Awward a Love Story

"Well, I hesitate to say I'm a seducer, since you're the one in charge."

"Uh huh."

"But if I were to lay it out, I'd say, first, you're cute as a button. You're this completely hot Asian stereotype."

"That's kinda demeaning, Mr. C."

"You're earnest. Small breasts, low body fat. What instrument do you play?"

"Why do I necessarily play an instrument?"

"You're smart, you're Asian, your parents were pushy, you play an instrument. Violin?"

"You're an asshole. Why did you say violin?"

"It's the uber instrument, in my humble opinion. Incredibly subtle, as are you, and technically difficult. I also love the piano, but anyone can make a lovely sound on a piano. Just hit one key. But a violin? Not so. Also because you have the tell-tale reddish irritation under your left chin. You have a violinist's chin."

"You mean I have a rash."

"I see it as a welcoming target."

"What?"

"It's where I'll first kiss you."

"You're good at this game."

"And I also know that you masturbate with your right hand."

"What?"

****

"David, why am I reading a transcript of your date with an 18 year old?"

"It wasn't really a date, doctor. But I thought you might like primary source material so that we could really get at my conflicts."

"I'm not seeing conflicts."

"Read on."

****

"Is it true? Do you masturbate with your right hand?"

"That's personal. And who says I masturbate? And why wouldn't I masturbate with both hands?"

"The violinist irritation is under your left chin, so you're right-handed. I guess you could masturbate with both hands, but I'd guess the fingers of the left hand are probably busy with the occasional nipple tweak."

"You do know that violins are all constructed the same way, right? Everybody tucks the violin under their left chin. It's possible to reverse everything on a violin, but I've never seen it."

"I didn't know that."

"Which is why it's harder, or at least different, to play as a lefty."

"Wow. I love to be shown up. It really is one of my favorite things. I never played an instrument, incidentally. Just appreciated from afar. Wow, that totally gets me hard, being wrong."

"You must get hard a lot."

"I do, but I get hard for other reasons besides being wrong."

"You're freakier than I thought you'd be."

"And you're funnier than I thought you'd be."

"But I like freaky."

"And I like funny."

"Looking?"

"Did you bring it?"

"My inner freak or my sense of humor?"

"The violin."

"No."

"Yes, you did. You're here for weeks. Violinists don't miss practice for weeks at a time. There's nothing more seductive, to me, than a craftsman practicing her craft."

"Uh huh. Maybe if it's some young Asian stereotype playing the violin naked."

"Hmmm. I don't think of you playing violin while naked or even in this bare minimum bikini. The stereotype naked Asian thing is excellent, but it's later, or before. Not during. During, it's the focus, and the fingers, and oddly enough, the eyes.

"The eyes? You're into the Asian eye thing, too?"

"Well, I try not to get into any particular thing, exclusively. And I don't think I have a particular Asian thing, in reality, though I do have a Gemma thing. But I do have a thing for craftsman's eyes, musician's eyes. When they're playing, really lost in the playing, their eyes are abstract, distant, a million miles away. I want to fuck those eyes."

"You're weird."

"Thanks."

"You got all that from the thing under my chin?"

"Actually, I saw the violin case in your room, and your mother told me about your lessons years ago, so I cheated. But I did notice the chin thing, which means you practice a lot, and I'm proud to say that I could see it while mostly getting preoccupied with your smoking hot body."

"It's the body of a 14-year-old boy."

"The main difference is that I have no interest in fucking a 14-year-old boy."

"I'm losing track. Is this some sort of theoretical discussion, or is this part of the seduction? I ask because I can't tell if that's a compliment."

"I think the original question is how I'd seduce you, but, as I've said, I view this as you seducing me."

"Right. You seem to have that delusion. So how am I seducing you?"

"Well, I haven't decided. I'm 40, and your 18. You're going to attend my university, and I'm chair of a department where you'll likely take classes. One could argue there's a power differential."

"One could."

"But if we're talking about my behavior while getting seduced by a teenager, I'd probably start at the nipples."

"Whose?"

"Yours."

"And how do you start there?"

"Well, I'm an old guy, and you're a young girl, and both of us would expect me to start with some sort of kiss, but I think that if I were trying to seduce you--which I'm not--I might bypass the preliminaries, and while we're sitting in my backyard, by the pool, late at night, I might just reach out and rub your nipples with the back of my hand."

