*Editing magic performed by Shyqash, plus contributions by the regular gang of brigands and neer-do-wells*
*This tale is a bit tongue and cheek as well as kinky, so be warned.*
*One for the Money, two for the road. Three to get ready and four ... you're screwed!*
[Finally, some sex!]
[THAT FRIDAY NIGHT WE WON'T SOON FORGET]
Here we were at the end of the worst week for me in a long time and I felt truly boned. I had, despite some herculean efforts on my part, won the Most Eligible Bachelor of Megalopolis (under 30) Contest. Bonny aka Ultima had definitely screwed me over. Not only had she upped my profile, she had looked super-hot doing so. Worse, I had defeated the person who I thought deserved it much, much more - India Figueroa.
"Sorry," I whispered to her. "You deserve this more than I." We were standing on the stage with a crowd in the auditorium standing and clapping as the results were read off. We had peeked at the results earlier, praying it was India.
"No worries," India squeezed my hand. "I'm used to it."
See, even in defeat, she was kind about it. She was cute, brave and a great team player were as I was a rather curmudgeony supervillain (in disguise).
"Well, I think I will decline this honor," I breathed out the side of my mouth.
"Don't you dare," she squeezed my hand harder. "That will only embarrass everyone involved - you included."
"Fine, but I'm going to be a bad sport about it," I conceded.
"Oh poo," she grinned.
"And the winner is ... let's see the final results as of six o'clock this evening ... Reynard Haven!" the announcer sang out.
"Go get them, Tiger," India said as she kissed me on the cheek. To do so she had to stand up on her tippy-toes even with her heels.
"Here goes nothing ..." and up I went.
"Thank you, Megalopolis," I shouted out as I held up the brass, gold and glass trophy in one hand. "I would just like to say ... I think that I've met some wonderful people while participating in this contest ... namely Kyle Rodney and India Figueroa ...who each would have made excellent choices beside myself. I will miss their companionship and wit."
"I would also be remiss in not thanking Boniface Franklin aka Ultima, who pumped a great deal of money into the charities this contest championed and opened my eyes about a whole bunch of things. I would also like to thank the contest organizers, promoters and staff who made all of this less than a traumatic experience for us participants."
"Go Stars!" I twisted and toasted India and the women's Soccer League team she was a midfielder on. "Go Champions!" I added Kyle's NFL team as well.
The audience seemed to appreciate my efforts. Some women threw their underwear at me before I could exit the stage as well. What I was supposed to do about it - I had no idea.
Once backstage I was gifted with two surprises. Okay, something I was pleased about and Bonny. Kyle had shown up without my knowledge and been sneaked backstage.
"Good job, Sport," he clasped my hand and patted my shoulder. "I'm sure the Front Office (of his sport's franchise) will appreciate it."
"Mine as well," India crowded in to congratulate me. "You even said ours first," she then raspberried Kyle. We all laughed.
"You did just fine," Bonny joined our huddle. "You didn't need to mention me though. I didn't contribute what I did for the accolades."
"Still ... if someone nominates me for this madness next year, I'm saying 'no'."
"Me too," Kyle agreed.
"Me three," India concurred. "They can pick someone else to be the 'cute' sidekick."
"Who said you were the 'cute' sidekick?" I teased her.
"Well, you were the hero which made me the sidekick," she beamed widely.
"Wait now - she's the hero ... heroine," I poked a thumb in Bonny's direction. "I'm just 'that other guy'."
"Who saved Barry and Louise," Kyle pointed out.
"Yeah and took out three members of the Uptown Crew," India pilled on the unhappiness. I was no one's hero, damn it!
"Listen up, you two," I shook my head. "I am not the good guy. I have a secret ID for a reason and that reason is rather villainous."
"Yet you are helping well known vigilantes," India countered. "You are one loyal, brave and truthful villain, if you really are a villain after all."
"One can be loyal, brave and true without being a 'good guy'."
"Oh, just stop, Reynard. They appear to know you better than you know yourself," Bonny intervened. "You may not be a classical hero, but you sport some finer qualities which put you heads and shoulders above most villains."
"Why don't we talk about something else?" I evaded the discussion.
"Ramone's on 64th?" Kyle suggested.
"I'm in if someone else is covering the tab," India snickered.
"I've got this," Kyle regally declared. "Dinner and drinks are on me."
"Why don't you go," Bonny dragged me along. I suspected they had forgotten that since I was under the legal age of 21, I wouldn't be doing any drinking. "Come on, Reynard. You will have fun."
"I'm coming. I'm coming," I conceded.
"Besides, you get to meet my girlfriend, who has been rather anxious to meet you all," Kyle informed us. I bet she was ... and for a bit of interrogating too.
At the exit, Bonny stopped and kissed me on the cheek goodbye. She was still and important lady with truly important things to do.
[~]
Kyle's girlfriend turned out to be one Kimberly Mann and a rather enjoyable russet-haired, mocha-skinned beauty. Kyle was one lucky guy. She didn't bust our chops much about Kyle doing dangerous stuff, and she only chided me once for saving Louise Dresser just so she could ruin poor Lao Ping's life. I claimed not to be a firm believer in Buddhist karma - if I saved someone's life, they owed me - I wasn't responsible for them ... especially not for their whole life.
