I'm held in suspense, looking at Ainsley. I can only stare into her eyes, a deeper shade of green than usual, with piercing flecks of gold that shimmer in the candlelight around us. The silence between us stretches out, until Ainsley's lower lip quivers.
My heart pounds slowly in my ears. My breathing is deep and controlled. Memories flood my mind in a rush of emotion, coming back one after another from the time when were kids to now. Ever since we were kids, she's always been there for me, from the time Mike Evans tried to bully me on the playground in kindergarten to when Vicki Raetz broke up with me the summer of seventh grade, up to now with Brett and my heart left torn in a thousand pieces.
The one constant in my life has always been her. Ainsley has always been there for me, just like she is now. A tear wells in the corner of my eye and slips down my cheek. I take a deep breath and the words I want to say get stuck in my throat.
Ainsley swallows, her eyes still locked on mine. "Cole...say something. Please."
She slides her hands into mine and grips them hard enough that her knuckles go white.
"Please," she echoes. "Say something."
I open my mouth, but no words come. My throat is swollen shut. I can't find the will to say how I really say. Three words, so simple and small, and yet mean so much more. They're everything. They're what I need to say.
"Ainsley," I manage. "I..." My voice faults.
Ainsley misinterprets my hesitation. She starts shaking her head, her eyes filling with tears.
"Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Coal. I..." She lets her hands fall out of mine and dips her head between her knees. The first sob feels like a dagger being driven through my heart. The second and third break me. Emotion comes over me in a rush, tears filling my eyes, my stomach twisting in knots.
"No, Ainsley. Stop."
I lean into her and cup her face in my hands so she has to look at me. Her face is flushed and her eyes are red.
"Stop, Ainsley," I say again. I swallow and take a deep breath. My vision is blurred by tears. "I love you, Ainsley. Always have."
The words slip from my mouth and a weight is lifted from my shoulders. I can finally breathe again. A small smile pierces Ainsley's remorseful gaze and I smile back.
"Did you hear me, Ans? I love you."
She nods slowly. "I love you too, Cole."
"You've always been there for me," I find myself saying. "I don't know what else to say but thank you Ainsley. Thank you for being so much more than a sister. It wouldn't be-"
"Shhh." Ainsley presses her finger to my lips and I go quiet. Her voice is low, deeper, sweeter. "If I were to ask you right now for one thing, Cole, would you do it?"
I nod. "Anything, Ans."
"Kiss me."
"Ainsley...are you sure?"
She nods again. "Please, Cole."
I find my hands sliding down from her face to her lower back. Her eyes find mine and I stare into them as I lean closer, determined to get lost in them. Our lips meet and a jolt of electricity runs downs my spine, causing my back to stiffen and goose bumps to form on my arms. Time seems to stop for the briefest of moments. I wish I could live in this small infinity of time between the two of us.
When I pull back, the breath is literally stolen from my lungs.
"Holly crap." My mind is in a fog. All I can focus is on Ainsley in front of me, smiling smugly. "That was-"
"Amazing," Ainsley finishes.
"You have no idea."
Ainsley laughs. "Can I ask you one more question, Cole?"
"Anything."
She plays with a strand of her hair in her fingers, chewing her lower lip.
"Would you be willing to do that again?"
I find myself smiling. "Ainsley, you have no idea."
"Then do you want to, do it again, I mean?"
"Right now?"
She dips her head tentatively. I let my actions speak for me, slipping my hands around her and pulling her close. Ainsley closes her eyes and so do I. Our lips melt together. This time there is no hesitancy, there is no tension. There's just us, being with each other. Ainsley groans into my mouth and her grip around my back tightens. I kiss her harder and my tongue slips past her lips, pressing against the backs of her teeth and the roof of her mouth.
Ainsley's nails start to dig into my skin and I know what I'm doing is right. I don't let up. I keep kissing her, my heart beating against hers, my chest pressed to hers. Ainsley shifts in my arms and pulls back.
Her breathing is hoarse and so is mine. There's a glimmer in her eyes. She grips my hands and squeezes hard.
"Cole," she gasps. "I want to go further."
It takes a second for the fog to clear and for me to figure out what she means. My stomach rises into my chest and my heart flutters.
"Ans...No." I shake my head. "I can't take advantage of you like that. I won't."
"You don't understand," she says. "I want you, Cole. God, I've wanted you since freshman when you first started dating Brett."
"No, Ans," I say again. "I won't. Not unless you want to."
Her hands fall to the hem of her top. "I think you know what I want, Cole." She grins. "The only question is do you want it too?"
I open my mouth to answer, but my mind goes blank as Ainsley starts to pull her tank top up and over her shoulders. She throws the pink top off the bed and smirks.
"So, what do you think?"
I can only stare. She's wearing a lime green bra, still damp from the rain, struggling to hold her cleavage in.
I swallow. "Ans..."
She frowns at the hesitancy in my voice and sighs. "You're making this hard than it has to be, Cole. I know you want me."
I make eye contact with her. "Stop, Ainsley. I can't-"