My Crazy...

Chapter 1- Mixup!

The events I am about to tell you are crazy, true, and happened over the time span of a few months. So, have you ever heard the saying, "Sin in haste, repent at leisure?"

Yeah, well, that is me now, but I am getting ahead. First let me tell you a little about myself...

I am Ryan.

Let's keep this as informal and ambiguous as possible. So yeah, we'll leave out the last names. I'm an aspiring storyteller and writer, but my day job is as a commercial driver delivering hazardous gases to local veterinary clinics, welding companies, dentist offices, and others. I'm of an athletic build. Of average height. Of average weight. I am white, with blue eyes, and strawberry blonde hair. I'm twenty-five years old, and I have officially been married to my wife, Andrea, for two years now.

Now, let me tell you about my wife, Andrea.

Andrea is assertive and confident, except when she's around me. She works at a local office doing... well... office stuff to the best of her ability, and by that I mean that she has won the employee of the year award for the last two years straight. So, she's professional and very very beautiful... my perfect woman!

When I say beautiful, let me try to explain. First, she has these amazing blue eyes. She's got a cute, turned up, button nose. A plump kissable mouth. A sharp pointed chin. A sharp jawline, and an oval face. Her hair is long, dark chocolate brown, and kinky curly, and her skin is a flawless milk white with a small beauty frickle on the corner of her mouth and on the opposite cheek, on her jaw, just in front of her ear.

She has broad shoulders, a 34 inch chest with small perky B-cup breasts. She has a small, toned waist measuring 26 inches, and her hips are broad while the small of her back sweeps out to a thick bubble butt that measures 38 inches. Her thighs are thick and toned, her calves are thick, and her ankles are thick.

Just the way I like her!

My life sounds perfect, right? Well, I thought so too. But perfection is never achieved without a whole lot of crazy first?!

So, how does this story begin?

Well, like many others I imagine...

----(!)----

Monday morning I rolled over in bed when the alarm clock went off for what must have been the third time. It was on Andrea's side of the bed. I groaned as I flipped onto my belly and found that my morning wood was now being bent at a right angle that wasn't at all pleasant. Sliding a hand down into my underwear I pushed it down which only made it swell and throb against the mattress between my legs.

Andrea rolled over, slapped the alarm clock, and threw the coverlet and sheets off before walking around the bed and into the master bathroom. She left the door open, so I had the distinct pleasure of listening to her piss into the toilet. Once she was done, she washed her hands and then brushed her teeth while I tried to ignore the sounds and go back to sleep.

I must have faded out for a few seconds there, because I was jolted awake again when she came running into the room and jumped across our queen-size bed and began kissing my shoulders and neck while clawing at the covers and pulling them down until she was able to kick them off the bed.

"Rise and shine lover boy!" She purred happily as she straddled me and started grinding her hairless, pink, pussy on my back smearing her early morning arousal on my skin.

I knew I was not going to get any more sleep, and I groaned for my loss. But, could there ever be a better wake up program than this?

She was giggling as she played and tickled until I twisted beneath her. My hard, swollen, dick whipped up like it was a loaded spring and it whacked her ass with a loud "Smack!" before getting caught in the cleavage of her bountiful round cheeks.

"Oh!" She purred sensually as her eyes widened playfully.

Biting her bottom lip she bent over so that her ass cheeks spread apart and her pussy was pushed back until my dick was steadily thumping against her wet lips. She leaned in until her nipples were gently caressing my chest. She finger combed locks of curls out of her face as her blue eyes met mine with a hungry gaze, and she quit biting her bottom lip long enough to press her plump mouth against mine for a deep kiss that left me tasting her minty toothpaste.

"Well, aren't you lively this morning," She purred in a husky whisper.

"Well I better be right," I answered with a chuckle, "After all, you married me for my dick didn't you!"

She knew I was teasing, but she smiled deviously anyway as she growled, "I sure did!"

Slipping a small hand between us, she lifted her hips and ass up just enough to get her hand on my dick, and then bent my head and shaft just enough so I slid into her warm wet sheath as she extracted her hand and lowered her hips down to my pelvis.

"You're just my tool of self-gratification," She teased as she pushed herself to sit back so that my dick slid up the back of her vaginal wall until my head came to rest against her cervix.

