The Rules of the Game

So Meliel the Elf was a wizard. She really wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"But I don't know how to play this stupid game," she said.

"You must go to the city of Rulesberg," said the wise old elves. "There you will meet the One Who Knows the Goddamn Rules. Perhaps he will take you as an apprentice."

"But I'm only level one and know like three spells."

"For Elberon's sake, just go already!"

"I think Elberon is a place in Iowa."

So Meliel the Level One Wizard was banished from her home and sent to travel to Rulesberg with a letter from the elders.

"Walking is boring," Meliel complained.

"Meow," her cat familiar said. Meliel looked at it suspiciously. She didn't understand the rules for familiars and she didn't really want to. What was the point in having a pet cat, anyway?

Meliel had to stop for rests a lot. Her Constitution was a 7. That meant she took -2 every time she started to walk. She wasn't sure what that meant, exactly, but it wasn't good.

"Meow," her cat familiar said. Meliel threw a rock at it. She rolled a three. Miss.

"I hate this stupid game," Meliel said, and she walked on.

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Leila the level one human cleric was commanded by Pelor to go to the city of Rulesberg, where she would serve her god at the temple there. That's what the head cleric at her old temple said, and Leila believed him. He was level five, which was really high, and he could probably talk to Pelor whenever he wanted. Leila could talk to him to. He just didn't answer.

Being a level one cleric was a little intimidating. One the one hand she had armor and a mace, which seemed simple enough. Except the rules about standard, free, move and full actions seemed a little intimidating. Then there were all those skills. How did they work, and did she put her points into the right ones?

She would pray to Pelor for guidance, of course. She had to do that anyway to get her spells. She could cast so few of them. It made her nervous. What if she ran out? What if she chose the wrong ones for the day? Did she have to make Concentration checks, and how did they work?

Going to Rulesberg wasn't a bad idea, was it? It couldn't be. Leila had decided to, and she was very wise. Her ability score said so.

Leila decided to put her faith in Pelor. She didn't have anything else to put her faith in.

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Isalie was glad becoming a level one rogue didn't mean she suddenly had to make an Acrobatics check every time she wanted to fuck. She wouldn't know where to keep all her dice.

Just kidding. Of course she didn't literally roll a die every time she wanted to do something. The Great Die in the Sky rolled itself.

All halflings, Isalie included, believed in the Great Die in the Sky. Why shouldn't they? It believed in them. Halflings were notoriously lucky.

Isalie was glad she had become a rogue. It meant she could make her Dexterity her highest ability score. And Isalie liked being dextrous. It was...useful.

Isalie shifted in her straps and squealed happily as the...actually, she wasn't sure.

"What species are you?" she said.

"Human," he said, startled.

"Oh, right. I get all the Big Peoples mixed up. Well, keep going!"

Isalie shifted in her straps and squealed happily as the human man plunged into her.

Just one more night here, Isalie thought. Then I'll go to Rulesberg.

Isalie had decided when she was very young that she was going to grow up to have a fun adventure. Unfortunately, she lived in a world where having a fun adventure seemed to need a dozen rulebooks. But then she had gotten older and found that other things could be really fun too. Now she had decided to do both.

Isalie wasn't worried about anything. She couldn't help it. Her Wisdom was only 7.

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Saelanys kept to herself. Half-elves tended to. Humans didn't like them, elves didn't like them, dwarves didn't like them, and halflings found them baffling. Gnomes were fine with half-elves, but who wanted to be friends with a gnome?

Saelanys liked being a fighter, even if she was only level one. It meant she could keep to herself. She wasn't like a squishy wizard who needed an entire party shielding her to face an encounter. Saelanys had scale armor and a really big greatsword. Any monster or bandit that tried to bother her on her way to Rulesberg would swiftly regret it.

Saelanys didn't mind having only 9 Charisma. She wouldn't make any friends anyway. All she wanted to do was level up. Once she had gained a few levels, she could cross-class, learn some magic or some rogue utility, take a prestige class...she wasn't sure how any of that actually worked, but she was looking forward to it. The more levels she had, the more independent she could be.

Saelanys really wanted to level up. The only problem was, all quests and campaigns seemed designed for a party. Hopefully she would find one in Rulesberg. It was better than...other things.

"I can really get XP by doing this?" she said.

"Of course," the dwarf said. "It's called roleplaying XP. Never heard of it?"

"But this isn't really in character for me."

"Sure it is. You're a half-elf, aren't you? What else are they good for? Now get to sucking." He thrust his hips forward, in case she didn't understand.

Wishing her Wisdom score wasn't only a 9, Saelanys closed her eyes and leaned her head forward. She really needed a party.

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Far away in Rulesberg castle lived the queen and king. No one knew very much about them. There were rumors about the court. Many adventurers came to Rulesberg looking for a quest, knowing how unsubstantiated rumors tended to be true. They tended not to make it as far as the court. Rulesberg was big. Adventurers became lost in the inns and taverns, the life of shops and gossip. If it seems strange that adventurers could become distracted by things so mundane, it may be that in Rulesberg the shops can be quite dangerous, the inns full of unusual adventures.

Adventurers who overcome that hurdle might find excitement in the army or the magical neighborhoods where all manner of dangerous and foolish undertakings go on. There is the prison, and loads of quests to be found from all the travelers pouring in and out of Rulesberg. And the general threat of dragons, orcs, and so on that eternally harass every city.

Rulesberg is a dangerous place. You can't survive there if you don't know the rules.