A Summer of Incest

I've tried to put together the series of events that happened to me in the summer of 1995. I reviewed the entries from my diary, and to the best of my recollection, I am telling you my true feelings and thoughts at the time. This is not some fiction story for someone's idle pleasure, but an actual and true account of the pieces of my life that may serve as warning to young women that may find themselves in similar situations. I can only tell you that if I could live this part of my life over, none of this would have ever occurred.

I was 19 and my dad had finally agreed to have a new pool built in our backyard. I think part of the reason was he thought this would be one way of keeping me at home a little more often and maybe some of my friends would join me around the pool instead of going out with the guys. I guess I brought home a few weird guys that would make any dad nervous for future of his princess.

It was getting warmer and I had promised myself that I would work on the perfect tan every day when I got home from the University. This was the year I would make myself as pretty as I had ever been. I would be back from classes at about 2:20 and I was going to get my towel and be on the recliner next to the pool by 2:30 in a string bikini every afternoon. At first, I could only do about 15 minutes on each side before I had to go inside to keep from being burned.

My brother rode home from school with his football friends and at around 3:45 would be home about the time I was getting out of the shower. By May, I had already developed a respectable tan and I would still be lying by the pool when he got home. My brother was a 18-year-old sweet guy that was very shy. He would come out and talk to me for a minute while I was lying there. The pool was still too cool to get in but he would get me something to drink or see if I needed anything before he went back inside.

As the days got warmer, so did the pool and he would jump in when he got home. I would join him just to cool off but my deep tan was my life's goal. I had begun taking my top off before he got home because my breasts were so white. I would watch the time and keep an eye on the door so I could put my top back on before he walked in. I liked reading while I lay there. It was all so relaxing.

I am still not sure how it happened, but one day he came out of the door and jumped in the pool and there I was with my breasts completely exposed. I grabbed my top and slipped back into it. I wasn't sure if he had seen me or somehow he had not noticed.

Maybe a week went by and one afternoon my brother told me that it was ok if I wanted to remove my top to work on my tan. If you only knew my shy little brother, you would understand what a bold revelation for him to say that to me. I realized he had seen me and hadn't said anything since it happened. I was so embarrassed. He told me he was my brother, that he loved me, and that he wouldn't look at me if I wanted to go topless. I remember thinking that he was so sweet but I still wasn't going to let him look at my breasts.

A few days later, he was home early again and I was quick to get my top back on this time. He had gotten to the point that his routine was to make some noise so that I knew he was home. Then he would jump in the pool, grab a recliner, and sit next to me. He was working on his tan too. I still wanted to get more sun on my back that day. I felt like I had hurt his feelings by not trusting him "not to look", so I turned face down and asked him to unhook my top so I could get sun on my back. He fumbled with the clasp forever and finally got me unhooked. It was so cute, funny, and sweet but I wanted him to feel like I respected him as a young adult and didn't mention his obvious lack of experience.

After that, I let him unhook my top most days when he got home. There was something so innocent about him doing that for me. Sometimes when your top is undone and you are laying face down, you need to raise your body up a little and sort of let your breasts re-adjust and then lay back down. I would check to see if he looked at my breasts when I raised up but he seemed disinterested and I never saw him try to look.

My body was at an awkward point. My breasts were firm and were what I thought were fully grown at the time but my nipples were bigger than my friend's at school and had become elevated and noticeably pointy. I was very self-conscious about them and began wearing padded bras and padded swim tops. I looked bigger but at least I didn't show.

It must have been one of those days where you have weird feelings about things. I wanted to expose my breasts in front of him but I didn't want him to see them for real. I thought about this for a while. I closed my eyes, raised up, and turned over and laid on my back. There I was, exposing my tan breasts to my little brother. After a little while, I slipped back into my top and went inside to shower. He never said a word. Had he not seen me or did he not really care? Was he gay or something?

I soon got to where I would let him take my top off while I was just sitting on the edge of the recliner. There was no longer any doubt that he had seen me. He didn't say anything but I'm sure he was peeking. I knew this was wrong. I made sure I was showered and dressed before my parents got home from work. I felt good letting a guy see my breasts even if it was my brother. I even let him look at my hips when I laid face down. It felt good to let the sun tan my white hips. I would pull my bottom down just below my hips. I never let him see anything more than my hips but I still felt very exposed in my more girly places.

We would cool off in the pool splashing each other, me topless, him pretending not to look. One day while tanning my bottom, he took his swimsuit off and began tanning his bottom. I turned away. I didn't want to see it. I got dressed and went inside. That night I kept thinking about what it might look like. I saw him once when we were both little. It was about the size of my thumb. I kept wondering if it would still be visible in a patch of hair.

He began taking his suit off every time he unhooked me now but I wouldn't ever look. I was still thinking about if it could be seen in his patch and what his patch looked like. I had never seen a guy naked and I really wanted to. I kept thinking about it. There was a naked guy in a recliner next to me, even though it was my brother. I finally had the courage. I turned over and looked at him. It was so big. What was a I thinking? Of course it has to be big enough to go inside a woman and his certainly was. It was much more than I expected. I guess he saw the expression on my face and told me it was ok. My sweet brother had been a gentleman again.

Our afternoon swim soon became an event with me being topless and with him being naked. I didn't always look down at it, but I was always surprised how it pointed up when I did look. I felt more comfortable with him than I ever had. I wanted him to look at my breasts more than his little peeks. In a way, all of this had been a little bit of a turn-on to me and I was just starting to realize that. I would let him massage my shoulders and I enjoyed our afternoons in the pool. I started taking my bottom off after we were in the water. Even though he never seemed to look, I was too nervous to let him see me like that on the deck.

