Nov. 24
Marie left earlier yesterday to visit her father and she also went to talk to him about coming back home. I hope she succeeds, I miss Michael very badly. I wonder if my family is cursed, now that Marie seems to have fallen under the incest virus and confessed feelings, other then normal daughter ones, for me yesterday. But what's more disturbing is that it turned me on. I took out my sexual frustrations as I watched my other children screwing like bunnies in Mary's room as Marie left. Marie kissed my neck and ear on her way out and I damn near had an orgasm from that alone. After she left with her teasing self, I fingered myself to two orgasms as I watched the others. I then got disgusted with myself and quickly closed the door and went to lay in my room for a bit.
Later after supper, the kids were hanging out, playing with each other, petting and touching as the always seem to be doing these days. Since I won't join in and they don't wish to make me uneasy by trying much anymore to bring me in, they usually wind up again in one of their bedrooms for another round. I honestly can say that I want to join them, but I can't. So I feel isolated, from their play, from my husband, from friends...from everything. This huge secret is eating away at me and I feel so lost these days. I couldn't sleep so I got up near midnight and tried to watch TV in the living room, but it didn't help. I then heard footsteps in the kitchen and looked up and saw Mary...
"Can I join you mommy, I couldn't sleep." Mary asked her quietly and Susan nodded at her daughter. "You couldn't sleep either?" She asked her mother as she sat next to her. Susan looked at her youngest child as she sat on the couch next to her.
"No, I couldn't honey, I was...I was thinking way to much to sleep." Susan told her, and Mary looked at her and nodded sadly to her mother, then after a few seconds hesitation, she buried her head in her mother's lap, crying.
"I'm sorry mommy, it's all my fault...all mine! If I hadn't of done the things I did daddy wouldn't have left and we would still be a family!" Mary sobbed out, her tears making her mother's lap damp. Susan nodded, in agreement, but remained silent, only stroking her daughter's hair in response.
"Maybe, but if I had handled things different, it wouldn't have gotten to this point either." Susan suggested to her daughter, but Mary fiercely shook her head in her lap, looking up at her mother now.
"No mommy, it wouldn't have! Maybe it would have happened a bit later, but it would have been the same way." Mary uttered out with certainty to her mother. Susan looked at her child in astonishment at her statement.
"Mary, how can you know?" She asked her daughter as she looked down at her.
"Mom...I know! I know, because...because it feels like I have a demon inside me." Mary asserted and she started to laugh at her mother's expression as she looked up at her. "Well not in me...but in my...well, my...pussy." Mary said and it was Susan's time to laugh now.
"Mary, you just grew up is all..." Susan started to tell her daughter.
"No mom, I know, but it's different with me! I've talked to all the girls at school this past year and I know they get horny and all but mine...my pussy...I'm horny every minute of every day! I've felt like such a freak this past year at school, I had to go to the bathroom at least half a dozen times to finger myself to even do my work. And I was...am, so shy at school. And that just made it worse!" Mary confided in her mother quickly, fearing she would lose her courage, having held this in for so long. "Mary, that doesn't mean you have a demon in you honey!" Susan gasped at her daughter with a smile.
"I know, mom...I was being dramatic...but I know I'm a freak! I mean from what Peter says I stay more horny then even the boys..." Mary told her.
"You're taking advice from Peter...I think you have brain damage more then anything Mary! I'm sure you're fine sweetie..." Susan said, trying to sooth her daughter's concerns. But Mary shook her head fiercely.
"Mommy, you don't understand...I couldn't sleep because I'm so horny, I usually am this time of night. I just finished having at least a dozen orgasms with Peter and Genie and they were nodding off, so they went to bed, but I'm still buzzing down there. I have to masturbate every night several times, every night mom! I'm so horny right now mommy..." Mary told her mother, and Susan interrupted her daughter.
"So you came in her to just beg sex off of me, is this what this is? Go wake one of the other's if your urges are getting the better of you. I can't believe..." Susan railed against her daughter, looking down at her, but stopping when Mary started sobbing again.
"No mommy, I wasn't" Mary sobbed out as tears streamed down her face. "I was just telling you how I felt; I wasn't asking you...I wasn't! It's just...it's almost so bad at times it almost hurts, and that's why I couldn't sleep...I was just explaining..." Mary sobbed again as she looked up at her mother.
"Shhh Mary...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry honey." Susan muttered softly to her crying daughter, tenderly stroking her hair as she looked at her.
"I would have just stayed in bed and fingered myself, but I thought I heard you up and wanted to tell you that and I was sorry and that was all mommy, I'm not lying..." Mary blubbered on but Susan softly covered her daughter's mouth with her fingers.