She paused to revel in the sensation of my filling her up completely, just as I reveled in the sensations of her soft insides undulating around my dick as her vaginal mouth tightened around my base like a tight O-ring. Then she started a slow grind of her clitoris on my pelvis.

Placing my hands on her thighs, I worked my way to her massive ass cheeks where I gripped them tightly, dug in my fingertips, and spread her apart like I wanted to break bread. Andrea moaned as she leaned forward, put a hand down on my chest for support, and used the other hand to twist her nipples one at a time. She closed her eyes, and hissed as she inhaled and exhaled.

As I felt my orgasm slowly build I pushed her hips down harder and harder so that she was now only twerking her hips in short one inch thrusts while bending my dick into the shape of a ski-slope as my glands rubbed the back of her vagina. I was on the verge of popping out of her as she ground her vulva and clitoris hard against my organ and pubic bone.

She exhaled a loud wanton moan and then bit her lip as she inhaled. Then she spit her bottom lip out as she drooled across my chest and wailed, "Fuck me baby! Fuck me! Fuck I love your fucking dick!"

"Oh Fuck!" She gasped as her orgasm hit her and her eyes fluttered open, "Oh yes! Yes! YES!" She screamed!

She shifted her hips suddenly, eating up my dick and slamming my head into her cervix as her vagina clamped down on the base of my dick and my own climax was upon me! My balls ached with the pressure of my need. As Andrea's voluminous ass cheeks slapped my balls they boiled over. It felt like pressurized steam surging through my groin until brilliant blinding pleasure blasted from my head straight up inside my woman as she shrieked in ecstasy!

Our bodies held perfectly still. Every muscle taut as we climaxed together. With every blasting pump of my seed inside her, Andrea sighed until finally I was finished and she wilted forward to lay on my chest.

"God, I love your dick," She finally purred before sucking drool back into her mouth.

"And I love your pussy," I retorted with a chuckle.

We laid there for a few more minutes, and then we got up and marched into the bathroom to take a shower. We both had to work, and if we weren't quick we were going to be late, again...

I turned on the water, and then we both got in. I washed, and then Andrea washed. She turned around and I scrubbed her back then she returned the favor. All the while we smiled at each other and played. My dick hardened a second time and I gave her a look to which she gave me a sideways grin and said, "We are definitely going to be late for work now."

I smiled and shrugged, and she turned around and bent over and proffered her ass to me. She looked back over her shoulder to grin back and say, "Not in the ass, or I will be really late!"

I grinned at her as I lined up my dick and then chuckled as I pressed my dickhead against her anus until I felt my head pop inside, "I guess you're going to be really late then!"

She hissed at me and furrowed her brow, but then her eyes crossed and rolled up as I thrust my full length deeper inside her fat bottom!

It was a fast fuck. Her tight little asshole was the best O-ring ever! I grabbed her waist, and I slammed my hips into her ass cheeks with abandon as I watched them ripple from our collisions. As I withdrew I squeezed a little hair conditioner on to my dick and then slammed in again. With the assistance of a little lubrication I set a maddening pace of fucking my wife's ass until I felt my balls tighten up until the felt like they were vibrating and then my mind blanked as I exploded cum inside Andrea a second time!

"Are you done?" She asked as she walked her hand up the bath wall and looked back at me with my head thrown back and my dick still buried between her ass cheeks.

"Yea," I sighed in satisfaction as I withdrew leaving all my cum buried deep inside her rectum.

"Good," She answered with a wry smirk as she stood up and turned to me, "I do love making my man cum!"

"Me too," I mumbled, "Me too..."

Andrea grabbed up the bar of soap and quickly washed my dick off as I recovered. Then she stepped out of the shower while I washed my hair.

"Honey," She called as I put my head under the faucet to rinse the soap from my hair.

"Huh," I answered.

"I'm going to be picking up some night shifts starting tonight," Andrea said as she turned on the hair dryer.

"Okay," I replied.

"Also, my sister is coming to stay with us for a while," She continued, "Bruce left her for another woman..."

"Okay," I answered again.

"Anyway," Andrea said as she turned off the hairdryer and began rubbing lotion into her skin, "He kicked her out, and now she has no place to stay, so I said we could take her in for a while."

"Ah huh, okay," I answered again just before turning off the water and threw the shower curtain aside.

