The Oracle

Maria got dressed again, and the doctor came back into the room.

"Now that the routine exam is out of the way," the doctor said, sitting on a stool and crossing her legs, "...is there anything else you wanted to bring up today?"

Maria's throat felt dry. Her head felt hot. She had booked an appointment with her gyno for this very reason, but even now, she was reluctant to bring it up.

"I...I've been having trouble...um...climaxing," she said. "Whatever the medical term would be."

"Climaxing is fine," the doctor said. "And not to disregard your concerns, but I just want you to know that a lot of people experience this at some point in their lives. When did you start to notice this?"

"It's been a very gradual trend," Maria said. "I'd say it started back in college, or maybe even earlier. But not like it is today."

Over the years, it felt like sex had gone from being like a movie--an hour and a half with a climax at the end--to more of a series--an hour at a sitting, and a climax once out of every dozen or so times.

"This can happen for a variety of reasons. For instance, sometimes it's anatomical. From my examination, I'd say everything looks healthy. If you don't mind, do you have similar difficulty getting aroused as well?"

Maria laughed. "Not at all."

Sex was on her mind all the time, more than she wanted it to be, and she felt herself getting wet at various times of day. Whenever Greg had sex with her, she was more than ready. Heck, she wished that were more often.

"I'm just jotting down a few notes as we talk, but this will remain completely confidential. Do you ever feel pain or discomfort afterward?"

"No!" Maria said. "Never anything like that."

"Have you experienced any reduced sensitivity? Or numbness?"

"No..." Maria said. That wasn't it at all. Sex was often intense for her, riling her up to the point where she felt like she ought to be getting off at any second, but it just wasn't happening. Maria wasn't sure how much of that would be TMI even for her doctor though.

"Do you experience this when you're on your own?" the doctor asked, deftly dodging the term 'masturbation' and all that carried with it.

"I can get myself off...eventually...but it's not..." Maria said. It wasn't satisfying. It wasn't what she needed. She knew what a real, full-body climax could feel like, and it wasn't something she could give herself.

"I understand. And your partner or partners..."

"Just the one," Maria supplied. "Greg. With him, I can climax once in a while. He's perfect. He's doing everything he can to help."

Maria didn't really want to pursue that line of inquiry. Greg was indeed a passionate and caring lover, and Maria wasn't sure what more he could do to help get her off, except the one thing he wouldn't do. The one thing Maria knew she shouldn't let him do, either.

The times when a man had ejaculated inside her were few and far between, for the sake of avoiding a pregnancy she knew was coming but didn't want just yet. But Maria knew what it felt like. She knew how that did it for her every single time. And that she must not under any circumstances let it happen again. Not yet, at least. So here she was, trying to find any other solution to why she couldn't get off the same without it.

"Okay," the doctor said, picking up her hint. "Aside from physical issues, this kind of thing can have other causes as well. If you like, I could refer you to a therapist..."

"No thank you," Maria said. She felt better off not knowing what lurked in her animalistic subconscious. The last thing she needed was someone else rummaging around in there.

"It could be individual or couple's therapy."

Maria shook her head. Greg was what she needed, in every way, save one. But she knew that he had insecurities of his own, and it wouldn't take much to bring what they'd built tumbling down. And then she'd be back in the dating pool, which was dangerous waters for her, when she didn't know who she could trust.

"Or I could connect you with a fertility consultant."

Maria forced out a laugh. "More fertility is the last thing I need right now, thank you very much."

"Well, they often help couples with this kind of thing as well, as part of the process."

"Never mind," Maria said. She didn't want to talk to a fertility consultant. She especially couldn't risk meeting with one, and Greg finding out about it. "I just thought you might have pills that--"

The doctor shook her head. "There are a variety of treatments that can affect sexual performance in one way or another, but we always have to consider the big picture impacts of what we're putting in your body. For instance, I see you had a very negative reaction in the past to hormonal birth control, so I think that would rule out trying to affect your hormonal balance for this."

"Thanks anyway," Maria smiled, but didn't feel it. She hadn't really expected to find a solution to her problem here, but she felt like she had to give it a shot.

