There's a national day for everything: food, beer, and celebrations of anything and everything. I've never paid attention to that kind of stuff.
So to say my introduction to National Nude Day blindsided me is really quite the understatement.
My wife Andrea and I were set to celebrate her mother-in-law Linda's 60th birthday with her family, and it happened to fall on that day, or so I would find out after we got there. Naturally, Andrea's sisters Katie and Melissa, who are both younger by three and five years respectively, would be there. I also knew we would get an appearance from Andrea's much younger twin cousins Joanna and Mary. I had only met them a couple times and didn't know much about them other then their side of the family was very conservative, and I thought I remembered Andrea saying they had just finished college. I did remember they got wasted at our wedding and Andrea had told me they had a rebellious reputation.
I wasn't sure about much of the rest of the guest list. I assumed friends of Linda's and the like. Andrea's dad had passed away from cancer a few years prior, and there was a falling out with that side of the family, so I wasn't expecting any of them.
Andrea and her sisters booked a private country club for the day. As such, I knew it would be enough people that it could be blocked out for a private party. We were to arrive early to help set up. I wasn't invited to any of the planning sessions, not that I cared to be, so I had no other details.
Upon reflection, I should have known something was up when Katie and Melissa were at our house the week before and kept winking at me. The also joked about if my "stamina" was up and could I "last all day". We were going to a country club, so I stupidly thought they were referring to golf and tennis and such. Maybe swimming.
When we arrived, we were greeted at the front door by Andrea's aunt Courtney, who is in her 50s and very attractive with a strong tan, runner's physique and enough plastic surgery to make her look 20 years younger.
"Hi Andrea, hi Rick," she said as she gave us big hugs.
After some quick small talk Courtney directed Andrea into the main part of the club to help. I was instructed to go the other direction and find my way downstairs. "There is a special project for the men before we get started," I was told.
I was a little perplexed and dumbfounded when one of the twin cousins appeared from the direction Courtney was pointing.
"Oh good. My favorite niece can show you the way. Please follow her downstairs," she pointed toward my left. "I can say she's my favorite because she's standing here," she chuckled.
Mary is an extremely attractive blonde who also had a hell of a tan. Her white blouse gave her quite the girl next door look. She smiled and indicated for me to follow her.
We mostly walked in silence down the hall and then down the long, winding staircase, save for chit chat about not seeing much of each other. I did a double take when she led me into the men's locker room.
"What are we going in here for?" I asked.
Mary giggled. "You'll see," she said. Her face was turning red.
That was the first moment I thought, uh oh.
My second uh oh moment occurred when I saw I wasn't the first to arrive. There were two other guys, both of whom were seated in front of lockers and were wearing blue robes. I didn't recognize either of them. They were each holding paper.
"Here's your locker Rick," Mary indicated to me. There was a blue robe inside along with what appeared to be a leopard print g-string. There was also a packet. I looked at the items in the locker and then back at Mary. Was this a joke?
"Please strip off all of your clothes including your underwear and put on the provided briefs and the robe," she said as matter-of-factly as if she was telling me where the elevator was or something. "It'll be a little while before everyone gets here and we get set up, so please read your packet and familiarize yourself with everything, especially the opening dance routine. From this point forward, you are expected to immediately follow all directions and orders."
She stood there staring at me while I stood frozen. She wanted me to do what? I laughed and said "Come again?"
"Rick, you're not off to a great start," Mary said to me in a more stern tone as she crossed her arms. "I asked you to strip and put on the robe."
I stood frozen for a moment. "Oh you're being serious," I blurted out. She nodded.
Moving in slow motion, I removed my hat and started to lift up my polo shirt. "You're going to watch me?" I blurted out again.
Mary blushed even more so that her face was as red as the shiniest apple you can think of. I saw the other two guys turn their heads toward us. "Well, you'll find out soon enough that I'm going to see it all and then some later anyway. I might as well get a preview now. Besides, today is the first time I'm getting to see naked men and I'm finding I rather enjoy it."
I wasn't kidding when I said her side of the family is conservative. While I was still confused, it was clear I had no choice. Truth be told, part of me wasn't objecting. She's hot and wanted me to undress in front of her. It gave me a rush.
"But Andrea is right upstairs...." I started to say.
"Let me guess, she made the arrangements for the party," she cut me off. "Trust me she knows exactly what's going on right now. I'm not going to ask you again. Strip. Now."
