what she, her husband and her children are giving me.

I've got some explaining to do, haven't I?

Well you see, dad died years ago, overseas, in a terrible accident at a plant where he was working in India. I don't really remember him. Frances is his sister-in-law, his brother's wife. After dad's death there must have been some kind of trouble between mum and Frances' side of the family, which explained why I barely remembered either her or my uncle Dominic. Mum died three months ago of a sudden aneurysm that must have ruptured during the night whilst she slept. She never knew what was happening to her as far as anyone can tell.

Cutting a long story short, when Dominic and Frances offered me, mum's only child, a home, telling me that the capital that would be generated by selling mum's house could be sensibly invested so that I'd be able to buy my own property later when I was ready, I was still so numbed by everything that I had gratefully accepted their offer. And now, with the passage of time and an acceptance of what has happened, I had no regrets and was happy to be making a new start.

So this morning Frances had arrived in a hired, large bodied Transit van, which she had driven herself. I soon discovered that whatever else you may think of her, Frances is certainly not lacking in self-confidence.

I said she seemed a little cold. Maybe I will change my mind as I get to know her. She might be shy with people she doesn't know, I thought. She was full of praise for my packing, however. I'd spent the first week of my long summer break organising the house clearance and working out what I wanted to keep. Some stuff had then gone into storage, which Dominic had phoned about, and told me he would pay for; other things had gone to a house clearance company or to charity. Now we were taking my more personal stuff to Stappley, the village in Yorkshire where they live. I'd have nearly three months to settle in and get to know them all before going back to uni, which, ironically, would now be just a few miles away in Leeds as opposed to the long haul up from Exeter.

The van was only just over half full when we had finished loading everything. Frances was impressed.

'I thought you'd be bringing all sorts of stuff you couldn't bear to get rid of,' she said.

'I've been quite ruthless,' I said, forcing a smile. In many ways I had no idea what I was going to. I might be sharing a room with Holly or Charlotte or cramming myself into an attic bedroom.

Frances seemed to almost read my mind.

'Come on,' she said brightly, patting my hand. 'Let's be off. Fear of the unknown is always the worst of it. The sooner you've met us all and seen your room, the sooner you'll relax.'

'Thanks Auntie Frances, thanks for everything.'

Suddenly, when she replied I realised she didn't mean to sound cold but it was her manner and something to do with her intelligence. I felt she was a clever, discerning woman.

'Don't ever thank me, Robyn, we're doing it for your mum and dad too, you know. We want to have you as part of the family.'

I smiled at her. She grinned back and turned her attention to reversing the van out of the drive.

'Everyone and I mean everyone, calls me Frances,' she said.

'Right,' I replied as we began to drive away from what had been my home for the last fifteen years. I looked over my shoulder out of the side window of the cab as the house disappeared from view.

'It's a nice big room overlooking the garden at the back of the house. It used to be the playroom but Dominic has made it very nice for you,' Frances added as we gathered speed.

I said she seemed a clever woman. She had told me what I most needed to know. Certainly I felt much more relaxed as we drove north. We pulled off the motorway somewhere between Bristol and Birmingham and spent the night in a motel. Frances said she couldn't manage the return drive in one day, especially since she had driven down in the rain and the weather was still pretty atrocious for July. So it was late morning the following day when we finally passed the large stone sign at the entrance to the village carved with the following words: 'Welcome to Stappley. Millennium 2000.'

The twins, Holly and Charlotte, usually known as Charley, came out to greet us. I was told that Dominic was at work, as was the eldest son Liam, who had a holiday job on a local farm. The other son was still asleep and I gathered that was quite normal for Ross. Frances left me with Holly and Charley and they took me up to my room. It was lovely and beautifully furnished. There was a door off to the right.

'Where does that lead?' I asked.

'Have a look,' said Holly.

I opened the door. I saw what was obviously a brand new bathroom where everything except the taps was brilliantly white. White towels were draped over a heated towel rack. It all smelled new.

'I thought this was a play room before?'

'It was, Robyn, but Dominic decided the box room next door was big enough to knock through and make into a bathroom. It was only finished yesterday.'

