Not Without My Son

Author's Note:

Welcome to my new story. The story is set in modern day Earth in a fictional war ravaged country. The backdrop of war serves to bring the mother and son closer to each other through combined suffering and hardships. It's a fictional tale and is to be read as such. Hope you enjoy it.

Thanks to my reader, Rati Dixit, for sending the original idea.

All the characters in this story are above 18 years of age.

***

Kavya wiped the sweat off her brow, her clothes already soaked in the oppressive heat. She sat on the floor of the bunker, the bare cement floor slightly cool to the touch. Her phone showed it was two o'clock in the night, yet no sleep came to her. She coughed out, throat dry and itchy from the dust. She took a sip of water from her fast depleting bottle.

Kavya was 40 years old. She had lived in Tumora, Zambawi for the last 21 years. Her husband, Anmol, a professor at the Tumora State University had brought her with him after their arranged marriage back in India.

Kavya looked at her fellow neighbors in the dim light of the bunker. Families, young and old were scattered across the floor. Some slept uneasily; others wide awake staring at their phones, scanning traditional and social media news channels for the latest updates on Ugowia's invasion of Zambawi. Explosions sounded off somewhere outside, still far away, yet powerful enough to shake the ground. Kavya looked around, seeing her own fear reflected on the faces of her neighbors. Her heart pounded and tears leaked from the corner of her eyes. She clutched the small statue of Lord Ganesh in her hands.

Varun, please be safe. Lord Ganesh, please take care of him.

The thought of her 20 year old son made her anxious. She felt distraught that he wasn't with her and wished she could rush to him. She laid on the floor and closed her eyes.

***

Two years ago --

Kavya locked up her bakery and messaged Varun.

On my way to the mall. Are you done with your classes?

Yep. Meet you there.

Kavya was picking up some groceries for the night's dinner when Varun walked in with a small bouquet. They smiled at each other as he gave her the flowers and hugged her.

"Happy anniversary, ma!"

"Thanks, honey! At least I can always count on you to remember."

"Don't worry, there's still time. Dad may yet surprise you," he said with a shrug. "What are these?"

"Oh, just some things for dinner. I spoke with your grandma earlier. Got the recipe of her

ras malai

. Your dad's favorite. Hope he likes it," she said, crossing her fingers.

Kavya paid at the register and the mother and son exited the shop. "I have some more items to pick up," she said. "Why don't you go check out the new book store?"

"Ok. I need a set of new sketchbook and couple of pencils, anyway," he said as he left.

She made her way towards the shop that specialized in lingerie and nightgowns. She wanted to buy a new lingerie to seduce her husband that night. Looking around, she made her way towards the back of the store to find what she was looking for. She had something specific in mind - a maroon pair with nets and laces. She selected one for her 36-32-36 measurements and dropped it in her shopping basket.

Looking through the items on display she briefly wondered if she should pick up a sheer, translucent nightgown. The material felt soft and silky to the touch. Her eyes were drawn to the section of the wall behind. The shelves were stacked with sex toys. She eyed the dildos and vibrators longingly, wondering if she should buy something to add to her collection. She sighed and shook her head. Maybe some other time. Tonight, she was on a mission.

It was only after eight o'clock in the evening that Anmol finally returned from the University. His grumpy face and creases on his forehead suggested a bad mood. Kavya had been waiting for him at the dinner table. She had set it up for a nice romantic dinner with all of Anmol's favorite dishes. He had shown no indication that morning whether he remembered their anniversary. His current demeanor suggested that he still hadn't.

"I have some papers to grade," he said. He picked up his dinner and went into his study, closing the door behind him. Kavya sighed and ate her dinner alone at the dining table.

Later that night, when they were ready for bed, Kavya went into the bathroom with her shopping bag. Anmol was already in bed, still working on his laptop. She closed the bathroom door and undressed. Looking into the mirror, she was pleased with her naked reflection. She stood 5'6" tall with a wheatish complexion. She could still pass off as someone much younger. She liked to keep herself fit with regular jogs in the park. Owning her bakery meant spending time not just in the kitchen but also facing the customers, so she took care of her looks.

