Betrayal

Rick stood in front of the door to his old home, waiting for Annie to answer his knock. It was difficult to get over not being able to walk right in. "I know you don't want to see me, but I have to talk to you," he said when she stood in the open doorway. She stood aside to let him in. Her expression remained closed.

The door shut behind him. "What is it?" she asked, sharp and crisp as a new dollar bill.

"I don't want to start a fight, Annie, but I need some cash."

"I was wondering when you'd get around to that." She gestured to the couch in the living room. "Sit down, and we'll talk about it."

At least she hadn't refused out of hand. He sat on the couch, exactly where she'd pointed. Follow orders and you might get what you need, he told himself. "The credit card doesn't matter. I want enough to give Joe for my upkeep, and that's all. You can have the rest."

She raised a delicate brow and sat in her favorite chair. "How much?"

"A few hundred would help. It doesn't have to be a lot."

"That's reasonable," she said. "Too reasonable. I expected you to demand the entire thing."

Rick frowned. Why would she expect that? He'd never been all that demanding in the first place. "I think you've decided I'm a monster, Annie. I made a few mistakes, but..." He paused. "You don't really expect me to ask for it all. You want me to demand it so you can feel better about kicking me out."

"I have ample reason to kick you out. You were fucking that slut in my bed!" She stood and began to pace.

Rick remained seated. Her tension hadn't been apparent until now, but her body moved like a caged animal. "I didn't say you had no reason."

She turned on him. Her eyes looked too shiny. Had she been this easily moved to tears before? No, he thought, this was new. He waited.

"God, I hate you sometimes," she hissed, and turned away. "How can you be so calm? You never yell. You never get upset, even when I do scream at you. I don't think you care enough about anyone to react."

"You want me to react badly." It was a statement, not a question. "You want something to react against, something that would justify a screaming match."

"You come in here and talk to me about money like our marriage was a business merger." She turned back. This time the tears had fallen from her lashes to slither down her cheeks. "It's like you never cared."

The hollow feeling in his stomach returned, as if she'd just walked in on him and Chandra again. He shook his head and leaned forward. "I cared. I still do. I don't know what you want me to do, Annie. I don't want to hurt you any more than I have already."

"You weren't even angry when I kicked you out. You just left like a whipped puppy." She sat back in her chair and wiped at her cheeks.

"Not a pleasant image."

"It's like you don't even want to try to fight for us. You just agree to everything like it doesn't mean anything."

"Would it do me any good to fight?"

She stared at him for a long minute. "If you really loved me, you'd fight for me whether or not it would do any good."

"I don't know how to fight for you without hurting you." Truth, anyway. "I could argue with you, hit you, call you names, and rant about how I need you. Is that what you want?"

"Do you want to do any of those things?" She looked like a child, watching him with sad eyes.

"Ranting, I could do."

"But you don't need me, Ricky. You have Chandra and anyone else you decide to have."

He spoke without thinking. "Chandra isn't you. She's different, and I need you for other reasons." Her silence urged him on, and the hollow feeling in his belly filled with pain. "I do love you. I always have. I'm just not supposed to be married, I guess."

"Because you can't be faithful?"

"Because I always hurt the people I love."

Silence dragged on. She knew what he was talking about. He'd told her before they married, explained it like he expected her to leave. She hadn't, and he supposed that was part of the reason they'd married. She had an ability to accept his failings -- except Chandra. That was why it surprised him so much she'd just ordered him out.

"You were only nineteen," she whispered. "Sarah should have been the one to stop that."

"I knew what I was doing, and I knew it would hurt Joe. I did it anyway. I have a history of betraying the trust of loved ones."

"So you keep trying to punish yourself for that by hurting them even more. You fucked Joe's wife. That was twenty years ago, Ricky. You can't keep punishing yourself for it. Even Joe forgave you eventually. You never forgave yourself." Annie swiped at new tears. "God, you're so pitiful."

Rick nodded, unable to argue the point without aggravating the pain in his stomach. He stood, moved to the window to avoid the angry sorrow in her gaze. Outside, his little car waited for him to leave. "I should go, Annie. Just tell me if I can get something to give Joe."

She stood and moved behind him. A soft hand touched his shoulder. "Will you stop hiding?"

