How to Eat an Elephant

Mom was sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee, when I came staggering down for my usual Saturday morning ritual.

"How'd you sleep?" Mom asked in her cheery morning voice.

"OK."

"What did you and the boys do last night?"

"Hung out."

I got a cup of coffee and wandered to the den so I wouldn't have to talk to her and, as I went, I cast a sideways glance at those beautiful nipples sticking out of her tee shirt. Does she not know what she does to me with those things? Does she not know that all I long for is to put my mouth on them and suck until the end of time?

After a cup of coffee and a shower, I headed over to my buddy's house to play video games. Yeah, I know. At my age, 26, I shouldn't be addicted to video games any longer. That's what we guys did, though. Played video games. It's not like we were robbing convenience stores or anything like that, so we didn't see the harm. A thousand years ago, our 26-year-old ancestors chased down elk, or some other wild game. Today, we chase down zombies.

Jim met me at the door. "What's wrong with you? You seem more down than usual."

"My Mother. She drives me crazy."

"Yeah, mine, too. That's what they're supposed to do, though, isn't it? What's she done this time?"

"Man, she comes down in the morning in this tee shirt, with her nipples standing out, and I'm not supposed to notice? The other night she came in my room to check on something, and all she had on were her panties and a tee shirt. I could see her ass and when she turned around, her fat little pussy was right there. What am I supposed to do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"Hell. You know what I want to do. I want to bend her over and fuck that pussy. I want to get my dick in her mouth. You know exactly what I want to do. I just can't do it."

"Are you sure?"

I looked at him. Jim was my best friend. He was known for playing pranks, and I had been the butt of many of them, so I didn't know what he was up to with this. "Uh. Yeah."

"Then you just haven't tried."

I replied cleverly, "Huh?"

"You just haven't tried. You say you can't do it and I say, if you can't do it, then you just haven't tried."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

He looked at me, and he was dead serious. "I'm telling you, fucking your Mother is as easy as falling off a log. Anyone can do it. Everyone can do it. It's not a question of 'if' you can fuck your Mom, but 'should' you fuck your Mom. If you want it, you can have it. But do you really want it?"

I was getting pretty excited by this point. "Of course I want it. You know I want it. But how? How?"

"No. You didn't listen to what I said. It's not 'if' you can do it, but 'should' you do it?"

Now I was getting frustrated. I wanted to know what he was talking about, and he wanted to play word games. "What the hell are you talking about?"

He looked at me, and then went on. "Look at it this way. If I told you I would guarantee you total access to any woman in the world. If I told you that you could touch her, talk to her any time you wanted. Hug her. Kiss her. You have total and unlimited access. Oh. And you have unlimited time to get it done. With that, do you think you could seduce any woman?"

I was not good with women, never had been, but I thought about what he just said. "I guess I might be able to, I mean, if I had unlimited access and unlimited time. Sure."

"Okay. You just described yourself with your Mom. You can tell her anything. You can touch her. You can kiss her. You can show her unlimited affection. So, it's not a question of 'can you fuck her,' but 'should you fuck her.'"

"Oh. So you're saying it can be done, but I shouldn't do it. I get it. How does that help me?"

"No. You don't get it. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying you need to think about ten years after you do it."

"Ten years? What the fuck?"

Jim stood up and walked around the room. I figured he was stretching the suspense out, but then he turned toward me. "Fucking your Mom will change your relationship with her forever. It can make it beautifully better, or it can screw it up forever. Your relationship will change. How it changes will be up to you. If you think you can deal with it and use it to strengthen your relationship, then you should do it. If you think you can't handle it and it will mess up your relationship, then you shouldn't do it. Simple."

I was starting to wonder about old Jim and his Mom, Sarah. He was always a spoiled brat. She doted on him, constantly. Whenever the gang gathered at his place, and his was the place we always preferred, she was a constant presence. She spoiled us all. Was Jim fucking his Mom? Was that why he was always the favored son? She spoiled his brothers, too, so were they fucking her?

"How could it make it worse?"

He laughed. "Dumbass. I've seen you with girlfriends. As soon as you get what you want, you start looking for an exit strategy. If you treated your Mom like that, what do you think would happen? She's not a girlfriend who you can avoid seeing at the mall after you fuck her. She's in your life forever. If you fuck her and then start avoiding her and treating her like shit, what do you think will happen?"