"Really?"

"Well, probably not both nipples at the same time. My hand isn't that big. One at a time."

"What if I screamed?"

"I'd think I had an awesome touch."

"Not that kind of scream."

"Won't happen. I'd only brush a nipple if I knew you'd go for it."

"How would you know?"

"I'd drone on about it so long that if you were truly not interested, you'd fall asleep. But if you found yourself getting aroused, like you are now, I'd be confident that you'd welcome the touch, would even be getting impatient for the touch."

"Oh, really. Maybe I'm just being a polite guest."

"That's true--there is the stereotypical Asian politeness, but I'm actually fairly skeptical of that stereotype. And then we'd kiss, but after the nipple. People like transgressions, and it's a little pervy to bypass a base. And that would amp up the kiss after you'd already felt me pull on your nipples."

"How long have you been giving people this line about bypassing bases and transgressions?"

"Since before you were born, Gemma. But I only pull it out on very special occasions. Maybe two times, total."

"Is this a special occasion?"

"It's going to be soon."

"Do you always provide a running commentary on what you're going to do, while already doing it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been massaging my tiny boobs for half an hour, and you're talking like you're going to start doing so at some point in the future."

"I've had a couple of drinks, so I got a little confused."

"You're so confused you don't know what a boob feels like? I'm small but not that small. And I think I've counted one beer. That gets you drunk?"

"I'm more intoxicated by your seduction of me, your lying down next to me on this enormous poolside sofa. A chaise? I should look it up. Anyway, you came to me. i didn't invite you. You snuggled into my shoulder."

"And you're the one who didn't kick me into the grass."

"And you're the one who untied her top before she lay down. I think I did pretty well delaying my move."

"Big move. When I snuggled next to you, your hand was on my rib cage, and I wasn't wearing a top. I'm not sure you did much work.

"Remind me again. Who seduced whom?

***

"So with all of this chatter, you were actually feeling her breast?"

"Chatter makes it sound meaningless, and I did try to edit out all the banalities, or at least some of them. And I did get around to feeling both breasts, and everywhere else. It was so reminiscent of Caroline sitting on my lap in that car, in its way, combined with the skipping of the base that I did with her mother, Grace, on our first night together. It was a sweet moment."

"A long moment."

"Yes, doctor, and a long day, since I'd driven home the crying Sarah just a few hours earlier."

"Oh, right, because of her transgression."

"Exactly. But I'll get to that. Go back to reading the transcript. It's quicker than me trying to talk."

***

"So, Gemma, a couple of questions. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No."

"How far have you gone?"

"I've been to Canada and Mexico, plus Korea."

"You know what I mean."

"A girl doesn't talk."

"You're 18. You were a girl last year."

"My birthday was 3 weeks ago."

"Okay, so you've been a woman for weeks now."

"A boy fingered me last year. At a party. I was a little drunk. Two boys have felt my tits; you're the third. Congrats, big fella. I've felt one dick, through jeans, though it might have been his cell phone. He had one of those old fashioned flip phones, and I've never been sure. I've made out with, like 7 boys, and it'll be 8 if you decide to kiss me. A couple have pressed their dicks against me at school dances. Does that make me slutty?"

"Is that your goal? To be slutty?"

"Haven't decided."

"I'm not sure that's something you decide or something that's decided by others. Nevertheless, two weeks with me, Gemma, and I can make you slutty. Or at least give you the choice."

"Really?"

"Slutty if you want to be seen that way. I've never actually liked the term. It's unfairly demeaning and sexist."

"Says the guy hitting on an 18-year-old girl."

"Yep, that guy. A guy who will always see you as good and will always have your back."

"Even if I don't sleep with you."

"Absolutely. This isn't really an offer. It's just true. I will have your back, regardless of what you do or don't do."

"That's what my mother said."

"Really?"

"She wrote me a letter for my 18th birthday."

"I didn't know that."

"No reason you should. The letter was for me."

"What did she say?

"Lots of stuff. She knew she was dying for a few months, so she wanted to get down in a letter some thoughts that my 13-year-old self wouldn't have processed while everyone was freaking out."

"That's a heavy letter."

