Two years ago my husband drained our bank account and fled the country. I had a mortgage, a twelve year old daughter and thirty-five dollars in my purse. Juggling work, home and raising my daughter became overwhelming. Adding to my stress, my parents finalized their divorce and my mother transferred to the west coast.
Six months passed and the mortgage payment was killing me. I thought of downsizing, but it was a buyer's market. My dad offered financial help, but he was retired and his budget was tight. He had offered to take me and his granddaughter in, but I didn't even entertain the thought. Going back home would be like admitting defeat.
Summer break from school was approaching and the sitter I had lined up had a change in plans and I couldn't find a suitable replacement. Dad offered to watch Carrie and I reluctantly agreed. Dad was wonderful with her, but I felt guilty to imposition him like that. After much discussion and little choice, it was agreed that Carrie and I would spend the weekdays at Dad's house.
The first month went well. Dad and Carrie never lacked things to do and it was nice, after Carrie went to bed, to relax in the evening with him. Financially, I was hanging on, but barely. I had to accept the fact that I would only get on my financial feet by selling my house and moving in full-time.
September was fast approaching and I enrolled Carrie in a new school and prayed my house would sell. In mid-September, an offer was made on my house and at the end of the month my bank account was finally in the black.
Dad took us out for a celebration dinner and when we returned home, we all toasted with a glass of wine. Carrie didn't like the taste and I happily agreed to drink it for her. After tucking her into bed, Dad and I went into the living room and clinked our glasses together. I was feeling a touch tipsy, but I didn't refuse another refill. It felt like the world was lifted from my shoulders.
I hadn't dated since my husband walked out and I turned down all requests from my girlfriends to go out. I forgot what wine tasted like and this was going down so well. My dad looked so relaxed as well. I had stayed neutral during my parent's separation and like myself, Dad had no desire to date. I showed him several dating services on the computer and helped set up a profile for him. He received many responses, but never met anybody.
"Why don't you date, Dad?" I asked. "It's been months and you can't stay alone forever."
Dad took a sip of his wine. "For a time I thought your mother would come back, but I realize that isn't going to happen. Dating seems so foreign to me."
"I just don't want to see you alone."
"I'm not alone. I have you and Carrie," Dad said.
"Yes, but we can't stay here forever."
"I know sweetie. Its been wonderful to have you both." Dad brushed his fingers through his salt and pepper hair. "What about you? You need to date. To go out and have some fun."
I shook my head. "I'm not ready to get into another relationship. I don't need more stress in my life and I get paranoid just thinking about STDs."
"When I went out of town with work some of the guys would cheat on their wives and I always wondered how they could do that and what were they bringing home to their wives."
"Did you ever cheat on mom. She told me once that she thought you had cheated with someone in your office."
Dad laughed. "There was a lady at work that I liked, but only as a friend. Once in a while Mom would bring her name up, but that was her insecurity."
My nose felt numb and my cheeks were warm. "Well Dad. We could have sex and I wouldn't worry about catching a STD."
Dad's eyes opened like he'd seen a ghost and the glass I was holding slipped from my fingers and tumbled to the floor. "I didn't mean that. It came out all wrong." I flew to the kitchen and ran a dishcloth under the cold water.
I felt a presence and turned around to see my dad standing at the doorway.
"Dad," I said. "I had one to many glasses of wine. Sorry, I really didn't mean it like that."
"Let's have a hug," Dad said.
His arms opened and I slid into them. He had broad shoulders and his tummy only held a few pounds extra. It felt so good to be in a man's arms, even if those arms belonged to my father. My arms tightened around him and he pressed me close to him. I loved the scent of his shirt and the warmth of his body was spreading through me.
"I miss this closeness," I whispered.
"So do I," Dad said.
I looked up to him and his lips pressed against my forehead. His kiss was soft and I fought the urge to tilt my head to him.
Carrie was doing well at school and I received a promotion. What little free time I had vanished. Christmas rolled around and things slowed down at the office. Mom wanted Carrie and I to visit her, but I needed some down time and decided to stay with dad. Carrie adored her grandmother and she begged me to let her go.
On Boxing Day, we drove to the airport and sent Carrie on her way.
The next few days were heavenly. I had lots of tub time and Dad and I went skiing and snowshoeing. We had a long day on the slopes and when we got home I changed into a t-shirt and housecoat and dad lit a fire while I made hot chocolate.
We leaned against a bean bag and watched the flames dance and the embers glow. I snuggled closer to him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. My coat slipped slightly and his fingers massaged just below my neck.
A warm shiver spread down to my toes and I shifted slightly to my side. My hand reached over to his other side and his breath lightly caressed my neck. My husband and I used to lay like this after making love. For all his faults, he was a considerate lover and his leaving had left a hole that remained dark and deep.
My eyes closed and my body drifted. It felt like I was being kissed and I realized that my Dad's lips were pressed to my neck. Part of me wanted to snap out of my reverie and admonish my dad for an unforgivable act, but another part needed to be held and kissed. To be wanted.
His tongue traced towards my ear and my head tilted, offering him more of my neck. How could something that felt so good, be so wrong. Electric sparkles began to dance in my head and goose-bumps raised on my arms. I couldn't stop the bumps from rising and I couldn't stop my nipples from stiffening.
My ear was incredibly sensitive and a moan escaped my lips as dad's teeth and lips pulled on my earlobe. His nuzzles made my toes curl and I whimpered when his hand brushed over my breast.
I nuzzled his neck and my lips pressed to him. He moaned and his fingers slowly circled my stiff and aching nipple. Tender lips kissed below my ear and he sucked my skin between his lips. He began pinching my nipple through my t-shirt and his sucking made my defences crumble. His shoulder tasted a touch salty and I licked him over and over. He continued sucking my neck and I knew the mark he was leaving would last for days.
My hand moved in slow motion down his side and rested on his hip. I hadn't felt the power of a man for so long and the desire to touch made my hand shake with anticipation. Just as I was about to move my hand, my dad jumped up.
"Sweetie. I'm so sorry. I miss touching ... being touched. But we must stop."
