Changes

Authors Notes: So, we've move forward in the story. As of this chapter, the entire piece is over 220 pages. We certainly didn't expect that when we started writing it years ago, but it's grown both complex and more fun to write.

In this chapter, we'll get to find out a bit more about Kristina and Jessica as teenagers. We move back 10 years in time. We also get some reveals between Aileen and her sister, and Kristina is back to play a more prominent role - which she's likely to do going forward as well.

As always, let us know your feedback and opinions.

****

Aileen turned the steering wheel and parked the car by the house. Her errand to the store had taken longer than expected, and Adam had let her know he'd be helping a client in town when she came back.

Just me and Jess. Lord, that's excellent. No. Don't be unfair. She's been trying, and she is getting along with Adam. She's trying. And it actually seems to be working for her.

So when she found the house empty, she frowned. When Aileen found the mess - and the broken mirror - in the bathroom, she gaped, taking care not to step on the broken glass, parts of it flecked with blood. She quickly went to Jess's room, only to find the bed askew and clothes astray around the floor.<

It was with this picture in her mind that she rushed out of the house, calling "Jess? Jess!".

No answer.

What on earth...

The notion that something had happened in the time she was gone to come home sounded ludicrous, but it wormed its way into her worries and she ran the gravelled path around the field to see if she could see anyone up the main road.

"Jessica!" She called again.

A figure sitting on a familiar rock by the copse of trees caught her attention as it moved, and she breathed easier. It was hard to tell, but she thought there was a flash of red hair, and she recognized the general outline of her sister's form.

"Hey! Jess!" She called again when she was closer, surely enough even for her to hear - but Jess didn't turn around.

Her sister sat on the rock, her knees up against her chest and wearing a simple orange dress -

mine, i think

- and she was...Aileen blinked.

"Didn't you hear me, Jess? And since

when do you smoke

of all things?"

Jessica exhaled a stream of smoke and didn't turn, but shrugged. "Why not? What do you want, Lee?"

"What...happened at home? In the bathroom?"

"Oh. Yeah. Mirror sorta...broke. And there was no water. The knob came off."

"And your bed? What? Did that break too?"

"I...yeah." Jess cleared her throat, still not looking. "That too."

Aileen inhaled deeply.

Careful now. Remember what you said yesterday. You weren't the most gracious.

"Jessica, I understand you're upset, but you can't-"

"Don't worry, Lee. I'm leaving. I'll be gone today. Tomorrow at the latest."

She blinked, a cold feeling settling into her stomach. "That's not what-...Jess, that's not what I meant. Why would you leave? You found a job, right?"

"Who am I kidding?" Jessica turned her head to look at her. "How'd you find me anyway?"

Lee recoiled slightly, then sat. Her sister's face was red and swollen, her usual careful makeup was traced messily and her hair was a horror show. "You...always went here when you were younger. It's not exactly science, Jess."

"Yeah." She exhaled smoke. "Guess that's me. Predictable, fucking slaggy whore, right?"

"Jess!" Aileen inched closer to her. "Don't talk like that. You're not...that. Don't say that."

Jessica snorted, rough. "Right. As if you've never thought that."

"Jess. I'm...sorry for what I said yesterday. I should not have been on your case like that. Not before...listening to you. I would have come up and apologized, but...I think you needed time to calm down."

"Right. Yeah. 'Course. Me and my temper, right?" Jessica sneered. "Always gets me into fucking trouble and shit. Can't go a day without-" She broke off mid-sentence, inhaled raggedly, and shook her head. "Fuck it."

Aileen frowned.

This seems like more than...that.

"Did something...else happen?"

"Like what?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. You seem..."

A wreck. A mess.

"What? Now you suddenly

care

for your trailer whore of a sister?" Jessica's lower lip trembled.

"Will you

stop

speaking like that? You're

not

a....

that.

" She reached out to touch her shoulder, only to have Jess pull away sharply.

"

Don't fucking

touch me, Lee!"

"...alright." Aileen took a deep breath.

"Then talk to me.

I'm here. What's the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter! Leave me alone, and don't act like you start caring

now

of all times."

"I've

always

cared for you. Not just now. Always. You know that."

"Right." Jess half-turned to face her. "Sure you did. Just like you fucking cared about me from age ten when Adam was born, right?"

"Jess! I did-"

"Psh! You didn't give a shit about me back then, Lee - and you don't need to pretend to care now, okay?"

