A SISTER'S LOVE
Cindy got accepted into college, at a place she desired. Sandy had given her Mindy's new contact info through Mandy, who was Mindy's cousin. It was hard for Mindy to leave, but she had to. There was nothing left for her in that small town but heartbreaking pain. Cindy moved eventually to her college also, on the East Coast.
Mindy got a scholarship in another state. She didn't want to leave Cindy, but it was best for her future. She went to college and they stayed in touch. Cindy tried to keep herself busy with her studies as time passed quickly. She had some flings with like-minded women in college, but nothing too serious developed for her.
Her Junior year, she met Dan, and everything changed. She loved Mindy, but also wanted to 'fit in'. There was a lot of peer pressure to do so where she was. And Dan was so nice to her, almost too nice. He was handsome, his family was rich. But he was a pushover, Cindy didn't respect him for that.
The sex was terrible too, he never lasted long. An aching guilt lingered inside her. She was so confused about her sexuality.
She missed Mindy so much, even though she didn't show it. She had not spoken to Mindy in almost six months ,then one day she called. Cindy was a bit hopeful as they talked. But then Mindy mentioned that she was going overseas to study, and she would be gone for almost a year..
Cindy just felt all that old pain returning to her. Mindy sounded so excited about her trip, then Cindy cut her off. "I don't want to talk to you, don't fucking call me!"
She threw her phone across the room, then she fell to her knees, with tears streaming down her face. Her phone rang a dozen more times, but she was numb inside. She felt abandoned, she didn't want to go get her phone. She didn't have the strength to do anything.
She cried and cried, she cried for hours. She clutched the necklace Mindy had given her. She wasn't sure what to do. She eventually climbed onto her couch and fell asleep. The next morning, a knock on the door woke her up. She went to the door and looked through the peephole, it was her friend Danielle.
She opened the door. "Danielle, what is it?"
"Cindy. You look terrible, are you okay?"
She really didn't feel like talking to anyone, so she lied. "Yeah, I am fine. I just didn't sleep well."
Although she felt pain deep in the pit of her stomach, that threatened to engulf her in misery.
"Okay, well I am sorry to have to tell you this. But you really need to know." Her face was sullen as she looked at her.
"What? What do you mean Danielle?"
Danielle unlocked her phone, and opened her pictures. " I saw your boyfriend last night at the College Club bar. Take a look."
Cindy felt like knives were going straight into her heart, She saw Dan making out with a redhead in the bar. He had his hands all over her shapely body.
She slowly closed her door "Cindy wait-" She ignored Danielle and locked the door. She walked to her bathroom, she stripped her clothes off and turned the shower on. She let her tears fall onto the tile floor while she tested the water.
She got in and let the hot water run down over her. She washed all her tears away, trying to feel like all her sadness could be washed off also. She grabbed a washcloth and lathered up with soap, she started scrubbing faster and faster. She became frantic as sadness suddenly overwhelmed her, her sobbing mixed with the sound of the water. She scrubbed all over before throwing the washcloth down in disgust and frustration. She slumped into the bathtub, and let her pain out with her wailing tears.
Eventually she got out, and dried off. She put on an old shirt and sweatpants. She gathered up everything Dan had ever given her, throwing it in a box. She gathered her phone and her keys, and walked into the hallway. She looked like shit, dressed in baggy sweats, eyes puffy from crying too much, her blonde hair all damp. Danielle was still there, she looked at Cindy with her brow wrinkled with worry.
"Cindy, please talk to me!"
Cindy just looked into her big brown eyes, she kissed her on the lips and caressed her cheek. "Danielle I have to go, I am sorry. You're a good friend. But I need to do this on my own."
"Cindy, please don't do anything reckless. I care about you, call me if you need anything at all."
Cindy just gave her a weak smile, and then she left the building. She put the box in her car and drove. She just found a road going out of town, she looked frantically for a remote spot. She drove for quite some time.
She found a side road lined with trees, which led to a forest preserve. She found a gravel parking lot that was empty. She parked and started sobbing again. She reached for a utility knife and some matches she had in her car. Eventually she got out and grabbed the box, she started walking down a trail. She came to a clearing and dumped the box out. She poured lighter fluid on it all. Everything would burn, even the expensive jewelry.
She watched it burn, then she pulled the knife from her jacket pocket. The razor blade clicked out, she just froze, the blade lingered over her wrists. She thought of Mindy, their laughter, their passion, their fun together. And her sister, all the times Sandy had protected her from their mother. All the kind gestures rushed into her mind. She tried calling Sandy about a week ago, but she didn't answer.
Am I just a burden? She thought. Would anyone miss me if I was gone? Everyone seems too fucking busy these days.
She remembered she was going to graduate soon, but she didn't care. But in that crucial moment, her phone beeped in her pocket. In her haste, she thought she'd forgotten it at home. She looked, it was Sandy. She dropped the knife, and she answered.
"Hi big sister... I'm surprised you called, bu- but I am glad you did."
"Sorry I didn't call you back. I have been so busy in the big city. But I have some good news!"
What's the good news? She wondered. Was Sandy gonna kill Dan for her?
"Ok, so what's the good news then?
"I am coming to your college graduation next week! Mom reminded me! I look forward to seeing you!"
"Ohh, that- that's good news." her voice trailed off, as she choked back tears.
"You don't sound very excited. What's wrong Cindy? Don't lie to me, I know you, something is wrong!"
She stood there looking at the fire, It was consuming all of her old life, that's what it meant to her. She kicked the knife into the flames, and her pain hit her like a punch in the gut. She fell to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Cindy! Honey, what's wrong, tell me!"
Cindy just let it all out, right then and there. She told Sandy everything. And she had not felt this close to her in a long time.
Sandy booked a flight right away. She was at Cindy's door the next day, Cindy let her in, Sandy immediately dropped her bags and held her close. "I got you honey, I got you, everything will be okay."
Cindy rested in her arms once again, Sandy cuddled her and kissed her gently on her cheeks. Sandy stayed next to her all night, holding her in her sleep.
Two days later, Sandy thought Cindy should get out and get some fresh air. "You know, we have the whole day ahead of us. I think we should get out of this apartment honey."
"Ummm, yeah. Maybe we should." Cindy sat at the table, eating the eggs Sandy had made her.. "It...could be fun."
"Cindy why do you seem so hesitant? Tell me what's on your mind."
"I-I heard you talking to Mandy last night when you were sitting on the couch."
"Yes, I was wondering when you were gonna bring that up. Look, Cindy I didn't plan it this way. Mandy and I kept in touch over the years, it kind of just happened. We have great chemistry together."
"I am fine with you seeing Mindy's cousin, as long as you're happy. I still think about Mindy though."
Sandy put her arms around her shoulders in a warm embrace. "Thank you baby, and maybe we could go out tonight and find you someone. Just for fun."
