Hello, hope it goes without saying but everyone's over the age of 18 here. Hope you enjoy!
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Why is this always the first thing I notice when I wake up? Why? I mean I know why, it's hard and begging for my attention. But why does it have to be this way? Couldn't I just take the moment to appreciate the morning light? No, I got to deal with my hard on instead.
And you know, maybe it would be ok if I could just enjoy the pleasure of beating myself off, but not with that attitude I can't. Masturbation should be fun right? But not if every second you're thinking about how you're burdened with it. I didn't choose this hard on, this hard on chose me.
So I lie there stroking, desperately wishing that I can hurry up and cum already. Even though I don't even know why. It doesn't help. You try masturbating while feeling guilty about how long it's taking. It makes it take so much longer.
I could always try delving into my sexual fantasies to make the process go faster, but all my fantasies have become taunts. Visions of a world that can never be. I used to be excited about the possibilities that sex could offer me, instead I now feel impotent in the face of all the sexual grandiosity my fanciful mind can imagine. No way I'm living up to that shit
It takes two to tango. To fuck I need someone to fuck. Can't do it all on my own. I'm not a hermaphrodite. I can't very well fuck myself, can I? No, I need to find someone else. Someone who will accept my sexual impulses. Easier said than done.
The sad thing is, my sexual inclinations are pretty vanilla. I kind of just like to fuck, maybe play around with some hand and mouth stuff and then lie down together, preferably naked. Yet even that seems to be just out of my reach.
Is it wrong to say I don't really want to be in a relationship? I don't feel very lovey dovey right now. Don't feel like I got all that much love to give. Would like to get laid still if that's an option. Some girls would think that's a problem, would decry me as the reason that men are terrible. Meanwhile if some girl wanted to do the one night stand thing she'd be hailed as empowered and an example to us all.
Don't get me wrong, girls got their own double standards to live with, don't see anyone calling me slut, whore, prude, bitch or misandrist anytime soon. Still, it would be nice if I could just want to fuck and everyone would be ok with it. I'm a dude, it makes total sense why I would want to fuck without any of the strings.
Ah well that's me complaining again. I try not to, I really do. It's just it's so easy to just bitch. And I was in college (off for the summer) so my life should've been nonstop barrage of hook ups and what not, but it's kind of annoying when I could run into every potential hook up on campus and most girls seem to treat hooking up as nothing but more fuel to pile on the gossip fire. Don't want my sexual encounters to be giggled about no thanks.
Well, hopefully the following words will make up for the amount of bitching I've done, both for your sake and mine. Anyway, finished jacking off in case you were following that thread with great interest. I go do my dressing up for the day and go downstairs. I go to the fridge and pour myself a nice big old glass of OJ. I know you're just dying to get back to my endless descriptions of how sad and horny I am but I'm going to take a moment to shill for OJ, it's my inner monologue after all. OJ is just the best, it takes a lot of effort to keep me from only drinking it.
Nevertheless my love for OJ is not enough to keep its deliciousness inside my mouth when I take a look outside. Spit take all the way baby when I see my sister Tiffany and her friend Lucy sunning outside by the pool. Did I mention they were both completely naked? I didn't huh, well uh you can understand how my mentioning skills are a little screwy now right?
So OJ's dripping down my chin while I stare at my nude sister and her equally nude friend. What do I do now? There's not really a pamphlet for how to deal with this situation, so I just stare. Probably the worst decision I can make, besides any other than any other decision.
I can't just go out and talk to them, can I? I mean I could but... then I'd be talking to my naked sister and her equally naked friend. Can't have that can we? Think of the awkwardness, won't you think of the awkwardness? I am and it's all I'm thinking about. Awkward, Awkward, Awkward, AAACK!
Still though, curiosity finds its way into my mind. What're they doing naked out there? What do they look like close up? How will they respond to me? I also live in this house, they can't really blame me for running into them naked if they're out in the open like this.
I guess a little more staring can't hurt, except, you know, my psyche. Visuals of naked girls aren't exactly known to aid in rational decision making. The way I see it I got three choices, stay in here staring like a creep, go out there and talk like a weirdo or go upstairs and hide like a coward. Yep there will be no valiancy for me here. All roads lead to dubiousness from here on out.
I continue my staring and take a look at Lucy and sis. Lucy is lying down on an inflatable pool raft, ass hitting the sun. Can't be the most candid watcher from this far out but damn that ass. If I'm stuck in this awkward situation, well I'm at least glad her bare ass is involved somehow.
Well I know what my eye's next target is, but do I dare? My eyes long to glance over, give me the lay of the land, but at what cost? This wouldn't be like Lucy as she didn't exit the same womb as I did. Still curiosity comes a calling. It couldn't hurt, right? If she really cared about not being seen naked she wouldn't have it all out in the daylight right?
