Mom's Big Bed

So, I got up onto my feet and started to head inside; destination - the downstairs shower if there was room. I got a towel swat on the ass as I started to move to the door entrance to the kitchen. I turned around and saw the mob off women pointing to the large shower by the pool. It is an old setup built by the fellah that originally owned the place when he built it back in the 1950s. He had this wacky large-ass shower built into the pool patio complex, kind of like a locker room shower. Apparently he had alot of pool parties and apparently he was a clean freak who wanted everyone to shower off before hitting the water. I'd used it sometimes, but a lot of times it was where I put my bike.

"C'mon silly," Mom said motioning to the group pool shower, "we've got plenty of room and shower heads in there; besides, we have something

special

to give you. Line up everyone!" My aunts and my grandmother all got in a line on the way to the shower with mom blocking the entrance. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do but as I walked up to the head of the line I was pulled into a passionate embrace by my Aunt Becky. She kissed me

and kissed me hard

; just like it was in a sappy old 1950s love story with a wedding at the end right before the credits roll. I realized we had just been somehow married at least in the eyes of the family. We broke our embrace and I moved on to the next in line, my Aunt Sharon, and again the same thing played out with a deep romantic kiss and lots of OOOHHHs and AAAHHs from the spectators, (

and a few catcalls as I remember

). Next came Maria, and then Grandma.

Finally, I stood in front of Mom standing into the doorway. She held up a silvery ring like the ones she had on her fingers and thumbs and just like the ones my aunts and grandmother wore on theirs. She spoke to me with a smile on her face but with great seriousness and sincerity in her voice,

"Ian, today we are bringing you into the fold; into the THING of ours! This is more than the normal bonds of family...this is something MORE! If you accept; remember that your loyalty is to this family and THIS GROUP. We are a fused circle of strength and radiance much like this ring I give you to wear. Do you accept?" ....

One ring to bring them all one ring to fuck them? -

I forced the thought out of my head so that I wouldn't laugh.

I wanted to get laid again and snickering in the middle of something important was not going to get me any more familial nookie

!

"I do," I answered seriously, trying to channel something from my days as a boy scout and try to look solemn. With that my mother and I embraced in a passionate kiss that sealed the bond between us. We were more than a mother and son, we were now husband and wife in the eyes of this THING and my wives behind us (who happened to be the wives of my mother as well) applauded and hooted congratulations!

"Now then," said Mom, "get inside and lets all get cleaned up! We have big plans for tonight. BIG PLANS! We are going to initiate our newest member into our THING -

in style!"

We piled in and got the six shower heads running. Soon there was hot water and steam adding a great cloud in what would best be compared to a sauna at Lilith fair. The scene was kind of like standing in the middle of a lesbo locker room, complete with nasty jokes, soap suds being thrown around, and everyone spitting water at each other! It was as if all the chicks in a MILF porn fantasy had come together and just won a huge powder-puff football game and now they were celebrating in the locker room!

There is something about a bunch of stoned, drunk, MILFs and a GILF all taking a shower together and laughing hysterically that is...

well

...I wish I had a camera for that occasion! Don't worry, I have since shot some similar stuff for my website but that moment was original and unscripted; completely spontaneous –

like the time I dove into the pool from the second floor balcony!

Aunt Becky started doing some yoga poses in the shower and then not to be outdone my mother did a few where she pressed her body off the floor while in a seated position and then she raised her feet off the tiles so both legs were out in front of her at about forty five degrees from the horizontal like a pair of horns while her hands held her body like they were two duck feet or something. The two women were letting the shower heads hit them with water just like a fire hose while they were positioning in all these bizarre contortions. Not to be outdone, Aunt Maria then did this fucked up yoga deal where she went into this upside-down hands- planted head- down feet- up thing (locking her knees into her elbows). Then of course Grandma did her best "downward facing dog" pose; all the while the streams of water were smacking them in the cunts and in their buttholes and they were giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls who had just heard a rhyme that included the word Nantucket. Aunt Sharon and I just stood there looking silly-

well for a moment!

Do you remember when I said Aunt Sharon kind of brought that special kind of crazy to things? She was a former stripper who also cut hair?

Perfect storm crazy?

