At the end of my first semester at the university my grades were not up to mom's expectations to say the least. To continue in pre-law I needed at least a 3.5 or better and when mom received the news that I was only at a 3.1 she really freaked out. As the sole provider of our household she managed to get a scholarship through her law firm but the partnership was firm that unless my first year ended in a minimum of 3.5. Maybe it doesn't sound like a big deal to those reading this but I had always maintained a 3.8 up until now.
The class that was pulling me down the most was English Composition in which it demanded my learning the newer A.P.A. (American Psychological Association) form of formal critical writing. I had started to date a really cute girl in my Critical Thinking class and was spending all my extra time trying to get into her panties but to no use. She had taken a lot of my time teasing me and saying she loved me, yet she refused to let me get physically close. Shit I wasn't getting more than a lot of promises and a few handfuls of her amazing tits and yet I was dating her 3-4 nights a week. Beside the time away from my studies, I had managed to spend almost half of the money I had saved in my summer job on her thinking I had found true love. Every date started with a lot of promise but ended up with frustration in which the only sex I was getting was from the 'rosy palm club'.
I had kept the truth of my problems from mom by telling her I was being tutored after school and studying with another class member. Mom called for a parent teacher meeting and after it was over she was angrier than I had ever seen her.
"I can't believe you've been lying to me...your own mother. I worked my ass off getting you this scholarship and you're pissing it away. I want to know exactly what the hell is going on. The thing that hurts the most is your lying to me...you've never told me a single lie in your whole life and now..."
Mom couldn't finish because she broke down sobbing. I felt like shit so I pulled into the park across from the campus and parked under a tree to hide us from the bright park lights. I didn't want to see mom's tears and sure as hell didn't want her to see the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I was never so ashamed of myself and the lies I had told just to try and get some pussy from Linda. After mom calmed down and was able to speak she saw the tears in my eyes and realized I was ashamed at what I had done.
"I'm relieved Randy to realize you finally recognize what you've done to our relationship. Now I want the truth...the whole truth of why you lied, and what has taken you away from your studies. Is it drugs?"
I shook my head no and remained silent. I knew the only way to patch things up would be to tell her the truth but how...how could I tell her I was so horny for sex I had screwed up my first semester? How could I tell her a girl at school was driving me crazy because I wanted to lose my cherry and find out what it was like to have sex with a woman instead of jacking-off all by myself night after night? I knew if I told it like it was she would be shocked finding out her son was some kind of pervert who couldn't get his mind off wanting to get laid.
Mom sat there in the dark still sniffling and waiting for a long time for me to open up and tell her what was going on. Finally she took my hand and slid closer to me to try and comfort my tears and get me to talk it out.
"Honey, you've never had a problem telling me what's on your mind. We've always been so close...especially since your dad and I divorced. You said it isn't drugs...is it a girl?"
Mom as usual somehow knew more about me at times than I knew about myself. When she said that; I began to silently cry and as the tears came spilling down my face from shame, mom started crying all over again.
"I thought that might be the problem honey...your 19 years old and never really had a close relationship with a girl. Have you ever actually had sex with a girl?"
When I didn't respond mom said; "So you're still a virgin at nineteen? Oh my god honey you must have hormones that are driving you crazy. No wonder I have to change your sheets nearly every day. Your mattress is so stained from semen I had to turn it over so it could finally dry out and now the other side is getting just as stained." Mom chuckled and her laughter broke the ice and I began opening up to her.
"Geez mom...how embarrassing to know you have to deal with my night dreams and bed sheets and all..."
"Night dreams my ass...I hear you masturbating and moaning clear across the hall and into my room night after night. So tell me...exactly what's been going on to ruin your grades."
I spilled my guts and told her all about Linda...trying to get pussy (no I didn't use those words...I said 'sex') and how I had spent way too much money trying to get her to love me enough to allow me to get into her pussy. It took a long time (thank goodness for the dark because I'm sure my face was as red as the burning I felt in my cheeks from shame to tell such things to my mother.
"Ok...now how are we going to handle this problem? What do you think needs to be done to get you back on track towards success in your studies young man?"
"Well, I guess I should give up on Linda...it's never gonna happen and I'm tired of trying for something that I shouldn't have gotten involved with. All its cost me is my grades and a lot of money and more frustration than I can handle. Maybe I should get some counseling to find other ways to get my mind off of sex and finding the love from a woman I so much desire." Once again mom knew a lot more about the subject than I ever would have thought.
"Don't try to pull the wool over my eyes Randy. You've gotten to that place in your life in which you need the close love of a woman and sex from that relationship on a regular basis to relieve all the raging hormones in those churning gonads of yours. Your producing so much sperm from your night dreams and masturbation I surprised you've managed to get the grades you salvaged. If we can get you the emotional and physical help your mind and body require you could be back on track in no time."
"Yeah mom...all I have to do is find a willing, hottie, to fall in love with me give me all the sex I crave whenever I need it so I can get better sleep and have more time to devote to my studies. No problema, right?"
What mom said next shocked me. "Absolutely baby. I have one lady at work...you know Marilyn; she not only thinks your cute, she is an absolute slut when it comes to men and I'm sure when I tell her what you need...she wouldn't mind at all giving you all the pussy you desire (that was the first time I ever heard mom say the word 'pussy'). She is one hot lady from what I hear from the guys in the office whispering at the water-cooler outside my cubicle. What do you think of my idea?"
The thought of mom pimping for me was such a turn off I said; "No thanks mom...if I ever make it with a woman, it's got to be someone I love and respect and feels the same way about me. Sex is only a part of my problem and if they don't love me first...well I'll just keep to myself and try to overcome the situation and get back on track at school."
That pretty much ended the conversation and mom became quiet as we drove home. She continued to hold my hand and pat my leg every once in a while letting me know she understood. Hell, I didn't want some slutty broad who gave it away to anyone with a hard cock. My dream of having any kind of fulfilling relationship would be with a lady similar to mom...someone I could trust and admire...a real woman who would love me for who I was. Not for my cock but for who I was as a person.
By now you no doubt understand why I never got laid up to now. I wanted to have a real relationship based on someone who appreciated me and would share her body with me because of love...not just for the physical fucking. I thought Linda was that kind of person but she was like all the others I had known. Every time I had started to get close...they would back off. Oh, they would easily go out with me...let me spend money on them; however when it came to getting physically close they all put me off. Hell, I understood all to very well that I was no great looking guy and somewhat of a nerd and a loner. I probably came across to most girls as a guy desperate to fine 'true love'...if there ever was such a thing. Fuck it...I was just going to concentrate on school and jack myself into a stupor whenever I got to feeling sorry for myself or so horny I got blue balls; and forget ever about finding the right girl to share love and sex. If it came...fine; but if not...I'd just have to learn to live with it. I was really bumming out from this shitty day and disappointing mom.