I finished lifting the shirt over my head and started to undo my belt and khaki shorts. Mary continued staring at me with her arms crossed as I let the shorts fall. Her eyes went to my crotch underneath my plain blue boxers.
It was clear Mary wasn't going to move. I felt a combination of nerves, puzzlement, anger and yes, excitement as I hooked my thumbs in the waistband and pulled the boxers down. As I did I discovered I was starting to get hard. I'm only two inches in a regular state but I expand to almost seven when fully hard. I would say I was between three and four as I stepped out of the boxers and moved to get the g-string.
"Wait!" Mary barked at me.
I froze with my arm extended toward the locker. Andrea's hot cousin took a few moments to look me up and down. She bent down and held my balls in her hand, staring at my penis as she did so. It grew a little while she was watching. She nodded in approval as she moved behind me. After a few seconds she slapped my bare butt and said "make sure you read that packet and don't move from here until we tell you."
With that she swept away and I stood there dumbfounded, especially since she appeared to be taking my clothes. I eventually put on the g-string, which was very tight to say the least, and the robe. I sat in the chair in front of the locker and looked at the packet for the first time.
The front page had a picture of the gorgeous grounds of the country club and a headline WELCOME TO LINDA's 60 BIRTHDAY CFNM CELEBRATION
I sat and stared at the page but couldn't place the acronym right away. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Clothed female naked male" I mumbled to myself. Then a louder "Oh fuck" as I thought about my mother-in-law, Andrea's sisters, her cousins and whatever other family would be around.
"I don't know about you, but I'm pissed about this bait and switch. I have half a mind to leave, but my girlfriend has my car keys!"
I was busted out of my stupor by a deep voice. It belonged to the large Black man sitting to my left. This guy looked big enough he could be an NFL player. I looked at him and kind of shrugged.
"Have you read that thing yet? This is horseshit!"
He looked like he was about to strangle someone.
"Name's Michael," he said to me with a hand outstretched.
"Rick," I told him as I shook his hand. "I'm Andrea's husband so I don't have much choice. Who's your girlfriend? How did you get roped into this?" I asked him.
"Well I'm not sure who Andrea is," he replied. "My girlfriend is Lisa. She works with Melissa. Lisa assured me she'd make it worth my while if I came but I don't know if I can do this."
I turned to the packet again. It seemed like I should read it. I looked back up at Michael and understood his frustration, though I wondered if it would be better to be in his situation, not knowing most of the people, as opposed to mine, where I see these people all the time. I briefly thought about Andrea's sisters. I knew Katie had a boyfriend and wondered if he would be coming. I wasn't sure if Melissa was dating anyone.
"Well we're all in the same boat..." I started to say before I got cut off by a loud female voice.
"Hey no fraternizing!" It sounded like Mary was back.
I looked toward her and realized it was the other twin cousin, Joanna. The only reason I could tell is because her blouse was green, not white. She was escorting another man to a locker. This one I recognized. It was Andrea's male cousin Todd (Courtney's son).
"Read your packets and be quiet!" She barked. I watched as she directed Todd to a locker and stood next to him while he got undressed. He looked embarrassed to strip in front of his cousin.
I turned back to the packet and started reading.
"Welcome to Linda's CFNM birthday celebration! Linda wanted a theme to support female empowerment and to remind everyone who is really in charge. She specifically chose National Nude Day for the celebration. While she understands National Nude Day is for everyone, she prefers to celebrate in a way that promotes females and gives men a taste of objectification that women are constantly subjected to. By agreeing to participate you acknowledge that the sole purpose of the party is for the ladies' enjoyment, especially Linda. Our male guests are expected to obey every instruction and order given to them by any female at any time, unless it's overridden by Linda. As part of that, any woman is permitted to touch any man anywhere at any time. Any guests who bring their significant other understand this to be a requirement."
I started to skim the next few pages as I wrapped my mind around what I was reading.
OPENING CEREMONY INSTRUCTIONS
"When instructed, please line up according to verbal directions. Proceed up the stairs toward the ballroom. When you take the stage, please line up with your back facing the crowd. You will be instructed when to remove your robes. Please study the diagrams below for the dance routine. After the ceremony, you will remain nude for the duration of the day."
I thought about how I totally missed what I had apparently signed up for. Did I miss something in a conversation with Andrea? I thought it was a hell of a trick for her to pull on me, particularly with her family coming along. Did I miss something where she asked if I was ok with this?