"A heavy birthday present. Anyway, she said that you were dating Kristen about the time that I was conceived, and that you were a great guy.

"That's nice."

"By the way, just because I'm talking about my mom, that doesn't mean you should quit moving your hands around. Get back to work with the arousal.... That's better. Mom also said that you were very helpful to both Caroline and her with some issues back then, and that you'd been a good guy ever since. That, and that you were wise beyond your years."

"Well, maybe she's implying that I'm one of those guys whose wisdom diminishes with age?"

"I think she's implying that she was having an affair with you."

"Don't be silly. We got along well, but she was married, and I was dating Kristen."

"Keep the hands moving, Romeo. I don't expect you to admit it, but did you fuck her? I'm curious."

"No."

"I feel like, since your hand is literally in my pussy, that you owe me the truth."

"Scout's honor."

"Ha. I think Scout's Honor involves a couple of fingers, but they're in a different position. Okay, feel free to lie if you must. Anyway, she said that if I ever got into trouble, if I ever needed anybody besides my dad, that I should come to you."

"I'm flattered."

"By her faith in you or by the nearly naked virgin who keeps grinding down on your obviously hard cock?"

"Well, I'd say both, but I was referring specifically to Grace."

"So, is it true? That you'd always be a good person?"

"Well, since I'm currently untying your bathing suit, I'm not sure there would be universal sentiment that I'm a good person. It's as easy as I thought it would be, by the way."

"Gosh, Mr. C, you really are the genius. I guess the fact that it was tied like a shoelace gave you some indication that you could figure it out."

"So true."

"And you'd always have my back? Why?"

"I like you."

"That's not a reason."

"Exactly, and that's one of the reasons that I like you. That would be a bullshit reason, since there could come a day when I don't much like you. But even then, I'd have your back."

"What if I report you to the dean? What if I sell a sordid sexual saga to People Magazine? What if I ruin your career?"

"I'd see you as feisty. I'd be proud of you. I wouldn't like you. But I'd have your back."

"No, you wouldn't."

"Something your mother taught me, kinda indirectly, is that people stay firm about an idea, like a secret or a relationship like ours, for a bunch of reasons, but some are so primary that they don't change."

"God, your hands feel good. Can we kiss, please?"

"In a second."

"Primary, what's primary?"

"When you were born, I saw how happy you made your parents. I saw you as an absolute good in the world, and I vowed to be there in case you needed me."

"So why are you playing with my pussy? Not that I'm asking you to stop."

"Well, they may be related. Maybe not. I think I'll need to regroup to get a better angle on the issue, but I think it's a combo. First, you're beautiful. Second, you have the hots for me, and it's not often that a beautiful woman has the hots for me."

"I don't think that's true."

"Okay, there are lean times, and there are fat times, but it's still flattering. And I don't know how much it matters that I've followed your life since you were born."

"How so? I've seen you maybe 10 times in my life, max, and always in groups."

"Well, I pop back and forth to San Diego somewhat regularly, and so I've had a chance to read the school newspaper you edited and have been to a couple of your violin concerts. I sat in the back."

"Okay, now you're getting creepy."

"You asked."

"At least massage my tits. I want to hear more."

"Nothing else to hear. Anyway, worst case scenario, you make a big stink about us having a sexual affair."

"Are we going to have sex? This girl's just hoping for a kiss."

"You came about 10 minutes ago, so it seems to me that you're getting kinda demanding."

"It wasn't all that great as orgasms go. Not to be critical. Ouch. That hurts."

"You deserved it."

"Fair enough. We were talking about my dead mom at the time, so maybe it isn't entirely fair to judge you without some sort of bonus points. Where were we?"

"We were mulling over how you could lose my love."

"Love? You definitely skipped some steps. We haven't even said we like each other."

"Okay, love in a purer sense. Under what circumstances would I pull the plug on my emotional availability? You mentioned People Magazine. That would hurt, though most people would be envious with a side order of criticism."

"Envious of an unemployed pedophile?"

"See, you're feisty. I like that. First off, I've been physically involved with women who range from 18, which means you, and 53. Notice that I don't have a singular focus on kids or even teens. And I wouldn't lose my job."

"Why not? I wouldn't report you, but I am curious why you'd trust me."