I laughed, too. Jim had my number. I'd had only one serious girlfriend, and it had not gone well after I got what I wanted.

"But what if you didn't do that? What if you took your relationship with your Mom, added a component to it that would make it stronger, and then nurtured it like a rose in the garden? Could that make it stronger?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Can't be any guess about it. Fucking your Mom is not something that you can make go away once you've done it. It will be there, forever. It will always be the elephant in the room. Let's say you fuck your Mom and ten years from now you're home for Thanksgiving. The two of you make eye contact across the room. Will you act guilty and avoid even talking to her? Or, will you let your gaze linger so that love passes between you, unknown to everyone else? It's all up to you. If you want a long-term, deeply loving relationship with your Mom, you can have it. If you don't want that, then you shouldn't do it. Simple."

"I want it. I want it." I was practically foaming at the mouth, I wanted it so much. "But how?"

"How do you eat an elephant?"

"Huh?"

"You eat an elephant a bite at a time, right? That's how you do it. A bite at a time."

"You're going to have to be a little more specific, Dude. Help me out here."

"You start a bite at a time. The first bite is non-threatening, and the elephant probably won't even notice, but eventually you're going to take a big, important bite, and then you'd better be ready for the elephant to stomp you in the ground. But if he doesn't, then you just keep eating. A bite at a time, and before you know it, you've got it done."

"OK. So, I'll just bite her when I get home."

Jim laughed. "Yeah, that'll do it. Let me know how that works for you."

"Then you'd better help me out here."

"OK. Let's say you're pretty sure you can handle it. She's a woman, so let's assume she can handle it."

"Wait a minute. How do we know she can handle it?"

Jim paused. "Time for some difficult truths. How long have your Mom and Dad been married?"

"I dunno. Thirty years?"

"Has your Mom ever cheated on your Dad?"

"Shit, no. She's Miss Perfect, you know that. She'd never do anything like that."

"I knew you'd say that, but the statistics are not with you. Victoria is a beautiful woman, so you know other men want her. I'll guarantee you, other men have made a run at her. According to the statistics, she has cheated on your Dad. Even if she's a statistical anomaly and has never cheated, it's 100% sure that she has thought about it. She has thought of getting a little on the side. But they're still together. What does that tell you? It tells you that she can compartmentalize her life. It tells you that she can, and probably has, had sex on the side and that she was able to live with it and go on. It didn't screw up her life. So, we know she can handle it."

"Whew. Mom getting a little on the side. There's an image. So, what do I do to start eating this elephant?"

"Well, I know your Mom pretty well. She's a lot like my Mom. Always in control, right? A regular control freak. Always trying to control your life, right?"

"Pretty much. Yeah."

"So, you start by letting her be in control. That's what she wants anyway, so give it to her."

That summed my Mom up pretty well. She controlled everything, and everybody. She made all the decisions, and everyone around her scrambled to keep up. She'd even leave lists for Dad and me to take care of. I hated it.

"So far I'm not liking it."

Jim laughed. "Yeah, I know. But tell me something. And don't get mad. But when you're holding her head while she sucks your dick, who's in control then? Picture that. She's bent over you, holding your dick while she gives you a blowjob. Who's in control?"

I couldn't help but laugh at the image, but damn, it did sound good. "That's pretty far down the line, I think. Let's talk about that elephant."

"So you're ready? You really want to do this?"

"Hell, yes."

"First step, then. You have to make sure she knows you love her. That's what it's all going to be about, so you have to get that right."

"She's my Mother. Of course she knows I love her."

"Oh, sure, she knows, but does she really know? When's the last time you kissed her and whispered in her ear, 'I love you more than you'll ever know?'"

"Uh. Never?"

He nodded. "Well, there you go. First thing is you have to get that solid. You're going to be the perfect loving son. That's the easy part and I'll bet you'll have her eating out of your hand in no time. There's no risk to that, but to make it work, you're going to have to take the hard bite."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"You've got to inject a sexual component into it. She thinks of you as her little boy. You've got to make her look at you as a man who wants her as a woman. Think you can do that?"