Seeing others show-off brings out this weird competitive thing with her. If I hit ten basketball shots in a row, she HAS to hit eleven. If she sees you win a hand of poker...she wants to get a seat at the table just to clean you out...it's like a weird challenge for her! When she drinks, she will go drink for drink with people way over her weight and drink them under the table just to call them a lightweight. Since then, I have been in strip clubs with her where in the middle of a set, she will look up at some pole dancer who is humping her beaver with the stripper pole and tell me how she could "beat that high-heeled-hackjob any day of the week twirling on that pole!" Well anyhow she saw all this, and pushed a Becky and my Mom out of the way saying something akin to, "amateur night being over!" Then Aunt Sharon turned the shower head pressure up high and squirted soap on the floor (it's a wonder nobody slipped and fell and busted their ass!).

She then got down on the sudsy tiles and did this weird move I had seen in one of those lame-ass brake- dance movies from the 1980s that couldn't go fast enough to video (and then to the bargain bin at Walmart). It was one of her old stripper moves where she swung her legs around like a windmill and then pulled them "SNAP" together to force her body into a spin (like a top) laying on her back! Aunt Becky commented about her being such a drama queen show- off. Maria smirked and added to the highjinks by spreading her feet apart, and then leaning back slightly,

she peed on her sister!

Now howls and shrieks of laughter exploded against the tiles as a jet of yellow streamed out of kinky Auntie Maria's pee-hole straight onto the spinning form of Aunt Sharon! Becky and Mom followed Maria's lead, and each raised a leg like a dog to join in the golden shower of my aunt – I couldn't believe what I was seeing!

Do you think Aunt Sharon was fazed or horrified by all this?

Nope - guess again! You gotta remember I had just fucked her in the ass earlier after she had told me she was a submissive. Well, that was still true.... I mean, most of the time she was an aggressive type-A personality but there was a part of her that liked playing the submissive doormat for a little while (

she later told me it relieves stress for her

). She likes losing control temporarily. She'll whimper and let somebody push her around for a bit as part of her flakey needs but at some point when she's had enough of being stepped on the little Tasmanian devil inside her will snap into action....

especially if you've pissed her off!

The same middle-finger-at- the-world mentality that ran everything else in her life kicked in and she just stopped spinning, got to her knees, and just sat there taking it (middle fingers to her three golden shower nozzles)! She even opened her mouth to take some and then spit it back at Maria. Maria shrieked and banged herself against the shower wall trying to get away from a stream of her own piss spat out of Sharon's mouth.

Sharon was up on her feet now and with both hands at the side of her head like donkey-ears as she stood feet apart shaking her butt from side to side jeering, "NANNER NANNER BOO BOO!" before sticking her tongue out to her older sister! Maria who was now embarrassed at having flailed against the wall only to turn around and see her sister mocking her. She took a retaliatory step and kick into the space where Sharon's ass had been a moment before, only to miss and hit empty air as Sharon jumped out of the way and grabbed Maria's leg.

The two were now grappling and they both went to the floor while Mom and Becky stood over them laughing and cheering. For being shorter than Maria, Sharon was the scrappier of the too –

hey honey badger just don't care I guess

; anyway Sharon got Maria down and pinned underneath her faster than you could say, "Off the Top Rope" it seemed! Sharon and Mom had done some jello and mud wrestling in their past as strippers so this whole "wrestling on a soapy shower floor", thing was what would best be described as Sharon's

core-competency

. Don't challenge Michael Jordan to a lay-up contest and don't say to Aunt Sharon, "Ya wanna wrestle?" or what happened NEXT is simply gonna happen to you! You've been warned!