I guess I was thinking guys were always big and hard. He was massaging my shoulders one day when I felt it touch my hips. It sort of poked me. I moved my hips a little to feel it more but I didn't want him to know what I was doing. It was so hard. He hugged me around my tummy and his hands felt every one of my ribs. He began holding my breasts. He was really feeling me. I wanted him to. He was exploring my breasts and kissing my ears. I must have been the horniest virgin in the whole wide world. I pushed him away and went inside. I knew I was going to need some time to myself in my room tonight.

We started getting in the pool as soon as he got home and I would let him press it between my hips as he held my breasts. I would get so horny. I guess he enjoyed it too. I finally reached behind me one afternoon and touched it. It was so stiff. I remember being surprised how stiff it was. I told him I wanted him to just place it between my legs so I could look down and see what it would look like if I had one. Instead, he touched it on my girly place and I jumped away.

That's when we had to talk. I told him we would never actually do it but he could place it between my legs and I would squeeze it with my thighs. He agreed. My brother always did what I asked. We began playing again for a while but soon I wanted to feel it touch my love button. I didn't want him to know what I was doing. I moved around on him until it was in just the right place. I only had to wiggle a little to feel what I wanted. That night, I needed private time in my room to finished what he had started. Our afternoon activities remained like this for a few more weeks. I knew he wanted to go further but I also knew how wrong that would be.

It was getting toward the end of the summer and my parents were taking their first vacation alone since I was born. It was only a weekend, but my brother and I would be alone. I was going to be in charge. I told him we could play in the pool late into the night. Both of us were looking forward to it. I decided that if he tried to go inside me, I was going to let him for a few seconds to see what it felt like.

My parents finally left late that afternoon and it was very stormy. I was too scared to go into the pool in that weather. We ended up watching TV and I made us some snacks. We sat on the couch and my brother and I began the biggest making-out session we had ever had. The power went off from the storm and we had no lights. He was cute and a great kisser. What else does a 19-year-old girl need? All at once, he pulled my bra and my top up and my breasts fell out. My brother began kissing my breasts. He had never done that but it must have been my motherly instincts that made me feel so good inside. It was like I was nursing a baby. I wished I could have lactated for him. My breasts were hot and tingling. He laid his head my lap continued touching me. I wanted him to stop and I wanted him to keep going.

Finally, he rested and turned his head under my skirt. I was so embarrassed. I knew I was leaking a little from being so turned on. Then I realized he was licking me and I helped him pull my panties down. We were not saying anything to each other. He began pulling his pants down but I didn't try to stop him. He started rubbing my love button with it. I never had been with a guy but I knew I was so ready to feel it inside me. He kept poking me with it but I wanted him to find my girly place and push it in me. It felt so close to the right place but he just was poking me. It wasn't going inside me. I wanted him to do me so bad. I spread my legs, arched my back, and was timing his pokes so I could just thrust myself at him on the next poke. It went in so fast and I was on fire. I was burning there and I could feel myself leaking. I was bleeding. It stung but felt so good at the same time. He had torn my flower.

The stinging stopped and I finally began enjoying what was happening to me. I told him he had to stop before he did it inside me. I was sure I wasn't fertile but if he came, this would be incest. Incest isn't right. I didn't want to do incest. He promised he would stop and told me we should enjoy this as long as we can. I knew I could trust my brother. He was humping me so hard. I was sweating and screaming. We both were breathing so hard. Then he just stopped. I asked him if he needed to take it out. He said it didn't matter now. He admitted to me that he had emptied it inside me.

I had this hot and scary feeling come over me. I had committed incest. I was so upset that I began to cry. I finally started to calm down. I guess I knew that I had been incestuous long before this point with him. I began thinking about when my next period was and I got scared again. I was recalculating the days from when I started my last period. It was my 14th day. How did I miscalculate this before? I realized I might be conceiving at that very moment. I was thinking "no, no, no".

He began licking me again and I forgot about everything except that I was about to have an orgasm. My first real orgasm with a real guy. I began to come. I was so excited I pee'd a little. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop him or myself. I was naked, being made-love to by my little brother, bleeding, peeing, and possibly conceiving. I was way out of control. He held me all night as we slept on the couch.

I was so scared the next day that my brother and I barely even spoke to each other. The lights were working and I was still leaking a bit. I had to clean the blood, my juices, his juices, and my pee off the couch before my parents got home. I was already worrying about the possibility of carrying my brother's baby.

As the days went by, I started thinking about what if I was pregnant. I would have moments where my mind would be racing 100 miles per hour. What would my dad say? What would mom say? I told myself that I would never tell anyone whose child it was. Could I keep it from them? I can't really be pregnant. I just kept thinking about these things over and over again.

On the morning when I was supposed to start my period, a completely new scare came over me. It all was becoming very real to me. I was not starting. I was no longer concerned about what my parents would say, but much more interested in what was I going to go through. Was I pregnant? What would it feel like? What would happen to my body? Would it be a boy or girl? Day after day, I would ask myself these questions and I worried. I told myself that if I wasn't pregnant, I would never do this again. I had never wished that my period would start before, but I was wishing this time. Finally I started! I was 10 days late for my period that month.

Ten years have passed. My brother and I still make love on occasion when we can both get away from our spouses. It has never been as great as it was that stormy summer night in 1995. However, I love him. I hope you think about the destiny that you may be creating for yourself long before you follow the path that I am totally responsible for taking.