Maria was still thinking about all this as she drove back to work. The route took her down the highway, past the porn shop. Seeing the sign from the highway made her think of sex toys. Maybe something could help get her off. On the other hand, what would Greg think if he found something like that? Would it make him more insecure than he already was, about rarely ever getting her off?

Besides, Maria had heard enough about that shop to know that they also showed films there, and that there were dark spaces inside where people got up to all kinds of things. For a moment, Maria imagined giving herself to a stranger. What Greg would never do--cum inside her--those perverts would probably do without asking, enthusiastically, over and over.

Maria felt the car seat growing moist beneath her, and not just from her sweat on a hot summer's day. But that was exactly why she couldn't shop there at all. It was a step towards her self-immolation.

When she got back to work, the office was quietly humming along without her. No one asked where she'd been, as she settled back into her cubicle.

She was back at work in body, if not in mind. Which was frustrating, because she loved her job as an insurance adjuster. She'd been submitting applications to grad schools when her visions showed her working in an insurance office and actually enjoying it. So she'd switched tracks, got all the necessary qualifications, and a few years later, found herself where she wanted to be. It was one of the few ways her visions of the future had actually helped her.

A lot of it was still glimpses of her future daughter. Cheering her on, out on the soccer field. Helping her with a cardboard model for school. Taking her to the zoo. And a lot of quiet nights together as well.

Maria couldn't help but feel more and more comfortable with the prospect over time, but it just wasn't time yet. Maria was 28 now, and the only way she'd gotten through the last several years without getting pregnant (again) was by telling herself that she had to at least make it to 30 first. It was an arbitrary deadline, but she clung to it all the same. In college, she and her group of female friends had all been on the same page about this. Unlike them, she didn't want kids at the time, but knew she'd be having one eventually.

Some of her colleagues at the insurance company were close to retirement age, and counting down the days. Now Maria found herself counting down to age 30, knowing she might be going on parental leave shortly afterward. If she could hold off that long. She'd already gotten through a full decade since her unintended teenage pregnancy. Another two years ought to be easy. And yet.

That evening, Maria and Greg were on the couch together. She was scrolling through social media while he played a video game. All those friends from college who said they were waiting until 30 to have kids? Angela just announced she was pregnant, after getting married a few months ago. It made Maria wonder if that had anything to do with the timing of the wedding. Polly was home from the hospital with a scrawny red bundle in her arms. Lilly posted a picture where she was holding hands with a kid on either side, and a third strapped to her front.

Maria felt betrayed every time, like she was the only one left out on the battlefield, still holding the line. She thought of age 30. Then what?

Greg had always been clear that he never wanted kids. That was something Maria had been looking for in a dating profile. She needed someone on the same page as her. Someone she could trust not to betray her. Greg had certainly been that. It was on their minds every time they were together, but they also hadn't talked about it in a while. What if his attitude towards reproduction had changed? What if hers had?

"What would you do, if I got pregnant?" she asked.

"What?" he asked distractedly. Then it sank in, and he paused his game. "Hang on. Are you saying you're..."

"No," she reassured him. "I'm definitely not pregnant right now."

They hadn't really been taking any risks. Greg had little appetite for pushing that boundary, and Maria was grateful for that. Mostly. There'd been enough contact that in theory it could happen, but Maria had taken guys inside her without protection for a long time, and as long as they didn't ejaculate inside her, or have sperm in their urethra, she never got pregnant from it. So far. Whereas she knew for a fact that if a man ejaculated inside her, it could get her pregnant. So she wasn't 100% certain, but she was sure enough to tell Greg what he needed to hear.

"I'm just curious what to expect if it does happen..."

"In this hypothetical, is it mine?" he asked.

"I mean, who else's??" she asked. "And does it change your answer?"

"No, I guess not," he said, though he had asked, which made her wonder. "If you were pregnant, I suppose I'd trust you to handle it however is right for you."

"And if that included giving birth?" she asked. She'd had an abortion before, but didn't want to do that again.