'It's... wonderful. I can't say how brilliant it all is.'

Frances appeared and I was about to start thanking her when she glared a little and said: 'Come on, let's get the van unloaded. Charley will you go and drag Ross from his bed, please?'

'Literally?'

'If you like, yes!'

Charley scampered away giggling.

As we unpacked I learned more about them all. Holly and Charley, the twins, were 19 and Liam, the eldest was 23. I also learnt that Charley was off to the states in a few days' time to work in a summer camp for the summer break. Holly, I thought at the time, seemed less adventurous. Ross was just 20 and shuffled into view as Charley was regaling us with how she had indeed dragged him out of bed. Holly whispered something I didn't catch but I heard the answer: 'No, he had his shorts on!' Charley was convulsed with giggles again.

Ross came over to me. 'You're Robyn?'

'Yes,' I said. 'Why?'

'I thought you were a boy. I wondered what all the fuss with bathrooms and carpets was for.'

'That's enough Ross,' said Frances. 'I went to school with a girl called Robyn. It's not that unusual as a girl's name.'

The subject never came up again, not even with Liam, who seemed the nicer of my two male cousins when I eventually met him.

I'm twenty, by the way. I've just finished my first year reading Law at Leeds University. Apparently Frances is a solicitor but she only works part-time now. Dominic lectures at a local college. Social Sciences and that kind of thing.

Over the evening meal I noticed that the children did indeed call their parents by their first names. Dominic said there would be a bit of a party on Saturday night for the children.

'Help Robyn meet some of your friends,' he said to the children and to me. I keep using the word children but it seems not quite right as the youngest were the twins who were nineteen.

ooo000ooo

Party night soon came. I was tired after a week of many changes as well as getting all my things how I wanted them and dealing with my own solicitor and estate agent about the house I was selling. I met so many people that evening I knew I couldn't remember all the names. The children as I'm afraid I shall persistently call them were all dancing with their friends. I found Frances in the kitchen preparing some food.

'I thought you might have left everyone to it,' I said.

'We normally hang around -- not to interfere - but Dominic watches no-one drinks too much if they're driving and to make sure no uninvited guests try to get in. I do the food and chat to people. I've known lots of them since they were tiny tots.'

A boy [well, there I go again], a young man about twenty-two/twenty-three] came into the kitchen.

'Can I drag Robyn away please, Frances?' he asked.

'Sure Paul, we were just chatting.' I was relieved she mentioned his name.

'Come and dance,' he said. I smiled and followed him to the lounge. The carpet had been rolled up and removed, revealing a wooden parquet floor. The lights were dim, the music very loud and many people were dancing. I joined in with Paul.

The next number was a slow one. I noticed that there was some kissing and hands on breasts and bottoms but Paul was more careful, although he held me quite close. I felt happy. Holly was leaning against a tall young man who was standing with his back to the wall. They were kissing; he was pulling her to him with his hands around her bottom. I was a little surprised to note that as Dominic passed through the room he ruffled Holly's hair as he went by.

After that Paul and I left the dance floor and went to get a drink. We chatted about all sorts and I told him about what had been happening in my life for the last few months. He told me about his family. I liked him. He asked me if I'd like to dance again and we went back to the makeshift 'ballroom'.

It was quite late now and I saw that the dancing was more overtly sexual. Liam was kissing an attractive brunette very passionately and I saw that she was stroking his crutch. Frances was standing in one corner, watching but smiling and clearly didn't disapprove of anything she saw. We're all over eighteen anyway I told myself again.

The next number was very slow and Paul held me again, moving his hand a little lower to my bottom and the other from my shoulder to my breast. I was wearing a bra and didn't really mind but I was getting a little embarrassed. Then when the music ended he pulled me to him and kissed me. I did respond to him but when he then pushed a hand hard into my crutch I stammered: 'No, Paul!' I pulled away from him and fled outside.

Paul followed me moments later. 'Robyn, I'm sorry... I thought...'

Suddenly Frances was there. I was close to tears.

'It's all right, Paul. Leave us, please. It's my fault, not yours,' Frances said.

