The Hound of Hell

The name is Mitchell Dreyfuss. The Hound of Hell. Destroyer of the Devil's Enemies. At first glance I look like your average six-foot-three, 260-pound, dark-skinned and clean-shaven black gentleman clad in stylish Urban gear. Unfortunately, I'm anything but. For starters, though I look like a man in his mid-twenties, I am considerably older than that. You see, I'm a Hell Hound for Lucifer, the Crown Prince of Hell. Ruler of the Underworld.

What do I do? Well, whenever someone with great power crosses the Devil, he sends me after them. It's not easy being the Lord of Hell. Everyone is after you. From fallen angels who feel they didn't get their dues to jealous demons and mythological monsters. From pagan deities to supernatural creatures. Everyone wants a piece of Satan. Small wonder the guy's paranoid. He's immortal, and has powers second only to those of God but pretty spends all of his time being paranoid. I feel for the guy, I do. However, we all have our lot in life. That's just the way it goes.

I was born around 5200 B.C. in the land of Egypt. Back then, the Pagan gods who ruled the land reigned supreme. Lucifer was roaming the world, a lonely fallen archangel pondering his place in the grand scheme of things. He was doing some soul-searching, I guess. The fallen angels wanted him to continue leading the war against Heaven. His dear wife, the half-human, half-demon immortal woman known as Lilith wanted him to start a family. Poor Lucifer just wanted to be left alone. The god Ra was lord and master of Egypt. He ruled it from his palace in the Heavens. The minor god Osiris and his wife Isis ruled the Kingdom of Egypt in his stead since the old guy was slowly losing his marbles, side effect of being so ancient.

I was known as Saruk, and I was the Royal Dog of Memes, the King of Egypt. He was a cruel master who hated the men and women who served them not out of loyalty but fear. His own wife, Salia, tried to have him killed and he had her executed. He banished his son Martuf from the Kingdom of Egypt, forbidding him to return upon penalty of death. The only living creature King Memes ever showed affection for was me. A large black dog, member of a breed long since extinct. The product of crossbreeding between jackals, hyenas and common Egyptian dogs. When Lucifer came to Egypt, his visit sort of upset things. Let's just say the Egyptian gods and goddesses didn't exactly make the fallen archangel feel welcome. He proceeded to wage a one-angel war against the Ennead, the collective name for the gods and goddesses of the Egyptian Pantheon.

The war between Lucifer, fallen Viceroy of Heaven and the Ennead lasted for a long time. In the end, the gods offered Lucifer anything he wanted, as long as he agreed to depart and never return. Lucifer had already slaughtered tens of thousands of ordinary humans as well as countless Demigods, those men and women gifted with extraordinary powers who were the offspring of god and human. And being the Devil he did happily. The Egyptian gods were a powerful bunch. Far more sophisticated than the Norse gods of Scandinavia and infinitely more cruel than the Olympian gods of Greece. Not a bunch to be trifled with. However, Ra, the King of the Egyptian Gods discovered that Yahweh, the God of the Covenant wouldn't allow Lucifer, the only fallen Archangel, to be defeated by the likes of him. So he made Lucifer an offer he couldn't refuse. Anything he wanted in the land of Egypt was his, as long as he agreed to take it and leave.

Lucifer is a very odd character. When he came to Egypt, he wore the features of a tall, handsome young black man with magnificent white wings. Sometimes, he transformed himself into a seven-foot-tall, hairy, cloven-footed, spike-tailed monstrosity with red eyes, bat-like wings and bull-like horns. He was forthrightly bisexual and took many men and women, along with assorted Pagan deities as his paramours. Leviathan, the fallen angel who ruled Purgatory and Lilith, the shape-shifting female dragon mistakenly thought of as his consort were among his many erotic conquests. However, Lucifer only loved himself. Until he met me, the Royal Dog of King Memes, Lord of Egypt. He just had to have me for himself.

Lucifer had lost his pet, a magnificent dragon called Stormy when the Legions of Heaven stormed the Underworld. I became Stormy's replacement. Using Heavenly magic, Lucifer transformed me from a simple, lovable Royal Dog to a shape-shifting, magically powered creature. He granted me preternatural intelligence superior to that of most humans and a few demons and angels for that matter. He also granted me invulnerability and immortality, along with the ability to turn invisible. And all he wanted was my undying love and loyalty. Which I was glad to give.

And so I became the one and only Hound of Hell. Lucifer trusted me in a way he could never trust those who worked for him. Ambition fills the hearts of men and women, as well as the minds of angels and demons. Every sentient being in the universe is ultimately self-centered and self-serving. From the angels of Heaven to the demon lords of Hell. From the ordinary men and women of the world to the leaders of nations and massive corporations. Self-interest is what drives the actions of every self-aware living thing that has ever existed in the cosmos. Yahweh Himself isn't spared from joining that category. He made the cosmos as a grand experiment and a testament to His power. That's why everything in existence exists solely to glorify Him.

The only exception to this rule is me. Why me? Because, even though I can make myself look like a man, deep inside my heart I am a dog. Dogs are loyal. They never judge you. They protect you. They guard you while you sleep. The men and women of the modern world mistreat their dogs constantly. They abuse them physically and mentally. They allow evil doctors to perform the unnecessary and cruel procedure of neutering on them for no reason whatsoever. Dogs endure endless cruelty at the hands of the world's men and women. My heart goes out to my canine brethren. However, dogs still love their masters and would gladly lay their lives on the line for them any day of the week. Men and women often refer to each other as dogs and bitches. That's an insult to my canine brothers and sisters, the real dogs and bitches. We're smart, loyal and capable. Humans are lazy, manipulative, treacherous, abusive, cruel and deceitful. We don't like being compared to you people, thank you very much. Because essentially we're better. That's why all dogs automatically go to Heaven. The Devil and God agree on this much.

While on Earth, I maintain the façade of a reclusive businessman. I live in a big mansion outside of Boston, with several acres of fenced land surrounding the property. And dogs of all breeds which I've rescued from abusive or neglectful owners roam the property. They're my brothers and sisters. I do what I can for them. I've taken great pleasure in killing men and women who hurt their dogs. My Master agrees. Animal cruelty is not cool. That's why, at my request, he's created a special place in Hell for the souls of men and women who abuse animals. It's worst than all the other torture factories of Hell by far. I love my Master for doing this. I love my job.

Today, I'm hunting down two very wicked people. Alexander and Stephanie McLeod. They live in the South End area of Boston, Massachusetts. Alexander is a corporate lawyer. Stephanie is a retired but extremely wealthy supermodel turned TV Anchorwoman. Both of them sold their souls to the Devil in exchange for wealth, good looks and fame. That was over a decade ago. Like so many people who made deals with the Devil, they reneged on their promises. Which is why the Boss sent me. I smile to myself as I see them scurrying about their lousy, pointless lives. I grit my teeth as I watch them carelessly kick their dog Matthew, a Doberman. He looks at them with misery-filled eyes, wondering why. Invisible, I enter the McLeod household. Three minutes later, Alexander and Stephanie McLeod are in Hell. I sent them there via the supernatural expressway. As for their dog Matthew, he's found a home with me. I gently lay my hands on him, healing him with my power. He looks at me gratefully. Smiling, I take him to the place where no one will ever hurt him ever again. Just another day on the job, folks.