"You mean...to raise it?" The words sounded distasteful in his mouth. He shook his head. Just as she thought. He had no interest in raising a child together.

"So you'd be with me during the pregnancy, and then you'd leave when I gave birth," she said. "To your child, most likely."

He sighed. "You're making me sound like a real jerk, but Maria, you don't want to spawn either."

Except it wasn't so simple for her anymore. She didn't want a baby. Not yet, anyway. But she was thinking ahead to how things might play out if that changed. If she let it change. If she let herself get pregnant at age 30, in some way she couldn't foresee, could she expect to still have a relationship with Greg? Maybe they were doomed to fail eventually. If she decides she does want kids, maybe she should find someone else, for both their sakes.

This was an opportunity to correct him, but it could well ruin things between them. It might happen eventually. She'd come into this relationship knowing it might not last, but now she'd grown attached.

And there was another way this could all play out. Greg had tried to get a vasectomy, but the doctor told him to wait until he was 30, when the odds would be better of it not reversing itself. Maria had been with guys who claimed to have vasectomies, but she'd never trusted it enough to let them cum inside her. With Greg, that could be different. Then he could cum inside her without consequence. And maybe, just maybe, it could get her off just the same. He was the same age, and it meant that one way or another, this situation was going to resolve itself in a couple years. But it was going to be a long couple years.

"I guess...I don't know for sure what I would do," he went on eventually. "It's just a situation we shouldn't end up in at all, if we can help it. Heck, there are lots of disaster scenarios we're probably better off not imagining."

Greg didn't touch her that night. He seemed put off by their conversation, which was the exact opposite of the effect it had on Maria. She realized this level of arousal was even beyond what was normal for her lately. It had to be about the time she was ovulating. The most dangerous time of the month for her. Dangerous for how much more likely she was to conceive, and dangerous for how much more likely she was to put herself in a situation where that might happen. In the bathroom alone, she fingered at her clit until her thighs clenched, struggling to keep her moan in. Even so, she knew it was a minor orgasm compared to what her body was capable of.

The next night, Greg kissed the back of her neck, and she pressed herself back against him, feeling his erection nudging at her from behind. Maybe he wasn't as turned off by the pregnancy talk as he'd claimed. Maybe he'd gotten off alone last night too. She brought his hands around to her breasts, urging him on. With her free hand she tried to draw him close.

Then he rolled her onto her front, and mounted her from behind. She shifted her hips back to meet him, making the angle of his entry easier. Making it so that when he sank into her, he reached deeper. Greg took it slow, long strokes as they savored the sensation.

This was already further than he was often willing to go with her. Any penetration, any intercourse, carried a risk, at least outside of the safe times of the month. That risk was usually too much for him, but occasionally he could be tempted or goaded into it. Taking the initiative, like tonight, was unusual, not that Maria was complaining. She wondered how far he'd go with this.

If she had convinced him to rethink his attitude towards pregnancy, was this leading up to cumming inside her and risking a pregnancy? In wanting to feel out her future prospects with him, had she broken what she had always depended on? She tried to tell from his movements, from the shallowness of his breath, from the rigidity of him inside her, whether he had any intention of backing down, and pulling out in time. Her thoughts and emotions were a swirl of trepidation and excitement and yearning. It was quickly bringing her to the edge, to where it felt like her climax ought to be, but with one crucial ingredient always missing.

And then a vision. Different lighting. Different sheets. But in the vision, too, she was on her knees, an erect penis sawing into her slit from behind. His movements slowed again, until he was barely moving inside her, whoever he might be. She could tell he was trying to stave off his orgasm, maybe for her sake, and it was the exact opposite of what she needed.

"Do it," she said. "Cum inside me! Knock me up!"

She felt the erection inside her swell up, its engorged state pressing against her tingling vaginal walls. And then, his hands gripping her hips almost painfully, he lost control. She felt the semen erupt inside her, coating her in his hot, sticky fluid. The feeling of it pushed her over the edge, her vaginal muscles squeezing down on him, her lungs unable to fill. It took her to the edge of blacking out, all her nerve endings singing the praises of this consummation. She felt him pulse again, pushing a fresh wave of--

Then she was out of the vision, but the orgasm she was having was still very, very real. She could feel Greg holding still inside her, his cock pulsing in time with her contractions around him. Her hips bucked despite herself.