Paul went back inside the house. Frances put her arm around my shoulder. 'I'm so sorry. I was stupid. I thought you'd have similar experience and desires to the rest of us. I have been so foolish in assuming so, Robyn.'

I was not going to cry, I told myself. I tried to explain.

'I worked hard during my first term at university to make sure I could cope. Then mum died and since then dealing with everything and still not getting behind with work has been a strain. I haven't had time for...'

'For the physical side,' Frances said, gently. 'But we all need that too, you know.'

I nodded.

'The children have grown to understand how we all lead a relatively open life sexually,' she continued. 'Charley didn't need any encouragement -- I have to keep a close watch on her. Now Holly, Holly was different...'

Slowly I managed to calm myself. 'How, how was she different?' I asked eventually.

'One day Holly and I sat and talked and she told me how she knew she wasn't like Charley. She saw that she was less, maybe, imaginative, sexually I mean. She wanted to learn what people like and what she might enjoy herself. In the end we agreed that she would be trained but that she would never do anything she didn't want to do. At the same time Holly agreed to do her best to...' Frances paused, looking for the right words. 'Well I suppose to take part in as many of the proposed activities as she felt able to.'

I was feeling hot and I wanted to know more.

'Who trained her?' I stammered.

'Dominic initially and then she was given tasks that involved other people.' She smiled at me. 'It wasn't an orgy or anything like that. Even now I don't think she's slept with more than three men ever. Talk to her about it if you want or ask Paul to teach you if you really like him.'

'I'd rather die,' I mumbled, 'than let them know how inexperienced I am, Frances. You don't understand...'

'Have you ever slept with a boy, Robyn?' Frances asked quietly, still holding me, but guessing the truth.

I shook my head.

'Or with a girl?'

I shook my head even more vigorously. 'No,' I said.

I began to cry. The tears just flowed as if the dam of my emotions, everything from mum's death to my own recent loneliness, just burst and I wept and wept. Frances held me tight. Eventually as I calmed for the second time, I noticed it was starting to rain. I laughed weakly as it splattered our clothes.

'If only the good weather would come back,' Frances said. 'We could get the covers off the pool. When it's really hot we all wear very little. I love being naked in the heat.'

She surprised me.

She continued a few moments later: 'We need to get your confidence up, Robyn, before then.' Changing the tone, she said: 'Bedtime, perhaps? Come on.'

She took me to the kitchen and poured me a brandy with hot milk. 'Drink that and go to bed. Things will seem brighter tomorrow, Robyn. But don't be too surprised if you find we have a guest for breakfast. I think Jen is staying the night.'

I frowned, not quite understanding.

'Liam's friend,' Frances explained.

'I see,' I said. I went up to bed and slept like a log.

ooo000ooo

In the morning I lingered in the kitchen, helping to clear the remaining debris from the previous evening and chatting with Dominic and Frances. Liam appeared with Jen and I talked to them for a while. The others were still asleep. Dominic went off to the village to sort out arrangements for the village cricket matches scheduled over the next two months. Eventually there were just the two of us in the kitchen, Frances and I.

'Were you hoping to get me to yourself, Robyn?' she asked.

'Mmm. I wanted to ask you something.'

'Shall we walk down the garden?'

It was obviously a rhetorical question as she looked at me and then moved towards the outside door. I followed.

'It's a bit warmer today,' she said as we made our way across the lawn.

'Yes,' I said, my mind elsewhere, wondering how to broach what I wanted to say.

We sat down on a wooden bench facing the warming sun which had begun to shine.

Frances spoke first: 'Were you going to ask me how we can make things different for you, Robyn?'

I nodded. Again Frances seemed perceptive enough to understand my difficulties which made it all the more strange that she hadn't foreseen the embarrassing incident with Paul last night.

'Do you think you're a bit like Holly, Robyn?'

'Yes,' I said promptly, pleased she had found such a clever way to put me a little more at my ease.

She spoke slowly, cautiously: 'So perhaps you need to be trained a little too?'

'Yes but I don't know how to find someone to train me.' The words came unexpectedly easily as if they guaranteed solutions and took pressure off my worries.

'Perhaps that should be my job. When you know him a little more you might consider allowing Dominic to train you, do you think?'