"I promised your mother, before she died, that I'd be a quiet secondary figure who would lean in as necessary."

"Is that what you're doing now, leaning in?"

"Why do you ask?

"Well, you keep humping my ass. Not complaining, just an observation. And why am I the only one without clothes on? Aren't you being a little rude?""

***

"David. How much do I need to read of this?"

"Would you rather that I just give you the visuals?"

"I'm not sure what that would entail, but what did you tell her after you'd dropped off Sarah in San Diego?"

"When I got back, I'd introduced some new rules."

"Which were?"

"That this was a chance for both of us to unwind before school started. That she wasn't yet a student but was officially 18. We could have any sort of completely consensual relationship that we wanted, but that it had to end before classes started. That would be my hard and fast rule. No chance for any sort of romance afterwards."

Head nod.

"Listen, I could still get in trouble. She'd already done her enrollment paperwork, had paid for the semester. It would get sticky, which is why I was super-clear about the rules. I even wrote out a contract that she agreed to sign."

"Really."

"Yep."

"What sort of contract?"

"An unenforceable one."

"As in?"

"I wrote out that we agreed that she was not yet a student, that she had no intention of ever taking a class from me, and that I had no control over her career. We agreed that we might begin a romantic relationship, and that each step of the relationship would need to be specifically agreed to, and that it would end if--by any chance--she ended up enrolling at my university."

"By any chance."

"Exactly, but I mostly focused on consent. I wrote down that I would ask her before I kissed her, before I touched her breasts, and before I pulled, tugged, or twisted her nipples. I would ask if she liked her nipples tweaked gently, or whether she liked modest or significant amounts of sharp pain/pleasure. I wrote that I would ask in advance if I could tie her down, and specifically that I would proactively address whether I would be tying her down for my own viewing pleasure, or for a massage, or cunnilingus, or for intercourse, or for a spanking of mild, medium, or significant severity. I would ask before vaginal intercourse and anal intercourse. I would ask before she sucked me, and I'd ask before any onset of aggression."

"It gets fairly specific."

"Devil's in the details, doctor."

"Uh huh."

"I added that if she elected to demonstrate her exhibitionist side, I would offer clothing suggestions, but that she would be under no obligation to wear revealing and bra-free, translucent blouses or wife beaters, even if she might understand my preference. She would be under no obligation to wear choke collars that might signal to the outside world that she is in a submissive sexual relationship, if only for the night. She would not be required to pierce a nipple as a concrete marker of our relationship or get a discrete tattoo for the same reason. She would not be obligated to provide sexual favors in my office, in my car, or in my home, or on my boat, much less in her childhood bedroom while playing a role of my choosing."

"You have a boat?"

"That's what caught your attention? I would have bet the role playing, which we did last Monday, after one of our early sessions. We were back in LA for a very nice sushi dinner, in case you were wondering."

"Nice to know."

"Plus, I made it very clear that she would not be obligated to provide videos of herself masturbating. She would not be required to provide a journal of her strongest sexual fantasies. She would not be required to collect my semen from blow jobs, store the supply in the fridge, and then spread the semen on her body as if it were suntan lotion, while accompanied by her friends."

"C'mon, David. You wrote all of that?"

"Well, the last sentence was a joke."

"You thought this would hold up in some sort of court."

"No. I thought it would get her going. She had previously done exactly none of it, and I was suggesting we might just do all of it within 2 weeks."

"How would you know what would get her going?"

"I'd read her diary. She likes words. She's explicit, far more clear and advanced than her aunt. But you can read that in the transcript of the evening."

***

"I'm on the pill. We can go ahead."

"I know."

"How do you know?"

"I looked in your medicine cabinet."

"You're such an asshole."

***

"David, you searched all through her medicine cabinet?"

"Technically, it's MY medicine cabinet, and I searched to find out whether she's on the pill--I didn't look ALL through it."

"And was she upset?"

"Not that I could tell."

"It says here she called you an asshole, so she probably didn't like it."

"She laughed when she said it. And for the next few minutes, she was also working out how to slide my dick into her tight vagina. So, her words didn't match up to her behavior."

"What else did you discover in your search of her room?"

"Of MY rooms?"

"Rooms?"

"I also searched Sarah's. But technically, they're all my rooms. The house is mine, right?"