I started writing this story because I had to tell someone about what I've been going through. My life has been a mix of very happy, and very sad moments, but I suppose that everyones lives are like that. The thing that had gotten me to write this, is the pressure of living this hypocritical two-faced, or more than two-faced existence.
As I have mentioned the life that I'm living is troubling me, I have no one that I could talk to, about it, or I would burst the bubble that my husband and I have created around us.
My beliefs have been instilled by my mother, living under the thumb of her mother. In the part of the world that we live in, small city, tight religious community, with everyone minding everyones busyness, and I a "good" daughter, what was I to do?
What was I to do, but to create a secret life, behind the doors of my bedroom, and hidden from the eyes of everyone that I had known!
As I wrote, it wasn't clear sailing for me. For years I had lived oppressed and tormented by my conscience, with constant reflections as to: "what would my mother say if she could see me now!"
The months of sex that I had with my husband have been permanently erased, and a new time of guilt and self-reproach had taken its place.
As I lived my life, I hadn't noticed the way that my husband was manipulating me. As I am putting these words out to an unknown reader, I'm catching the tenuous strings that he had been pulling on me!
As I remembered the first times of flirting with my nephew, the sex that I had "unknowingly" had with him, and the Idea of my husband throwing me at him; it suddenly dawned on me! He wasn't throwing me at him, but the other way around! He was throwing him at me!
Knowing how my life progressed from that point, I now know this to be true!
It was the sex with my nephew that had broken my resolve not to participate in sex with my husband! After that night, even if I still wore the blindfold as he was taking me, I had the door to that dark place in my mind open! As I watched, detached from my physical being, as my husband fucked me, I allowed my body more freedom, to react to the stimulations and sensations of sex!
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The next day, after my husband allowed my nephew to defile me, I had to revise my list of things that a wife could do, and still not forfeit her immortal soul!
The sex from the previous night had blew my mind, it was the next morning and I was still enjoying the afterglow. I couldn't renounce what had happened, nor did I want to, but I had to appease somehow what had happened, and what I thought I knew was right!
So, to put it bluntly, I then came to a conclusion, that I can paraphrase today in the next simple idea: as long as we didn't talk about sex, and anything that has to do with sex, as long as sex and everything about it, was the deepest darkest secret between us, and I wore the blindfold, then anything goes!
Saying that today seems so, so, I don't know how to phrase it, but at that time in my life, with everything that was brewing deep inside me, It was just another agonizing step for me to make.
As I got out of bed that morning, my slutty clothes were laid out for me, I slipped the robe on and went to the kitchen. I made coffee and a light breakfast for my nephew, the kids and myself.
I sat at the table and waited for him to wake up. I sat facing the door to the hall, I watched him approach as he came downstairs, his cock was hard and sticking out of the front of his boxers. He smiled at me and said good-morning, he came up to me at the table, bent down and gave me a chaste kiss. I asked him to tell me how he had slept, and as he looked into my eyes, with a gentle hand on the back of my head to hold it still, pushed his cock into my mouth!
