During the night, I awoke panicky. I was mortified at what I had let happen. Gently and as sweetly as I could, I woke Jesse up and got him to go to his own room. I needed the space and time alone to sort through what had happened.
Luckily, his roommate was up and out the door early the next morning. It was awkward at first when I was around Jesse, but I just gently explained how wrong it'd been. He seemed to get it when I mentioned how very hurtful the news of this could be, if others learned. He went along with me, and he acted like he understood, which I was so very glad for. I asked him if we could still be close. I was so happily surprised when he looked both relieved and excited at the thought of it. He said that we could certainly still be friends. We hugged as friends and decided we'd just enjoy the day.
We laughed and talked easily. We ate brunch at one of his favorite places. We decided at brunch that we both needed a good work-out, so after brunch and some walking around we went back to his place and got our work-out stuff. He was such a cool work-out partner to let me just have my space and do what I wanted to do. We met back up after the work-out and a good shower.
Once we were back in the car, my cell phone started going off. Of course, it was my husband. Like some sixth sense, he had a knack for calling and getting my attention at the very times I probably didn't need it. I talked with him a good while, and I think Jesse and I both felt even more resolved about how wrong last night had been when I got off the phone.
"How was he doing?" Jesse asked, a distinct tone of concern in his voice.
"He was good. He asked about you."
"Geez. I feel like the worst guy ever."
"Well, don't beat yourself up, but now we know just how much of a mistake last night was. It has to stay our mistake. You know?"
"Yeah, yeah. No question. Did he say much else?"
I hesitated. I didn't want to make Jesse feel even worse. At the same time, I wanted to be honest with him. "Well, actually he did."
Jesse looked at me, and I gave a concerned look back.
"He said he's thinking of me. Says we need to take our time. Acts like he's re-thinking the whole 'break-up'."
Jesse sunk in the driver's seat and seemed to deflate. I wasn't trying to let him off the hook, but I did feel the need to be honest with him.
"Hey look," I explained, "he has phases like that. We do care about each other, no question. But... he's not wanting some monogamous home life. Believe me, he's just not."
Jesse looked at me again as if to wonder about where I was coming from myself.
"Um, just the same, we can't possibly have anything happen or anything said. We just can't." I was firm.
Jesse nodded. "Absolutely. I understand."
I believed him.
We hung out the rest of the day together. I had a great and relaxed time with him,and he seemed to with me as well. We did some shopping, and he showed me around some sights in the area.
Evening came and we hit a restaurant for drinks and dinner. We laughed and talked easily. I caught myself several times thinking about how much I enjoyed hanging-out with him. He was so charming. It was also relaxing because it wasn't like he started in on me about anything or tried to get me to reconsider what I'd said.
We were getting ready to leave the restaurant and one of the waitresses openly flirted with Jesse. It was cute in a way. Jesse seemed a litlle embarrassed by it, but I just chuckled. It was interesting seeing him adored like that. It reinforced my picture of how attractive and personable he was. I kidded him as we left, telling him he'd have to be sure to return sometime---without me. He just shook his head and laughed.
At home, we may have been just a bit awkward. He got quiet, and I didn't think we should tempt things by hanging out alone more. I got ready to call it a night.
"Listen, I want to thank you for being so understanding." I reached up to him and embraced him. He hugged me back and we didn't leave each other for a long moment. I have to admit it felt very good in his arms. His embrace was secure, and his body felt so solid. I didn't move for a while, even though I should have broken off sooner.
When we parted, I brought my face back to his and gave him a tender kiss on his lips. He looked longingly into my eyes as I moved away from him. I turned and went to my room, listening to him behind me as he went on into his own room.
I closed my bedroom door, and exhaled deeply. Leaning back against the bedroom door, I closed my eyes and let my thoughts run wild. His easy-going and accepting manner about the day and evening was so welcomed. It couldn't have been easy given the night before. Yet, he had been so very sweet and understanding with me.
Even more, there was no denying a connection between us. Last night had been passionate, but today had been fun and exciting, too. We'd talked easily. Laughed. I had to admit to myself it'd been fun hanging out with him.
There was more I had to admit though. I winced as I thought about how I'd been like an excited school girl much of the day. I liked his attention. I liked our kidding around. I especially liked the interest he showed in me. I also liked showing interest in him. There was no denying it. And, I even had to admit something to myself---what was that pang I felt when the waitress had flirted with him. That couldn't have been some jealousy, I told myself.
I started to the bed to start my ritual of getting ready for bed. My hands went to my hips as I got very torn about my feelings. The thought entered my mind of it being Saturday night and I was feeling restless. Hey, maybe I'd give myself some relief, I told myself. A smirk crept over my face. Maybe I'd replay parts of last night. I abruptly froze. I shook my head, slowly trying to deny the strong feelings I had to betray my better instinct. I noticed my chest lifting up and back with deep breaths.