He turned. She hadn't bothered to wipe the last tears from her cheeks. As he watched, another one trickled from her lashes. "I'm not hiding. I just don't want to fight with you." He touched the last tear, holding it between his fingers as if it would stop the pain that leeched from his stomach to his heart. "I'm sorry, Annie. I really am. I don't know if I could have changed it, but I wish I could."

Soft, pliable, and so tender, she pressed her lips against his. This held more meaning than any kind of fucking. He slipped his arms around her waist and held her, forcing himself not to crush her against him, hold her until she had no breath left. It wasn't about fucking, not with this one. It was about the way she understood him, accepted him. The loss of that acceptance had turned him cold, lifeless.

Her arms crept over his shoulders, draped him like a shroud. But he was so much more alive, so hungry for whatever she had to give him. There wasn't an immediate physical reaction, not like it was with Penny or even Chandra. It came from somewhere far deeper. Her hands in his hair stirred his senses. The press of her breasts against his chest lessened the pain in his stomach.

I'm a rat, Rick thought. I won't stop seeing Chandra, and I'll probably fuck that little slut niece of mine silly, but I'll take what I can get from Annie. I'm going to keep hurting her until she won't have anything to do with me, and I just don't think I can change it.

The thoughts brought his desire to the surface, urged it forward until she pulled her lips from his to look at him. "This shouldn't happen," she whispered.

"Probably not," he said, and trapped her lips with another kiss, giving in to the urge to crush her body against his.

Annie pushed at his shoulders, and he raised his head. "Not in front of the window," she said, breathless.

Rick reached behind them and tugged the cord to release the blinds. They fell over the window with a clatter. The light dimmed. He could still see the tracks of tears on her cheeks, but her eyes looked intimate rather than sorrowful. Her body remained tight against his.

He slid both straps of her dress over her shoulders. She let her arms hang free, staring up into his eyes, and the straps slipped off the tips of her fingers. She raised her hands to unbutton his shirt and leaned away, allowing the dress to slide down her body to the floor. No panties, as if she'd been expecting him.

The slight sag of her heavy breasts made him sigh. He touched one, tracing the skin with the tip of his finger. Goosebumps appeared on her arms. She pushed his shirt back over his shoulders and kissed his chest, forcing him to move his arms back to rid himself of the shirt. Slow, she traced her tongue down his belly and dipped it into his navel. Her fingers worked on the button and zipper of his jeans. She pulled down, and his erection sprang out of hiding.

Rick left his jeans and boxers in a pile and stepped away to kneel in front of Annie. He took her face in his cupped hands. No words would express the kind of power she had over him, so he kissed her instead. His body flowed to the floor, pulling her with him.

Annie held him close, undulating against him in small waves. Her tongue played with his. It darted over his lips. Her body felt like a wave of desire, flowing in and out, moving with some arcane purpose. They rolled, ending with his body on top, and he rose up on his hands.

Wide and dark, her eyes stared into his as she spread her thighs. He pushed his cock inside. Warmth surrounded it. Her lips parted, and a soft sound moved between her teeth. It isn't about the fucking, he said in his head. It's about this feeling, the need to be part of someone else -- like a mother and child, seeking and finding security and acceptance no matter what awful thing I've done. And as he thought, he stared deep into her eyes, unblinking as the pace quickened. I love you, he thought, but this isn't going to change anything. You can't keep me, and I can't stop being what I am.

Gasps sounded from between her lips each time he thrust forward. Her breasts rolled. She grasped his forearms and held on as if afraid he'd slip away if she let go. The slap of flesh hitting flesh became a source of passion. It sounded like a fight, constant and never-ending. Friction heated the swift glide of his cock.

"I'm coming." Annie's lips moved, but the words faded as they hit the air. Her eyes, wide and dark, stared deep into his as she climaxed. He could feel the clench and release around his cock. Her belly heaved and her legs clutched around his hips. Her breasts rolled sideways and then up and down.

He kept pumping in and out, fast gaining the point of no return for himself. "Me too," he whispered, and rammed inside to join her. The unblinking stare continued. His lower body jerked in response to each powerful spasm.

"Oh, God," he gasped, and finally rolled away, spent and yet still wanting to continue. He drew her into his arms and caressed her breast. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I don't want to leave you. I'd fight for you if I had a chance of winning." He kissed her lips. "I'd die for you if I thought it would make a difference."