'Would you let him train me fully in that way?' I was unsure whether she meant what I thought she was saying.

Frances patted my arm. I looked at her. 'You don't know what turns me on, Robyn. I wouldn't mind at all. And Dominic will be thrilled.'

'Why?' I know now how naïve I was then but my inexperience meant I had no understanding of how other people saw me, either physically or in terms of my sexual potential.

She had her answer ready, clearly thought out. 'Because, although I haven't seen you nude yet, I can tell you have a lovely young body which is capable of giving and receiving lots of pleasure once you can learn to relax with a partner.'

'Or partners,' she added with a smile.

I don't know why or how, but for the first time I felt a frisson of excitement, a sense that I could join in with what was clearly defined as normal for this, my new family.

'I'll talk to Dominic,' Frances concluded.

'Thank you,' I replied.

ooo000ooo

That afternoon when Dominic was back from the village he came to me. I was reading in the lounge after helping Frances put the carpet back and bring some of the furniture back from the dining room.

'Can we go to your room and talk, Robyn?' he asked me.

'Sure,' I said, feeling very nervous and slightly anxious. Perhaps he sensed this.

'Nothing's going to happen until you want it to. I just want to talk,' he said.

When we got to my room he climbed on the bed and squatted, legs crossed.

'Do the same and sit facing me, Robyn, please.'

I did. We talked and talked about everything. Dad, mum, college. He didn't touch me or anything like that. After about two hours I plucked up courage to ask. No, that's not true I just found myself asking Dominic:

'What do you want me to do first, Dominic?'

'Nothing, Robyn. Not yet.'

'I'd like some sort of outcome, a little encouragement that I'm making progress.'

'That's good, good enough for now.'

'Give me something to aim for, then,' I asked him. I was feeling that I wanted to do something a little bit, well, naughty, I suppose.

'All right. This won't be easy but it was Holly's first task.'

'Go on,' I said.

'I want you tell the others you have agreed to be trained.'

'All at once?'

'No, however you like. Just tell me when you've told them all.'

Dominic got off the bed but leaned forward and put a hand on my shoulder. 'You're very pretty Robyn. Everything will soon seem so easy, I promise.'

I was alone again. I slept well again that night and it was over breakfast that I told them, except Liam and Ross. I told Liam that evening when the two of us were in the lounge together.

'Right,' he said. 'Enjoy, it can be fun you know.' He squeezed my hand and left 'for a shower.' I almost wanted to go with him. I had started to think more, for the first time really, about sexually charged situations in which I might be involved personally.

I went to the kitchen but there was no-one there. Ross wandered in shortly after me. I didn't want to tell Ross. I hadn't yet established any kind of relationship or friendship with him but I wanted to tell Dominic I had told them all. In the end I just blurted it out: 'I have asked to be trained. I've agreed to let Dominic train me.'

'Why tell me?'

'Indeed,' I said. 'I had to, Ross.'

'Who cares?'

For the first time since my arrival I decided to take a stance. 'Have you tried being nice, Ross or is that just too difficult for you?'

He left without answering me.

I told Dominic shortly afterwards that everyone now knew I was to be trained. I asked him which of us should initiate any training sessions we might have. He told me with a smile that he would always do that and that it should make it more thrilling not to know just when he would want to continue my training.

During the evening meal Dominic announced to everyone that my first training session would be that evening from eight until ten o'clock. I had begun to understand that being able to lay my sexual development before everyone was a part of my training, intended to make me able to be more openly sexual. Even if, initially, it shocked me.

I was surprised to discover that finding out in front of everyone else and knowing that everyone else knew when my training was happening aroused me somewhat nonetheless.

ooo000ooo

I went up before eight and Dominic came in a couple of minutes later. He turned the key on the inside to lock us in.

'Just so we won't be disturbed. You can stop the session whenever you want, Robyn.'

I smiled at him. 'That's fine. I understand.'

I told him about my day. About what I had said to Ross too. He said Ross would almost certainly be nicer to me from now on. He told me that he generally softens if you stand up to him. I told him how I felt better knowing I was doing something to move myself on. I managed to add the word 'sexually' to the sentence and wasn't embarrassed.