A nervous excitement coarsed through me as I thought of Jesse who was just across the hall from me. Stop, I pleaded with myself. What was I thinking? My mind betrayed me by flashing reminders from my time with him. The feel of his skin on mine. The look in his eyes. The parts of his body.
I tried to make myself think of my husband. Tried to remember that I was the older and experienced one here. Still, the effortful thoughts seemed to dissolve. Rather, my mind imagined the short walk across the hall and what was possible. Then, my body followed. As if in a dream, I sensed my hands pat my hair, vainly straightening it. A fading thought said to lay on my bed and use my imagination.
Still as if in a dream, I let myself go back out of the bedroom and across to Jesse's bedroom door. My feet padded across the rug, and I felt scared at what I was doing. My hand reached up and knocked without any plan whatsoever.
"Yeah?" His surprised voice answered.
I opened the door and entered. He was sitting on the side of his bed and looking up at me with his mouth open. Clearly he was shocked to see me there. I stared back at him a moment.
I closed the door behind me, and I stood there just inside his bedroom. I felt giddy excitement but didn't know what to do next. I couldn't help but wonder if he could tell I was shaking. I put my hands behind my back and leaned against them and against the door.
He just smiled. He was probably disbelieving I'd come into his room like this.
His smile turned mischieveous.
I looked back at him intensely. I wasn't sure what I'd do next.
A few seconds passed as we looked at each other. A distant voice told me to leave, but I wasn't going anywhere.
I shook my head slowly. "I should not be here."
I could tell he was only in his boxers, but it was confirmed when he stood from the bed. He paused and kept looking at me. I sensed movement and my gaze went to his boxers. He was tenting his boxers with a growing erection, and I let myself watch the bulge fill his crotch. My eyes drifted back to his face, and he had a beaming smile at knowing I had stared. I grinned back reluctantly.
I braced myself as he started over to me. His hands cupped my face and he closed the distance to kiss me without my moving at all. Those soft lips I'd remembered from the previous night kissed me fully. I felt my lips part and his tongue slip between them. I licked at his tongue, but then pulled back. I brought my mouth off his, and I was looking at his mouth as I leaned back against the door and away from him.
Undeterred, he again closed the distance and kissed me fully, with the effect of pinning me to the door. I don't know know if it was a matter of me or him, but my lips parted wider and his tongue worked about inside my mouth passionately. I fully kissed him back.
Our faces and mouths moved together as we urgently tasted one another. My hands were rubbing his back, when he broke our embrace. He reached his hands under my blouse and pulled it up and over my head, and I found myself only in a bra and my jeans.
He knelt and began undoing and stripping my jeans and I told myself to make him stop. Instead, I put a pliant hand into his thick head of hair, and I watched his large hands unzip my jeans and start tugging at the sides. I felt open air at my crotch as the jeans were slipped down my legs. I softly moaned at the sight of him undressing me and the knowledge I should be stopping this though I wasn't.
His hand slung the removed jeans away, and I saw him peer at my panties before his face. Unexpectedly, he pushed his face into my crotch. I yelped at Jesse's mouth forming directly over my sex at my thin satin panties and he sucked at my scent and taste there. I felt I was probably dripping at this point. After quick moments of his face wedged to me there, he yanked my panties off my hips and to the floor. His mouth darted right back to me, and I inhaled sharply when I felt him cover my wetness.
His tongue stirred in me, and I shoved back at his shoulders unable to take it. As if in response, he stood. His hands grasped my sides and he pulled me up and against him. My legs wrapped against his hips, and I was very self-consciously aware of my bare crotch straddling his hardness still encased in boxers.
He brought us both backwards. Me up and craddled in his arms, and he backpedaling to the bed. When he got to the side of the bed, he sat down with me landing atop his lap. I raised to my knees where I was hovered over him as he stretched backwards and laid back. His hands had guided my back to where I was positioned over him, and then his hands made short work of the straps of my bra, releasing my breasts to spill down and jiggle shamelessly in front of his face.
He put a hand to one of my breasts and squeezed and my head tilted just back at his manipulation of me. As I felt the one hand massage my bare breast, I felt his other hand go between my legs. There was a quick respite where I didn't feel anything happen with his second hand and my eyes drifted back down to look at his face.
He held my look intensely, and he watched my eyes knowing I'd soon react. I felt his exposed hard cock being held out and up against my lips down there, and I tensed my brow and face into a look of realization of what was happening. He looked back at my face that had to look distressed, my mouth open and eyes half closed.
