Before I go on with my story I feel it is only right to give you a bit of background on my life. It is easy for people to be judgmental and tell me what I have done and what I am doing is wrong but past events define what we are and who we become. I offer this not as an excuse but so you know things are not always black and white.
My mother left my father when I was about 2 for reasons I will never fully understand having no idea why she left since she has never contacted me and my father was, at best, reluctant to talk about it. Now I am older I guess the thing I find hardest to understand is how she could leave a child without ever wanting to know them.
My father worked away a lot and as a result I was passed around friends and family to be looked after. Some of my earliest memories at school were being teased by other kids for having no mom and having no one there on sports day or during the nativity play.
By the time I was 8 my father announced to me that he had gone and remarried and we would be living together as a family. He introduced me to my new mother. Her name was Elizabeth and even at such a young age I knew this was not how a mommy should look. Over the years I learned she was originally from Vietnam and worked in a hotel somewhere up north. Apparently my father, having frequented the same hotel on numerous occasions whilst on business, got chatting to her and became friendly with Elizabeth, who was a receptionist and eventually asked her out. He said they had dated for over two years and decided he wanted to marry her. They got married at a registry office with just a very small service, to which I was not invited and hence I now had this new mom.
To be fair to her she was nothing but good to me but even at that tender age I found things too strange to ever get close to her. I was back living regularly at my home, something I was unused to. This woman was strange to look at and ate different kinds of food, much of which I disliked. Having a mom again I thought would make things better but it actually got worse. The other kids found out where she was from and constantly picked on me about how my mom was a Thai hooker and asking if my dad had to keep paying for sex.
I got in numerous fights for which I was blamed. I was too ashamed to tell my parents or the teachers what had been said and so I was blamed for many of the fights. As I got older the insults just got more offensive and lewd. By the time I left school I had no friends to speak of and locked myself in my room with computer games.
My relationship with Liz was always distant but respectful. She tried to help me out with little talks but I could never open up to her. I guess I resented her for what she had put me through. After I finished school I decided I needed to get away and start afresh. I was far from stupid, having locked myself away so long I had little else to do apart from study and I became what people would perceive as a geek. I spent two years at college which I graduated with flying colours but I did not form any longstanding friendships as I did not want people discovering my secret and putting me through the same hell as school. This was also an issue with girls. I was a developing teenager with the same hormones as everyone else but I couldn't talk to any men let alone women.
Having finished college I was accepted on a course at a University in Wales. This was far enough from where I currently lived, about a two hour drive, to allow me the independence I sought.
My first day of freedom was fast approaching and surprisingly my Dad had arranged to take me to the Halls of Residence where I would be stopping. Much to my horror Elizabeth said she would also be coming along as she wanted to see where I would be living.
We arrived at the Hall's which was off campus, about ten minutes from the University. I unloaded the car and grabbed my bags. I was nervous not to be seen and gave them both a quick kiss and a hug goodbye.
"Aren't you going to invite us into your new place first?" Liz asked somewhat surprised at my hasty retreat.
"Erm...well I need to check in, it may take ages," even in my own head this sounded like a lame reason.
"It's okay we will wait for you, after all we wont be seeing you for a whilst now" Dad said oblivious to any deliberate excuses.
"Er...yeah...okay then, back in a moment."
I walked across to the entrance of the Halls where upon me giving confirmation of my name I was given a door key and a load of information on the University, fresher's week, local sights, fire regulations, etc. I walked back outside and my parents were both out of the car chatting to another couple who had obviously just dropped off their son too. I held the door open as he solemnly thanked me before heading to the reception. As I approached I could hear the conversation,
"... he is just a little nervous having never lived away before"
"That's like our Dale, I'm sure they will be okay though." Dad looked up from his conversation to see me approaching.
"Hey Mark you got the key then?"
I lofted it up to show them and forced a smile, as I encouraged them to follow me indoors and out of the public view in the car park. My Dad passed me over a large rucksack as he carried another large holdall and Elizabeth carried a box of rations as she called it containing plates, cutlery, food, etc.