"Jessica - this is

not

okay." Aileen took a deep breath, calming her nerves.

She's just mad. For some reason.

"How can you say that? You know I care. I cared. But I'd become a mother, and Tom was...Tom. And you had mom and dad."

"Oh yeah!" Jess chortled. "Mom and Dad. Right. How could I forget? A dad who was already halfway to forgetting who the

fuck

I was, and a mom who couldn't care about anything except the new kid in the family. You're right, Lee! Of course, you are!" She flicked the cigarette away with two fingers and blew smoke straight into her face.

"Such a

fucking

rosy childhood that was for a kid, right?"

"Jessica." Aileen said quietly, trying another tact. "I understand you're mad about

something

, but-"

"Or what'd you think? Think I could handle myself from that age? That dad could? Mom? Fucking

blind.

That's what you were - you and Tom too. Fuck."

"I..." Aileen swallowed.

She recalled those days. With her ex-husband no help, it had been left to her to handle the entirety of the household while working - not to mention her mom and dad as they both descended deeper into one illness or another. At the same time, she'd tried to give Adam the best existence she'd possibly been able to, while caring for her sister as best as she could.

And she'd succeeded too. At least, she'd succeeded at all but the last of that list. She'd been in no position to take care of a younger sister entering puberty.

"Yeaaah. Remembering bits of it, huh?" Jessica shook her head. "So

fucking

perfect, Lee. Taking care of everything,

except

for the kid sister who used to look up to you as a fucking goddess. No.

That

bitch gets to grow up alone and neglected. Cause

fuck her

, right?"

Aileen worked her tongue to get some saliva back into her suddenly-dry throat. "Look, things weren't

perfect

, but we all did what we could. And you're not exactly...

blameless

here you know." Aileen swallowed.

Jessica smiled, and there was a sad quality about that. "Like I said. Trailer whore, right? A good fuck, but-"

She closed her eyes. "Will you stop.

Saying

. That."

"Oh,

fuck you

, Lee." Jessica rolled her eyes "Or what?"

"What in the

hells

is the matter with you!?" Aileen exclaimed. "This isn't...

you

anymore. Why are you talking like this? Things have been good! You have been...great, Jess." She inhaled, calming down and putting her fingers around her sisters wrist. "What's going on? Talk to me.

Please.

"

Jess shook her head and looked down at the ground.

"What? Is it

money

? I can lend you some, if you need some. Did they call back and tell you they're not giving you the job?

What is it

?"

She shook her head again, but looked up.

Aileen blinked. Her sister's cheeks were wet with fresh tears.

"He's...he's right, that's all. Fuck. I'm nothing. I'm just a dumb...dumb slut, Lee."

"

Who

? Who told you that?" she asked, though she suspected the answer.

Jessica cleared her throat. "

Martin.

" Her voice was broken. "But he's right. I can't do shit right, and whenever I try, I end up fucking things up even more."

"I told you

six years

ago when you met that man that he wasn't good enough for you. If he said that, he is lying."

"He knows me better than you, Lee."

Aileen swallowed. "That's not true.

Good lord

." She moved closer and put an arm around her sister, grabbing her arm hard when she recoiled and pulling her closer - quite firmly. "You sit

still

. If he said that, and if that's why you're upset, then he's a lying...asshole. Okay?"

Jess was leaning away from her, purse squished between them.

Aileen looked down and frowned at one of the containers she saw peeking out. She reached down, found another, and pulled both out. "Jessica - what are these?" She skimmed the labels. "Are you

taking

these? What are they? Since when are you taking medication?"

"Hey! Give me that!" Jessica reached, but Aileen held them at bay.

She read the labels, but being no doctor she couldn't say exactly what it was. However, she knew what the small "POM"-label meant and stared her sister in the eyes. "What are they?"

"They're...meds, okay?" Her sister's throat worked. "Sometimes i get...emotional, down or anxious. Those help."

"We visited the doctor when you were sixteen - and he was

very clear

in that you don't need medication, Jessica. Since when are you taking these?"

"Just give them back!" Jessica tried grabbing again, but Aileen rose and read the bottle again.

"Did that...man have you get these? Martin?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"Jesus, Jessica. How long have you..." She trailed off as her sister looked away.

"Look. It's no big deal - lots of people take that stuff. And it's not just when me and Martin fight, or when-"

"Oh - so when you

act different to from how he wants you to act, that's a good time for medication?

" Bile rose in her throat and she bared her teeth.

