Dawn Is Coming

Dawn is coming

I took one last look around the apartment making sure everything was packed and ready for the removals firm who were due first thing in the morning. Of course, there was nothing more for me to do, I mean I had already checked just 5 minutes before. Glancing at my phone, it was 17:57, just 3 minutes before Dawn arrived. Not the celestial event of the sun breaking over the horizon, my cousin Dawn. Also, my best friend, you see we were born just two weeks apart and we had been close ever since. As kids we lived on the same street, we were in the same class at school, we would stay over at each other's houses, sometimes just because, other times when one of our mom's needed to be away.

Our mothers are identical twins, and they had that special bond that only twins seem to have. Even now in their 60's they still look almost identical, only people who are close to them, like Dawn and me can reliably tell them apart. They had both raised us as single mothers, I think because no man could ever really compete with the relationship they have. Not only do they look identical, they think the same, act the same and well in our case they even conceived at pretty much the same time.

Dawn arrived early, one week early and I arrived 2 weeks later. Ironic really, because now as adults, I am passionate about always arriving on time or preferably early, while Dawn is almost always late. Glancing again at the time on my phone, I realised this occasion was not going to be any different!

"18:02 and she's not here yet!"

I got up and walked over to the window to look for her car in the parking, maybe she was on her way up, but it wasn't. Usually, I would just shrug this off as a mild irritation, I'd grown so accustomed to it, but given how anxious I was, I realised I was actually feeling anger.

This surprised me, you see, when I say Dawn is my best friend, really we are like soul mates, we know each others thoughts, how we will react to a situation, what we like and of course what we don't. I can't remember ever being angry at her. So, this feeling took me by surprise.

"I must really be anxious!"

Hardly surprising on the eve of my departure. Tomorrow, I'm leaving for a 3, or more, month trip in my camper van across Europe. Growing up with single mums, who worked their entire lives to give us a stable home and a decent education, meant that as kids we had never done any travelling. Holiday's were limited to short stays around the UK, usually in some BnB or cheap hotels. As we were growing up, we learnt about other places around the world, mostly from TV, films, books and even from some of our friends whose families took trips to Europe and America seemingly at every opportunity. During our teens, Dawn and I dreamt of travelling to all these exotic places, experiencing all these wonderful sights and learning about different cultures. At first it was just a romantic and fanciful notion, but as we grew older we started to consider how we might actually do it. We studied and researched different destinations, how to get there, where to stay and, of course the likely cost. After we finished school we did a number of trips, mostly in Europe, but also to other places like New York and Vegas.

For me this wasn't enough and a few years ago, a colleague at work had sown the seed for what was to become an obsession for me. He had converted a van into a camper and regularly took off for journeys to France, Spain and Ireland. I began to investigate the possibilities and had eventually bought a van and had it converted to my own design. I am quite handy, but I was impatient and as Dawn had said, if I did it myself it would only be finished in time to be my retirement van!

It saddened me, but Dawn wasn't in on this adventure. She was in a serious relationship with Paul and had just started working at a new practice, she's a dental nurse. This had been a big move for her as it was one of the leading practices in the area. So as much as we both hated the idea, this was going to be first time we were going to be apart for more than a few days at a time.

I had sold my apartment and most of the larger furniture items. Everything else was going into storage. The company I worked for, a medium sized software vendor had approved a 3-month sabbatical for me, although I didn't expect to be back in just 3 months. In my mind I was going to travel as long as I possibly could, taking my time, spending days and weeks exploring places. Hopefully picking up some work along the way to help fund my adventures. I had a rough route planned, but no firm bookings besides the EuroTunnel crossing to Calais, which was tomorrow evening.

Looking at my phone again, I was shocked to see it was now 18:40 this was very late, even for Dawn, I began to get worried.

"Has she forgotten?"

Of course not, we had both been dreading this day for months and had spoken about it too many times to count. I opened my phone intending to call her, when it rang, it was Dawn.

"Hi" I tried to keep my tone light and nonchalant, but I knew straight away something was wrong.

"Oh Tom, I'm so sorry,... ah" - I could hear she was trying to stifle a sob.