She brushed her jet black hair which was stylishly trimmed to the middle of her back. She applied a light make-up on her face. Applying moisturizer on her skin, she spent some time caressing her shapely, 36C, breasts and teasing her brown nipples. She had already trimmed her black pubic hair and waxed her arms and legs earlier that evening. She trembled with anticipation and excitement as she put on her new lingerie. Hopefully, tonight will be the end of her long sexual drought.

Putting on her usual nightgown over her new lingerie, she entered the bedroom, sashaying towards her husband. Anmol ignored her, still engrossed in his laptop. She got into the bed and kissed his cheek. He looked at her, noticing her for the first time.

Eyeing her suspiciously, he said, "What are you doing?"

Kavya knelt on the bed and slowly undid the front of her nightgown, seductively taking it off. Presenting her lingerie clad body to her husband, she smiled and said, "Happy anniversary!"

Anmol grunted in acknowledgement and focused his attention back to his laptop. Kavya cuddled next to him, roaming her fingers on his chest. She lightly bit his ear lobe to get his attention and said, "I want you, Anmol. I want you in me, tonight." She closed the laptop and took it away.

"Knock it off, Kavya! What's wrong with you?" Anmol said, irritated. "When will you understand I don't like these childish celebrations? What's so special about our marriage anyway that I need to celebrate it every year? Huh?"

Kavya was stunned, tears welling up in her eyes. Anmol continued, "And what's with this slutty outfit? Have you lost your mind? Have some decency, Kavya. You're the mother of an adult son, cover yourself up for God's sake."

He picked up his laptop and went back to his study, leaving Kavya teary-eyed on the bed. This wasn't the first time, yet she never stopped trying to win her husband's love and affection. She knew she was a good wife but there was never an acknowledgement or compliment from him. Her beautiful face, lustrous hair and sexy body, which earned her appreciative looks from friends and strangers, held no interest to her own husband.

Over the years, Kavya had come to realize that Anmol never loved her or desired her. He had married her and produced a child, only to appease his parents and conform to the rules of society. He had never fallen in love with her nor with the idea of having a family of his own. His work, his academics, his research were his life. He practically lived on the campus.

Slowly, she got off the bed, put on her nightgown and left the bedroom. Opening the doors to the balcony, she stood there, watching the night sky and city lights. Tears ran down her face, black eyeliner streaking down her cheeks. She glanced back to see Varun standing next to her with two cups of cold coffee.

"Forgot, didn't he?" Varun asked, handing her a cup.

"Much worse than that."

Varun took a sip and said, "That's just the way he is, ma. I've accepted it. He hasn't remembered or cared about my birthday for years now. He's hardly around, barely talks to me. No interest in my life, my studies, my art. I don't have any expectations from him, anymore. It's high time you do the same."

Kavya nodded and said, "I am supposed to be the older one here." She chuckled. "Look at me, getting life lessons from my son. When did you become so matured?"

He smiled as she ruffled his hair playfully. "I wonder what's happening to our family. He should at least try to be a good father, a good husband."

Varun hugged her and said, "Don't worry about him. We're in this together, ma."

She hugged him back and closed her eyes. At least she had someone who loved her, cared for her. She hugged her son tighter but suddenly, felt empty. Opening her eyes, she stood all alone on the balcony, ashes raining down the sky, the city lights looking eerily like the streets and building on fire.

***

Kavya jolted awake. She rubbed her eyes and looked around the bunker. Her phone said it was four in the morning. Almost everyone was asleep. A small child cried in one corner, the young mother trying to comfort and console her. The young woman checked her water bottle to find it empty and looked around in desperation. Kavya walked over to them and offered the final sips of her own water to the child. The young mother nodded in gratitude.

Kavya sat back down in her place. She dialed Varun's phone again. It was still unreachable. He was with his friend, Kaseba, at his house. His phone had been out of network area since the previous morning. She dialed Anmol next, who was in India.

"Still not able to reach Varun. I am getting desperate, Anmol," she said, her voice cracking with emotions.

"He'll be safe. Be strong, Kavya. I heard on the news, our government is planning to evacuate all the Indian students stuck in Tumora. So, sit tight and stay safe. I am sending you the numbers of some of my students. Be in touch with them."

Kavya nodded and disconnected the call. She laid down again and tried to go back to sleep, thinking about her son.

