It was almost midnight and I was racing down a country lane. My cousin had called about 15 minutes before and I was already halfway through the hour drive to her apartment. My mind was racing through a mix of scenes from the past and various reasons for her to call a stop to the wedding. It had been far too long since I'd seen her, and I couldn't let this be the last.
Growing up we'd experimented like most kids do, and as we got older we began to realize how much we loved each other. We were rarely apart until we were 14 when we'd been caught making out by her mother. The next hour is seared into my mind. Her mother creating various scriptures to point out why it was wrong for family members to have an "inappropriate relationship". She never even said the word sex, she was so uptight, but there were several threats and an analogy about what they did to their dog when he got too frisky. None of that bothered me, what hurt the most was how she treated Amber. She may have threatened my life, but she threatened to ruin Ambers'. She even hit her and told her "no man could ever love a whore who would give it away to her own family". The more she railed into Amber, the more my anger rose. I finally agreed to keep away in an attempt to stop the abuse being hurled at the girl I loved.
It had been six years. Six years without so much as hearing her voice and I suddenly got a call from her asking me to come over. I told her I was on my way and before I'd hung up, I was.
No matter how dysfunctional a family is, news always travels fast. She'd been dating a guy for a couple of years and they were engaged. Even though I didn't get an invitation, I knew the wedding was days away. This was my chance to confess that I still loved her, that I always would. This was my chance to offer some escape. She had to want an escape, or she wouldn't have called. She had to still love me, or she wouldn't risk her mom finding out we saw each other, especially so close to the "big day". This had to be it, this was the night she'd run away with me. I'd been saving for years for a big move. I always imagined this would happen, and we'd need a nest egg to relocate, far from her mothers reach. The speedometer lurched forward as I put all my weight on the accelerator.
Before long I was parked and bounding up the stairs two at a time to her apartment door. I stopped completely at her door and tried to calm my breathing. I straightened my hair and smoothed my shirt before raising my hand to knock... I paused a moment longer trying to still my mind. What if I was wrong? I tried to think of anything she might want to return to me... after six years? Not likely. Maybe she just wanted to tell me goodbye one last time. Again, we'd already been torn apart before, it wouldn't make sense to get together just to pick at old scabs. I had to be right. I had a huge smile as I knocked and it took all I had to look nonchalant before she opened the door.
"Amber... you're looking more beautiful than ever" her long blond hair fell over her shoulder as her piercing blue eyes stared intently into mine. The lamp behind her seemed to create a halo.
"I'm glad you came"
"Did you ever doubt I would? I'll always be here for you."
I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her small frame. Her arms wound around my back, and I could feel her breasts pressing into my chest. I turned my face down to kiss the top of her head. We just stood there in her doorway holding each other for what seemed like an eternity. I closed my eyes and time unraveled. We were back in her room that afternoon before her mother came in and found us. Still enveloped in each others love and wrapped in innocence. She still had the same scent, the same soft straight strands of gold cascaded past her shoulders and over my hands. The memories flooded back and I couldn't help but whisper,"I'll always love you, Amber, and I'll always do everything in my power to make you happy."
She stepped back, my arms still on her shoulders, and looked into my eyes again,"I'm getting married, Tom, I'm sorry I..."
"- Then why did you call?"
"It's complicated," She walked across the room and sat on a couch with a look of frustration as she searched for a way to express her mind. I closed the door before following her over to wrap my arm around her.
"It's never more complicated than we decide to make it," I don't know what she was about to say, but she couldn't follow an apology and "it's complicated" with anything that would lead to a happy ending.
Neither of us spoke. I spread out along the couch and laid my head in her lap. She stroked my hair and my mind raced for some way to change reality. The closeness we once shared still seemed to be intact, so I decided to just bare my chest and let it all out.
"What your mother said... none of it was true. Just because she was raised in a society that doesn't understand our kind of love, it doesn't mean that it's impossible to live together. I've been saving everything I've made. I have more than enough to move across the country. Wherever we go, nobody will know us, and we don't have to tell anybody we're related. We can even get a fake ID and get married, if that's what you want. Or Toronto, or Montreal, we can run to Canada. They have good schools, I have an excellent GPA, I know I could transfer anywhere. Nothing's impossible, we can..."