"Don't get carried away," she said, but her voice sounded hushed.

He kissed her again. "I know. You can't trust me, so I can't stay."

"Some fighter." She pushed him away, gently, but it separated them. "You're right, I can't trust you." She stood up, brushed carpet fibers from her legs, and pulled the sundress back over her head.

Rick remained stretched out on the floor and watched. Sadly. "So I'm supposed to pretend this didn't happen."

She shook her head and picked up his clothes. "Get dressed, Rick. It happened, but I can't let you fuck your way back."

He dressed in silence. Shirt still open, he headed out to his car. He glanced back once. The blinds remained closed over the window.

#

Rick walked in the kitchen door and shut it behind him. Joe shut the refrigerator door and turned to frown at him. "What's wrong?"

"Is it that apparent?" Rick slumped into a chair. He could still feel the press of Annie's body against his.

Joe set the can of pop he'd retrieved from the fridge on the table and sat down. "Just tell me what happened."

"I went to Annie's."

Joe opened the can. "And...?"

"She'll be here sometime tomorrow with some cash."

"You argued?"

"Not exactly."

Joe raised a brow. "You fucked her?"

Rick nodded, and set his head in his hands, elbows on the table. "It doesn't change anything."

"Jesus, Ricky."

Rick raised his head, anger beginning deep where the pain still throbbed in his belly. "What?"

"You aren't happy unless you're fucking half a dozen women."

"I'm not fucking half a dozen women. Just two."

"What about Penny?" Joe snapped.

The anger turned to cold fear. "No, I'm not fucking your daughter."

"Then you're still in the process of seducing her."

"I'm not seducing her, either. Damn it, Joe!" He stood, pacing the small area between the pantry and the table. "I have enough to deal with in Annie and Chandra. Why would I need Penny to confuse the issue even more?" He stopped pacing, and turned to face his brother.

Joe raised the can and drank. "You aren't sane when your dick is stiff." The bottom of the can settled on the table with a controlled click.

"I'm not about to get myself killed or kicked back on the street. I learned my lesson the last time."

"I hope you did." Calm, Joe gestured toward the chair. "Sit down."

Rick slid into the chair. "Stop accusing me. I know you have reason to be suspicious, but I swear I don't want to..."

"I know," Joe interrupted. "But she does. I'm not as blind as she thinks I am. She's precocious, but she's still inexperienced. You're right, you have enough problems with the women you have. Stick with them."

"Point taken." After all, Rick only told him the truth. He didn't want to fuck Penny. He couldn't help what his dick wanted.

"Keep the money Annie brings over. You need it more than I do." Joe stood. "I feel sorry for you, Ricky. You need so much and you have no idea how to get it." He leaned on the table. "I did forgive you for Sarah, you know. It wasn't completely your fault to begin with."

"I knew what I was doing. Don't blame Sarah."

Joe stood, regarded him seriously for a minute, and then shrugged. "She had her share of blame, but I forgave her, too. I couldn't have stayed married to her if I didn't."

"I wish Annie could look at it that way."

"Forgiveness isn't won in bed." He headed for the door. "Relax, Ricky. You can't change it now."

Rick buried his head in his hands again.

#

Rick closeted himself in his room with his laptop. The only way out of feeling this way was to write, he thought. The synopsis for his current novel explained enough to keep his mind on it. He wrote, eyes closed and entering into the world of his imagination, until a soft knock sounded on the door. He stopped typing, opened his eyes, and sighed. "What?"

The door opened, and Penny stood in the light from the hall, carrying a tray. "You didn't come down for supper. I didn't want to interrupt you, but you need to eat." She moved into the room and set the tray on the bed in front of his crossed legs. He closed the laptop and put it beside the bed on the floor. "Daddy said you had a bad day." She closed the door and sat on the foot of the bed.

"I'm all right." He picked at the macaroni and cheese, and then set his fork aside. "I'm not very hungry, Pen. Sorry."

She frowned. No longer the temptress, she looked too serious. "Is this all my fault?"

"Is what your fault?"

Penny waved a hand in his general direction. "You, your bad day, or whatever it is that has you closeted up here. Daddy's been guarding you like a lioness with a cub. I had to wait until he went to bed to come up here."