"Sure. How does this sound? 'Mom, I'd love to bend you over and pound that fat little pussy.'"

"Yeah, that should work. Your medical insurance paid up?"

"Then how? How did you do it?" That was risky to ask, because I didn't know Jim had done it. I was just assuming, based on what he was saying.

Jim looked at me. The moment of truth. Was he going to tell me the truth, or was he going to start laughing and tell me what a fool I was for letting him goof on me like that. "I did it gradually, but fast. I started kissing her on the lips every chance I got. She liked it. The first time I used a little tongue, she pulled back and it was a couple of days before she'd let me kiss her again. But she did, and then I kept pushing until she was letting me use tongue every time we kissed when we were alone. Then one day I rubbed her butt and said in her ear, 'Do you know I want you more than I've every wanted anything, in my whole life?'"

I was dumbfounded. There it was. Jim was fucking Sarah. Why didn't I see it before? "What did she say?"

"What do you think she said? She said, 'No, that can't happen.' But think about it. From that point on, the cat was out of the bag. We were talking about her fucking me. Once you get it out in the open, well, it's like falling off a log."

"How did you get from 'No, that ain't gonna happen,' to 'Oh, yeah, give it to me?'"

He laughed. "A bite at a time. Think about it. She wants you to love her. You're finally showing her the love she wants. Do you think she's going to push you away and never let you close again? Of course not. Chances are she wants it as much as you, but she's afraid of what it will do to your relationship. You have to show her that it will make it stronger. She's going to think she's in total control, so she'll let you continue. She thinks she can stop it at any time. But you're going to show her that the risk is manageable and that you can show your love without anyone knowing. You know, 'What goes on behind closed doors...'"

"And that's it?"

"Yep. Simple, huh? I'm telling you, anyone can do it. You just have to set your mind to it, and keep on keeping on. It can't fail. It can only take longer than you want."

"What does that mean?"

"Look at it. Let's say, worse case, you make your move and she shuts you down. You just hold what you've got, and let time go by. You keep kissing her, rubbing her butt when you can, and joking with her. You keep telling her how much you want her. What woman doesn't want that? Then, sometime later - maybe days, or weeks, or even years - you tell her you want her more than ever. You keep trying. The more she thinks about not doing it, the more she's thinking about doing it. Right?"

"That makes no sense."

"Sure it does. Don't think of a pink elephant. OK? Try your hardest not to think of a pink elephant. Got it?"

"Yeah. I'm not thinking of a pink elephant."

He laughed again. "But you just did. In order to not think of a pink elephant, you had to think of a pink elephant. The more she tries not to think about getting in bed with you, the more she has to think about getting in bed with you. She'll come around. I guarantee it. Think about this - how does a car salesman get you to spend more on a new car than you want to spend?"

"I dunno. Keep pressuring you, I guess."

"Nope. They show you what you want - the shiny new car - and then they let you rationalize how you can have it. Once they had you sit in the driver's seat, you were done. They let you convince yourself how you can do it."

I drove home with my head whirling. Easy enough for Jim to say. Sometimes you bite an elephant and he stomps you in the ground. The jungles are full of flattened tigers. Then I thought of Jim's Mom, Sarah. What a beauty. Long, dark hair. Beautiful face. Lush body. When Jim was telling me about holding Mom's head while she gave me a blowjob, he was clearly talking about holding Sarah's head while she sucked him. Good God! That beautiful face on Jim's dick. What I would give to get Mom in that position. Would it be worth a little risk?

Hell, yes.

When I got home, I was a man on a mission. Mom was seated at her desk in her office, and looked up when I walked in. "How's Jim? What were you up to?"

Already paranoid, I wondered if Jim had somehow gotten Mom into some big scam on me. But how would he do that? "Say, Victoria. I'm going to convince Bill to try and fuck you. Play along, and then stomp on him." Yeah. Couldn't see that.

I walked over to her, and bent down to kiss her. She raised her cheek to me, and instead I kissed her neck, right where it joins the shoulder. I raised my lips to her ear and whispered, "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

She pulled back. "Well, you'd better. I'm your Mother. It's good to hear, though."

And that was my first bite of the elephant.

