"Seems like Goblins worship you, for some reason." Shadowheart says with a nervous glimmer in her eye.
Asterion chimes in. "I'm sure it's your personality."
"Enough prattle. We are close to the Creche. I can feel it." She approaches the shattered bridge barring your way.
"We must jump to get across. Go."
You walk to the edge and look down. "It is a long way..."
Lae'zel looks at you unsympathetically. "Kchk.. Yes, and if you are a fool that can not use your legs it will likely be your end. Luckily you have two and they seem to work."
"I don't feel confident jumping. I think my strength is really low. If it were a number it would be negative."
"I see." Lae'zel dug her hand into the band of your scant robes, and another under your collar. As she grabbed you the fabric rode up into your rear with a pleasant grinding that made you blush. She only performs one swing back while picking you up before thrusting you forward. Before the apex of her throw the little thong you wear at her command snaps, along with the pleasantly thin fabric worn over it. You hear a sound you dread to hear in this moment.
"Kchk! I missed."
You scream as you plummet down, down... Into the stream below. You feel cold and quickly lose consciousness.
-
"You are a perplexing individual." You hear a low male voice and open your eyes to see a handsome Drow face with blue skin and long white hair. His features are angular and familiar. You realize immediately who you are speaking to and a soundless squeal escapes your lips as all the air ejects from your lungs. You inhale to catch your breath and utter words like a fan-girl.
"Oh my god it's Drizzt!"
"Wait, what?" The man seems confused, the illusion is shattered.
You blink. "No... No you're not! Liar. Where are we? Who are you?" You stare at the barren, spectral landscape. Floating rocks in an endless ether. But also there is a sight in the distance. A skull surrounded by some spectral light. You stare at the liar that took the shape of your embarrassing crush and see through him immediately. The man steps back as his form is revealed. An ancient Mindflayer with tendrils down to his waste and imperial-looking robes. You gasp, your mind boggling at the sight.
"How!?" He utters defensively.
You rise and dust yourself off. "The shock of meeting 'him' in the flesh and then knowing that I didn't meet him must've sent out a psionic shockwave that interrupted your concentration." You explain.
The Mindflayer looks at you with incredulity. His beady eyes narrows on you. "No. That is-" He gripped his misshapen flesh in disbelief.
"Just, no... You saw through it."
"My- my innate willpower?" You wondered out-loud.
"I sense that you are an incredibly stupid and deranged individual. You have some sort of additional protection that goes beyond my capabilities."
You recoil and shrink a little before. "You're saying I'm too dumb to get tricked by an illusion?"
"No that is not what I said. But I get sense that you enjoy the idea that I would say such a thing." He floats towards you.
"Now that my illusion is broken, I believe it is time I introduce myself. I am the Emp-"
"If... You ate my brain would I have an orgasm? Would I feel it?" You stare up at him curiously as he stops in mid sentence, and mid flight. He stares down at you like a disapproving father.
-
You open your eyes feeling wet in more ways than one. "Oh gods... My head."
"There she is! Wakey wakey." A cockney voice rings in your ears.
"Am I dead? Are you an angel?" You stare up into the eyes of the woman. Red skin and one horn. Hair like a traveling performer.
"Hah! That's a first. You're not dead, but I reckon you should be. Seems like someone hollowed out your noggin, gave you a wedgie and threw you off a cliff. Strangest murder attempt I ever heard of." She reaches down and grabs you by your thin wrist. She has a strong grip, but you can tell that she is restraining herself like a tiger handling a doe. Your cheeks flush as you stand up and still find that she is over a head taller than you, and quite a bit more 'well-constructed.' You feels something else. Her skin is remarkably warm. You stumble forward and wrap your arms around her waist.
"Oh! Uhm, okay? No need to thank me, Soldier."
"So warm..." You compliment. As you do she gets warmer. The sensation is like resting ones hand on a stove as it is heating, something you feel like you have done often without learning a thing. She pushes you away gently.
"Alright! That's- That's good. Gratitude received."
You feel something from her as the two of you separate. Connection. "You're from the ship as well?"
"That's right." The one-horned woman nods. She clears her throat.
"You wouldn't happen to have seen a... Swordsman running around shouting things about smiting evil?"
You stare up at her, unable to drag your gaze away. A woman that could burn you is a bit literal, but it is absolutely your type. You realize she asked you a question and quickly snap back to reality.
"Oh! I saw him back at the druid camp but I ignored him because he sounded like a bitch."
"Pfft, what? I guess we'll leave that for now. I got a problem, and I don't wanna drag you into it, soldier I think we should separate, since you're looking pretty recovered."
"Soldier?"
"Don't think much of it."
"Can you think of something more fitting? I'd actually like to make your problems my problems. Can I become your follower? I'll do anything! I do dishes and washing and I'll be quiet, I promise." You do not say it out loud, but you relish placing your hand on that stove once more; for longer and longer.
"Shouldn't you get back to your people?"
"They gave me a wedgie and threw me off a cliff..." You do not feel to bad about it. If anything, it was quite a good experience since you met such a wonderful woman such as this.
"Right, Well! That's a good enough reason, if I've heard one. I guess it's you and me, Dove. I'm Karlach."
"Dove?" You smile perceptibly. Such a name feels so paradoxically innocent in your mind and you can not place why.
"You're just so white all over. And those red eyes..." Karlach remarks.
"Dove is fine. But you can call me whatever you want, Karlach." You wink. She seems slightly confused by the offer.