Rather than wait for a lift I followed the instructions the Hall warden had given me up a flight of stairs to my new room. As I fumbled to get the key into the door the young man in the room directly opposite came out. He was 6 foot with dark, curly hair which was in a modern style, unkempt. He was wearing an open, blue, chequered shirt, with a t-shirt underneath depicting the message 'Only users lose drugs'. His face broke into a big smile as he introduced himself as Jeff. He took everyone's hand in a warm, welcoming manner but I noticed how he looked at my Mom a little longer than everyone else. Already I had a feeling of dread. My neighbours now knew who my mother was; a pit formed in the bottom of my stomach, it was going to be like school all over again.
I unlocked the room and scrambled inside. The room was in many ways like a standard hotel room with an en-suite facility. Other extras were the table provided with the overhead lamp supposedly for the hours of studying I was to do and a couple of pin boards which were added to stop students pinning numerous holes into the walls.
Feeling tired and pissed off I was very cold towards my parents, which they took to be a sign of nerves. Having shown them around the communal kitchen area, which six of us were due to share, we returned to the room. As my parents were about to leave there was a knock at the door, it was the parents of Dale.
"Hope you don't mind?" His mother said, "it seems you two are neighbours. " I looked over to Dale who looked as fed up as I felt. He was about 5 foot 8 and was dressed in combats and a hoody. I nodded my head towards him and in acknowledgment and he nodded back.
"Well we shall leave you all to it, we have to shoot off," Dad said after some small talk. "It's a long drive back."
"Finally," though I kept my thoughts to myself. We embraced and Elizabeth gave me a peck on the cheek whilst reminding me to call regularly, as they made there way out of the door. Dale was also giving his farewells and between us we ushered the parents out of my room. I could see Elizabeth was wiping her eyes as she walked away and for a moment I felt a pang of guilt for the trouble I had caused her. At least now I could blame no one else but myself. Having got shot of the parents Dale, who was still in my room, sat himself on the chair which was nestled under the desk.
"Fuck me, am I glad they are gone," he said exhaling a large breath. "I swear they were doing my head in." I laughed at his frank and honest view, relieved that I was not alone in my discomfort.
"You're not wrong, it's bad enough trying to make conversation for two hours in the car with them, but then they want to talk even more once your get here. I feel like a 12 year old all over again." This time it was Dale's turn to laugh. "You like FIFA?"
"Love it." With that, whilst leaving the remainder of the luggage unopened I pulled out the console which I plugged into the TV. Soon enough we had got chatting about our courses, what we were expecting from university, background history and I realised that we were very similar in many ways. From my point of view it was good to meet someone who didn't once mention my mom.
It must have been a couple of hours later when there was a knock at the door but before I could get up and see who it was in walked Jeff with another man.
"Hi all," said Jeff with all his usual enthusiasm, this is Mo he said pointing to the Indian lad behind him. He was a similar height to Jeff but wore dark blue jeans and a bvrown leather jacket. Mo raised a hand in acknowledgment. "It seems we are to be neighbours." With that they both strolled in Mo sitting on the table whilst Jeff threw himself onto the bed. It was then that I realised Mo had bought some beers in with him and he started cracking them open and handing them out.
"Here is to new neighbours" said Jeff raising his can. We all followed suit and took out first swig.
Weeks went by without incident. The course was going well, I had formed new friendships with my neighbours although the other two neighbours turned out to be Malaysian and spent more time with there fellow country men in another block. I sparingly kept in touch with my parents and apart from spending far too much on alcohol and fresher's week all seemed to be going well. Then one night the moment I had been dreading arrived.
It started with a heavy night at the student union where we all started playing drinking games and drinking shots. Being completely wasted Mo suggested we head back to his room for a smoke. Not having smoked any weed before I reluctantly agreed but before long we were all having a joint having disabled the in room smoke alarm.
"Hey Mark, that woman with your Dad, who was it?" Jeff asked with a stoned grin on his face. This was it, even in this state I began to feel nauseous.