I was only going to be home for the weekend before I had to go back to work, about three hours away, so I figured I had to get this thing moving. Normally I would have gone back to hang out with Jim and the guys that night, but I stayed home. Dad wanted to watch a game so he went to the basement while Mom and I stayed upstairs to watch a movie. She sat in her chair while I laid on the couch. I had a hard on the whole time. I don't know if she noticed it, but I sure did.

When the movie was over, I stood up and stretched. I hope she saw it then, but who knows? I bent down to kiss her goodnight, and went right for her lips. I didn't use any tongue, but laid a good, lingering kiss on her and said goodnight.

"Wow," she said. "Where did that come from?"

"I love you. You're my dream girl."

She giggled. "You need to get out more."

"No. I need more of this," and I kissed her again. I don't know if she was seeing me in a sexual way yet, but this was so different from the way I treated her yesterday that she had to wonder what was going on.

The next morning when I went down to the kitchen, I kissed her again. "Where are all these kisses coming from?"

"You'd better get used to them. There's a lot more where that one came from," and I laughed. She laughed, too, and any tension was relieved.

I started texting her every day from work, just to check in. I had never done that, and she was pleased. Before, I would avoid her calls and texts, but now I was in touch at least once a day. She liked that, and before very many days we were texting away like teen-agers. Nothing big, just checking in.

I was going to be home again that weekend. When we texted on Friday morning, she asked how I had slept. "Not so good," I replied.

"Why not?"

"Oh, had a dream that kept me up."

"Uh, oh. Bad dream?"

"Nope. Good dream. Great dream."

"Oh, okay. LOL."

Here I figured I'd take a chance. There had been no dream, of course, but I added, "I told you that you were my dream girl."

There was a pause. "TMI," she wrote, and I didn't reply. But I had that marker out on the table. She had to assume it was a sexual dream, and that she was in it. That was progress, but we'd see how it worked out.

When I got home that night, she met me in the foyer to the garage. I took her in my arms and hugged, then kissed her. If she didn't feel my hard dick on her thigh as we hugged, it was not my fault. She didn't say anything about the dream, or the kiss, or the hard dick, and we went into the house where I greeted Dad. "Two weekends in a row? That's pretty special," he said.

"I'm a man on a mission," I laughed, and Mom poked me in the ribs.

That was good, I thought. She knows she's my mission. If Jim was right, then I was already halfway there.

And then I stalled out. I spent the weekend around her, as much as I could, and grabbed what kisses I could. As I was leaving Sunday night, I kissed her goodbye and, since Dad was still in the den, gently touched her lower lip with my tongue while we kissed. She pulled back.

"That's not how you kiss your Mother," she said. Her voice wasn't stern, but it was not light-hearted, either. She was laying her own marker. This clearly wasn't going to be "falling off a log" easy, as Jim said it would be.

I was ready. Maybe not perfectly ready, but I had thought about what she might say to me, so I was a little ready.

"I can't help it, Mom. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I've wanted you as long as I can remember."

"Some things you want you just can't have," she said, but then she smiled.

"Some things are worth waiting for and working for," I replied.

She laughed softly. "You've got an answer for everything, don't you?"

I hugged and kissed her again. I again lightly touched her lower lip with my tongue, and this time she didn't pull back. "Better get used to it, then, huh?"

I didn't text her that night when I got back to my apartment, as I had started doing, nor the next morning. Early in the afternoon I got a text from her.

"You okay?"

I answered back. "Sure. Just not sure if you're mad at me."

"Of course not, Silly. You just caught me off-guard."

"I'd love to catch you in your unawares," I replied, repeating a family joke.

"Funny boy. See you again this weekend?"

"Maybe. Do I get a kiss?"

"Always trying. We'll see."

"Then it's worth it. Probably about 7 Friday night."

She met me at the back door Friday when I got there, and I got my kiss. I gave her a little tongue, and she didn't resist or push me away, but she didn't respond in kind. I thought that even if I never got any farther with her, getting a kiss like that from your Mom was pretty hot, so I was reasonably content. But I wanted more.

As I said, I was stalled out. That's how we stayed, for weeks, it seems. I'd spend all my time at home trying to be alone with her. When I could get her alone, I'd try to kiss her. She'd either not respond, or she'd gently push me away with a, "Behave yourself, Silly," and that would be it.