"What's wrong?" I asked, as any remnant of anger disappeared.

"Oh Tom, it's so shitty... I'll be there in 5 minutes", her voice was still wavering. "I'll tell you when I get there, but it's all falling apart!"

"What, what's falling.. what the hell happened?"

"I'll be there soon, I can't talk about it on the phone... I just wanted to let you know I'm late... but I'm coming now."

"Okay, are you okay - just be careful", "I'll see you soon."

"I will..." She hung up.

My mind was racing

"Had she been in an accident? A problem at work?"

I grabbed my coat and my keys and went downstairs to meet her. She wasn't the type to easily get upset, she was usually so strong so level-headed.

"Oh God it must be something really bad!"

It had started raining, so I stood just inside the porch waiting for her. After a few minutes I saw her car turn into the parking area, I ran over and got to her just as she opened the door to get out. She wrapped her arms around my neck, she was crying again.

"Oh Tom, I'm so sorry. This is your big day and I wanted to be here... on time."

"It's okay, don't worry, but what the hell happened?" She buried her face in my coat, "I've never seen you like this."

"Well, I... I don't know where to start. Paul, it was meant to just be lunch... then my review... my idiot of a boss, aah, I can't..." She was struggling to speak, her body wracked by the sobbing. I grabbed her car keys from her, locked it and started her towards the building, the rain was soaking us both. I noticed that she was already quite wet, she must have gotten wet beforehand. As we got inside and made our way up in the lift, I got a closer look at her, she looked like hell! Besides being almost completely soaked through, her shoulders were slumped, there was very little colour in her face and her makeup had run. Her clothes hung on her frame and she stared at her feet the whole time. As I held her, the sobbing began to calm and she seemed to be settling down.

In the apartment, I quickly found my rucksack, opened it and pulled out the towel I had stuffed on top. "Thank you" she said as she wrapped it around her shoulders.

"You should probably shower," I said, "it's the quickest way to warm up." I was half expecting her to resist, but she didn't. She had already kicked her shoes off at the door, so her feet left wet footprints on the floor as she padded over to the bathroom. It's not a very big apartment, so I could tell that she switched on the water immediately, I could also hear that she had climbed in and was drenching her hair, by that sound water makes when you run your hands over your head causing a large amount of water to fall into the shower tray.

Still perplexed and frankly really concerned, I turned the heating back on, I'd switched it off in anticipation of leaving. Then I began to think, what can I find for her to wear? Her clothes were soaked, she couldn't put those back on. Besides a change of clothes for tomorrow and a Tracksuit, all the clothes I planned to take with me, were already stashed in the camper van, besides, I only had mens clothes. I emptied my rucksack, I didn't care that it had taken me ages to pack it in the first place. All I could think about was how utterly distraught she was. I found the tracksuit. It was new, I'd only bought it yesterday, thinking it would be comfortable and warm to wear at night.

"She had mentioned Paul - what the heck?"

Paul was okay, not my favourite person, but he seemed decent. He was the type of person I could walk past and not even notice, just an ordinary guy. We'd hung out a bit, only because, well because Dawn seemed to like him, but I wouldn't ordinarily chose to. We didn't really have any common interests, he was an accountant, I think, and he played squash, although I got the impression he wasn't very good at it.

"But she also said something about her boss."

She had only worked for Steve for about 3 months now. Steve sounded like a bit of a prick if I'm totally honest, an arrogant bully. Dawn says he is super friendly when patients are in the room, but changed the minute they walked out. He always had something to complain about, literally after every patient. Dawn was an experienced dental nurse and has always been praised by the dentists she worked with, but Steve managed to find fault with pretty much everything she did, or didn't do, or even the deodorant she was wearing - yep, he claimed it was too 'fruity' and might offend some patients. Like I said a complete prick!

"So, what has Steve done this time?"

Usually, Dawn just shrugs it off as his insecurities.

"What could he have said or done to upset her like this?"

"I've only got a tracksuit, for you to wear. I'll leave it here by the door." I called to her. "It's new, I've never worn it. It'll be a bit baggy, but it's all I've got."

"Thanks Tom - I'll be out in a minute."

