After the mess of my encounter with Allie, I had waited in the water for her to be long gone, and slunk inside, hating myself. The fact that she'd accepted it as a side effect of Freddie, giving me an out and finishing me off ultimately made it a thousand times worse.
Wendy sat on the couch she'd slept on the last couple nights reading a book by the fading light of sunset. "Hey stranger, listen, I was wondering if you'd be cool with me taking the other room upstairs. This is your family's place, so you own it n..."
She looked up and stared at me, taking in my body language.
"Oh."
I started to my parent's room, stopped at the mouth of the hall, and turned to head past the bathroom to the bedroom at the corner of the house.
"Yeah, you take my old room."
Wendy pursued me to the short hallway just past the bathroom, "Cal, did something happen?"
I stopped, standing in the hall a few feet away from Wendy, frustrated once again that I had no attraction to. That lack of compatibility had led to my behaviour, and I cursed myself. As the younger sister of my first girlfriend, and a doctor who'd worked the camps at the start of Freddie, she had more insight than most into me and what just occurred.
"I couldn't control myself," I whispered, "it was like... it was like an animal took me over."
Understanding crossed Wendy's face, "ohhh shit, okay, did you..." she roughly penetrated a balled fist with her index finger.
"No. When Katy called her, she was able to snap me out of it."
"Okay," Wendy sighed, "okay, that's a relief." Walking toward me, she put her hands together and looked up at me pleading, "I don't really know either of you that well, but I think it's probably a good idea to give her some space for a couple of days. She feels it too, so-"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
Wendy put her hands up in a calming posture, "whoa, whoa, just take a sec."
I looked down, realizing I'd stepped forward and was balling my fists. Again, shame washed over me, "fuck. Fuck fuck fuck," I cursed myself.
"Listen, Cal," Wendy stood still as I stepped back from her, "this is something I've seen. Survivor males get aggressive and kind of crazy if they go too long without, well, 'carnal attention,' if you get me," she finger quoted.
"Allie said she'd seen it too."
Wendy brightened, "okay, that's good! She understands what happened, at least."
Tiredness was beginning to seep into my eyes and I rubbed my face, drawing my hand down it. "What did you mean by 'she feels it too,' Wendy?"
"She told me that you smell like evergreen trees," she whispered more quietly than before, "survivor women who smell that kind of thing are identifying a physical match. The smell usually connects to a memory of feeling happy or safe. Men usually smell something sweet, like berries or fruit, something they want."
I stared at the floor, "goodnight, Wendy." I turned and walked away, leaving Wendy standing in the hall.
I lay down in the bed that way back when was a double bed for my grandparents, but had been upgraded to a gigantic king for my parents. I felt lost in it, a tiny island in a sea of shame. I thought about what Wendy had said, smelling of lemons and vinegar. To me, Danni had smelled like mangoes, and Allie smelled like peaches. I drifted to sleep, dreaming of fruit, and them.
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The next morning, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, still hating myself. I'd crept to the bathroom, narrowly avoiding Wendy coming downstairs. I could hear the women in the main room, the sound of Katy playing with Bailey's Legos. It should have made me smile, her stories that she told as she built structures and cars, but it only fed my self-loathing.
I thought of Bailey, I had to get to the house the bandits were holed up in and make a play to get to him. Every time I got distracted, something went wrong, or had already. I couldn't risk him any more than I had already. The smell of warming food was starting to creep under the door, distracting me. Bailey hung heavy in my mind. It was becoming a theme that day.
That was it, that was my play. I knew where they were, and if Allie and Katy's arrival hadn't distracted me the day before, I'd've gotten to them already. After that? Get back to Danni, figure things out from there. A knock at the bedroom door.
"Calvin? Its me. I'm coming in."
Allie slipped into the room with a small tray of food in her hand. Just simple things, canned, preserves, but a full belly made such a difference. We were going to have to address the food situation soon, but it seemed like she had something else on her mind. A soft frown crossed her wide forehead, creasing her pretty features. She wore an old button-down of mine that was tied off at her rib cage, and a pair of her jeans that I recognized as 'the-ones-that-made-her-ass-look-incredible,' which was all of them.
"Allie, please, you don't have to-"
"Stop," she put the plate down on the end of the bed, cocking her hip to me and slicing her hand through the air to shut me down. "Just be quiet. Allow me to say this."
Allie sat down next to me, her hip nearly touching mine, and she leaned over me, closed her eyes and inhaled quickly three times, then once slowly, a gentle close-lipped smile crossing her face. "I knew it." Opening her eyes, she showed me her teeth as the smile widened. "I still like you," her smiled faded and she sat up, "but I am also angry with you. So angry with you."
"I know," I admitted as I sat up, "you're right to be. I can't tell you how sorry-"
She slapped my chest.