Andrea was waiting for me with a big smile and a towel. She handed it to me with an, "I love you so much!" And then left to get dressed.

I left for work first, and I didn't think about anything but our morning sex for the rest of the day.

----(!)----

When I got home I found a note on the crockpot saying dinner should be ready in an hour. With a smile for Andrea's kissy lips drawn in the corners, I set the note down and went to the office to write.

Our house was a small two bedroom home that we had just barely scraped enough money together for a down payment. It was an older home, but the master bedroom and bathroom were large, almost oversized. The second bedroom was large enough that I had a fold out couch for when guests came to visit, but otherwise, it was my office.

It was so quiet that I fell deep into my imagination and story, and before I knew it, it was eight o'clock. Walking out to the kitchen I found an already used plate and I figured Andrea must have come home, eaten, and either gone to bed, was reading a book, or taking a bath. Either way she had come home and didn't come in and disturbed me like usual with questions about my day or telling me about hers, which I missed now that she hadn't.

Feeling a tad bit guilty, I dished out a plate full of pulled pork and went back to my office to write some more. Two hours later it was ten o'clock when I finally stretched and looked at the time. With a hiss I put the computer on standby mode, turned off the high definition LED television that serves as my monitor, and marched into my bedroom. I always tried to stop in time to go to bed with Andrea so we could cuddle and then make love before we went to sleep.

The room was pitch-black when I entered, and then I closed the door as silently as possible behind me. Fuck! I had missed our make-out time together. Shucking off my pants and underwear, I pulled my t-shirt over my head, and then I pulled back the covers and slipped into bed beside Andrea.

She was facing away from me as I moved up behind her. She had her ass stuck out across the bed. So I laid my hand on her hip and gently stroked down to cup her ass and squeeze before running down her thigh and back up to her hip. For some reason her hips and ass felt slightly larger than usual. Moving the same hand up I followed the steep curve down to her waist as Andrea moaned and pushed her ass back into my hips more firmly.

My dick was already a swollen, angry, thumping stick that batted at her ass cheeks until she shifted her hips and caught and trapped my cock in her deep valley. She moaned again and sleepily began twerking her ass against my hips while I moved my hand around her waist so that I could caress her toned belly and pushed my fingers down to investigate her pussy.

As usual I found soft smooth skin where her pubic hair should have been. Andrea had shaved when we first got married, and then she progressed to waxing, and then tried electrolysis, and finally she tried the laser hair removal method. Now, she was completely, and permanently hairless. She likes her coochie baby soft. From front to back, and I liked it too.

Andrea's thighs were closed so I could only get the tip of my finger to slip between the folds of her labia and found her clitoris. I started rubbing a tight circle around it and she moaned again and thrust her ass back into me while arching her back so that her pussy was now more accessible from behind than the front.

Withdrawing my hand, I caressed her belly once again before continuing up to cup the nearest small perky breast.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, she arched her back so that her ass cheeks released my dick. She moaned as my cock thwacked her pussy, and I heard a wet slap as the top of my shaft slapped her vagina. I could feel her chest vibrate beneath my hand on her breast like she was actively purring, but I still wasn't at a great angle for penetration.

I didn't want to wake her up completely, but I did want to fuck her. So, I withdrew my hand from her breast and then I repositioned as I grabbed her bountiful ass and followed its curves to her pussy-lips. Once I found her vagina I thrust a long middle finger inside her wet embrace to test out how aroused she was, and she was very very wet.

Withdrawing, I ran my finger up her vulva and through her dainty labia petals to her clitoris. I rubbed circles around it until she was actively twerking her pussy on my hand, and then I grabbed my dick and guided it to her wet hole and pressed inside. I thought I heard Andrea sigh contentedly, but when I stopped and listened she didn't make any more noises.

Moving in behind her, I grabbed her by her hip-flares and began slowly thrusting my dick inside her as I relished the feeling of her warm embrace. I loved the feeling of my lower belly colliding and pressing against her cushiony ass cheeks. And, as I moved one hand around to her upper abdomen, I loved the feeling of the movement of her skin, muscles, and breathing beneath my fingertips. She began rocking her hips, and rotating her pussy so that my dick was whisking her vagina as my dickhead rubbed circles around her cervix.