She looked so much better when she came out. Colour had returned to her cheeks and she held her frame more upright. Her hair was still wet, it was long, down to between her shoulder blades, really she needed a hair dryer, but I simply don't have one, even if I did - it would be packed and I'd never find it. She was towelling it but even she gave up as she came over to the kitchen counter. The apartment was semi-open plan so the kitchen and lounge were separated only by the counter. I found the kettle and coffee stuff. It was the last thing I had packed, so it was easy to find again. She thanked me again and then wondered over to the sofa. She was curled up in one corner when I came through with the coffees. I put them down on top of a box and sat next to her. I couldn't wait any longer. "What the hell is going on Dawn?" I asked, softly, putting my hand on her ankle. She felt warm, but I could still sense a tremor in her.

"My whole life has fallen apart today, Tom." This may have sounded terribly dramatic under normal circumstances, but honestly, I'd never seen her so upset before.

"I met Paul for lunch, it was just supposed to be lunch, like we often do. He was there before me and I swear there was another woman at the table when I arrived. She got up and left as I came in. Well anyway, he launched straight in saying that it was over, he's met someone else and..." She was overcome by sobs again, her face screwed up into a terrible contortion that really upset me. I'm not usually highly emotional, but this was Dawn! I reached over and pulled her toward me. She didn't hesitate, she swung her feet over and leaned into me. I held her. Eventually the sobs began to lessen.

What the hell was this guy on? Who could he have met that was better than Dawn?"

It sounds silly, I know but that's honestly how I felt at that moment.

She continued; "I was shocked, it was so unexpected. I just got up and left. I didn't know what to say to him!"

"Well I'm not surprised." I responded, but it was clear this wasn't the whole story.

"I went back to work, I didn't know what else to do." She sat up a bit and reached for the coffee. I leaned over and passed it to her. I'd forgotten all about them. I grabbed mine and we sipped at them for a few seconds.

"This afternoon, I had my probation review with

Steve

" She said his name with a vehemence that I wouldn't normally associate with her. She genuinely tries to find the good in everyone. "He wants to extend my probation. He says I'm improving, but I'm not yet at the standard he expects!" The sarcasm in her voice was thick as she punctuated each word. "I was so angry! I told him I am not an intern; I've been qualified for 8 years! Then I told him to keep his job, I'm not going to put up with his crap any longer!" That shocked me, but immediately I understood, I had become angry just listening to her tell the story, I would have done the same thing! She wasn't crying any more, the rage displacing the despair.

"That is so unfair! I sympathised, "He's been a dick since day one. So what happened then?"

"I just left! I grabbed my stuff from my locker and I walked out. Susie, from HR called me a bit later. She tried to get me to come back in, to talk to her, but I told her there was no way I would ever set foot in that building again! I went to the park and walked - I didn't really know what to do." I wondered why she hadn't called me, I would have called her if the tables had been turned, but I didn't say anything, she didn't need any more pressure right now. Dawn put the empty mug on the boxes again and snuggled back into me. "I should have come here earlier" she said. "I got soaked when it started to rain and that kind of brought me to my senses again. I remembered I was meant to come fetch you. I'm so sorry Tom."

"Don't apologise, you've had a hell of a day!"

"What the hell is Paul's problem!" She lamented

"I've no idea." I responded feeling quite inadequate.

Dawn's emotions were see-sawing back and forth between both events, she transitioned between unbridled outrage and body wracking despair in just minutes. I listened and I held her, giving her time to work through the events of the day, the emotional rollercoaster and the sheer bizarreness of losing two of the things she treasured in one day. At some point I noticed that it had become dark outside and as it was August this meant it must be around 8pm. The plan for the evening had been for me to spend my final night at Dawn's house, that she shared with Paul. The following day, Saturday we where planning to go visit our Mom's, they now shared a bungalow in a small village just outside Bedford. We planned to take them to lunch and then she would drive me to the storage facility where I kept the camper van.

At some point she asked if we could just stay here at mine for the night. She had sent Paul a text during the afternoon and told him to collect his stuff from the house. She didn't want to go back and risk running into him again. I was not eager to run this risk either for fear of what I might do to him, but I didn't really think we could realistically stay here at mine. Everything was packed up and I had sold most of the furniture, including my bed, it had been collected just this morning.