Jessica took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "You don't...understand, Lee."

"I think i understand perfectly." Aileen said cooly. "That man has you taking prescription drugs when you do, or act different than he wants you to. Do you even know the side effects of these?"

"I-"

"How long, Jess? How long have you been taking these?" She stepped closer. "Tell me."

Jessica looked away. "Six years. Since i met him."

Aileen shuddered, feeling as though a cold fist gripped her stomach.

Six years? Jesus Christ.

The mood swings Jess had shown when she'd been visiting for the past years suddenly came into a whole different light.

Why didn't i ever ask? Ever do anything?

"Lee, it's fine. It's not as though he gave them to me. I went to a doctor who-"

"A doctor

here

said that you didn't need any years ago. Jesus, Jess. I'm...i'm so sorry. I should have asked."

Jessica frowned. "Lee, my medications aren't really your business-"

"He used you, drugged you and controlled you!" Aileen exclaimed and proffered the closed pill bottle in one fist. "With this...this...crap!" With a squeeze, the lid popped off the bottle and she flung the bottle and its contents into the grass.

White pills flew everywhere.

"Lee! What the fuck! I need that-" Jessica rose

"You

don't

need that!" She stepped closer "And if you do, you will go to a doctor

here

who can confirm that, not some...

quack

hired by the millionaire you've been sleeping with for the past few years!"

"Give me the bottle, Lee." Jessica pointed to the second bottle in her other hand. "I need that stuff."

"No. You'll go to a

real

doctor."

"Lee...I'll-" Jess swallowed.

"You'll what?" Aileen put the bottle behind her back and put the other hand on her hip. "You sure as heck couldn't take me on when you were fifteen - think you'll do any better now?"

"You're wearing a fucking sundress, an apron and a pink hair clip, Lee!"

"And i could still kick your butt." She raised her eyebrow "What? You want to try?"

Jessica met her eyes, then looked away and down. She sighed and sat down again. "This is...fucking stupid."

"Well, for once i agree with you. Why did you never tell me about this?" Aileen sat down next to her.

"What's there to say? I take meds? Not much to it."

"It is when i

specifically

reminded you what the doctor said, that you don't need meds."

Jess shrugged. "There really...wasn't a good time, Lee. I came for thanksgiving when i'd begun taking them. Thanksgiving when Adam was twelve. Remember?"

"I do." Aileen swallowed. "But you still could have-"

"What? Told me in between you telling me i was throwing my life away and chasing me out of the house?" She chuckled without humor. "Not a great time, for either of us."

She didn't respond.

That was a truly awful thanksgiving. And reunion with Jess after almost two years.

It had indeed ended with her pretty much telling Jess to get out and not come back. Her sister had been an emotional wreck - up one day, down the next. She'd boiled it down to stress, lack of guidance and stability in life and living a party-centric existence. Also, Jess had gravely insulted Adam, and her mind had been entirely on her then twelve year old son.

"After that..." Jess shrugged. "Wasn't that big a deal anymore next time i came."

It was true. The next time Jess had visited, things had been much calmer - but there was still that emotional edge to her that hadn't been as...raw before.

"Besides - what do you think, Lee? All of our disagreements and all that...shit is because of these meds? It isn't. And you're stupid as

fuck

if-"

"Why" Aileen said firmly "do you have to talk like that to me? What did i

ever

do this time to deserve it?"

Jessica stopped with her mouth agape then closed it and swallowed. "You're right. I'm...sorry."

Well. She rarely says that.

Aileen sat in silence and looked out over the field.

"Anyway." Jessica said after perhaps a minute of silence. "I'll...i'll go. Find somewhere else to be." Something of the sad quality to her voice had returned, and she was looking away.

"Fine - if you tell me

why.

You owe me that much, Jess. What did i do? Or Adam? Was it some demand from me? You can't pay rent? What's the issue?"

"I...no, it's nothing like that. I'm just...in the way, okay? I shouldn't be here. I make things worse. For you, and for...for

Adam

." Her tone rose an octave when she mentioned his name and she cleared her throat.

Aileen found herself shaking her head. "No - i don't think so. I think Adam actually benefits from having you here. Look...it's not as though i'm blind to how overprotective i can be. I think you add a nice balance and-....what?" She eyed Jessica who was staring at her.

"Balance?" Jessica snorted, shaking hear head. "I...no...i mean..." she cleared her throat. "Thank you. I guess if it's one thing i know it's showing guys how to have a good time, right?"

