Trigger Warning.
This story deals with depression and suicidal thoughts.
It also has rough sex. So if you are not into rough sex, please read something else.
This is what I like and what I like to write about.
Enjoy!
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The snow was falling.
Big, wet flakes.
It was even hard to see out the window. But it was beautiful. A white, clean, soft, and cold world. It was new, untouched and anything was possible.
Well, it should be.
Jenny had the black dog.
She had not showered for a week. She was pretty sure she didn't smell great. Her long red hair was greasy and dull, and she was pretty sure she had worn the same clothes for at least that week. It might even be more.
She was disgusted by herself, and at the same time, the thought of taking a shower and changing clothes made her exhausted. To be perfectly honest, climbing Mt Everest felt easier.
She continued staring out the window and lit another joint. Took a deep pull and kept the smoke in her lungs for as long as she could. Coughed it out and cried.
She had cried the whole day, but had no idea why, and didn't really care. She had probably spent yesterday crying too. Maybe. She wanted to sleep, but she slept so much anyway. And the bed was in another room, and it felt too big an effort to go there.
The joint burned her fingers, and she saw that they were already covered in burns. She lit a new one and took a deep drag. Kept it in. Coughed. Cried.
Was she medicated?
It was so hard to sort out her thoughts. She could feel them, but couldn't get a hold of them. It felt like she should be medicated. Right?
She lay down on the floor and cried until she was asleep. Her dreams were empty, like a dark well. Just dead.
She woke up in the dark. At first scared. Then the numbness came over. Like a favorite blanket covering you when you are cold. She tried to remember why the house was dark and quiet. Why she was alone. It didn't feel right. It felt different.
There was a half-full bottle of wine on the floor. She took a sip. It was disgusting, almost like vinegar. She finished the bottle, put it down and lit a joint. Cried.
Her cunt itched and putting her hand down her sweats she felt the stubble. Not even shaved? For some reason, this really made her sad.
She crawled out of the room on all fours. She stood up outside the bathroom, sat down on the toilet in the dark and peed.
Somehow she got naked and stepped into the shower. The water was cold at first but she hardly felt it. For a second she considered cutting off all her hair, maybe plunging the scissors in her throat. But she didn't dare and started shaking uncontrollably. It triggered memories and she quickly made it to the toilet throwing up, dripping water all over the floor. She threw up again, just wine and stomach acid. When had she eaten the last time? She had no memory of eating in a long time.
She stepped back into the shower, washed her hair, used conditioner, and used a sponge and soap to wash her body. Took out a new razor, and shaved her armpits, her legs, and her cunt. Took a mild oil and used it all over her body, her heavy breasts, her cleanshaven cunt, her asshole. She inserted a finger in her ass and a moan escaped her lips. With her other hand, she pinched her left nipple, hard. She thought of John's big cock fucking her, pressing it down her throat, pulling her hair. She fingered her cunt now, one finger, two fingers.
Where was her dildo?
She looked around the bathroom, it was so messy, with dirty clothes everywhere, and things all over. It looked like shit. She was embarrassed but also didn't care.
She saw the dildo, picked it up, and started fucking herself leaning against the wall. Touching her tits and teasing her asshole, she imagined John pushing her hard against the wall, gripping her throat hard and squeezing while he fucked her ass without a care for her comfort. She was so wet now, gliding down on her knees, leaning over with one hand on the floor and the other fucking her cunt.
She moaned and whimpered loudly, tears falling on the floor. She started shaking and came so hard she had to lie down. Closing her eyes, just letting the orgasm go through her body, crying.
When she opened her eyes she saw Julia's doll on the floor. Julia! Her daughter. Suddenly the pain took over everything and she quickly got to the toilet and threw up again. She remembered the pills, all the fucking pills, having her stomach pumped. The numbness. And Julia's eyes. She threw up again.
She was a horrible person. The worst.
She hated herself.
She walked naked out to the living room and with shaking hands lit a joint and smoked it down without taking a break. Chasing the numbness, killing all emotions. Killing the self. Killing me...
Jenny lit another joint on the end of the old one, and looked out the window, watching the snow. The sun had come up and it was a beautiful day.
And then the door opened.
"Wow, it stinks in here. Is she awake you think?"
Jenny turns around fully naked. In the door is John, her dad, and John's brother. She knows she should move, cover-up, or do anything. But she is so fucking stoned and none of the signals reaches her brain. She hardly understands what is happening.
All three men just stare at her.
No make-up.
Long wet hair, glowing red in the light of the sun from the window.
Big, heavy breasts, still firm, with hard pink nipples staring right at them.
Full hips, and a cleanly shaved cunt, beautiful and inviting.
"I should probably brush my teeth", she turns around and walks away while all three men follow her perfect ass out of the room.
She sees John in the mirror while brushing her teeth. His eyes have that careful look, like he is walking on glass, trying to figure out the situation.
"How are you doing baby?" He whispers while looking at her.
"Did you shower? Have you eaten anything?"
She turns around, and a need has started burning in her, she can not locate it or have any idea where it came from, but with shaking hands, she starts unbuckling his belt, and she fumbles for his cock. He stammers something but she gives him a look and he closes his mouth. She needs his cock more than she has needed anything. Right now it is the only thing that makes sense in her darkness.
He keeps looking at the open door and it confuses her. What does his beautiful, thick, hard, gorgeous cock have to do with the door? The signals in her brain are not even going off it is just a total blackout, she has become her lust, and nothing else matters.
She is on her knees before he can react with his cock in her mouth. She sucks it greedily like it's her first time. Licking the head, tasting it, letting her tongue play. She has both hands around it, twisting and stroking while slowly opening up her throat and taking it all down to the base. This comes so naturally that she does not even gag anymore, just some watering in her eyes and a few tears down her cheek.
She looks up at him with pleading eyes.
"Fuck my mouth."
John grabs her hair with both hands and starts pounding deep down her throat. Jenny drools and tries to keep up, but he just pulls her hair harder and fucks her mouth so hard her head is banging against the wall. When he feels he is about to cum he stops with his cock all the way in and her lips are touching his stomach. He holds her there while he is pumping sperm down her throat.
They hug and she cries against his shoulder for a long time. Her whole body is shaking while she whispers "I'm so sorry", over and over again. John shushes her and strokes her hair. After a long time, she lets go of him, she tries to ask about Julia, but she can't form the words. She hates herself so much and she can feel the abyss opening again. But John is her anchor and he sees the torment in her face. He hugs are again, hard.