"Why don't we go see if we can get a room at the Premier Inn in town?" I suggested, thinking it sounded like a good plan.

"Tom!" She exclaimed "Couples who check into a hotel at 10pm on a Friday night without a pre-booking are not planning to do much sleeping in that room!"

"But we're cousins!" I replied, realising how stupid that sounded as the words left my mouth. "Ah, yea okay I take your point."

"We can stay here, we can just camp here on the sofa. I'm not even sure I will be sleeping much anyway!" I noted that her emotional state had improved now that she had a problem to resolve. "I have a blanket in the boot of my car, It's not huge, but it should be warm enough if we snuggle up together."

"Okay, I'll go down to the shop and get some food and snacks and bring the blanket up with me."

As I headed down in the lift, I realised that the thought of 'snuggling up under a single blanket' with any woman other than Dawn would have been quite erotic. But this was Dawn, my cousin. We had slept in the same bed before, on some of our trips and that had been fine. We were totally comfortable with each other, closer even than most brothers and sisters. We had grown up together, from the minute I had been born. I recalled how when we were young, she used to tease me about how those first two weeks were the best days of her life, without her annoying cousin getting in the way. My retort was usually something like; "Yea the 2 most boring weeks of your life!"

I returned laden with goodies - much more than we could ever eat in one night, but to be honest the past 3 hours had shaken me and I wasn't thinking really, I just grabbed stuff off the shelf, paid for it and headed back. I did manage to grab a half decent bottle of red wine and I got the blanket from Dawn's car. It was one of those traveling rugs, the type that folds up small but is a half decent size when unfolded. It wasn't very thick though and I did wonder how effective it would be. Still I could just run the heating through the night. It would be fine.

Dawn was glad when I returned, "I didn't know what to do with myself while you were gone," she said. "I've hung my clothes up on the balcony to dry, I hope you don't mind?" I didn't mind at all, that's where I usually hung stuff to dry. She was quite enthralled by my choice of foods, but her eyes lit up when she spotted the wine. "Oh that will go down just fine!" She said almost gleefully.

"We will have to drink it out of a mug, I'm afraid" I smirked, but she didn't hesitate, she rinsed the mugs and poured us both a healthy serving.

After we had nibbled at a few of my food scavenging trophies, we settled on the sofa again and we talked a bit, purposefully avoiding the events of the day. Given that I was due to set off on my travels the following day, something that we had discussed at almost every opportunity for the past few months, it was inevitable that we arrived on this topic eventually.

"I know this is a really big deal for you," She said, "but I really wish it wasn't tomorrow." I could see it had been difficult for her to say this, as she truly did understand how important it was to me. I didn't really have a meaningful response, so I didn't say anything. We were so in tune with each other that I found it wasn't always necessary to say anything. We just understood, usually it was she who understood my silences - you see, I'm not much of a talker. I tend to internalise things. Dawn knew this, and that suited me just fine. Nevertheless, I was tormented, there was no way I could just take off and leave her to deal with all this shit the day after it happened! I mean she's a strong person and I knew she would get over it given some time to heal, but the timing was just horrendous!

Dawn was drained, emotionally and physically, she was beginning to dose off, I could feel her body becoming quite heavy against mine. Then, one of us would need to shift our position to ease pressure on some part of our body and she would be awake again. "So shall we try this snuggling thing then?" I suggested. The truth is I was not sure how much sleep we would get as I really didn't think we could both be comfortable on the sofa. I expected she would probably be fine as she was exhausted, but I didn't hold much hope for myself. Nevertheless, we snuggled down, me against the back of the sofa and Dawn on the edge. I figured this was the most logical arrangement as I am a bit heavier than her and would probably crush her in my sleep. The notion that I was effectively spooning her did not escape me, but I had no real worries about this and it seems neither did she. In these close quarters it was inevitable that I had to place my arm over her, effectively hugging her, and she grabbed my hand and held it just above her stomach, "Mmm that's nice" she mumbled dozily, already half asleep.