***

Eight months ago --

Kavya stood at the kitchen counter, wearing

salwar kameez

, preparing breakfast. Anmol had already left for the University. Minutes later, Varun came into the kitchen wearing only his shorts. He toweled himself off the sweat glistening on his bare body. He had started working out every morning over the last few months. At 19 years of age, he had nicely filled out his 5'10" frame. Broad chest and shoulders with a lean tight abdomen. He threw the towel onto a chair and hugged Kavya from behind.

Pressing himself into her, he planted a kiss on her cheek wishing her a good morning. She smiled and kissed him back on his cheek, then busied herself with preparing breakfast. Varun nuzzled into her nape and pressed his groin into her butt. Her heartbeat quickened with anticipation. Soon enough, just like the last few days, she felt his erection poking into her butt cheek.

Over the last few weeks, Kavya had noticed a pleasant change in Varun's demeanor. Her son had always been loving and caring towards her, but he had become extra affectionate in the past few weeks. The highlight of her day had become the breakfast, where Varun would come to the kitchen, hug her and kiss her cheek, wishing her good morning. She loved the affection and attention. Then one morning, she had felt something hard poking into her and had realized it was her son's erection. She had been shocked at first but then had smiled to herself. He was just 19, a new adult now. This was just a natural, hormonal reaction. Nothing to be worried about. But then, it had happened again the next morning and again the next.

Now she stood there, in her son's arms, feeling his warm body press into her, his musky aroma in her nostrils and his hard cock poking into her. This was clearly going too far, it was unacceptable. Over the last few days, she had been thinking of talking to him and put an end to this indecent behavior. She mustered courage and cleared her throat.

"Honey, I... um... wanted to talk to you."

"What is it, ma?"

"Can you pass me that ketchup from the top shelf?"

"Sure," he said and disengaged from her. Kavya looked down to see a massive tent in her son's shorts. A strange shiver ran down her body as she stared involuntarily.

How big is he?

Stop it! He's your son, for God's sake!

Varun handed her the ketchup and sat down at the table. "What did you want to talk about?"

Kavya formed the sentences in her mind but hesitated, letting few seconds pass.

Is it really that bad? Do I need to bring that up now?

She sighed and said, "How are your studies?"

As Varun answered her, she got back to preparing breakfast.

I'll talk to him some other day. Make him understand that it's highly improper to press his erection into his mother.

She knew she should've stopped him after the first or second instance.

But the hugs and kisses feel so good everyday. What if they came with a massive erection? It's quite harmless really, definitely nothing to worry about urgently.

She didn't want to scare him away and lose his affection and attention.

***

It was early morning and people were waking up in the bunker. Kavya looked into her bag and found the last few slices of bread she had packed. They were dry and stale but she ate them quickly, her stomach growling with hunger. Her next door neighbor, Mrs. Sumana, sat down next to her. She was a very kind woman who had always been nice to Kavya and Varun.

She squeezed Kavya's shoulder gently and said, "Don't worry. Varun will be alright. He's a smart boy. He'll be safe."

Kavya nodded, grateful for the support.

"Our troops are already in the area," Mrs. Sumana said. "They'll be here soon. It's going to get ugly. You should get out of the country."

Kavya looked at her with steely resolve and said, "Not without my son."

***

Four months ago -

Kavya was home early after closing up her bakery. She made a cup of coffee for herself and sat down near a window, enjoying the view outside. Her eyes were drawn towards Varun's sketchbook lying on the table by the window. She loved his art and always encouraged him to pursue it. Putting the coffee down, she picked up the sketchbook, opened it and gasped.

There were multiple pencil sketches of a nude woman in various poses. In one page, the woman sat, regally, on a sofa. The next page, the woman was lying, sensuously, on a bed. One page, the woman laughed joyfully, reveling in her nudity, covering up her nether regions while her shapely breasts were on display. Another page, the woman was taking a shower, water cascading down her curvaceous figure. Kavya knew this woman. She saw this woman everyday in the mirror!

The first few pages looked like practice sketches, as if Varun was figuring out Kavya's face and body, trying to find it on the page. But as she flipped through, the face of the woman unmistakably started to resemble her own. She was dumbfounded. It was scandalous. She felt violated and depressed. Shock and guilt gave way to anger. She wanted to throw away the sketchbook. Burn all the pages and turn them to ash.

