"Remember, kids," Dad said as he walked out to the car, waving to us with a green hand, "most kids get the little candies, but kids we know get the full-size bars."
"Just like the last eighteen years, got it. Have fun."
What a revoltin' development, I thought: Our parents are going to their annual Halloween party, while we're stuck at home giving out Baby Ruth bars (small and large). We saw this coming, of course: Mags and I enrolled in community college, so we were home while most of our friends were at school miles away. And we hadn't really had time to make friends at our new school, so no parties for us this year.
"What's Mom going as?" I asked Mags. They were both wearing coats over their costumes, but it was obvious Dad was the Incredible Hulk.
Or Kermit the Frog, I guess, but my money was on Hulk. "Wonder Woman," Mags said. "I saw her costume in Mom and Dads room this morning." I tried to imagine it, and then she added "A pretty skimpy version from the looks of it."
"Oh dear," I said with a laugh. Well, I had to be honest, Mom was thirty-eight and could pass for several years younger, so she could probably pull it off. Yeah, she was my mother, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice these things.
A bunch of kids came to the door at once, and Mags gave them each a handful of the small candies. When we closed the door behind them, I started to say "It's not going to last long if you --"
"Come on upstairs, I have to show you something."
I followed her to her room, where she tossed me a bag from Fantasy City. "Put this on, we don't have a lot of time." I had no idea what she was getting at. Did she want us to wear costumes when we gave out candy? We could have done that before Mom and Dad left.
I went into my room and changed. It was a Batman costume, but not the one from the movies. The shirt was short-sleeved, tight and v-necked, and displayed a lot of my chest. I guess my twin sister had noticed that three years of football had left me with enough muscles to pull it off. The bottoms were... also tight. Not ballet dancer tight, but I was a little self-conscious about how little they left to the imagination. "Um, Mags," I called out, "are you sure about this costume?"
"Are you ready?" she asked. "I want to see."
"Are you sure?" I asked again. And then she came into the room.
She was Batgirl. With a top that exposed her midriff and bottoms that were little more than panties. I guess I'd seen her in bikinis with smaller bottoms, but still.
"It's a nice fit. I couldn't be sure."
"So does -- what's this all about, are we going to traumatize the little kids?"
"No, we're going to a party."
"A what? Where? Since when?"
"We're crashing Mom and Dad's party. I always wanted to know what those are all about."
"Except... we don't know where it is, and we weren't invited, and Mom and Dad would be really pissed."
She pulled on Batgirl's red wig, and covered it with the cowl which covered most of her face. "Would you have any idea this was me?"
"You're crazy," I said. "And this still doesn't address the fact that--"
She showed me her cell phone, which displayed a map with a dot moving slowly across it. "This morning I told Mom I couldn't find my phone, and asked to borrow hers so I could ring it. While I had it, I installed tracking software, which was so simple even a football player could do it. Now let's go, we don't want to be too late."
#
We got into my car and it was easy enough to track them across town. Mom had left her phone in her and Dad's car ("It's not as if she has pockets," Mags pointed out), but it was obvious which house on the block the party was at, if only because of the loud music: the door wasn't locked and we walked right in, appearing to be just another invited couple. The lights were a bit dim (and tinted slightly orange), but not dim enough that anybody nearby could miss the batarang in my pants.
There were so many ways this could end badly.
We were given drinks as soon as we got in, by a woman wearing a Hogwarts costume that seemed to consist only of the iconic jacket, panties, boots and the neck-tie. No shirt under the jacket, and the jacket barely came down to mid-thigh.
Incendio
, I thought, really needing that drink.
Mags stayed pressed against me as we walked, and I could understand why: every guy was checking her out. Of course, there were probably thirty couples here, all in their twenties and thirties, and all the women were getting checked out. With good cause.
I was quite intrigued by a woman dressed as a cat, her costume consisting of a sheer bodysuit with random patches of fur covering her breasts and crotch. She also wore a mask, as if anybody would be looking at her face.
A bare-chested soldier, whom I recognized as our dentist Doctor Anders, walked by her and accidentally-on-purpose brushed his hand across her mostly-naked ass.
I tried not to think about how obvious it must have been how "intrigued" I was. No wonder Mom and Dad never seemed to miss one of these parties, I thought -- at the same time thinking "
Mom and Dad go to these parties
???"
Suddenly Mags jumped, and threw her arm around me, pulling me closer.
A vampire had just grabbed her ass, given it a quick stroke, and moved on.
I noticed there was a bit of that sort of thing going on. Would I get to grab a few asses before we left? I glanced around the room and made a mental note of a few I'd like to grab if I built up the nerve.
The party had probably started about half an hour before we arrived; and just in the twenty minutes or so we'd been here, things seemed to have been loosening up even more. We were already on our second drinks, and I could only imagine what some of the other guests had polished off. Or if there were any pharmaceuticals floating around we hadn't been offered yet.
Hogwarts Girl was dancing furiously, and her jacket was unbuttoned almost down to her navel.
"This might not have been such a great idea," Mags said, trying both to whisper and be heard over the music.
"Okay, let's go," I said. We were headed for the door when we saw Mom and Dad coming in from another room, along with Superman and a bunny rabbit. Mom's Wonder Woman costume was really just a small red-white-and-blue bikini, plus high-heeled boots and a golden lasso tied to her waist. I hadn't seen this much of her bare skin since I was nursing.
The Paternal Hulk was wearing ripped shorts that would have exposed his underwear if he'd been wearing any. His head-to-toe body paint was smudged, and a lot of it was on Mom's chest and legs and the bunny rabbit's thighs.
"I don't want to even think about what they were doing," Mags said.
They all walked right past us headed for the bar, and had no idea who we were. I couldn't help noticing that from the back, almost none of Mom's ass was covered.
We were just about to leave (again) when Alice (of Wonderland fame) asked me to dance. Unlike in the Disney film, her pinafore was short enough to show off her thong. She completely ignored Mags, even though she was apparently my significant other tonight. Mags nodded her head at me, telling me to go ahead.
I recognized Alice as Mrs. Simpson, one of Mom's friends. And my friend Dan's mother. I thought she might be a year or two younger than Mom, and I'd seen her wearing very short shorts in the past -- though obviously nothing like this.
She ran her hand up and down my back as we danced, so I did the same to her. She didn't seem to care whether Mr. Simpson could see us, so neither did I: it's not as if anybody knew who I was, after all.
Just as I was thinking this, Alice said "It's driving me crazy, I think I know you, but I can't figure it out."
"I'm Batman," I said in a deep voice.