With my conscious in turmoil I give in and turn to have a peak. With it my guilt fades slightly. You know I'm still looking at a family member in the buff but at least I know that there's no way she cares if I see her. I'm no body language expert but that body reads "I don't give a flying fuck." Lying on her back, legs not together, fully in the sun. Yes these are all tell-tale signs of body comfort.
I think back to all the college girls I complained about, would any of them do this? No, they were lacking the audacity levels for anything resembling this. They would rather just talk about how hot Mr. 6 foot stubble is and how their bestie hooked up with him. All talk, talk, talk but now I'm face to face with some action. And what do I do? I cower. You know what though, not for long I'm not. I'm down with going face to face. This is going to be weird, freaky and probably just wrong but I'm going for it.
I step to the outdoor glass door. Moment of truth time, do or die, in or out. I feel my hand tremble as I struggle to will myself to grab hold of the handle. I do after much shaking, and now it's time to make some noise. I give it a jump of a push to the side, no way Lucy and sis didn't hear that. I look to hear what music I'm about to face and all I hear is white noise. No reaction whatsoever.
They just continue to lay down, no effort to hide their bodies at all. That's odd, which I guess is weird coming from me. I'm about to talk to my naked sister after all. Anyway guess it's pull this door all the way open time. I do just that and take a step outside.
I'm outside and still no one cares. I'm seeing them at their most vulnerable and they still lie down like I'm not even in the picture. My footsteps are making sounds dammit! There's no way that both of them have gone deaf.
Well, nothing to do but venture closer. First stop my sister. Footstep, footstep, footstep, all leading up to my sis. She just lays there, leaving her breasts and vag uncovered to the world. Ok, now I'm literally leaning over her and still no sign of acknowledgment. The only thing she's got on is these sunglasses, hiding all hope of an expression from my eyes.
"Hey," I finally say.
"Hey," she nonchalantly says back. No acknowledgement of her nudity there. She's really letting this one linger isn't she.
"How's it going?" I ask. Don't know why I think this will work.
"It's going good."
"You're naked." I finally get myself to say. Have to acknowledge that one I guess.
"I am." I guess she didn't have to acknowledge it that much.
"Why?"
"Because I want to be."
"... Any reason?"
"I just think it feels good."
"K." Not sure how I can argue with that. "You're not worried about me seeing you naked though?" I add.
"No."
"... Why not?"
"I don't care."
"... Any reason?"
"I have chosen a path in life where I will lie down here and take in the sun in my nude body without caring what anyone else thinks. And I intend to follow that path and the only way to do that is by not bothering with what you think. Now do you have any other insipid questions or can I go back to relaxing?"
... Wow. She's naked and I'm the one who feels embarrassed. Could never have foreseen that one coming. I guess that's a lesson in confidence for all of you taking notes. Have enough of it and you can make anything seem normal.
"Does Lucy feel the same way?" I ask meekly. Really not doing well on the whole courage thing today.
"I sure do," replies Lucy. That answers that question.
Well that solves that mystery... I guess. I mean I now know why they're doing this, but I don't know... Pretty much everything else. So, very alienated, I go back inside.
Back in my room now. I guess this is my version of licking my wounds and retreating. I mull over what just happened. I went outside, talked to my naked sister and her naked friend and made a complete fool out of myself. Now to repeat what just happened in my head 50 more times to accomplish absolutely nothing.
I peer out my window. Lucy has moved from her butt up position on the inflatable raft to a front up position lying next to my sister. If I had wanted to see Lucy naked which, let's be honest, I absolutely did, well then wishes do come true from time to time.
Yet once the initial shock of her nudity had worn, off there wasn't the burning urge to jack off. However on deeper inspection, there is another hidden current of eroticism to be found. There's no sort of forbidden fruit thing going on here, can't be forbidden if it's right out in the open. Instead, confidence, that word again. The word I longed to grasp. It's out of my reach but it lay inside her. The sensuality of her boldness bore into me, bringing out my own wanton sexuality.
There is no fear in Lucy. She had taken back what society had told us was her at her most vulnerable and instilled it with assurance. How I long to be like her, reach the state she is in instead of complaining about my lot in life.
The swelling begins, pretty soon I would be hard again. I know what the stimulation for my growth is, Lucy's brazenness had stirred this within me. The only problem is that my sister is doing the exact same thing as Lucy. How can I separate my feelings of lust for Lucy from my sister's mirroring actions. They are doing the exact same thing, what attracts me to Lucy also lies in my sister.
Yet the boner is still coming. What is happening to me? It is the most uncontrollable of uncontrollable urges. The only light at the end of the tunnel is me finishing off my urges, and I mean that in the most literal sense.
So pants down, hand grasping, stroke, stroke, stroke away (Man I really hope this ends with me getting laid after all the depictions of me masturbating I've subjected you to). My eyesight goes faint as I try to rub myself off, no wonder it's rumored that masturbation causes blindness. The burning need to get off distracts me from all visual stimuli. However the image of Lucy nude is firmly ensconced in my mind's eye. Who needs eyesight when you've got that mental picture?