She turned more onto her belly and I followed her as she spread her legs apart and thrust her ass skyward. I got up and moved behind her so that I was kneeling between her knees. I ran my hands across her very bountifully round ass cheeks, and then grabbed her by her hip-flares again as I drove my dick back into her vagina!

Andrea gasped and moaned into her pillow lustily!

I was slamming my dick inside her now, and with every collision my balls slapped her clitoris with a loud "Smack!" I continued for several minutes, I thought but I couldn't be sure, and then Andrea shifted from twisting her own small nipples to sliding a hand down her belly to her clit and catching my balls!

She wrapped her fingers around them and then began clawing my scrotum and testicular cords until my balls felt like they were tingling and vibrating. My pace increased to maniacal hammering. The collisions of my hips into her ass cheeks were a loud, "Whack!" "Whack!" "Whack!" And, my breathing was a bellows as my fingers dug into Andrea's ass and hip-flares!

My balls felt like they were a boiling, churning, frothing, and then fire and ice burst inside my groin and they boiled over and I reeled in dazed euphoria as my cum rocketed out of me to depths deep inside Andrea's womb!

Every time I came she tightened her grip on my balls as if she were squeezing every last drop of sperm from them, and then I came to a shuddering halt, buried deep inside her and I swayed back and forth in jubilant aftermath as my dick twitched inside Andrea as the dregs of my spend slowly pumped into her velvet sheath.

Once I had recovered, I withdrew my dick and went to the bathroom to clean up. When I returned Andrea was back to laying on her side facing away from me as she had before. Slipping into bed, I scooted up behind her again as she silently moved her ass back to press into my hips. I wrapped an arm around her waist and she grabbed my hand and laced her fingers between mine from the outside as she held my palm to her right breast, and that is how I fell to sleep.

----(!)----

Andrea's shifting and flipping in bed roused me from sleep to a drowsy stupor. I was cognizant that I was lying on my back and that I had a midnight wood that was tenting the sheet and coverlet.

Suddenly, I felt more than saw, Andrea flip around and throw a leg over my chest. I felt her soft ass cheeks squish against my pectorals, and then I felt her lay down my body. She grabbed my cock with her left hand and scooped up my testicles with her right. She pulled my dick hard to the left out of the way and then her hot mouth was consuming my balls. Her tongue pushed and prodded my jewels while her teeth nipped and chewed on my scrotum and testicular cords!

My eyes fluttered open and I was staring up at the silhouette of her amazing ass and hot, wet, pussy!

Pulling my arms free of the blankets and Andrea's legs, I wasted no time in grabbing two meaty handfuls of her ass and squeezing as I spread her apart and pulled her pussy down to my mouth. I rubbed her vulva and beaked her vagina with my nose while latching onto her pussy-lips and sucking her labia and clitoris into my mouth.

Andrea released my balls and exhaled a husky sigh as I probed her clitoris with my tongue, and then she whipped my cock up and sucked it into her mouth and went down on me until it slipped into her throat and her plump lips and teeth were sucking and chewing the base of my shaft... She withdrew and scraped her teeth down my swollen meat until she came to my head, and then she tried to force her tongue down my urethra before nibbling on the glands on the underside.

As she worked my dick into her mouth, between her teeth, and beneath her tongue; I licked, sucked, and nibbled her clitoris, labia, and vulva. I was worried that I wasn't doing a very good job, but as I latched onto her clitoris she lowered her pubic mound down and twerked her pussy on my face.

I must have found a good spot because her hips and ass shuddered, then she was pushing her pussy against my teeth forcefully as I sucked on her. She reared back off of my dick and moaned scrumptiously, and then sat fully on my head as my nose slid up inside her vagina and her ass cheeks pressed down on my eyes as she buried me beneath her.

She moaned as her body shuddered, then she squealed as it tightened up until she was crushing me, and then she quaked as she sighed in orgasmic delight!

When she recovered she attacked my dick with renewed fervor, sucking, nipping, biting, nibbling, licking it like a lollipop, deep throating until she was shuddering with her need to breathe.

"Mmm," She hummed around my dick, but I just couldn't climax.

Withdrawing from her vagina that I was licking her nectar from, I suggested, "I don't feel close at all... Why don't you flip around and let me fuck your ass?"