When it ran its course, Maria lifted her head from the bed.

"Did you...cum?" she asked Greg.

"No, not yet," he said. He sounded a little insulted that she'd even asked that.

She realized that the well of hot fluid she'd felt inside of herself during the vision wasn't there. She even reached down to where they were joined, and didn't find the thick gravy of male ejaculate, just her own lubrication. Greg hadn't crossed that line. Greg would never.

Feeling well-fucked, Maria pulled away, pushed him down on the bed, and finished him with her mouth. His hips lifted to meet the grasp of her mouth, her throat, as he reached his climax. She tasted him on her tongue and swallowed him down.

Maria's mother called the next day. As she often did, she asked, "When are you going to have your baby?"

Unlike many other mothers who pestered their children for grandkids, Maria's mother had visions as well. She knew, as well as Maria did, that Maria would be having a daughter. Just not when or how or with whom.

"Can you promise me you won't bring this up with Greg?" Maria asked. She thought she had spooked him already with her baby talk. Getting it from Maria's mom too might be too much.

Her mother sighed. "Fine, hija. You have my word."

"You didn't get a vision last night, did you?" She knew her mom got visions like she did, and knew a lot of things she did, but Maria would be absolutely mortified if her mom got the same vision.

"Vision last night? What was the vision last night?"

"Sorry, mom. It's not mom material," she said, wincing at the ironic choice of words. Besides, she was at work, and it definitely wasn't work-safe. "Look, ma, we've talked about this. I don't know if I'm ever going to have a baby, but I'm certainly not planning to take that step for a couple more years at least. Nothing has changed."

"Sure," her mother said, unconvinced.

How could she know? Maria wondered. But it was better not to know. Better not to acknowledge that something had changed, and was continuing to change.

Maria could hardly keep her mind on her work. She kept remembering that vision. In her vision, it wasn't just that a man ejaculated inside her. It wasn't just that feeling him ejaculate inside her gave her an orgasm so explosive that it bled through into the real world. That all was familiar to her by now, even if it was forbidden fruit. In the vision, she had asked for it. Egged him on. Whoever he was, he had ejaculated inside her knowing full well she was fertile. Knowing exactly what his sperm might do. In the vision, it wasn't just that she was risking pregnancy, it was like she wanted it. That was a line Maria hadn't expected herself to ever cross.

Except maybe it was inevitable. She'd spent years keeping herself safe from unwanted pregnancy. Denying herself pleasures she knew she couldn't risk. At this point, the only way she was going to get pregnant was if she allowed it to happen. And it wasn't like she would allow it to happen without wanting it to happen.

Over the next couple of weeks, Maria found herself aroused more often than she wanted even Greg to know about. Sometimes she'd reach her arm around him in bed and gently tease him to hardness, easing up just as he roused from his slumber, letting him think it was his idea not hers. Whenever he entered her, she thought of that vision. Her libido was in high gear, having been shown what was there for the taking, if she dared. The strength of that instinct scared her sometimes. And it might scare Greg too, if she let it show.

Her period came. Maria used to be relived, since it meant whatever the odds of her getting pregnant that month, she'd beaten them again. Now it was just a marker of the passage of time until 30.

She rolled Greg onto his back in bed. Kneeling down in front of him, she sucked him to hardness. They'd been together long enough that he didn't need to say anything; she knew when she was close to taking it too far. She stopped just shy of that point, and straddled his waist. He wouldn't last long, but she didn't need him to. She sank down on his erection, feeling it nestle snugly into her, and poke her just where she needed to feel it. She started rocking back and forth, feeling him nudge her cervix a little each time.

Maria remembered a boyfriend from college, David. She used to fuck him unprotected whenever she was on her period. He'd cum inside her again and again. It drove him crazy, to the point where he could hardly get it inside her any time of the month without climaxing. Greg had never fallen into that trap because he never ejaculated in her. Never.