Yet, there was a certain allure to those pencil strokes. It showed her naked in different poses, but she conceded that they were tastefully done. She looked regal and sensuous, not cheap and slutty. These were Varun's best work she had seen yet. She could feel the passion and care put into making these sketches as beautiful as they could be. He had never seen her naked, never seen her breasts, ass or pussy. The sketches showing her naked were obviously his imagination. They looked surreal, like a beautiful dream or fantasy. It wasn't exactly her body on those pages, but a close approximation, like how he imagined her to be. She calmed down and flipped the pages.

The next set of sketches completely took her breath away. They showed her and Varun naked, making sweet love in various positions. The first one showed her sitting on the couch, naked, with him kneeling on the floor with his face buried between her legs. Her head was thrown back and her mouth open, maybe with a moan. Her fingers gripped the couch tightly in the throes of a powerful orgasm. He had beautifully depicted the passion on her face, the light and dark shading highlighted the contours of their bodies. The next sketch showed him sucking one of her erect nipples as her fingers played with the hair at the back of his head. The last one showed her spread eagled on the bed looking up at Varun, as he pushed his hard cock into her inviting pussy. The sketch was done from his POV, as if he stood near the bed, looking down at her.

She closed the sketchbook and put it back in frustration.

It's all my fault. I should've spoken to him much earlier. My lack of objection has encouraged him.

Her coffee had been forgotten on the table. She picked it up. It was cold. But she felt hot and flushed with embarrassment and sexual tension. Looking at those sketches had wound her up, making her wet. She sat there, contemplating how to talk to her son and stop this unhealthy obsession.

***

Kavya woke up to the sound of gunfire echoing in the distance, breaking the quiet of the morning. She sat up and looked around. Some of the bunker occupants were already up, while others were waking up from their uneasy sleep.

Mrs. Sumana stood near the entrance of the bunker. She showed Kavya her own water bottle and beckoned her. Kavya went after her, bottle in hand.

"Our soldiers are here. They've been fighting since last night," Mrs. Sumana informed as they climbed the steps.

"Is it safe to go outside?" Kavya asked.

"We'll be back soon."

It was twilight outside and the sky wasn't bright enough. Night still clung to the world, reluctant to let the light of the day enter. Gunshots and explosion sounded in the distance as they exited the building. Mrs. Sumana pointed towards a tap outside the building. They filled their water bottles quickly.

"Let's hurry inside," Mrs. Sumana said urgently as a loud explosion sounded nearby.

Kavya took out her phone and dialed Varun again. Disappointed to hear the out-of-coverage-area message again, she hurriedly followed the older lady into the bunker.

***

Four months ago --

It had been two days since Kavya had found Varun's sketchbook. She had given no outward indication to him that she'd seen it. She wanted to confront him about it but today was Diwali. She pushed those conflicting thoughts to the back of her mind as she dressed in a beautiful yellow saree that evening.

Anmol as usual was at the University, working for the day. This was an Indian festival after all, not a national holiday in Zambawi. Kavya knew that even if it had been a holiday, Anmol would've still been at the University or in his study at home. He wasn't interested in festivals or celebrations.

Kavya came out of her room to see Varun lighting the small oil lamps and candles and placing them in the balcony. He looked really handsome in a cream colored

sherwani.

He turned to look at her and froze for a moment, staring at her.

"What?" she asked, wondering if there was something wrong.

"You look absolutely gorgeous, ma!"

Kavya smiled at the earnest compliment. "You look good too."

Kavya had made special Indian sweets at her bakery. She and Varun went to their neighbors' homes in the building and distributed the sweets, wishing everyone a Happy Diwali. They went to the rooftop and lighted few fireworks to celebrate the festival. They laughed and enjoyed the evening. Varun hugged Kavya from behind and held her and they both lighted sparklers. He kissed her cheeks but she didn't mind. She was happy. Dinner was a delicious

poori, paneer butter masala and halwa

which the mother and son enjoyed along with a Bollywood movie.

When Anmol was sound asleep that night, Kavya made up her mind to talk to Varun and hopefully put an end his unhealthy obsession with her. She made her way towards his room, thinking all the different ways she could broach the topic to him. Engrossed in thoughts, she reached his bedroom door. She was about to knock when she realized the door was slightly ajar. The room was dark, yet there was a flickering light coming from one side. She knocked quietly and called out Varun's name. There was no answer.