In fact it was all going along famously until I went up to drink from an ice sculpture Ramone's had on display. We were the final table in the joint with everyone else gone home for the night. We filled the restaurant with our laughter and talk. That ice sculpture was rather cleverly done ... and I made a mess of it, but it wasn't my fault.
See, I picked up a cup then something powerful smacked me in the back of the head, propelling me bodily into the ice sculpture, shattering it. Then the bomb went off. Yeah. Someone was trying to assassinate me and I had an inkling who ... but first I had to deal with the gyro-jet round which had been fired into the back of my skull. Recall when I said way back at the start of this journey I was tough to kill - I meant it.
Even the average metahuman would have been decapitated by the penetration and resulting explosion. Me? It made a ruin of the entire restaurant around me ... and I had a killer headache. Unfortunately for my assassin though, my head was both intact and still attached. Oh, and I was getting back up and was terribly pissed. Much more unfortunately, they'd blown out only one window - the one the gyro-jet had come in by. It led straight back across the street to their sniper's perch.
On the downside, I had two - now three people I had to get out of this killing zone before their human bodies became so much shredded bone, blood and tissue.
"Kyle, get the ladies and go out the back," I hollered. I ran diagonally away from them, trying to draw the sniper's fire off.
"On it," Kyle responded. My three dinner companions had been knocked over, but the table was intact and provided some shelter while they crouched around it.
Sure enough, another gyro-jet impacted the support pillar I was sheltering behind. While they might have been trying to drive me back into the open, I suspected a more sinister agenda. They were going to knock out the build's supports and drop the entire structure on me. I had to get out of this building fast. I picked myself back up and sprinted toward the closest window, shattering it as I blew through.
Now I was out in the street with more options. It also gave my opponents more opportunities to get at me ... without those annoying civilian casualties. I rolled behind a taxi parked out front only to have them open a portal of some kind in the road perhaps ten feet from me. Three people came storming out. Oh look ... it was three members of the Masquerade of Mystery ... total numbers: TEN.
Well, I'd been looking for them anyway. Despite my previous damage, I gleefully entered combat with them (again). I'd had a chance in the Grand Melee several days ago, but lost my opportunity to avenge Liberty Lincoln when it became obvious Arachne and Lucky Dead (my vigilante allies) needed me more. Now was my second chance.
"I've been looking for you," I snarled.
"What?" one of them said. She had the astrological sign for Pluto on her costume - a body stocking in smoky, swirling grey urban camouflage-ish with an eye mask in the same style. The 'Pluto' symbol made her Scout Hades.
"This guy is delusional," Padre Ares snapped in a female Hispanic contralto. "Just kill him."
"On it," Pilot Caelus responded even as she slashed down with this slender-looking glaive. I leapt back so fast I fell on my butt. The glaive tore a huge divot out of the asphalt between my outstretched legs. I didn't like the look of that.
I realized I needed to fall back and get my armored suit before they could get away, or kill me. I hopped up and fled down the street.
Even as I did so, I saw three more members of the MoM rounding the store corner, coming my way. One immediately launched a serpent of flame in my direction. I jumped up high enough for it to pass under me because I was able to grab the base of the awning. I yanked myself higher up the awning even as a lightning bolt tore the awning to shreds with a resounding clap of thunder.
I was being boxed in for a felonious purpose. On top of the awning, I propelled myself upwards over the middle of the street. Right as I felt an invisible fist grab hold of me, I was able to activate my teleportation device. It only had an 86% of success ... and the karmic guardians were still with me.
"Jasper, prepare to teleport me right back from where I came from!" I yelled once I was back at my secret base ... Dad's really.
"Yes sir. May I inquire as to your purpose?"
"Sure," I huffed as my armor flowed over my body, securing itself. "The Masquerade of Mystery just tried to murder me and I'm going back to teach them a lesson."
"As you wish, Sir," he sighed. I guessed he missed 'Dad' aka Baron Bedlam too.
Ten seconds later, I was back on the scene - battered battlesuit on and ready to renew the fight. Lucky me, Arachne had arrived in my absence and was keeping them busy / occupied. I plunged down on the second group of three first. They should have been looking up instead of down the street. I crashed in among them even as they began to respond.
'Venus' aka Specialist Aphrodite aka the Bomb Maker had to be dealt with first. What else she did besides make big explosions I didn't know and didn't want to find out the hard way ... so she got slammed into a brick wall with full force. She was hurt, but not out. I swore she'd regret that.
"You are going to regret that," Ares barked right as she wreathed me in flames.
Despite definite integrity issues, my armor held, so I was only mildly BBQ-ed. Next came me and Ranger Zeus. Even as I pounded Padre Ares with some fire-retardant missiles - at this close range they really had to hurt - Zeus pumped a few mega-joules of nature's fury into my form. That one was going to cost me. My HUD sparked then died, so I was back to relying on my glasses and my left gauntlet failed - so no duel-handed TK.