"No, it isn't your fault. It's mine." He stretched his legs, easing the cramped muscles. "I went to see Annie today."

Penny reached for his leg, and then stopped, returning her hand to her own thigh. "And you fought?"

"No. It's complicated. You don't need to know all of it."

"Do you think I'm incapable of understanding?" A line of anger marred her smooth brow.

"It isn't about understanding. It just doesn't involve you."

"Then call Chandra. You can talk with her about it. She's involved."

Yes, Chandra was involved, all right. "I don't think a marathon fuck is going to help at this point. She isn't the talking type."

Penny frowned. "I thought you loved her."

"Because I ruined my marriage over her? No, it isn't love -- not for her or me."

Penny nodded thoughtfully. "You love Annie, and you ruined it because you can't keep your dick in your pants."

"Essentially."

"Are you sorry you started with Chandra?"

"It isn't that simple." The look on Penny's face gave him a headache. It was too concerned, too caring. If he was going to get an erection every time she walked into the room, he preferred it to be about a purely physical response. The additional draw of real emotion would complicate it even more. "Sorry is the wrong word. I wish I didn't want her, but I don't want to stop, either."

"I'm sorry, Ricky. I guess I haven't helped the situation." She sighed. "But I like you, and I wish I didn't."

Rick watched her eyes, dark and too thoughtful, turn to look around the room. Déjà vu made him sigh. She didn't look that much like her mother, but she had the same eyes. Dark green, tilted slightly, and her expression looked too familiar. The conversation was familiar as well. Sarah had said the same words years ago. Had anyone told Penny what happened then? Or did Joe think it was too personal to tell his daughter how her mother had fucked around on him? She'd been too young to know anything at the time, and her mother's death happened when she was only six. Surely, though, she remembered some of the turmoil surrounding the car accident that caused it.

"Do you remember when I moved back in after Sarah died?" he asked softly.

She nodded, turning her gaze back to him. "I remember the cops on the front lawn, stopping you and Daddy from killing each other."

"Do you know why we fought?"

"Not really. I know you did something that made him very angry, and you weren't allowed over here when Mama was alive. She told me that. And I remember her being very sad about it." She put her hand on his thigh and leaned toward him. "I just remembered that. What did happen? What could you have done to make Daddy that angry?" She gazed into his face as if she could read the answer in his expression.

"Joe never told you, then."

"Daddy doesn't talk much about Mama. It makes him ornery."

"I can imagine." The pressure of her hand on his thigh reminded him of his attraction, and his cock tingled. He moved her hand with firm fingers to the bed.

She glanced down, as if surprised where her hand was, and sat straight.

"I think you should know, Penny, but I don't want to step on your dad's toes."

"I won't tell him."

Such a simple concept, to keep a secret. It was far more difficult to do than it sounded. But it didn't matter if Joe knew he'd told Penny, he thought. Joe had things all worked out in his head, and nothing would change that now. "Your dad caught your mother and me together."

Her eyes widened. "You were fucking my mother?"

"And Joe caught us. It was all very dramatic."

"You aren't...? I mean, I'm not...?"

"It happened after you were born, Penny. I'm just your uncle, not your father." Funny, how that was the first question she had, and how he understood it without a clear question. Had he wished? Perhaps. "I left that night. Lived for a while on the streets. Your mother got some money to me, but your father found out what she was doing and all hell broke loose again. If Dad hadn't stepped in, given me enough to get an apartment, I might have died for all Joe cared. Then Dad died, and Joe kicked me out of the funeral parlor." Memory made his tone harsh.

"I don't believe Daddy would have been so mean." Penny's long fingers clenched into fists. "You must have hated him."

"For a while. Sarah tried to patch things up between us, but he blamed me too much back then. He didn't know what really happened, just assumed I'd seduced his wife under his nose. It hurt him, so he stayed angry for a long time."

"What did happen? I mean, did you seduce her?" The question sounded tight, tense.

How could he tell her the truth without making her mother seem like a slut? She wasn't, not exactly. "She seduced me. I didn't require a lot of seduction, but I didn't start it."

Silence made him uneasy. Penny's eyes looked too serious, too concerned. Finally, she spoke. "And I'm following in her footsteps."