FEMINIST REVOLUTION
I've always been proud that I was called a feminist; I was raised by a liberal woman who fought for women's equality in the 1960's; and I scratched and clawed my way up the corporate ladder through the 1990's to become a senior vice-president.
I've worn a lot of political hats through the years; from my teen years when I fought for employment equality; to my middle adult when women battled for social equality. Now, in my early fifties I make sure everyone I work with knows to judge me on my abilities; not on my skirt.
That doesn't mean I walk around in steel toed boots and flannel shirts; it means I have a steel heart and thick skin. I've raised my children to believe in the ability to choose their own destiny and their own identity.
I've never in my life knelt to anyone, especially a man; which is why my current position is so unbelievable even to me. Here I am, kneeling in the middle of a suburban living room; while a man mounts me like an animal in heat. He's roaring what a whore I am; and all I can do is babble and whimper my agreement.
My name is Andrea Bernard-Montgomery; yes I hyphen it. At fifty-two I had reached what I considered to be the peak of my professional and personal life. I was the senior vice-president of a bank; I had a Master's Degree in economics and finance; I was married to a civil engineer; and we lived in the upper middle class suburbs outside Denver.
I've been called Andrea, mom; Ms. Bernard; and don't forget Ice Queen and Bitch to add the names behind my back. I really don't give a shit about the names; I did about the disrespect. In fact it was my frustration with that; that had started me to where I am now.
While I didn't really care about the names, when the disrespect started to become the "talk" then it became a concern. I had spoken to Human resources about it, and frankly they were about as helpful as a text book; I had even spoken to Spencer my husband, his solution was to simply fire them. While that idea had appeal to me, I did admit that some of them were very skilled and I hated the idea of losing that talent for the office.
It was my oldest son Andrew who surprised me. At twenty-five and a Master's in Psychology; he seemed to be the perfect choice to talk to about the growing situation. What he told me startled my ordered mind.
"You need to loosen up mom" he said calmly. "It doesn't always have to be your way you know."
"What if my way is the right way" I retorted.
"Then yeah you need to push that" Andrew said calmly. "But had it occurred to you there is more than one way?" he asked.
"What do you mean" I didn't totally understand.
"Look" Andrew said with a sigh. "Say you and I are going to Colorado Springs." He was patient as he explained.
"You take Interstate 25, but I take highway 83. We both get there, so what's the problem" his explanation made sense, but I saw a flaw.
"My route is faster" I smiled back.
"You're justifying yourself" Andrew shocked me. "There is nothing wrong with my route; you are justifying yours to make me use it."
"I am not" I defended myself. "My route is better."
"For YOU its better" Andrew corrected me. "Not for me; after all you are the one who pushes for individuality; and yet you now push for conformity. Your conformity" he drilled home.
Dear God, he was right; I was horrified. Years of preaching against conformity, and here I was the enemy now enforcing it; it terrified me. Like all things in my life, my immediate solution was to attack the problem head on. I set a weekly appointment with Andrew so we could get this out in the open to be dealt with; and I started making a conscious effort to monitor how I was reacting to outside ideas.
It didn't take long for me to realize I had become the one thing I had hated the most. During two separate meeting, solutions to a problem were proposed by others that were quite functional and I had the immediate desire to shoot down, because they were not MY idea.
I spoke to Andrew about this during our session, even if they were informal. Andrew would come by the house and I made a point of leaving early on the Wednesday he had available. We would spend an hour or two chatting and doing something together.
It was both therapeutic and enlightening to me. Andrew seemed to have the ability to see to the heart of an issue, but his approach was so unique it never entered my mind.
"Its control mom, you always have to be in control" Andrew said that Wednesday.
"So, how do I let others be in control" I asked "and still make sure there is safety and the job is done right?"
Andrew looked down at the flowers we were planting in the back yard.
"You're going to be short flowers" he said calmly.
"I know" I sighed. "I will have to get more this weekend."
"The nursery is only a half an hour away, let's go" he told me.
I thought a moment, and then rose to my feet. "Let me change" I said.
"No" Andrew stopped me in mid step. "You don't need to change to complete the objective" he stared at me.
"But I'm not dressed" I complained.
I was wearing a pair of jean shorts and a light blouse that had dirt smeared on it. The idea of being in public in such a state was something I would never do.
"It's not your decision" Andrew just continued to stare at me. "Let's go."
Oh God I realized, he was testing me. I swallowed hard and nodded. Silently I followed Andrew to the driveway and climbed into the passenger seat of his car. All through the drive I tugged at the hem of my shorts and brushed at my blouse.
"You'll be fine" Andrew said calmly
We wandered through the nursery, and in picking the flowers I soon forgot how I was dressed; just admiring the flowers. Flowers always had been an escape for me. With our choices selected, I stood in line with Andrew, suddenly very aware of my tight shorts and thin blouse. I caught a couple of men staring, and scowled at them.
"You know" Andrew leaned down and said in a whisper. "You happen to have a nice body, they aren't groping you, let up" his voice was calm but strong.
Back in the car, I looked at Andrew as he drove. How he had so calmly spoken of my physical appearance had surprised me. I thought I had taught them to look beyond that.
"Don't you think...that was...inappropriate" I asked slowly.
"What?" Andrew seemed actually surprised by my comment.
"Your comment; about my body" I looked at him.
"What, I could have said you have a great set of legs, or a great ass" his eyes never left the road.
"Andrew" I gasped.
"Two ways to say the same thing" he said back.
"I'm your mother" I was shocked.