In the town of Badonkadonk there lived a man called Chuck Johnson. Chuck was just an average guy. He was twenty one years old and still lived with his parents. He had an older brother, Lance, who'd recently come out as gay and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He also believed he lived in the most boring place on Earth. But Chuck and the rest of the inhabitants of Badonkadonk were about to become embroiled in one of the most amazing events in Earth history! But first our story starts with the misadventures of a young farm hand...
Act I:
The Horny Space Sluts of Caboose IX Arrive!
Rick Everyman had spent all day ploughing his field. He was only nineteen years old but already his whole life had been planned out for him. His pappy had been a farmer and his pappy's pappy had been a farmer. His pappy's pappy's pappy had been a chicken fiddler but they didn't like to talk about that. Besides that one anomaly, his family had been in the farming trade for generations. He had hoped to break the chain. He had dreams. He wanted to go to college, get a degree and fuck lots of easy girls. But then his pa lost both his legs in a fight with a grizzly bear; after that there was no question of him leaving home- his family needed him. His brother was too busy being a successful hairdresser to come and run a farm so the responsibility fell to Rick. He didn't enjoy farming. Yeah alright he enjoyed the way the engine of the tractor vibrated his balls when he rode it and milking the cows was like touching a woman's breasts (or so he thought) but besides that farming just sucked. He looked over the fields he'd spent all day working on and thought "what's the fucking point?", but before he could even begin to ponder what the fucking point was something amazing happened. A bright light flew through the night sky like the premature ejaculation of the virgin finally exposed to a willing vagina. Rick couldn't make out what it was but soon realised it was going to land in his field. He knew he had to investigate as the field didn't have wheel chair access, so his pa would be completely useless in this situation.
Rick slowly made his way towards the light. His heart was beating so fast he felt sure it would explode before he reached his destination. As he inched closer to the light it began to fade and the enormity of what had landed in his own backyard was finally dawning on him. There was no doubt in his mind as to what he was looking at. It was an alien spaceship. It was beautiful. Majestic. It looked like it had come straight out of Buck Rogers or Flash Gordon. The design was so classic he could almost swear it was a movie prop, but as the doorway opened and a silver stairway slowly lowered he knew this was not from Earth. At the top of the stairway stood the most beautiful alien he had ever seen. Her skin was greener than Kermit the Frog's scrotum and her hair, long and perfectly straight, was a shade of silver he'd only seen in his dreams. Her lips were red, redder than the reddest red permanent marker pen and her breasts looked huge under her skin tight space suit. She looked at Rick and spoke in a heavenly voice that made his heart flutter and his cock harden.
"Earthman I have travelled many miles to make love to you," she said.
"The fuck?" exclaimed a rather surprised Rick.
The alien goddess walked down the stairway taking each step one at a time in an almost human manner. It seemed to take forever for her to reach him but Rick didn't blink once. He drank in her beauty like an alcoholic locked in a brewery over night. They certainly didn't make girls like this on Earth he thought to himself. He stared into her gorgeous red eyes as she finally reached him and he felt himself fall completely in love with her.
"I am Amidala Sphincter, Queen of the Caboosian empire," she explained to the randy farm hand. "The men of my planet all died and my people need sexual contact to live, so we have come to your planet as you humans are the closest to us on a biological level. Will you help me Earthman? Will you help me live by making love to me right now?"
Rick began drooling like an idiot and kept tripping over his tongue as he tried desperately to answer her. She gave him a pitying look but was reassured to see his penis was at least in working order.
"We of course knew your people would not be as advanced as us but we had no idea you'd be this useless sexually; I guess I must do the hard part. Just follow my lead Earthman."
Amidala began to unzip her skin tight space suit. Rick was pleased to see it unzipped at the front so he knew he wouldn't have too long to wait to see what he imagined were quite epic tits. Time seemed to slow down as she pulled that zip down. The lower it got more pronounced her cleavage became. He was especially pleased to realise she wasn't wearing a bra. The zip reached her navel and she let the space suit fall to the floor. She stood before him completely naked. She was green all over and her pubic hair was the colour of sapphire. Her body looked human apart from one thing. She has three breasts thought Rick.
"You have three breasts," he said to her forming the first sentence ever spoken to alien life by the human race.
"Yes I do," she replied "I've also six clitorises so even a layman like you should be able to bring me to orgasm."
"That's a relief," replied Rick "I've never had sex with an alien before. Or a human. Or anything in fact, unless you count my right hand which I wouldn't if I was you because it's not very good..."
She put her finger to his lips to silence him.