Sharon got Maria pinned down on her tummy with both of her arms behind her back. Maria was fussing and struggling but Sharon had her fast (complete with a knee in Maria's back)! Maria called to Grandma something like, "MA GET HER OFF OF ME!" Grandma stood next to me, hands on her hips chuckling and shaking her head saying,

"Maria, sorry...you instigated this, now you get to pay the penalty!" I looked at Grandma concerned. She put her arm around me and reassured me that this was just fun rough-housing and horseplay that "her girls" did from time to time. I wasn't too sure – they both could have cracked their skulls when they went to the tile floor like that! I was eighteen, -

young, dumb, and full of cum,

and I could see that wasn't a good idea! Anyhow, Grandmother had a hunch of just what was in Sharon's mind. She made eye contact with Sharon and with another chuckle; one of her hands on her hip and the other now stroking my cock absent mindedly she said,

"Ok Sharon let 'er rip!" A second later I saw Sharon adjust her leg position slightly while Maria lay head to one side, pinned beneath her. Sharon grimaced, stared straight ahead and marked her territory by pissing on the head of her older sister. She then dropped down and rubbed her crotch on her shrieking sibling's head! Apparently despite the fact that Grandma abhorred violence, she also believed in letting her girls...."settle" things. The oddest thing happened next, Sharon dropped Maria's arms and got up off her sister (giving her butt a smack in the process with both hands), and then stepping back offered Maria a "hand up". Maria looked up, bested but pretty much unhurt and took her sister's hand. When they were both on their feet, the two battling amazons hugged and kissed and gave each other a slap on the ass in the ultimate "good game" display. They even acted as though nothing had just happened as they whispered and laughed something I couldn't hear over the sound of the shower. Apparently there was another dynamic between Mom and the sisters that I didn't know about...

and I had just seen them munch each other's carpets for the last few hours!

Sheeze!

To call this fucked up and funny would have been and understatement. It was a good thing we had plenty of soap! Even more telling was that Sharon had only one and a half drinks and I think I saw her take one puff off a joint. Perhaps two. Most of the reefer and booze was being consumed by all the other ladies in the group (to include Grandma). Sharon was THIS crazy and she had barely touched anything mind altering! I was beginning to question the group's call to make Sharon the designated driver for the night!

Needless to say we went through a ton of shower soap and shampoo in the next few minutes. After we finally got cleaned up, we grabbed our things and headed inside to get dressed. We were hurrying because the Thai food was coming any minute. I wasn't really sure what I was getting dressed for. I put on clothes like I was going to a school dance. Mom had said something about "clubwear", like I was supposed to know what that was. I picked out some clean clothes halfway between formal and just a little "upscale" (or so I thought). When I came down the stairs my Aunt Becky saw me and she laughed calling to my mom down the hall saying, "HEY PETRA, YA GOTTA SEE IAN! I THINK WE ARE GOING TO NEED TO GO SHOPPING! IT'S A GOOD THING WE CLOSED ON THOSE HOUSES!"

Mom came down the hall in a bathrobe and took a look at me shaking her head saying, "Oh baby. Yup. You're going to be a fixer upper if there ever was one!.....Is that your hair for tonight? Sweetie...after we eat, we are hitting the mall before shit closes down. Your mom is going to spend some money on her new husband slash boy-toy!"

"...and so are your aunts!" said Becky nodding her toweled head. Sharon, came around the corner and looked at me standing on the stairs and said,

"Is he going to go sit for school pictures? He'll never get laid looking like that....

not unless WE fuck him!"

"Relax Sharon," said Becky, "we are taking him shopping. Does your friend still work in the mall cutting hair?"

"Oh goodie! Shopppppinnng!" squealed Sharon with a voice that could cut glass! "

Oh, and yes!

....Let me call Antoine and tell him I have an EMERGENCY! I'd cut his hair but Antoine is really the guy to go to for men's hair and especially with that train-wreck of a mop on his head." She then looked straight at me shaking her head like she was making a HUGE sacrifice, "You soooo fucking owe me. I want PAYBACK sex from you later! Got it HUBBY!" I nodded. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I mean..I was now free to fuck as many women as I wanted in Mom's house, I had a harem of women who would do it, I could smoke weed and drink and smoke cigars,.......

and I felt like I had ZERO decision making capacity

. I now knew what the term "Golden Handcuffs" meant. Holy shit!

About that time the Thai delivery came. Sharon answered the door. A lady was at the door with the cartons of steaming food. Sharon and the lady immediately recognized each other. Her name was Margaret and Aunt Sharon knew her well – REALLY WELL! She was Vietnamese-American but she was working for the Thai delivery place while she was going to the university. Apparently my sister Linda knew her too from the conversation.