She sniffed. "I'd call it 'confidence', Jess. You give confidence. I haven't seen Adam as confident as he is now for...well, ever. And that's

you. All you.

"I...thanks, i guess."

"I mean it. I don't know what you're doing, but keep doing it."

Again, Jessica stared that half-horrified, half-incredulous stare.

"I do want him to be happy - like you said. And...well. He

is

a man.

"Yeah. He is. And a great one." Jessica mumbled.

"We're agreed there." Aileen allowed a faint smile. "Look. Have we always agreed since you moved out? No. Definitely not. I doubt we ever will. Do i disagree with your conscious life choices? I do. But...it looks to me like you want to do things differently."

Jessica cleared her throat. "I do. Yeah."

"I'm here for that. And you're a

great

influence on Adam too. I can see that. He's coming out of that...shell. Maybe i put him there in part. But i want the best for him. And you do too."

"I do." Jess repeated, though there was an edge to the glance she gave her.

"So. We keep doing that. If there's one thing we can agree on, we want the best for him, and he is still a teenager."

Her sister didn't respond.

"And i'll help you with what you need, Jess. You know i will. I'm here for you."

Jessica met her eyes and nodded slowly. She didn't pull away when her sister moved closer.

******

Adam closed the door. It had been cool of Jer to call him to meet up - even if it only had been for a few hours before he had to leave again. The fact that he didn't have that many friends hadn't bothered him for a few days now, having spent most of his time with his aunt. It had almost felt odd to spend time at Jer's house, playing video games and chatting.

"Hey Sweetheart - you had fun?"

He entered the kitchen. His mom was sizzling something in the pan - meat in a thick sauce - that smelled heavenly. "Mhm. Was fun. That smells great, mom."

"Aw, thanks. It'll be done in half an hour or so. Could you help me set the table?"

"Sure."

The door to the kitchen opened, and aunt Jess entered in a bathrobe, drying her hair with a fluffy white towel.

"Hey, Aunt Jess."

"Hey, kiddo" Her smile was perhaps a tad nervous. "Thanks, Lee. It worked now."

But seeing what we did last night...not that strange. I should apologize later. The whole thing...might have been a bit too much.

"That's what happens when you know how to work the house." His mother smiled. "Help Adam set the table?"

"Sure...just let me finish and get dressed."

By the time his aunt returned, wearing a simple white dress that surely must have come from his mom's closet, he was just finished setting down the last glass.

"Fifteen minutes. Can you get the patio furniture? It's supposed to rain tonight."

He was already outside when he realized Jess had followed him.

"Sooo...with a friend today?"

"Mhm. Jer was home for a day, so we played some games." He met her eyes, taking the thick seat cushion she offered. "Sorry, i meant to tell you. You were sleeping though, and didn't want to wake you."

Jessica gave a chuckle. "I'm sure. You didn't mind waking me last night though?" Her lips curved faintly.

"Yeah. Sorry...it was...well, maybe a bit much?"

Jessica put down the cushion she was holding and eyed him. "It's alright, Adam. It was fine - i wanted to. Frankly, i needed it."

"But?"

"But..." She hesitated, touching her lower lip with her tongue and glancing beyond his shoulder, no doubt to see that Lee wasn't close enough. She stepped forward and touched his shoulder. "I'm not sure if we should keep doing it. No, wait." She raised one hand, shaking her head. "It's not anything

you

did or didn't do."

"Right. Are you sure?" There was a ball of ice in his stomach, recalling how he'd treated her the night prior.

"I'd tell you if that was it." Her expression was serious. "I'm not exactly shy about shit...as i'm sure you've noticed." She added with a crooked grin.

He looked down - despite everything, feeling himself flush.

Jessica laughed. "Sit. Come on - sit with me." She sat and patted the cushion next to hers on the patio couch.

"Mom?"

"She'll call on us. It's fine." She still lowered her voice. "Look, i love fucking - and you're really a good fuck, especially for your age. Fuck...If i was still a teenager, i'd be so all over you you wouldn't know

what

to do." She chuckled. "I was such a slut."

He waited - though he saw for the first time that his aunt had faint dark rings under hur eyes, and looked somewhat...worn.

"Buuuut...i'm going to take this seriously. Living here. Getting along with Lee. Getting my shit together, y'know?"

Adam nodded.

"I just...can't do that if i'm worrying about whether we'll fuck that night, or if Lee will find out. Or how you're doing - no,

wait

!" She laughed