"Stop, just stop! It's already a hard decision, but ultimately... he can give me a family..."
"Are you sure? Just because you're not related doesn't mean you're genetically compatible, and just because we are related doesn't mean we aren't. I've been researching this for a while. We can get checked, and it's not like it's a guarantee we'll have a special needs child." I was grasping at straws.
"What are we going to tell the lab? 'My cousin and I want to have a baby, and we just wanted to be sure we could avoid defects'? I somehow doubt they would be very sympathetic. Besides, I love him, and I can't walk out on him. He lives down the street from mom and dad, so after we get married there's not likely to be any chance of a reunion for us."
I closed my eyes. So this was the end. She'd made a decision. I could feel the tears beginning to escape. No matter the verdict, I had to respect it, but that doesn't mean I want her to see me cry. I rolled over on the couch, burying my face in her lap. It was a poor attempt at saving face, but it wasn't exactly a river of tears so it wasn't likely she'd notice. I felt her hand on the back of my neck and she began to move. I looked up and her face lowered toward me. I rolled to my side and pulled her face closer to mine and pressed my lips to hers.
I used the other arm to lift off her lap and she slid down to lay beside me. With both of us lying on our sides, we had to hold on to each other to keep from falling off. She leaned forward and kissed me again, her tongue began to dance across my mouth and I parted my lips and met her tongue with my own. It felt soft, and I circled the tip before following its length into her mouth and she sucked my tongue slightly. She smiled and our lips parted.
"I just don't get why you called me over."
"I had to have some closure."
"After six years?" My mind began to go over the rationalizations I'd used to prove myself right earlier. The logic that assured me this conversation was the least likely one to occur. There's no accounting for a woman's mind.
"I've wanted to call for so long, but I didn't know what to say... what to do. I thought you were mad that I didn't stand up to my mom. You basically became the family villain because I never said any different."
"You know that I know that wasn't your fault. I have to admit, though, hearing that's your main reason for not calling does kind of piss me off." I tried to look serious, but couldn't hold back a smile. I was being honest, but there's nothing that could keep me angry at her.
"What mom said really got to me, I felt like a freak even though I never felt guilty about us before that." her eyes lowered and she began to frown. "Then I was afraid that after hearing what she said, maybe you felt differently. I couldn't stand the idea of calling you just to hear you say you didn't care anymore." She buried her face in my chest. I'd been living without her and her family, but she'd been living under her mother's tight fisted fundamentalist rule. There was no telling how much abuse she suffered. Just because I'd ended it that day doesn't mean I ended it forever. I pushed her chin up, forcing her to face me. I saw a tear streak down her cheek and I kissed it away. She wrapped her arms around me, running her fingers through my hair again as I brushed my lips against hers and pushed my tongue into her mouth.
Her legs entertwined with mine and my hand ran down to cup her butt, the other hand still hooked around her back holding us ,as one, on the couch. I began to roll onto my back, pulling her on top of me and she spread her legs to straddle me. Now my other hand was free to join the first on her ass. I squeezed it gently before moving them up her waist to seek the flesh just beyond the bottom of her t-shirt. My palms pressed against her sides as my thumbs dipped under the thin fabric and rubbed up her back, she wasn't wearing a bra. I held her close to me, enjoying the feel of her warm flesh under my palms and forearms. I moved from her lips to her jaw and one hand moved around her body to find her breast. I had to remind her of everything that was. My thumb circled her nipple and I could feel her responding. I flicked her earlobe with my tongue and sucked on it as I gently pinched her hardening nipple. She gasped and arched her back so I took the opportunity to raise the hem of her shirt over her head. She offered no resistance as I tossed it aside and quickly removed my own shirt. She lay down on my naked flesh, pressing her soft tits against me and moved her mouth back onto mine.