"So are you guys getting ready for a party? She asked, "You all seem to be getting dolled up in a hurry!" She hadn't seen me yet but I could see another thing about her from around the railing of the stairs that defied gravity and the laws of physics. She was a tall skinny Vietnamese chick with round cantaloupes for boobs – I MEAN GREAT BIG FREAKY GODDAMN BIG ONES;

she looked like a Vietnamese Budweiser poster!

As she turned to pick up some more cartons of food from outside I could also see from her jeans that she had a bangin hot ass –

an upside down valentine style booty!

Then it clicked for me...I had seen her and her twin sister running around the hallways in high school with my sister Linda. She had her hair different and I hadn't recognized her at first, (she and her sis had always trotted around school in pony tails...now those were gone, replaced by a luxurious black mane). She also had boobs now- something she definitely didn't have before, her tits before looked like mosquito bites compared to these fun-bags hanging from her rib cage now ; a lot had changed in her since she had graduated last year with my sister!

"No," Sharon answered, "we are taking our little tribe o' trouble out and hitting Club Discretions late. We might hit Christies Cabaret before that, but first we have gotta get ready and eat, then we are doing some quick shopping and hairdressing stuff at the mall."

"Oh," Margaret answered, "maybe my sister Mimi and I will see you out there! What time?"

"I don't know, I think we won't be at Discretions until about eleven. That place doesn't start popping until then anyhow! You want me to text you when we head that way?"

"Sure!" Margaret answered, "I remember the last time your group did your "path of destruction" routine; I couldn't walk right for three days after! My sis Mimi said she felt like she'd had everything parked inside her but a Mini-Cooper! Count us both in!" Sharon grabbed her purse and settled the bill. She gave Margaret a tip and then she kissed her and poked one of her boobs through her t-shirt saying, "BOOP!" Margaret then leaned forward and gave my aunt a kiss and shoved a hand up under Sharon's robe for a five count and the two swapped spit in the doorway until they both broke away with Margaret saying, "Later!" with a lingering eye contact sort of thing. She headed back to the delivery truck to get back to work.

Ok, I had a new problem but I had to keep calm! I had to focus and to not blow it. I SSSSOOOO wanted to have something to do with Margaret later that night (and if I could do it with Sharon participating...so much the better)! I would pretty much have to do whatever these women decided for me to do hair-wise and clothing apparel-wise; I mean hell, I was and still am a straight white guy. I am whiter than a polar bear money-shot in a blizzard that lands on a slice of Wonder Bread! What I knew about hair and men's fashion at that age, you could ball up and shove in your eye and it wouldn't so much as make it water! As I scarfed down Thai food with all these cackling women with towels around their heads sitting around the dinner table eating in bathrobes, doing nails, and adjusting makeup in hand mirrors, I had a resolution. It went something like this in my skull: "Ian you don't know what you are doing so let the experts do the thinking tonight! They are going to be your guides taking you up the river to the happy hunting grounds; do what they tell you. Otherwise you are way out of your depth!" It would turn out that my inner monologue would pay off.

The tribe finally (after what seemed like forever), got hair done, nails, eyebrows, and whatever else done. They got their club-wear on and slipped on their shoes (I guessed by the looks of things that "club-wear" meant a style that was something halfway between a wardrobe for a porno shoot and "Housewives of Orange County.") They moved things around to "purses for going out". Sharon got the van,

up and running

. Her Van; I had to let that sink in. ....Here is the thing; you have a woman as crazy as THAT,

making money like THAT,

and she is still driving a grey mini-van?

What the fuck! It didn't even have a decent paint job...it had orange- peeled blue grey paint that was chipping off in places showing primer grey beneath. At least we could be certain we were not going to be victims of a car-jacking!

The reason for the van is it is good and practical for hauling around a bunch of stoned drunk Harpies (and possibly their dates). Sharon still has the Van, only now she and everyone else call it

"Fifty Shades of Grey!"

Incidentally her other car is a soft-top BMW roadster that she won't let anyone drive, except for me! –

She likes to blow me while we haul ass down the highway in some "exhibitionist-motorist" shenanigans from time to time to freak people out and watch the stares -

but hey I am getting off topic

.

Anyhow, we pulled out of the driveway and headed to the mall. Sharon called one more time just before we left to let Antoine know we were coming.