My third year in college was by far the most interesting. The summer previous I had a series of unexpected and confusing sexual encounters with my sister and now I looked at nothing the same. The first thing I had done when I returned to school was break off the rather unfulfilling and now undesired relationship I had with my semi-boyfriend. I needed some time to sort out what I felt and who I felt it towards. I eventually concluded that I was a lesbian, but was not sure how to go about it. So for a very long time I had gone without sharing physical intimacy with anyone and my body began to ache for release.
Then along came Linda. Linda was in my psych 101 class, and I became crazy about her within days of meeting her. She was in her early thirties. She was smart and sexy and she took charge. I found myself wanting to be hers, wanting her to take me and have her way with me. But she had done nothing to suggest that she was a lesbian, and I had no idea how to initiate a relationship with another woman. So I went on longing with no reward. Soon the quarter was over and I no longer had the psych class with her. I was being rather timid, and I should have done something to ensure that we remained in contact, but I didn't.
Then to my surprise she ended up being in my pre-calc class the next quarter. Having just shared a class, we instantly formed up a little study group with a couple of other people, and it looked like I would get a second shot. But still I was being timid. I was incredibly frustrated with myself, but the frustration did nothing to help me with Linda.
About two weeks into the quarter our group of four was supposed to get together in the library to study for an upcoming test. One girl cancelled because of personal issues. The other simply didn't show up (which was no surprise, considering how she went through most of life stoned out of her mind).
So I ended up studying alone with Linda. My heart was fluttering and my stomach tied itself in an intricate series of knots. I felt like I was back in junior high sitting across from my crush. My palms were slick with sweat and every time I tried to talk I nearly ended up chewing on my tongue. I felt so stupid acting like this in front of Linda, which of course only aggravated things.
Toward the end of the session we ended up on the subject of why we were taking the class and what degree we were working towards. Somehow I managed to stutter out that I was going for a generic business degree. I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but several people had told me that you could do just about anything with a business degree. Then it was Linda's turn.
"I originally came back to school so I could do something with my life after I left my prick of a husband. I guess I wasn't docile enough for him, because he started screwing 'sweet young girls' on the side whenever he could. I caught wind of it and left him with his stupid whores." She went on to say that she hadn't really known what she wanted to do at first. "Jim used to avoid children like a plague, and he refused to even consider the possibility of me getting pregnant as a good thing. I've always loved children. So, I decided to become a teacher."
She kept going, obviously upset by the memories of her husband that she had brought up. "My god! Sometimes I swear I should have been born a man. Every man I've ever been with thinks I should just lie there and take whatever he has to give me. What if I want to be in control, is that such a bad thing?" She stopped herself there, but too late. I could tell by the look on her face she had said more than she meant or wanted to, but I had heard exactly what I wanted.
This was what I had been waiting for all along. I could feel the color in my cheeks as I thought about the implications of this, and I swear my clit heard her because it seemed to be poking its head out to say hello. This was my chance, the time for me to make some sort of advance.
But my tongue remained firmly fixed in position. As I gazed into her reddish brown eyes, those eyes that reminded me of rich red earth, tree bark, and autumn leaves all wrapped up in one, everything I could think of to say seemed childish and clumsy or stupid. This would become another wasted opportunity.
Linda and I concluded our study session and parted. It was a Friday, so at least I would have the whole weekend to think about how I would seduce Linda, as I was sure was now my intention.
When I got to my apartment, I found a surprise waiting for me. Jennifer was there, waiting at my doorstep looking terribly depressed and most definitely as cute as ever.
"Hi Jennifer. It's a surprise seeing you here."
I got no response, but it wasn't because of her shyness this time. She tried to speak, but all that came out were sobs. Tears started streaming down her face, and as I knelt to embrace her I could see that her eyes were all red and puffy. This was not the first time she had cried today.
"Sweety, what's wrong?"
"It - It's -" she made several valiant attempts at telling me, but broke down into sobs again. I led her into my apartment and sat her down on the couch, hugging her until she could speak more coherently.
"Maggy left me! She said I was a stupid fat little girl, and that she was done with me!"
That was all she could manage before the sobbing took over again. I knew already that Maggy was the dominant one in their relationship but I didn't know that she could be so cruel.
"Oh honey, I'm sure she didn't mean those things, and even if she did they're not true and you don't deserve them."
"Yes they are," she whined. "I knew it all along, but I got her to keep me and promised to be better for her, but I didn't. And now she hates me."
"Shush. It'll be all right. If Maggy hates you then she doesn't deserve you. You're wonderful Jennifer."
For the longest time she simply lay with her head in my lap, crying herself into a semi-peaceful stupor. My thoughts of Linda that had been pushed from my mind now returned as Jennifer lay in my lap. Then a new thought occurred to me. Maggy was lucky to have Jennifer, but if she didn't want her, I would be lucky to have her as well. I had been very impressed with her body when I last saw her, and I wouldn't mind being the one pleasing her body and bringing her to long, explosive orgasms.
I wanted to be the one to comfort her in her grief. But at the same time I didn't want to take advantage of her while she was weak, and I wanted to belong to Linda. Once again Maggy and Jennifer were dragging me into the deepest depths of confusion.
When Jennifer returned to the world, she seemed somewhat recovered. At least she was able to speak without breaking down. "Thank you for listening and helping Sophie. I didn't know where else to go. I was afraid that everyone else that knows about me and Maggy would side with her. Sorry if I intruded."
I told her not to worry about it, and that she was welcome to talk to me about anything any time. She just lay for a while longer with her head in my lap, with me softly stroking her soft dark hair. Eventually she sat up and looked me in the eyes, which seemed a rather bold move for her.
"Did you really mean everything you said?"
"Absolutely. Anyone would be lucky to have you."
"You really don't think I'm fat?"
She sounded so convinced of the falseness of my statement that I was shocked for a moment. I was angry with my sister for so damaging this poor girl so much that she could think of herself like that. For me at least, there is a certain weight range where a woman does not become more or less attractive by gaining or losing weight, but simply becomes attractive in a different way. A small amount of fat can be an attractive thing. This didn't seem like the time to give her such a complicated answer though, so I responded more simply.
"Absolutely not. I think you have a wonderful body."
"Thank you. You do too." True to her character, Jennifer said this in a half-mumble while staring at the floor, displaying the timidity that I found so adorable in her.
